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Chapter 22: Zard's Raid
My primary god is usually a total deadbeat, but once in a while, he drops a pearl of wisdom that actually makes sense. He once told me, "Life is full of choices that are simply impossible to make. When you're truly torn, no matter what you pick, you're going to end up regretting it. So, in that moment of hesitation, just choose the easiest path". Standing at the literal crossroads of my life—wondering if I should retaliate against an annoying opponent or retreat in fear of the inevitable counterattack—I remembered those words. I chose the path of least resistance: immediate, righteous, and incredibly petty retaliation. Whether that was a stroke of genius or a death sentence, I couldn't tell at the time, but I felt the need to shout my truth to the heavens.
"Is it wrong for me to draw lewd books of Alpia?! No, it isn't!"
"SHUT UUUUUUP!!"
Zard's roar echoed through the soot-stained streets, his eyes bloodshot with a level of rage that could have withered a lesser adventurer. To explain how I ended up in the sights of one of the two wings of Absolute Evil, we have to rewind about five minutes. The first doujinshi was already spreading through Orario like a viral plague, and I was busy reinvesting my ill-gotten gains. I was in the middle of hawking the brand-new sequel when a thunderous explosion rocked the alleyway, and Zard emerged from the smoke with a face so terrifying it would make an actual oni run home to its mother.
"Is it you?!" Zard bellowed, his voice trembling with a mix of fury and genuine trauma. "Are you the one drawing those horrific books?!"
I slowly looked to my left, then to my right, putting on my best 'who, me?' expression. "...?"
"You! It's obviously you!!! Who else would even dare?!"
Zard's finger was practically poking my nose. I knew my childish attempt at acting wouldn't work on a veteran of his caliber, but the fact that he didn't even acknowledge the bit showed just how much that book had broken him. Still, I didn't regret a thing; art is an explosion, after all. The problem was that having Zard—a man who ate Behemoths for breakfast—standing right in front of me was a tactical nightmare. If he crushed my initial movement, the surrounding Dark Faction goons would swarm me before I could blink. I had no choice but to use my secret technique: total character assassination.
"Eek! Someone help! He's trying to make me a mama!"
"As if!! And stop that right now!" Zard's face went through three shades of purple. "You already scattered that Behemoth-class bomb across the city! Don't you dare try to frame me as a sexual predator now!!"
I hugged myself and screamed at the top of my lungs, playing the victim with Oscar-worthy intensity. It worked—Zard, the legendary warrior, was so baffled by the sheer audacity of the claim that he paused to retort. Even the surrounding mages from the Dark Faction looked at him with profound pity, their movements slowing just enough for me to see a gap. I didn't miss the chance and immediately tried to bolt into the shadows.
"You're not getting away!!"
"No way!?"
I thought I'd caught him off guard, but Zard was a monster of experience. He read my escape route before I even took the first step, a swing of his massive black greatsword cutting through the air and severing my path. I managed to dodge by a hair, the wind of the blade nearly taking my head off.
"Alpia warned me about you," Zard muttered, his eyes narrowing. "Said you were just like her—frighteningly fast and twice as slippery".
"Is that your excuse for trying to catch me and force me into motherhood?! Just like in the doujinshi?!"
"I TOLD YOU TO STOP THAT!! AND BESIDES, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DREW IT!!"
Zard was screaming so hard I genuinely worried his blood vessels might pop before his terminal illness got the chance. The shouting match had created another opening, but I knew running now would just be a repeat of the same dance. I needed a bigger distraction. Fortunately, the stage was already set.
"That's enough, Dark Faction!! This hero of justice won't stand by while you assault a defenseless lady!"
Bingo. My loud, public performance as an "innocent maiden" hadn't just been about annoying Zard; it was a flare sent up to any nearby heroes. Right on cue, the Astraea Familia burst onto the scene. Alise Lovell stood at the front, flashing a heroic grin and a thumbs-up that radiated blindingly bright energy. Behind her, Ryu, Kaguya, and Lyra moved with practiced lethality, systematically dismantling the Dark Faction grunts who were trying to surround me.
