Chapter 157: God is With You
A lucid Conan still possessed a resilient rationality; he knew he could not allow himself to keep thinking.
To achieve this was actually quite simple. He could turn his gaze to a specific piece of scenery, cycle his mind from focus to blankness three times, take a deep breath, and count silently. His brain would soon empty.
This was merely a small trick of a detective.
But to truly stop oneself from reminiscing was an extremely difficult task. This endless eon of time was so vast and cruel. With immense willpower, Conan had restrained himself from the beginning, refusing to fall into memory.
This persistence lasted day after day, year after year, until it finally came to a screeching halt—because Conan had broken down again.
Falling into madness while awake, he could only find a moment of peace when asleep. This was not the first time; for Conan, this barely counted as a brief liberation.
But regardless, his reason would always return, waking him once more to face the endless, eternal eons.
However, this time, Conan "woke up" earlier than before!
A petite figure stood before him, speaking in a calm tone:
"So, humanity ended in complete defeat after all? Then, Lord God, since you have vetoed my death and brought me back to this stage, what do you plan to do? Return to Beika once more and play that never-ending detective game? If it must be so, I'd like to apply for reasonable working conditions. For instance, kill me after five days of work so I can rest for two. Ensure that on statutory holidays I can stay in my coffin and not come to work. Does that sound acceptable?"
Looking at Ai Haibara standing poised before his eyes, speaking with a voice that seemed calm but was actually despairing beyond words, Conan laughed—a hysterical and frenzied laughter.
For a detective, the cruelest thing in the world is to know everything yet be unable to stop it. Despite exhausting every effort and persisting to the end, it was ultimately futile.
A detective, who should have brought justice, had become the source of all despair simply by existing!
But in his lucidity, Conan's tough and extraordinary reason eventually took over. After a long time, he gradually ceased his hysterical, cathartic laughter. He opened a mouth that hadn't spoken for years and explained the situation to Ai in scrambled, fragmented words. Though his logic was slightly fractured, his mind was clear and his meaning got across.
Ai Haibara listened, her expression still a mix of despair and calm, but her brow twitched slightly:
"Are you saying that in your breakdown of madness, you finally couldn't suppress the instinct to remember the past, and instinctively brought 'me' back from the dead? However, to be honest, given the circumstances, I've thought of some interesting questions. Are you certain you truly brought back the dead 'me'? Or did you create a duplicate named 'Ai Haibara' out of thin air that fits your memory's definition? Or perhaps, my appearance and existence are just a dreamlike hallucination within your long-term insanity?"
Ai Haibara, though a scientific researcher, had also studied philosophy. At this moment, she raised several doubts.
Conan remained silent, then replied:
"If I were to deduce from existing information, I couldn't provide an answer. But out of instinct and intuition, I clearly know and confirm that the person appearing before me is the real and only you. Furthermore, I cannot recall a second 'you'..."
Ai pulled out a small notebook and pen, recording as she whispered:
"Hmm, divine intuition and instinct? That's good news; at least I don't need to obsess over what 'I' am. Theology is truly convenient—as long as you get a divine revelation, you know all the answers without research. Had I known, I should have gone into seclusion with Professor Agasa to study theology and magic. Also, 'Gods' are truly unreasonable beings. Just moments ago, your language logic was a mess, suggesting brain nerve damage, but in just a short while, you've completely recovered..."
Long ago, recording and researching every bit of information about Conan and trying to crack the mysteries of his existence had been Ai Haibara's primary job.
In a sense, Ai had changed her profession to "Theologian" many years ago. She had spent her life exhausting all her wisdom to study this Evil God named Detective. In the end, she had presented her life's work—the final combat plan to depict the "Death" of a god, wagering all of humanity's chips. Much of that plan was her handiwork.
Of course, it ultimately failed, but that could only be called a "crime of non-war." In the god-slaying war where humanity wagered everything, the God had died. He died over and over, again and again.
But no matter how many times he was killed, God existed as he always had. Aside from the periods where despair accumulated and he collapsed into madness for uncounted chaotic years, everything else was "normal."
Ai closed her notebook and looked up at Conan, asking calmly:
"Why me?"
Conan was silent for a while before saying: "According to my deduction, it's likely that while I was broken and mad, I felt I couldn't continue like this. Subconsciously, I felt you could help me—or kill me. So, I couldn't stop myself from remembering you..."
Even in madness, Conan's residual reason continued to function. He instinctively knew that if he continued to "remember," the final outcome would be a repeat of all despair and pain. But Conan alone didn't know what to do, so he instinctively craved help!
Conan had many companions in his main group, but Ai Haibara was undoubtedly special. Mature and intelligent, she had walked through countless cases with him and always provided help. Others fell short—even Yusaku and Yukiko Kudo couldn't match her in this regard.
"To have my death vetoed by a God for such a reason... should I call it my tragedy or my honor? Although I'd like to say remembering Gin might have been more useful, forget it. Let the man who burned his everything for humanity rest for a while. Given the situation, even if I refuse and beg you to kill me, I'll likely be remembered by you the next time you go mad. So, I can help you, but I have one requirement..."
Ai paused, saying each word clearly to Conan:
"No matter what you face, you are only allowed to think of me. Specifically, you are absolutely not allowed to miss or remember Ran-neechan..."
It sounded like a confession, but both Ai and Conan knew that these words described a cruelty far heavier than romance.
