Warning: This chapter contains mild explicit content and graphic scenes about suicide.
I still admire the infinite expanse of the cosmos from my same position, the stars twinkling like distant promises I could never reach. Even the sand of the rooftop scraping my back, but it was not important in this strip of escape.
Then, the metallic creak of the garage roof door broke my time of tranquility. But then I recognized a familiar sound, the approaching footsteps were unmistakable, light but determined, scraping against the concrete with that arrogant rhythm I had come to know in the last two years. I did not bother to turn, I already knew who it was. I recognized the smell of marijuana approaching. The footsteps stopped and the figure eased to my left, stretching out and lying on the dirty floor with a soft sigh.
The earthy and pungent marijuana smoke curling through the night air, mixing with the faint trace of cheap floral shampoo that cut through the usual stench of the poor neighborhood. I heard the inhalation, the soft crackle of the joint as she drew on it. The smell of the smoke intensified more due to the closeness.
It was Jen.
Without saying a word, I casually reached my left hand, snatching the cigarette from her fingers at a speed she could not prevent.
"Hey!" She let out a small huff of annoyance.
I ignored her for a beat, bringing the joint to my lips and inhaling deeply. The smoke filled my lungs, something warm and hazy, uncoiling the tension of the day's routine. But deep down, it destroyed me. My temptation.
I exhaled slowly, watching the smoke rise and swirl, adorning the rooftop like a fleeting ghost against the starlit sky. This smoke was not as creative as it is when I smoke with my pipe. I regret not bringing it here. The taste of cannabis lingered on my lips, bitter and sweet, grounding me even as my mind wandered.
"Bob." She spoke to me with anger dragging. "The next time you snatch another from me without asking permission, I will hit you hard in the face."
"Go ahead, Jen. I prefer yours over the others that try to kill me." I just smiled, my eyes still fixed on the sky, without looking at her.
"Idiot." She murmured softly. There was no real venom in her voice, just our usual rhythm.
Finally, I turned my head, meeting her somewhat serious gaze. She lying on her back, but twisted slightly toward me, her wavy blonde hair fanning out on the concrete like a halo in the moonlight and her brown eyes like hot coffee, looking at me with that familiar fury, sparks of irritation dancing in them like embers. Her tank top clinging to her figure and her jeans hugging her legs.
She always seemed beautiful and raw to me... the kind of beauty that thrived from the grit.
"Give it back now!" She spoke making lazy gestures with her hand, her fingers demanding me.
"No way." I said, smiling. "It is your fault for interrupting my hour of peace in my empty space."
"I did not know you owned this space. Campbell will kill you if you say that in front of him." She rolled her eyes, sarcasm dripping from her tone.
I shrugged, carefree and took one last deep drag from the cigarette, the smoke still burning in my chest before passing it to her.
"Fine." She snatched it from my extended hand and brought it to her lips, inhaling while turning her gaze to the night sky.
This is how every night after finishing our work.
I turned my gaze to space. The image came to my mind, the days when Campbell did not need us, the three of us on any rooftop in the neighborhood, smoking or snorting drugs, complementing it with cheap cans of beer or a bottle of whiskey to chase away the shadows in the middle of sunset.
Fortunately tomorrow it is not our turn to come here.
Now, the alcoholic drinks are absent. I only have the bags of methamphetamine that Bill gave me, hidden safely in my backpack.
"What are you thinking about?" Jen's voice interrupted me, curious but probing.
"Our daily days." I said sincerely while looking at the stars.
"Just that?" She insisted, smoking the cigarette.
"Yes." I said while my hand takes the marijuana cigar from her hand again. She this time did not bother about it.
"Fine. So what were you thinking about, before I came up here?" She spoke with too much curiosity from her position. "You seemed very thoughtful."
I exhaled the smoke and sighed, closing my eyes briefly.
"Do not tell me you are babbling about getting us out of here..." She said sharply, turning and propping herself on an elbow to look at me fully. "We have repeated it to you..."
"It is not that." I interrupted dryly.
"What is it? I doubt you are devising another plan to enter Whale's warehouses?" She asked. "You are terrible at it, Robby."
I laughed softly at Jen's sincerity.
