Evening.
Jiraiya stood at the entrance of the yakiniku joint, staring at his wallet like it had just died.
For Naruto's absolute bullshit "scheme," Jiraiya had blown his entire month's manuscript earnings to treat the rookie teams to high-end barbecue.
Well, everyone except Ino and Sakura.
Originally, leaving just two people out would have been suspicious as hell, but Naruto "cleverly" told Shikamaru and Choji that he "didn't want to disturb the girls' precious training time."
Shikamaru and Choji naturally spilled the beans to Ino when they passed the medical department on their way to the restaurant.
Honestly? Ino didn't give a damn about it.
Barbecue? Please. As the heiress of the Yamanaka clan, she wasn't exactly starving.
Plus, Asuma-sensei treated Team 10 to yakiniku all the time.
So, Ino didn't see an issue with it and just kept practicing her Medical Ninjutsu on a raw fish in the lab.
obviously, they couldn't practice on actual humans yet. One slip-up and you've got a corpse on your hands.
Take Yagura's descendant, Kagura Karatachi in the Boruto era.
Dude got stabbed.
Logically speaking, in the Naruto world, that shouldn't be fatal.
Tobirama literally hit Izuna with a teleporting Flying Thunder God Slash to the vitals, and Izuna still lived long enough for Tobirama to casually ask, "So, how's Izuna doing?"
But when Sarada used Medical Ninjutsu on Kagura? It didn't work.
Kagura—who was already in line as the next Mizukage—just straight-up died.
Why? Well, back when Sakura was teaching Sarada using fish as practice subjects, Sarada "treated" the fish so hard she accidentally roasted it.
Mystery solved.
Her Medical Ninjutsu talent was clearly overwritten by the Uchiha clan's Fire Release genes.
[RIP Kagura.]
"Something's off." Sakura paused her glowing hands, looking suspiciously at Ino.
"What they said earlier... its kinda strange."
"What strange about it?" Ino grabbed a bento from the cabinet, planning to inhale it before getting back to the grind.
"How could Naruto possibly host a meal and not invite me?"
"...Sakura, you might be a bit of a narcissist, but you actually have a point." Ino nodded, chewing on a mouthful of rice.
"If he didn't invite you, it's because he's worried you'd snitch to me, since we've both been with Lady Tsunade lately." Sakura stroked her chin, going full detective mode.
"Snitch about what?" Ino asked casually, still eating.
"I don't know, but it's gotta be some shady trick. He's done plenty of dumb things before... Ino, can you go investigate for me?" Sakura clasped her hands together, giving her the puppy-dog eyes.
"Fine. I'm actually kind of curious myself."
Ino tossed her half-eaten lunchbox to Sakura, dusted off her legs, and hopped right out the window.
....
At the barbecue restaurant.
After everyone had stuffed their faces for a while, Naruto finally dropped the bomb.
"What?! Naruto, you dumbass, do you hear yourself? Defect from the village?! Did I hear that right?"
Kiba was the first to lose his shit, slamming the table and standing up with a look of total disbelief.
"Naruto. If you think one barbecue meal is enough to make us risk our lives for you, that is far too cheap," Shino said, adjusting his glasses with zero emotion.
"Oh god... 'He who eats the meat is bound by the feat'... I really shouldn't have come. I didn't even need this meal!" Tenten held her head in her hands and wailed.
She thought this was a nice team-building exercise.
Turns out, she walked right into a trap.
"Hey... Shikamaru, can I keep eating?" Choji, who had a piece of meat hanging out of his mouth, paused to ask his strategist.
"Just eat, Choji," Shikamaru sighed, then turned his tired eyes to Naruto. "Naruto, spill it. What exactly do you want to do, and why the hell do we need to defect?"
"Oh, right."
So, Naruto explained the "genius" plan he had cooked up.
Simply put: Naruto wanted one of them to pretend to defect from the village.
Then, he would play the role of the heartbroken brother-in-arms, chasing them with "anguish."
This would give him a legitimate excuse to leave the village, and Jiraiya—to protect the Jinchuriki—would have no choice but to be "forced" to follow him.
Once they were out? Naruto and Jiraiya could roam freely... for training.
As for the scapegoat pretending to defect? No worries—they could explain it later, everyone would plead for leniency, and it would all blow over!
"Um, Naruto... are you sure you understand what level of crime defection is?" Shikamaru asked tentatively.
"Dunno. How does it compare to stealing the Scroll of Seals?" Naruto scratched his head.
"About the same level."
"Then it's chill. No problem."
"?"
Shikamaru was rendered speechless.
Are you even listening to yourself?
But then Shikamaru reconsidered.
'Oh right, this idiot actually did that before.'
'Never mind then.'
Shikamaru had initially wondered if someone tricked Naruto into this, but now he realized this plan perfectly matched Naruto's chaotic brain.
"I'm not doing it. Hell no," Kiba said immediately. "If I dared to defect, even if you all eventually pleaded for me and I was forgiven, my mom and sister would team up with the ninja dogs to give me a mixed-doubles beatdown."
Hearing this, Naruto actually felt a little jealous.
If possible, he would have liked a mixed-doubles beating from his own parents, too!
"Um, actually, we only need one person," Naruto snapped back to reality and added quickly.
The table went quiet as everyone processed this.
Some considered using this chance to break the Caged Bird seal, but decided to wait until they hit a training wall.
Others thought about using the excuse of "searching for a lost sister" to help Naruto, but hesitated.
"For a friend, I would go through fire and water without hesita—"
"I'll handle it."
Shino was muttering to himself as he stood up, but his big moment was cut off as everyone's gaze shifted to the other person who had risen.
"Sa—Sasuke? You?"
Naruto stared at Sasuke, jaw on the floor.
He never expected him to offer himself!
"Don't get the wrong idea, Naruto. I'm doing this for myself, too." Sasuke snorted coldly and turned his head away.
Lately, Sasuke had been frustrated as hell.
Naruto was training under Jiraiya.
Sakura was with Tsunade.
Both were learning from the Legendary Sannin.
And him? He was stuck with Kakashi. He'd already mastered the Chidori... what was next? Summoning pugs?
He felt that if things kept going like this, he'd end up two generations behind Naruto.
Even though that place held the presence of Itachi, Sasuke figured it wasn't an impenetrable fortress; otherwise, that person wouldn't have told him about the advanced methods of the Sharingan.
The idea of leaving had crossed Sasuke's mind before, but he never had a clean opening.
Now, with Naruto's dumbass plan? He could use the "fake" defection as cover to really get the hell out of this shit place.
'Thanks for that, idiot' Sasuke thought with a faint smile tugging at his lips.
"Sasuke... you're not really planning to defect, are you?" Naruto asked cautiously.
Sasuke's smile instantly froze.