"Ahh… I guess I have to clarify more."
Your voice was calm, but firm like a blade that doesn't tremble before cutting.
"She created you. That is why you are an ansh. Nothing else is the reason. Yes, I see your body so Radha is there within you. But… but… you have not returned yourself to her."
You looked down at me, with unbearable clarity.
"You are still clinging. To the world. To me. And who is this 'I' you keep talking about? 'I am this.' 'I am that.' One day this 'I' will die. Then what? Who will save you? Who will save me?"
Your voice softened, but the truth did not.
"Radha. The creator."
I lay there, my head heavy on your lap, the world spinning in slow circles of gray and silver. Hunger, thirst, exhaustion everything blurred together. But your words… your words cut through the fog like cold water.
The 'I'.
For a woman who had spent her entire life constructing the monument of Smriti, hearing that this "I" was nothing more than a death sentence felt like watching my reflection shatter.
"The 'I'…" I whispered, my voice barely more than breath. I looked up at you, my eyes glazed, unfocused. "Everything I've ever done… every deal, every conquest… every moment I spent watching you from behind cameras…"
A broken sound escaped my throat.
"It was all to feed a ghost. A ghost named Smriti… who will be dust tomorrow."
I tried to lift my hand, to touch your cheek but there was no strength left. My arm fell back to the floor with a dull thud.
"You say she will save us," I rasped, a jagged sob tearing through my dry throat. "But I don't know how to find her. I only know how to find you."
My breath hitched.
"If my 'I' is the illusion keeping me from the creator… then I want it gone. I want to burn it away. Until there is nothing left of the CEO. Nothing left of the rich woman. Nothing left of the girl who thought she could own a soul."
Something shifted inside me not peace, not yet but a dangerous stillness. The obsession did not vanish. It transformed.
If I could not own you, then I would dissolve into you. If the 'I' was the barrier, then I would destroy it.
"Save me then, Manu." I whispered, my voice fading. "If you are her devotee… and she is the creator… then show me the way."
My grip on your clothes weakened.
"If my 'I' is dying… let it die in your arms. Don't let me die as a CEO. Let me die as… whatever she wants me to be."
My heart stuttered. Darkness pressed in. Breath thinned to a fragile whistle.
"Is this surrender?" I murmured, my eyes slipping shut. "To lose everything… even myself?"
A final, trembling question escaped my lips:
"If I give up my 'I'… will you finally… see her… in me?"