Morning came to Heavenly Arms Apartments like a hangover that refused to leave.
The building creaked, sighed, and considered collapsing — but decided against it for tax reasons.
Inside, the six new tenants were adjusting to civilian life, which for interdimensional legends meant existential dread and arguing about Wi-Fi passwords.
A cultivator named Li Shen sat cross-legged on the living-room floor, meditating. Or at least, trying to.
Peace was difficult when Vex a male magical girl was in the kitchen screaming, "WHO DRANK MY COSMIC MAGICAL GIRL COFFEE?! THAT WAS FORTIFIED WITH SPRINKLES AND 37 GRAMS OF CAFFEINE!"
Ji-Yeon a apocolyptic inventor didn't even look up from her cereal. "It's literally just pink Red Bull, dude."
"IT'S SACRED!" Vex wailed.
"It's stupid," Ji-Yeon said.
Vex gasped dramatically. "You wound me, my queen."
Across the room, Seraphine scrolled through her phone with divine disgust. "You mortals and your beverages. In heaven, we drank ambrosia."
Ji-Yeon snorted. "Cool. We got tap water."
Seraphine shot her a look that could melt.
Li Shen opened one eye. "Could you perhaps argue with less… noise pollution?"
Vex turned. "My voice is beautiful, thank you. Yours sounds awful."
Kenzō a spirit dog, quietly sweeping in the corner, paused. "He is not wrong."
Everyone froze.
Ji-Yeon blinked. "Did the dog just… never mind it's just Kenzō."
Kenzō looked up from under his hat. "Yep it's me. Hi."
Vex immediately knelt beside him. "Teach me, Master Kenzō! I beg you!"
"Please don't," Ji-Yeon muttered.
Draven a assassin called Shadow Walker appeared from the wall next to the fridge — literally phased out of the plaster. "Can someone explain why there's a headless golem outside trying to order Uber Eats under my name?"
Vex gasped. "He's back?! Bro, that's your ex, isn't it?"
Draven's voice dropped an octave. "He's not my ex. He's a… something."
Seraphine the fallen angel smirked. "Aren't we all, darling."
The apartment door slammed open with a force that made everyone flinch. Mrs. Hae, the landlord, stood in the doorway holding a frying pan like a weapon of holy judgment.
"Good morning, my little disasters!" she chirped. "Rent's due, the sink's possessed again or something, and whoever turned one of the toilets into a teleportation portal — FIX IT."
Everyone pointed at Vex.
"In my defense, I was trying to unclog it magically," he said.
"And?"
"Now it flushes directly to Hell."
"That's not better!"
Kenzō sighed. "At least the plumbing transcends dimensions now."
Mrs. Hae pointed her spatula like a gun.
Li Shen stood, bowing politely. "Landlord Hae, I assure you, we will handle this with utmost discipline—"
CRASH!
The kitchen door flew off its hinges as the golem outside sneezed and sent a shockwave through the wall.
Mrs. Hae didn't flinch. She took a sip of her coffee. "Draven."
"Yes, ma'am?"
"Get your rock boyfriend off my lawn or I'm charging extra for property damage."
"He's not my—"
"Do I look like I care?"
"…No, ma'am."
He phased through the wall again, muttering, "Every day I lose a little more dignity."
Li Shen returned to his meditation, tea in hand. "In my time, rent was paid through service or enlightenment. Now, it is paid with currency and suffering."
Vex, glitter on his face, sipped juice. "I could totally pay rent… if exposure counted as money."
Ji-Yeon, holding a wrench: "The sink exploded this morning. I fixed it. Then it exploded again. So I just drank the rest of the beer and called it a draw."
Seraphine, draped in shadow and sipping from a wine glass that clearly read 'World's Pettiest Angel': "I am surrounded by mortals, animals, and fools."
Kenzō, sweeping in silence: "I require more dog treats."
Draven, staring deadpan into nowhere: "I used to lead armies. Now I share a kitchen with a guy who calls himself 'Daddy of Destruction' because of his Community name."
Vex (in the background): "It's a brand!"
Night fell. The six gathered around a cracked table salvaged from a junkyard. Ji-Yeon had cooked something that looked like food but smelled like regret. Vex poked at it. "Is it supposed to move?"
"It's alive," Ji-Yeon said proudly. "Means it's fresh."
Li Shen inhaled. "It smells… toxic."
"Don't be dramatic. I sterilized it with beer."
Seraphine sighed. "Mortals call this cuisine? No wonder your species invented antidepressants."
Draven sat silently, cutting his food into perfect squares. "I once dined with demons in the void. This is worse."
The lights flickered.
Kenzō looked up. "Another storm?"
Seraphine frowned. "No. Something divine stirs beyond the veil—"
Mrs. Hae popped her head in. "Just letting you know the building's possessed again! If any of you are free, grab a mop and an exorcism talisman. And don't forget your rent."
She vanished, door slamming behind her.
Silence. Vex grinned. "Guys… I think I love it here."
Li Shen groaned. "I regret everything."
Ji-Yeon raised her can. "Welcome to my life."
Draven muttered, "The Void was quieter."
Seraphine raised her glass. "To Me, Myself and I."
Kenzō barked softly.
Vex shouted, "TO RENT!"
The table promptly collapsed.