"It is just that..." I said still looking at the stars again, the words felt vulnerable even in the darkness. Then, I looked at her, gesturing for her to look up again. "Sometimes I think about how beautiful outer space is."
She followed my gaze upward, her expression softening just a fraction as I inhaled more from the cigarette.
"Have you smoked well?" She asked, dragging her body closer to mine, brushing my left arm with her right.
"I mean it, Jennifer." I said through the exhalation, letting out of my mouth Jen's real name. The smoke around supported the constellations for a moment. "It is beautiful when you look at it more closely. I never told Bill or you, but I would like to be able to fly through space, get out of my comfort zone. I know it sounds crazy to you, but I would like to live it."
"You are crazy. You do not have powers, so come back to reality. I did not know you had that kind of fantasies." She barked, studying me with a mix of seriousness and curiosity.
"We are crazy, Jen. I share it with you because it was my childhood dream." I admitted, the words falling more easily under the haze. "See up close and step on other worlds. Jupiter, Mars or Venus. Maybe know the supposed planet headquarters of the Green Lanterns or better be tourists through the Justice League's Watchtower. Would not that seem amazing to you."
"Immature man." Jen snorted in annoyance, turning her gaze toward the clear dusk. "Tell Supergirl to grant your wish, I'm sure she will listen to you."
Jen knew that Supergirl was a platonic and impossible love. The blonde beauty could not be compared to the other heroines. A memory came to me, I had told Bill and her when the three of us were so drunk on beer one night in my dirty apartment. Bill had asked about our superhero crushes, Bill had admitted it was Wonder Woman, Jen said a double, Nightwing and Captain Atom very naturally and finally I had said the woman of tomorrow. She upon hearing that, seemed not to have liked my answer.
"I smell jealousy, Jen." I joked to her, returning to the present.
She did not look at me and just forcefully took the cigarette from me, looking at the stars smoking. Paying some attention to me about space.
I knew that Jennifer felt something for me. I felt it every time we hooked up sexually. We are best friends, that was it and also friends with benefits, especially.
I felt the same but... I cannot... Not after losing... Better not continue...
"As I said. I would like to have her powers at least for one day." I spoke again, but in a low voice.
She did not look at me, her gaze still pointing upward more intensely now. I see her while she continued smoking, trying to understand a bit of my words. I can deduce it. Her world was street level, survival, not space adventures. She did not have the habit of looking at space when the clouds were absent. I noticed that she continued observing better this time, tracing the patterns with her eyes.
Her brown eyes turn toward me, looking at my black eyes. I looked at her in detail, noting compression. She seemed to agree with me about my fantasy. She would never admit anything. Out of nowhere, she puts her right arm over my neck, wrapping it softly and her hand rested on my pectoral.
She broke the silence with a snort with honesty, still looking at me. "You are my idiot, you know?"
"I am." I murmured while taking the marijuana joint from her left hand.
I inhaled deeply from the cigar while she began to rub with her right hand wrapped around my neck, my pectoral, tracing patterns familiar to me.
"Bill still talking to Campbell?" I asked.
"He left before I came up here, he told me he regrets not being able to join us now. The reason is, he went to look for Brown." Jen exclaimed.
Julia Brown, the supposed girlfriend or bluehaired friend with benefits of Bill. He had not confirmed to me if they were a couple or not. Her name evoked my memories. We had met her for the first time about a year ago at Ace o' Clubs, the most famous bar in the neighborhood, competing with the bars in the city center, where the lights were low and regrets were free.
Jen, Bill and I had gone to the bar that night we met her, we had longed for a distraction from the endless loop of work and drug consumption. The place had been full of the usual crowd that time: truckers drinking their large mugs of beer, couples kissing in the corners, the music pounding a jukebox that skipped every third song and finally, the owner of the place watching everyone not to cause problems, the man was a Popeye as such, straight out of the cartoon, his tall figure was that and terrified with his gaze those who misbehaved, violence and drug consumption were prohibited. If they disobeyed, the man threatened to scare everyone with his personal shotgun. We tried not to do drugs in the place, achieving it even though our brain asked for it internally.
Ace o' Clubs was for all public, anyone could enter except those carrying weapons.