In this instant, Ai lowered her eyes, recalling the peace of sleeping on Ran Mouri's back while listening to her gentle whispers, or the warmth of curling in her arms and having her head stroked. Ai missed it, but she was unwilling to let that tenderness, which had fallen into the sleep of death, be dragged back onto this stage where despair and madness coexisted.
Conan watched Ai quietly: "I promise you. Because that is also what I hope for. However, I cannot guarantee it. I have already failed too many times..."
"That's enough. I thought that god-slaying war was my finish line. I didn't expect to be resurrected and participate in a God's suicide case. Is this the mockery of Fate, or the blessing humanity never quite gave up on? Regardless, this may be a very long journey. Lord God—no, Conan—before we set out, would you like to share a cup of coffee for the first time in an eternity?"
Ai waved a hand behind her. Not far away, Professor Agasa's house sat alone in the mountains, looking like a haunted mansion. Ai had walked out from there.
Conan followed her inside. Whether it was luck or misfortune, Conan had only remembered Ai and the house she lived in. Even the furniture, decorations, and research equipment in the basement were perfectly recalled—yet he had left out Professor Agasa!
Ai was sensible enough not to mention the Professor, avoiding triggering more "memories" for Conan.
She quietly operated the coffee machine.
Suddenly, the machine exploded. A shard pierced Ai's neck. Without even a groan, she collapsed, coughing up blood. As she fell, her finger instinctively pointed in a certain direction.
Conan froze. He stared for a long time, but a long-lost instinct pushed him to look around. Even though he no longer wanted to deduce, his gaze alone brought the "Truth" to his mind.
In this "Murder of Ai Haibara," the culprit was the water dispenser behind the coffee machine. The motive: the dispenser felt neglected by Ai and became jealous of the coffee machine she used constantly. It used a circuit overload to cause the explosion, killing Ai with the shrapnel.
Conan couldn't even understand how he arrived at such a bizarre and absurd "Truth" with just a few glances!
He looked at Ai's cooling corpse and sighed deeply. Then, he closed his eyes and "remembered" for just a second.
When he opened them, Ai was resurrected. Her neck was as good as new. If not for the blood on the floor, it was as if nothing had happened. (The coffee machine was also restored.)
Resurrected, Ai asked a few questions and understood the situation. She said calmly:
"So even though you're lucid, that 'Calamity Halo' that causes cases to happen around you still exists? However, in the past, this halo never chose me as a victim. Now... is it because my Heroine status has expired? Or is it because there's only you and me left in this world, so the halo has no other choices? It's likely the latter. The 'Jealous Water Dispenser' killer... in the old days, that would have kept me laughing for a year or two..."
Conan remained silent. His existence itself was a calamity.
Ai unplugged the dispenser and tossed it aside, symbolizing she had brought it to justice. The coffee machine began to steam. Taking the cup from Ai, Conan finally drank a warm liquid after uncounted chaotic years.
If only the coffee weren't filled with a lethal amount of poison.
But it didn't matter. Conan drank it anyway. Ai observed for a while, recorded the data, and said:
"Conan, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"
"The good news," Conan said. Standing in despair for too long, he desperately needed something positive.
"Back in Beika," Ai said, "if you drank this cup of specially poisoned coffee, you would have at best a stomach ache, and at worst flu-like symptoms. Back then, you still gave 'Reality' some face, which meant there was a possibility for you to be depicted as 'failing.' Now, you have no reaction at all. Combined with your power to resurrect others just by remembering them... Conan, in my eyes, you are more like a God than ever. Or rather, in these eternal eons, you are slowly awakening, reclaiming the supreme power you were meant to have..."
Conan looked helpless. "Is that the good news?"
"Before," Ai explained, "you had infinite power but lacked independent reason, acting only on detective instincts and dragging everyone into your games. You were a true Evil God. But now, you have been awakened. In time, you will reclaim all your power and wield it with reason. At that point, an absolute, omnipotent Supreme God will be born. You won't need anything external; you can solve everything yourself. How is that not good news?"
Conan was silent. "Ai... don't tell me you haven't considered what will happen during that 'in time' process."
"What else could happen?" Ai said calmly. "It's just us crawling out of our graves to chat with you. At worst, humanity will be resurrected over and over by your memories while you're mad and unable to control your power. While alive, they will be sucked into endless detective games by your calamity halo until they go mad or die again. Cycle after cycle. But don't worry; through rational calculation, once you ascend to the supreme peak with absolute power, all past despair can be undone and erased."
Conan sighed deeply. "I'm sorry. When that time comes, I might have the power to change everything, but I might never be able to erase my own despair."
Ai patted his shoulder. "Be optimistic. By the time you ascend, you won't be the 'you' of now. You don't think your current humanity and reason can survive those uncalculable eternities, do you? If you make it through, you'll either be completely mad, or your humanity will have faded into a rising divinity. At that point, you won't care about these small details!"
"And the bad news?"
"I think killing a living Supreme God who is regaining his power will be slightly harder than killing an Evil God in Beika. To do the latter, humanity gambled everything and failed. To do the former... do you think just the two of us can do it?"
Conan thought for a moment and decided to tell a joke:
"I think so. Because... God is with you."
Ai remained expressionless. She opened her mouth to speak, but—CRACK!—the floorboards collapsed under her. She fell through.
The Second Murder of Ai Haibara: The culprit was an earthworm. Disturbed by the noise from above, it decided to teach the inhabitants a lesson. As for the MO, it was too nonsensical to mention.
Conan, knowing the "Truth" without even having to look, fell into a deeper silence.
End of Chapter
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