CHAPTER 19
BRENDA'S POV
I was the only person in the office; everyone had gone home. I had been staring at my computer for more than eight hours. I yawned and took a look at my watch.
11:48 p.m.
My eyelids were heavy, and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep them open for long. I took that as a cue to leave. After putting everything in place, I grabbed a Red Bull from the mini fridge in the lobby as I made my way to the elevator.
The Red Bull made its presence known in my body because I felt renewed. My eyelids weren't as heavy as before, making me drive home safely.
Lavender, chamomile, and rose water… exactly the fragrances I needed in my house. The house felt clean, and it smelled that way. Ona had done a great job.
I dumped my bag on the couch and was about to slump down too when my stomach rumbled. I was hungry. Really hungry.
I could eat four pizzas. I laughed at my own thought.
I went to the kitchen, hoping I had enough ingredients to whip up something to eat. I opened the fridge, and I saw a Tupperware. I took it out and opened it; my mouth instantly watered at its contents.
Oxtail, mashed potatoes, and some rice.
I hurled the Tupperware into the microwave and heated it.
I sat down cross-legged on the couch and began digging into the hearty meal. I was so engrossed in eating, I didn't even bother to know who cooked the food. I was sure it was Ona. I was sure I didn't have oxtail or potatoes… she could've gone to the store and gotten some. I was happy with my theory!
After being full, my mind had time to drift to Christian. That man would give me sleepless nights if I didn't get my answers.
I looked at my phone, contemplating whether I should call him. I shook my head at my idea and turned to look away.
Moments later, someone was calling. It was a new number. I hesitated, then picked up.
"Brenda, please don't hang up!" He rushed to say as soon as I spoke into the phone.
"Christian!" I breathed a sigh of relief and annoyance at the same time. Why would he call me on a new number?
"I'm sorry about Vegas! There were things that I had to take care of!" he spoke.
I could hear cars and people chattering in the background.
Did this man call me on a public landline? A public telephone?
"What happened to your phone? Why the hell are you calling me from a damn landline?" The hood Black girl in me was surfacing.
"I figured you wouldn't pick up, that's why!"
Fair enough, I thought.
"Brenda…" There was a long silence on the other side before he spoke up again.
"I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry, but I think we need a break!"
My voice got stuck in my throat. I felt half my body go cold, while the other remained at 37°. A harsh pang attacked my chest. Tears threatened my eyes. I swallowed.
The thought of being alone again at my age got to me. It made me scared. I had found love once again, and… at that moment, the man I loved was giving up on us.
"Okay!" I managed to say. I didn't want to hear anymore. I had heard enough for the night. All I needed was some time alone.
I hung up and felt my tears stream down my face. It clutched onto my chest.
Was I that bad?
Why couldn't I keep a man?
Was it my age?
Was it my success? Were men intimidated by it?
I had a lot of questions, and I settled on the first thought.
I curled into a ball and fell asleep after crying for a few hours.
I was exhausted. And sad. And heartbroken. This felt like my first breakup with Kai… but deeper and more intense and more hurtful.
Was this how people in love feel? Is this how they break? How they shatter?
The moment my eyes opened, it blurred with tears. I couldn't see anything. Tears streamed down my face. I knew I had to get up from there, but I couldn't. The will and strength just weren't there.
I felt like dying—like a fucking teenager all over again.
I was so engrossed in my sorrows that I didn't hear when someone strutted into my house.
"Girl, I been knocking for some time while you on your ass and—" Nella stopped midway when she saw my face. The mascara washed away by tears made me look like a haunted Barbie doll.
She dropped her phone as her eyes widened.
"Baby girl!" She dropped beside me and embraced me.
When her hands wrapped around me, it felt like security. A safe space.
And at that moment, I let go. I cried—loudly. Bitterly.
"Go on now, let it out!" she whispered, and I broke even more.
I screamed against her chest, wanting to remove the tears that would wear me down in the future.