I was relaxing on the couch texting Hazel to come over while It had been days now — maybe three, maybe four — and all I'd done was slouch around the house like a total zombie.
Either sprawled on my bed staring at the ceiling, or down in the living room watching TV with Hazel. We'd play games sometimes, or just sit there in total silence, the only sound the fan creaking overhead or some random drama on screen.
I could handle the silence when it was just me and Hazel. It felt… safe. Comfortable. Like we didn't need to fill every second with words.
But with other people? I never got it right.
Even back then when I tried so hard to fit in with Faye and the others…laughing at their jokes, bringing snacks, pretending I belonged.
I always felt out of place. That heavy, awkward feeling in my chest, like I was forcing myself to be someone else.
And now, this vacation… they hadn't invited me once since that night. Not a single text. Nothing.
My head ached every time I thought about it.
I shifted on the couch, kicking my feet idly, staring at the TV without really seeing it. Hazel had gone home an hour ago, leaving the house too quiet again.
I'll probably die alone, I thought. Curled up with a stack of old manga and a bucket of instant noodles.
Well… maybe I'd get a boyfriend someday. That would be nice. Someone to make life worth enjoying.
Like in Our Days Under the Sakura — the boy with this soft, gentle smile. The one who cooks for the girl when she comes home exhausted, who listens when she talks, who makes her feel… seen.
I kicked my feet again, swaying them in the air, letting the daydream take over.
Sweet. Gentle. Maybe a little shy, but brave when it matters. Someone who'd hold my hand during thunderstorms and not laugh when I geek out over romance stories.
Someone who'd stay.
I sighed, hugging a pillow to my chest.
Boys like that probably didn't exist.
But… thinking about it still made my cheeks warm a little.
Then the doorbell rang — sharp and sudden — snapping me out of my daydream like a rubber band.
I yelped, sitting up so fast I almost rolled off the couch.
Who could that be?
I shook my head, trying to compose myself, heart still racing a little.
Maybe it's the delivery I ordered online. That game Hazel kept talking about, Grand Theft… something? She said it was worth playing, I wonder if it's good.
The bell rang again.
And again.
Nonstop buzzing, like the person was leaning on it.
It was starting to get annoying.
"I'm coming! Wait up!" I shouted, hurrying toward the door and out to the gate.
I swung it open fast, already irritated.
"Alright, you don't have to press it over and—"
The words died in my throat.
It wasn't the delivery guy.
It was Elena.
Standing right there, face to face — barely a foot apart. Her eyes met mine, calm and steady, that small gentle smile on her lips.
I flinched hard, stumbling back a step, my heart slamming into my ribs like it was trying to escape.
"E-Elena?!"
Why is she here? Right now? When I look like this?
My hair was probably a mess from lying on the couch all morning. I was wearing an old oversized shirt and shorts — comfy clothes, not "company" clothes.
I probably still have pillow marks on my cheek.
Great. Perfect.
Elena just stood there, calm as always, that small gentle smile on her face.
"Hello, Mayumi."
Her voice was soft, but it still made my stomach flip.
"Uh—hi! H-hi!" I stammered, gripping the gate like it was the only thing keeping me standing.
"What—what are you doing here?"
She tilted her head a little.
"Uncle Peter went out for errands. The house is quiet."
A tiny pause. "I was bored. I thought… Maybe I could hang out with you? If that's okay."
My mouth opened. Closed. Opened again.
Nanny had gone to the market earlier and wouldn't be back for hours. Parents were out. No one else around.
I'd have to keep the conversation going. All by myself. No breaks. No help.
The words tumbled out before I could stop them.
"Y-Yeah! Sure! Come in!" I blurted, swinging the gate wider. "I mean—come inside!"
Elena smiled, "thank you" she said and stepped through.
The gate clicked shut behind her and that's when my brain finally caught up.
She's in my house now.
And it's just us.
My stomach twisted.
Oh no.
I have to talk. Keep things normal. Don't let it get quiet. Don't say something stupid…What if there's awkward silence? What if she gets bored? What if I can't think of anything to say?
I hurried ahead to open the door, nearly tripping on the step.
"C-come in," I said, voice a little too high.
"Make yourself at home."
Elena stepped inside, looking around with quiet curiosity.
I closed the door and tried to breathe. Don't make it awkward. Act like a good host. Offer something.
"Um—sit anywhere!" I said, waving at the couch too enthusiastically.
"I'll get drinks! Water? Juice? Anything?"
She sat gracefully. "Water is fine."
I bolted to the kitchen, heart racing.
Why am I freaking out like this? It's just hanging out. With a friend. A new friend.
But my brain wouldn't stop…
What do we talk about? Manga? But what if she's already bored of it? The weather? That's lame. Boys? Heck I don't even know where to start with that.
I filled the glasses with shaky hands.
Now I'm starting to wish Hazel shouldn't have gone home earlier, maybe then she could fill the silence with her funny jokes or something.
I walked back in, handed her the glass, and sat on the opposite end of the couch — safe distance.
She smiled… that small smile again.
"So…" I started, voice still a little high.
"What's up?"
Lord help me.
Elena turned to me, that small gentle smile on her face.
"Not much. I just wanted company."
I nodded too fast. "Cool! Yeah, company is… good."
Great. Brilliant conversation. Yet…She didn't seem bothered.
"Your house is nice. Cozy." she said.
"Thanks!" I said, a little too loud.
"It's… home. Nothing special."
Why do I keep making everything sound lame?
Elena took a sip of water. "I like it."
More silence.
I grasped for something else.
"Um… have you been reading more? Or… exploring the town?"
She tilted her head. "A little of both. The manga you mentioned the other day. I finished Volume 3."
"Oh—cool! Yeah, the next part gets really good."
She smiled again. "Do you have recommendations? Something else to read?"
My brain stalled.
Recommendations?
I had tons. Shelves full. Stacks I'd reread a hundred times. Series I could talk about for hours if someone actually wanted to listen.
But they were all upstairs.
In my room.
I froze, staring at her like she'd asked me to solve a math problem in front of the class.
I can't just leave her here alone in the living room. That would be rude. What if she gets bored? What if she looks around and accidentally sees my old otome games?
But if I bring her up…
My room.
The mess.
Clothes on the floor from this morning. The unmade bed. My stuffed bear I still sleep with — the one I hide when Hazel comes over. The posters. The half-eaten snacks.
No. No way.
She can't see that. She'll think I'm a total slob. Or a kid. Or both. My face started heating up just thinking about it.
Elena was still waiting, head tilted slightly, that small patient smile on her face.
I opened my mouth. Closed it.
"Uh… y-yeah," I finally managed, voice cracking a little.
"I have… lots. Really good ones."
She nodded encouragingly. "I'd like to hear about them."
My brain screamed.
I waved my hands too fast. "Wait—um—just a second! I'll be right back!"
I shot up from the couch before she could answer.
Elena blinked. "Okay."
I bolted upstairs, heart pounding like I'd run a race. My room was exactly as bad as I remembered.
I panic-cleaned in record time, clothes shoved under the bed, manga stacked in slightly neater piles, bear yeeted into the closet, trash swept into a drawer.
Sweat was literally dripping down my back by the time I finished.
I rushed back downstairs, trying to look casual even though I was breathing hard.
"S-sorry!" I said, face burning.
"Um… you can come up now in my room. If you want. To see them."
Elena stood, smile still soft and unbothered.
"Alright."
She followed me upstairs.
I was dying inside.
But at least my room didn't look like a total disaster anymore.
Barely.