The elevator ride up was a strange mix of karaoke-induced adrenaline and the lingering scent of cheap beer. Bella was still humming a tune, while Rina was shaking her dead tablet as if she could rattle it back to life. Only Chano, Philip, and Marco were on high alert, fully aware that a "romantic" security breach was waiting for them just past the sliding doors.
DING.
The doors hissed open, and the hallway was immediately hit with a scent so aggressive it could only be described as "Industrial Strength Musk."
Standing directly in front of Chano's door was the guy from the mall. He was poured into a tuxedo that looked like it had been borrowed from a much smaller cousin. He held a giant plush toy in one arm and a bouquet of small, dried-up flowers in the other.
"There you are!" the man cried out, his voice cracking with emotion. He didn't even notice Bella or the two massive bodyguards. His eyes were locked on Rina.
He dropped to one knee with a heavy thud, causing his tuxedo pants to strain dangerously. "My Basement Queen! I have traversed the dangerous lands of BGC traffic to find you!"
Rina froze. Her eyes went wide behind her glasses, and she slowly retreated behind Chano, using his shoulder as a human shield.
The man ignored her horror and thrust the bouquet forward. "Accept these 'Everlasting' flowers. Because like my love for you, they will never wither!"
"Basement... Queen?" Bella repeated, her voice dangerously calm. She looked at the dried, straw-like flowers, then at the man, then back to Rina. "Takahashi, please tell me you don't have 'business' with a man who brings you funeral-adjacent flora."
"I don't know him!" Rina hissed, her face turning a bright shade of crimson.
"Liar!" the man sobbed, clutching the giant plushie's neck. "Since I met you, every other woman looks plain! Even when I see their legs, I feel nothing! Only you have awakened my sleeping heart!"
Instead of stepping in to save her, Chano lost it. He doubled over, clutching his stomach, his face turning red as he laughed harder than anyone had ever seen him.
"Hahaha! Your... sleeping heart?!" Chano wheezed. "Rina, you're incredible! You're more effective than malware when you hit a man's system!"
"Chano! Stop laughing and help me!" Rina screamed, hitting him on the arm, but Chano was too busy wiping tears from his eyes.
The Tactical Toy Retrieval
Seeing that the "Master" was incapacitated by laughter, Philip stepped forward.
"Hold on, hold on," Philip said, his voice booming as he stepped between the guy and Rina. "I am the Senior Tactical Guardian of this floor. But more importantly... is that a Mega-Sized Labubu 'The Monsters' Fall in Wild edition?"
The man blinked, confused. "Uh... yeah? Why?"
Philip gasped, clutching his chest. He turned to the still-laughing Chano. "Master! Look at those serrated teeth! It's the Labubu of my dreams!"
Philip turned back to the man and suddenly grabbed the plushie's fuzzy ear. "Forget the girl! This Labubu understands my chaotic soul! You can't just bring such a rare collectible here and expect me to let you leave with it!"
"Wait—what?! Let go of Labubu!" the man yelled.
"No!" Philip cried, hugging the head. "Marco! Help me! He's kidnapping my spirit animal!"
Marco stepped forward. He didn't say a word, but his massive shadow fell over the suitor like a mountain. He cracked his knuckles—a sound like dry wood snapping—and loomed over the man with a terrifying scowl.
Rina, finally recovering from the embarrassment and seeing Chano still giggling in the background, stepped out. She pointed a trembling, angry finger at the man.
"Listen to me!" Rina yelled. "Do you see these two? Do you see how big they are?! They will beat you until your own mother won't recognize you! Leave now before I let them do it!"
The man's eyes darted from Marco's massive fists to Philip, who looked ready to brawl for the toy. The suitor turned pale.
"Fine, keep it! Just don't hit me!" the man screamed, shoving the giant monster plush into Philip's arms and stumbling backward. "I'll find you again, my Queen! Love is never-ending!"
He bolted down the stairwell, leaving his bouquet of Everlasting flowers scattered on the floor.
The Authentication
The hallway fell silent, except for Chano's occasional snicker and Philip proudly inspecting his new prize.
"Pre, look! This is original, it even has an authentication tag!" Philip said, beaming. "This is going in my room. Pop Mart realness!"
Chano finally stopped laughing and walked over, squinting at the tag. He reached out and flipped the authentication card. His smile turned into a smirk.
"Uh, Philip?" Chano said, pointing at the logo.
Philip looked down. The iconic "Labubu" text was slightly off. Upon closer inspection, the logo clearly read: "LABOBO."
"Labobo?" Philip's face dropped. "This isn't Pop Mart? It's Divisoria realness?!"
"It has three ears, Philip," Rina deadpanned, looking at the fake monster. "And the teeth are made of felt. It's a knock-off."
"My acting was wasted!" Philip groaned, tossing the giant Labobo onto the floor.
Bella adjusted her blazer, looking at the scattered flowers. "Well. That was... efficient, in a very disturbing way. Basement Queen?"
"I'm going to bed," Rina muttered, marching into the apartment. "And I'm deleting the word 'basement' from my vocabulary."