That is where we met Julia. She was sitting with a friend of hers at the bar counter while the owner served their drinks, Julia's friend was redhaired, I remembered her name was Bella.
Julia had that intelligent and rebellious street vibe, sharp eyes despite the haze, her blue hair tied in a ponytail that said she did not take shit from anyone. Bill connected with her at first sight, their laughs syncing with shared stories of bad deals and narrow escapes. She was in our world, the drugs, hooked like the rest of us, chasing the highs to blur the lows.
I remembered flirting with Bella to distract myself, leaning close to her leaning on the counter, my charming words dragging toward her recklessly. She was quite pretty and attractive, her body curves being just what caught my attention, her laugh cut through the noise and gave me a compliment. I smiled at that. We were both drunk. I caught Jen's glances from my other side, leaning on the counter, according to my memories. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, I noticed she did not like the redhaired woman I was talking to, she with narrowed eyes and jaw set in silent fury.
I continued, I let my sexual instincts go toward Bella, driven by drunkenness. That night, I had pushed her into a bar bathroom stall, letting the flirt turn into a one-night stand: stolen kisses and our hands caressing in areas that satisfied us. Jen had seen it, interrupting my sexual scene with Bella. Then, she left furious from the place, leaving Bill and me at the bar. Thanks to my ignorance, my doubts, the alcohol and sex I did not follow her.
At that moment I confirmed it 100% about her feelings about me, despite our old sexual encounters. Letting my old suspicions be correct.
Jen was in love with me... I did not know how to take it at that moment of fog...
I have had to reflect on that. I had hurt her. I went to talk to her, but Jen's anger was more, simmering for several weeks. We did not talk for a good time, the garage was tense with unspoken words and our awkward glances until we had a serious conversation on this same rooftop: shouting and then calm words with the smell of meth decorating the place.
Finally, we reconciled with a hug that lingered too long, but she kept her feelings for me silent, but she let me understand with her hints and gestures. We went back to our affectionate sessions, she forced me to fuck her harder. Also, she told me to forget the one I had with Bella. Luckily for me, after that tragic night, I did not see Julia's redhaired friend again. Sometimes, Julia told me that Bella missed me. Because I found out from her that Bella had to move to Gotham, because her parents were involved in a crime, they had to flee the neighborhood to have a new life in quotes.
Same as my life... the same flight... Sometimes I miss... New York...
I left that, I focused on Jen, I looked more in detail at her wavy blonde hair catching the moonlight, her small curves accentuated by the tight top, her undeniable beauty even in the dirt of our lives. It was not the kind of charm that caught attention from others, but it was for me. I felt excitement for her beauty and body.
I wanted to kiss her right now and trace those curves with my hands, feel her body against mine in a way that chased away our own nightmares. I look at her with more intensity, my eyes with a lustful gleam when she thought I was distracted, a hunger that mirrored mine.
My feelings for her appeared slowly during these two years. And faster after our fight.
I repeat it again... I am in love with Jen... but... I cannot... I cannot get rid of the image of... Linda... No...
Linda was my ex-girlfriend from adolescence, she is dead because of me. I blame myself for it. Her ghost haunted me in my dreams. I remembered the way we had spiraled together, love united us in one of the docks in the area until I broke it completely. I stopped thinking about her, pushing the memory back into the abyss where it belonged.
I returned to reality, our eyes met, staring at each other: the smoke between us thickening with unspoken desire, the stars forgotten in that charged moment and brushing against my bare skin, the stars above us like silent witnesses to whatever this was unfolding between us. Our gazes intensifying as she lightly squeezed my small right nipple, sending a subtle spark through me. She always did this when we hooked up. The natural between us.
Now she lowered both hands toward my pectorals and stomach with the tips of her fingers dancing over my figure that I had built from years of street survival. I continued smoking, taking it easy while looking at her.
The seconds passed in silence, the only sounds the distant hum of traffic from Suicide Slum and our synchronized breaths. I took another inhale from the cigar, the cannabis blurring the edges of my thoughts. Then, I returned it raising my left hand, but Jen simply tossed it aside with a flick of her fingers, the glowing ember arcing through the darkness before sputtering on the concrete.
