Alright. Fine. Let's be honest.
Human history, at its core, is basically a very long, very awkward story about men and women.No matter how shameless—or downright cursed—the topic may be, it must be confronted.
A true hero is someone brave enough to face humanity's darkest collective urges head-on.
So, armed with a commitment to truth and an indecent amount of courage, our fearless narrator picked up his pen—fully prepared to pay any price for historical accuracy, even if it meant ending up like Sima Qian.
Minus the actual surgery.
Let's rewind.
Back to the moment Eve first opened her eyes.
She stirred gently.Soft, boneless arms pushed her upright.Long black hair spilled down like a waterfall, brushing against her shoulders.
Slender fingers pressed to her forehead.Her brows knit slightly.Confusion shimmered in her clear, amber-like eyes.
And standing right in front of her—
Was Adam.
Our great ancestor watched as she slowly opened her eyes.Slowly sat up.Slowly turned her head toward him.
That instant—
He cried.
Actual tears rolled down his face and splashed onto the earth.
Now, let's talk context.
Twenty years.
No women.
No movies.
No internet.
Just twenty straight years of staring at sweaty, grunting cavemen with IQs lower than a rock.
Twenty years of inventing agriculture, gunpowder, and artillery—
While forgetting how flirting even worked.
And then—
There she was.
At that moment, Adam didn't see a woman.
He saw a goddess.He saw salvation.He saw a reason to stop researching explosives and start remembering pickup lines.
He lunged.
CRACK.
That wasn't a rib breaking.
That was the sound of Adam's soul shattering.
Eve exploded into motion, unleashing a legendary Anti-Pervert Kick, sending Adam's dignity—and his hopes of a future harem—straight into low-earth orbit.
Blood streamed from his nose as he traced a beautiful arc through the air.
"HELP! PERVERT!"Eve screamed, clutching her chest.
"Wasn't I supposed to wake up in an imperial palace flirting with princes?!What is this prehistoric nightmare?!"
Another transmigrator.
Damn it.
And not just any transmigrator—
The worst kind.
As it turned out, Eve had once been a perfectly normal twenty-first-century girl. One night, she fell into the abyss of historical romance novels—imperial courts, forbidden love, dangerously handsome men.
Then fate—or rather, a bored god—kidnapped her soul and dumped her straight into mythological prehistory.
She opened her eyes to find a half-mad Adam charging at her like a starving caveman messiah.
Naturally—
Her survival instincts detonated.
Thus ended humanity's first romance.
And thus began Adam's true nightmare.
For Eve, awakening in a world populated by Adam and an army of ape-like men—with zero options for freedom or love—was existential despair in its purest form.
On that day, God finally granted humanity women.
On that same day, countless men found relief, reproduction became viable, and civilization lurched forward in chaotic harmony.
And on that very same day—
Adam's heart froze solid.
While passion burned across the land, he stood alone in emotional winter.
Eve looked up at the sky and screamed with everything she had:
"You old fraud! You divine scammer!"
Historians would later confirm this moment as the birth of humanity's most enduring curse phrase—created not out of vulgarity, but rebellion.
But let's not get sidetracked.
The point is—
Transmigration is risky.Reincarnation requires caution.
And despite humiliation, temptation, and despair—
Adam became the only human ancestor who did not immediately descend into humanity's most shameful cycles.
A moral anomaly.A tragic hero.
Granted, this came after multiple failed attempts, relentless rejection, and being forcibly evicted from his own castle—where Eve promptly declared herself queen and posted a sign at the gate:
"ADAM AND DOGS NOT ALLOWED."
Thus proving, once again—
Human history is, in fact, a history of relationships.
And heartbreak.