"Hmph. Astraea's children," Zard said, his rage cooling into a focused, terrifying presence. "Erebus has been obsessing over you lot. Now, what should I do with you?"
A heavy, suffocating tension settled over the street. This was a matchup that the history books had never recorded—the Astraea Familia versus the gluttonous king of the Hera Familia.
"Hey, wait, you!"
"Aw, man..."
I tried to slip away during the standoff, but Zard's killing intent snapped onto me like a physical chain. The pressure alone warned me that if I moved another inch, he'd cleave me in two before Alise could even blink. I stopped dead in my tracks.
"Unbelievable," Zard sighed, his voice a mix of exasperation and a strange, hidden warmth. "Causing a ruckus just to vanish in the chaos... You really are just like him..."
"Heh... thanks..."
"Um, what exactly is the situation here?" Alise asked, her sword held ready but her expression completely bewildered. The atmosphere didn't feel like a kidnapping; it felt like a domestic dispute in the middle of a war zone. Naturally, neither Zard nor I were going to admit that this was all about a smutty comic book.
"I can't give details, but I'm being targeted! Please save me, noble heroes of justice!"
"Ugh, that shamelessness is also just like him!!" Zard roared. Kaguya narrowed her eyes, clearly doubting that this "victim" was as innocent as she claimed, while Lyra shot me a look that said she was already calculating how much I was lying.
"Well, I don't really get it, but if someone asks for help, a hero answers!" Alise declared. "But you're going to answer our questions once this is over!"
With a burst of speed, Alise lunged at Zard. Her strike was fast, but Zard parried it effortlessly with a flick of his wrist. In terms of level and raw experience, they were in different universes. Even with the elite of Astraea's Familia present, they couldn't win—but they didn't have to. They just had to be a distraction. This was my only chance to use the move I couldn't pull off against Alpia's silence.
"Fall, my soul. Enshroud my tiny form in a veil."
"A spell chant?!"
I began the parallel chant, my mind splitting between the incantation and my movements as I danced through the battlefield. Against Alpia, this was useless; her [Silentium Eden] would have snuffed out the mana before I could finish. But Zard didn't have that luxury.
"Stop her! That's not an attack spell!" Zard shouted, realizing the trick. "It's for a getaway! If she finishes, she's gone!!"
He swung his black blade, a wave of force tearing through the ground toward me. The Dark Faction grunts ignored the Astraea girls and rushed me in a desperate hoard, but I was already weaving through them, using the mages as human shields to block Zard's line of sight.
"The tree in the forest, the person in the crowd. Hide my mouse-like form from sight."
"What—this girl—"
"Parallel chanting?!"
"We can't catch her?!"
I finished the final syllable just as a hand reached for my collar.
"[Fairy's Little Prank]—[Fairy Wicked]!"
The world seemed to blur and multiply. My spell didn't just turn me invisible; it overwhelmed the senses of everyone around me, creating thousands of false sensory inputs. Sight, touch, smell, and sound were all hijacked. Even Zard, for all his monstrous power, couldn't react to a high-level illusion he'd never seen before. By the time the air cleared, I was gone.
Realizing they were outmatched and their "client" had vanished, Alise ordered the Astraea Familia to retreat under the cover of the confusion. Zard stood in the settling dust, his breath coming in ragged hitches as the poison in his lungs flared. He considered giving chase, but he remembered Erebus's interest in those girls and decided to let them go—for now.
"Lord Zard... um, we found this at the scene..."
A Dark Faction soldier stepped forward, holding a copy of the Volume 2 I had dropped during the scuffle. Zard took it, his hand trembling slightly. He looked at the cover and his jaw tightened so hard I heard the bone creak.
The title was: Alpia-Mama's Sex Education. It was a piece of work so daring it suggested the author enjoyed skipping barefoot through the deepest pits of the abyss. But it wasn't just the title that made Zard turn white as a sheet. He looked at the illustration of the young boy standing next to Alpia. At first, he thought it was just a fictional child, but then he saw the eyes—the unmistakable color of a certain pair of siblings he had once known.
Zard didn't even have the energy to wonder how I knew about that boy. Instead, he just started shaking, his mind already picturing Alpia's reaction when she finally saw this.
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