Before I could react, she got on top of my body hugging my neck and then, her lips crashed against mine in a kiss that was hungry, insisting. Her hands stayed on my chest, touching deeply my pectorals with open lust, fingers pressing the skin marked by old scars.
I let myself go for a while, surrendering to it as I always did, my mind flooding thoughts of her: the raw beauty of Jenn and her body hidden beneath that sleeveless top and dirty torn jeans. She mirrored the intensity, her touch exploring, her breath hot against my mouth as her blonde hair brushed my chest for a fleeting moment before returning to trace those life marks. She was dominant in it, that differentiates her from others I had hooked up with for one night before meeting her where I was the dominant. Jen almost never let me have control over her body, I liked that about her. It made her feel special.
My hands moved by instinct, hugging her waist. She continued with her kisses on my lips then lowering them to my neck, making me moan a little and then I lowered my hands to her ass, cupping it softly through the fabric. Jen did not mind, she arched slightly, our caresses synchronized like a silent conversation. She lowered her right hand to my shorts, touching forcefully my member covered by the hard fabric of my garment. She began to rub it while I started to get hard and excite myself too much. She was good at it. She continued and her other hand was still on my pectorals.
She continued kissing me all over my collarbone, brushing my shoulders. I felt like I wanted to shoot my semen over my shorts, I was excited. I had to hold on a little longer until she removed my garment, I continued groping her ass, the perfect soft curve in my palms. Her body shuddered and she moaned, closing her eyes for five seconds and hugging my neck. Then my hands went to her top, I lifted it up, without removing it, freeing her slender female body, the curve of her breasts covered by her black bra, I lowered it a little, without taking it off, freeing her breasts, exposed in front of my face, they were not big nor small, they had a regular size, E cup. I tried to grab her breast, but she slapped my arm, leaving me wanting.
Then, she kissed me so hard on the neck that I gasped in pain. I was going to speak but she put a finger on my lips.
"Do not be naughty, Robby. I am in charge here." She murmured with a tempting smile and then kissed me again.
I continued in her game, she hugged me tighter as if I were her teddy bear. My hands wandered back to her ass. I closed my eyes while she had fun with my body. I felt it different now, I felt another level of her caresses. There was more passion. My member gasped to be freed. She continued kissing me with passion, panting with satisfaction. She felt my already erect penis brushing her delicate point, my shorts getting in the way. She moaned loudly as if I had fucked her hard, but she was fantasizing mentally.
"I love you..." She murmured softly while closing her eyes.
I opened my eyes completely, I thought in detail, she never said it in our previous sexual encounters.
"I love you... Robert Reynolds." She repeated, opening her eyes and looking at me. "I really love you, Bob."
She took my face in her delicate hands, our eyes connecting again and her wavy blonde hair falling over my shoulders. I noticed in her eyes, there was truth.
She let it out... she let it out... She is declaring her love to me... it seemed she could not hold it anymore... the night came... this day came...
I was not prepared for it, but deep down I wanted to. I averted my gaze to the side, I did not want to face it, everything is confusing. I remembered Linda's voice saying those words to me in our sentimental moments.
"I love you, my Robert Reynolds." The ghostly voice of Linda speaking right now in my mind.
"I love you so much." Jen's voice snapped me out of my mental trance, forcing me to look at her brown eyes and keeping her hands on my chin while she caressed my black hair.
I settled somewhat uneasy and whispered awkwardly, without pulling away from her. "What was that, Jen?"
"Please! Do not joke. Be sincere with me, Bob. I can see it in your eyes..." She pressed me with a look of hope, something Bob saw for the first time in her.
I remained silent, I did not know what to tell her. I did not want to have another argument with her.
"Bob I know you have the same feelings, me too, I can not hold it for much longer. I could not carry it anymore." She explained very naturally. "And I am not high enough where I would be pulling your leg. Really, I love you."
"I..." I said in a low voice while my eyes stayed on her.
"Bob..." She murmured.
I exhaled a little pure air and spoke. "I want Jen... but....."
"Bob, tell me." She spoke and kissed me again. Insisting that she loves me.
"Linda..." I murmured.
"Robby. I understand about your dead ex. I understand that pain you could not process. You can not carry it for your whole life. You have to overcome it." She spoke and we both put our foreheads together. I breathed somewhat agitated.
"I can not." I responded, the words falling over us.
I remembered telling Jen and Bill about her death a long time ago. They gave me their understanding and put themselves in my shoes, despite our evil. They tried to play psychologists with me, but it is not effective and enough. But they knew that I blamed myself for her death, all because of my old bad habit. Several times I avoided the topic before them.
"It was not your fault that she committed suicide. Stop self-harming for it." She snapped.
"Jen... it is very difficult for me. It was my fault. My absence for a year in the neighborhood, was what killed the girl I loved." I spoke forcefully.
"Bob..."
"If only I had stopped stealing earlier, the need to survive on the street forced me to do it." I continued speaking. "Or if I had been faster than the police, I would not have gone to jail and go through the rehabilitation program, things would have been different and Linda would be alive now."
"But you would never have met Bill." She clarified naturally. "You would have lost another valuable person in your life or perhaps two, you would not have met me."
She was right about that. I could not object to her. If Linda had been alive, I would never have met Bill. Probably, he would have been my enemy instead of my friend, driven by drug control and street fights, nor would I have worked here because Bill would never influence Campbell for me to join his ranks. Finally, I would never have met Jen.
I was processing it slowly and my mind stalled, without pulling my forehead away from hers.
"Bob, we know our lives are shittier than the rest. It is part of it that we suffer losses. Just like I had them." She mused. "It is not our fault that we live in it, but it is our home, we already have a life made. I like being here, with Bill, my mother and with you especially, that is why I do not want to leave here as I told you several times, answering your stubbornness for a new life."
I listened to all her sincerity... I liked that about her... Always direct... above all.
I always get empathetic with her when she indirectly mentions the loss of her ex-boyfriend from her adolescence, the boy dead for defending a friend of his who had gotten into a brawl with several from another gang.
"Bob. Overcome Linda.... Please!" She spoke delicately.
"Jen, I insist I can not.... Her soul and voice of her.... haunt me in my dreams." I exclaimed with pain in my voice.
"The same does the ghost of Francis.... Very soon the drugs will make us lose control of our mind if we continue consuming them, but I want, I want to face it with you. We are crazy, Bob." She spoke with some pain and firmness.
I knew that she also suffered the same as I had with Linda's specter.
"We need professional help, Jen." I said the pure truth. "The three of us are alone... your mother and Bill's grandfather suffering the same as us... Campbell not to mention.... We have to flee from here. We need a solution for our ghosts, bad habits and life.... I need a solution..."
"Say no more... I am the solution for the ghosts we can not overcome." She spoke, leaning in and kissing me softly.
I stayed frozen for several seconds until I let myself go, taking our ex partners out of our minds.
"I love you." She whispered against my lips and bringing her wavy blonde hair closer to my neck.
"I....."
"I.."
I..... Linda..... I can not hold it anymore..... Sorry.... I love you..... Jen....
She continued waiting for my response with an anxious tone.
"I.."
I was about to confirm my feelings, but out of the corner of my right eye, behind Jen's body. Something caught my attention, I turned my head a little. A tall black shadow standing on the rooftop across the street, silhouetted against the city lights and the moon. It was just an indistinct but deliberate figure: it seemed to wear a black hat on its head, it had no clothes because it was all black. Without features, without movement at first, just looking at me, it had no eyes and no mouth, without moving like a statue carved in darkness.
My heart skipped in surprise, adrenaline cutting through the high. The silhouette did not seem human, I assumed. It did not have the characteristics of someone from the other gangs, nor from Whale's men nor from Intergang. I knew them so well that it is not difficult for me to differentiate them. Is it a spy from one of them, it could be.
The question is ... how long was it there.... watching us?
"Bob..."
Jen's voice distracts me and I turn to look at her.
I said nothing. I did not want to scare her that there is someone watching us.
"Bob... speak"
I ignored her and looked again out of the corner of my eye at the figure, when I did, the figure disappeared. I was in shock. I did not let panic take over me.
What was that thing... it moved fast... disappeared out of nowhere.
"Bob? What is wrong?" She spoke again and I looked at her.
"Nothing..." I affirmed in a calm voice, but deep down I was tense and confused.
I said I did not want to scare her, there was someone who had spied on us. I do not know how she would take it. But I felt something strange in seeing that figure as if he knew my being.
"Bob... tell me... that I am thinking what I do not want...." Her voice was about to break as if she was entering into crying.
I look at her better, I confirmed it. Small tears came out of her eyes. I raised a hand and used my fingers to wipe her tears. I straightened up a little and grabbed her head with my two hands.
"Jen...." I said in a low voice.
She tried to pull away, preparing for the worst. I stop her.
"I love you." I said.
She stayed looking at me.
"I love you, Jennifer Smith." I brought out all my feelings. "I do."
I kissed her forcefully, keeping my hands on her jaw and we both returned to our sentimental moment, closing our eyes.
"I love you.. really" I whispered on her lips. I kissed her with more passion and pressure, smiling against her skin with my hot breath.
"I love you too." She said with total happiness against my lips. "I can not live without you"
"Me too."
We opened our eyes simultaneously and stopped kissing, but our lips were still close.
"Bob. I have always thought you are a good kisser. Even though we taste like marijuana now." She declared.
"I will try not to think..."
"Do not talk more." She pulled me toward her, kissing again.
I turned her body to one side of mine, and got on top of her, changing position without stopping kissing. Her hands wandered over my back, nails grazing lightly, while I groped her exposed breasts, squeezing with a mix of tenderness and hunger.
"This time I will let you take control, Robby" She whispered and let out a moan from her lips, infecting me because my hands were naughty on her body.
I nodded, I took off her top, she stretched her arms while removing her garment, I take off her sneakers and her jeans delicately. She was now naked, I get up a little to take off my shorts, and I do it.
We were both naked with our intimate parts in the open air. I just hope Campbell has left, so he does not catch us. She gestures for me to go over her, raising her arms to try to catch me and I pounce on her.
The black shadow I left in the background, our shared chaos that united us stronger than any vow. This is our sentimental and sexual rebellion: two addicts clinging to each other in the midst of the ruins, forgetting the danger and the hell that waited below. The moon illuminated our moment being the only present witness.
///
I opened my eyes, blinking against a disorienting haze, my heart already pounding unevenly in my chest as if it knew something was wrong. I feel my body is hot, I looked down and saw that I was only wearing a yellow nightgown, the thin fabric clinging to my skin, me barefoot on a cold and splintered floor that creaked under my weight.
I looked better, I was in the middle of a dining room. It was empty, just a round table in the center, scarred and wobbly, surrounded by mismatched chairs with faded upholstery tearing at the seams. The walls were cracked, peeling in irregular strips like wounds, and the few pieces of furniture, a rickety sideboard against one wall, a lamp with a yellow shade, seemed ancient and forgotten. Two doors were present: one leading to a dim hallway, shadows pooling like ink; the other seemed to open to a kitchen, where faint glints of metal suggested counters and appliances shrouded in darkness.
Where the hell am I?
The thought hit me, panic bubbling up. I did not know how I had gotten here, I remember nothing. I felt bad, as if I had fallen into someone else's nightmare.
I tried to look closer, squinting at the details: the table surface etched with faint carvings, the chair legs uneven from years of use. Something tugged at the edges of my mind: familiarity, buried deep. I approached the sideboard, running my fingers over its dusty top, and that is when it hit me. The wood grain, the way the lamp cord coiled lazily.
This was Linda's home...
Where we had shared romantic moments in our puberty, before everything went to hell. The shock pierced me like a knife, my breath catching in my throat. I was agitated now, heart pounding a frantic rhythm against my ribs.
Again... no
I wanted to get out, I needed to escape this ghost of a memory. My eyes darted wildly, seeking an exit: a front door, a window, anything. But there was nothing, just those two doors, my only points of egress.
"Bob, help me!"
I recognized it, that familiar voice.
"Bob!"
It is Linda's voice, raw and desperate, echoing from the hallway entrance like a plea from the grave.
I froze, agitation turning to full-blown terror. It was her, the girl I had loved and lost. Despite the fear clawing at me, she needed me; that pull was stronger than my panic.
"Bob, please, help me!"
I clutched my chest, feeling my heart pounding as if it could burst, and headed toward the hallway, barefoot feet slapping against the cold floor.
"Bob..."
I heard the voice coming from her room.
The hallway stretched longer than it should, walls closing in with more cracks and peeling paint, doors lining both sides: bedroom, bathroom, closets I vaguely remembered from my own visits years ago. I hurried through until I reached the one I knew too well. Linda's room, the door ajar, a sliver of pale light spilling out. I slowed, unable to bear the agitation like a storm.
Then, I entered and saw her. It was terror, inside it hit me like a gut punch. I clutched my chest again, knees buckling as I slowly collapsed to the floor, hard and unforgiving beneath me. I stayed lying and frozen on my back, chest heaving with each breath, my hand resting on my left chest as if to hold my fractured heart.
Above me, clear and horrible: Linda hanging, her long black hair cascading like a dark waterfall, eyes closed in eternal peace, face pale as porcelain. Her bare legs dangled lifeless in the air, dressed in pink shorts and polo, the same outfit I had seen her in last, before the police captured me. A fallen chair was near me and her corpse, the rope around her neck, held by the door handle, her body twisting slightly in the still air like a macabre pendulum.
"Linda!" I shouted softly looking up with tears blurring my vision. The agitation in my left chest increased.
"Linda. it can not be... do not go." I began to lower the tone of my voice. I tried to raise my hand, fingers stretching desperately to reach her, pull her down but my arm felt useless.
"Linda... come back to me." I was breathless. "I need you."
Her body did not react, suspended in deadly silence. My tears intensified on my cheeks. I could not get up. A heart attack was going to hit me in seconds while the agitation continued to increase.
I saw it, something changed. The rope began to turn black, the inky darkness spreading like a stain from the noose upward, consuming the fibers until the entire length was a twisted shadow. The darkness bled further, swallowing the door behind her, turning it into an abyss.
My state of shock increased, frozen as the rope transformed, thickening into a tentacle-like appendage, gripping her corpse with grotesque possessiveness. I tried to scream, but nothing came out of my voice, my heart thundering as if about to explode and waves of nausea crashing over me.
"That is what you get for being so careless, Robert." A voice slithered into the room, sinister and familiar.
I recognized it instantly... the same tormenting rasp from my nightmares.
"Leave me alone..." My voice was a whisper.
Then, in the middle where the door was, a massive mouth formed with fanged teeth with the blackness expanding like its veins.
"You know, she will be good food for my stomach."
"You killed her.... I am going.... to kill you...." I whispered while losing air.
"It was you, Robert." The sinister voice hissed. "Thanks to your wrong decisions, she is dead. It is your fault! You killed her!"
"No... it was you..." Tears continued spreading across my face.
"I am you, you know." He mocked me. "I always was you. So thanks for our food. Now you will see how I devour her as you devour her."
I watched in horror as the tentacle lifted her corpse higher, then tossed it toward the fanged mouth.
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" I screamed with the sound ripping from my throat, closing my eyes.
After several minutes, I opened my eyes again, noticing I was in an upright position in my bed, gasping for air as if I had been drowning.
I returned to reality... a nightmare... again
Sweat soaked me, the sheets twisted around my legs. I was in my room, the familiar mess, the cluttered nightstand. I realized I had left the glass door of my balcony open due to last night's heat, the morning sunlight decorating it, casting warm rays across the floor. I was dressed only in a white polo and black shorts, clinging to my damp skin.
I rubbed my eyes, trying to shake off the nightmare's grip, and glanced at the black rectangular electronic clock on my nightstand: 7:50 in the morning, the red digits glowing steadily.
Today I do not have to go to work... Campbell does not need me today.
My mind returned to the nightmare, this time it was more terrifying than the previous one, this time it was not Linda's voices, I witnessed Linda's suicide, that twisted recreation mixed with malice. I stopped thinking, forcing her ghost, her pale face and hanging body, out of my head. I did not want her image to return, but this time that voice and black figure was present along with her.
A buzz interrupted my thoughts, the sound of my cell phone vibrating on the nightstand. I abandoned any hope of going back to sleep, reaching with an unsteady hand to grab it. The screen lit up with a text message notification from Bill. I opened it, the words simple and direct:
Bill: I am coming to your apartment in an hour. I have news about Whale. Wait for me downstairs.