Alice was sitting on the toilet, arranging a line of white powder on her forearm when Pinky knocked on the door.
— Alice, everything okay? We're up in five minutes.
— I'm coming. I just got a little sick from that damn hamburger I had for lunch. One second, okay?
Pinky stepped out of the bathroom.
Alice snorted the powder, then laughed—loud, really loud. Her heart was pounding in her throat, she was sweating, trembling, but the ugly side effects faded fast and only the high remained: the pleasure, the rush—exactly what she needed right now.
After Star Radio aired their interview and they released their first album, the band's popularity shot to the top—not just in Rust City, but slowly across the whole country.
They got more gigs. They were invited to other towns. And little by little, they could start building a real tour.
This time they were playing in a nearby city called Skull Beach, and here a massive crowd was waiting for them. Alice needed power—real power—to pull herself together and get through the show.
The powder gave her that kick. She sprinted out of the restroom and hurried up to the stage where the others were already waiting for her.
Justin and Cornel could see the signs on Alice right away—she'd taken something again—and they weren't happy about it.
Alice grabbed her guitar, rushed to the mic, and greeted the crowd at full volume, throwing up metal horns and sticking her tongue out.
They loved her lately—her increasingly unhinged persona. The business loved it too: every place they played was sold out.
Alice signaled, Pinky started working the kick drum, and the smoke machine kicked on. Gray fog flooded the stage.
The crowd instantly exploded, people pushing forward, trying to get as close as possible so they could see Alice and the band better.
Alice launched into the vocals. Justin and Cornel's guitars joined her, and the concert finally began.
After a few songs, Alice asked the crowd what they wanted next. Of course, they all chanted the same thing:
"Burn With Me!"
It was the favorite. It was also #1 on the radio charts.
Alice shrugged off her leather jacket. Now she was just in ripped jeans and a dark top.
Flames flared to life. Alice stood between them and didn't flinch—she almost touched them, like she wanted to feel the heat as close as possible.
For a moment, Alice set her guitar down so they could start the song in the most spectacular way. She took a baton, lit it, then poured strong liquor into her mouth and breathed fire.
The band clearly hadn't expected that. They looked a little stunned, but they refused to show it to the crowd, so they just kept playing.
Pinky started pounding the drums. Cornel went into the riff. Then Alice picked up her bass and stepped back to the mic.
And she started the song everyone had been waiting for.
Just like on the radio version, she screamed that bridge again—the same raspy, shredded roar. The crowd went insane. They wanted the song again. They wanted everything again.
After they played their full set and got called back for three encores, they finally came offstage and collapsed in the venue's private section.
Alice was still buzzing hard. She flopped down next to Justin with a bottle of whiskey in her hand.
Cornel just smoked quietly to himself. Pinky sipped a cocktail.
— That was fucking amazing, right? — Alice asked with a grin. — Maybe one of our best shows.
— Yeah. You really went for it. — Pinky said, smiling. — You sure the fire doesn't bother you?
— Nah. We need the pyro. You saw them—they love it.
— That fire-breathing thing… looked kinda dangerous. — Cornel said. — You could've warned us.
— It was supposed to be a surprise. Relax. I practiced a lot. I wouldn't have fucked it up.
Justin stared at Alice's too-thin body, then at her blown pupils. He didn't like any of this, but he'd stopped saying it out loud a long time ago.
— Alright, guys, I'm out. — Cornel said. — Wish me luck.
— What, looking for the woman of your dreams again? — Justin asked.
— Hey, you look and you find, right? — Cornel left them there and walked off.
— I'll be right back. — Pinky said, and she left too.
— So it's just us again, huh? — Alice scooted closer to Justin and ran her fingers along his forearm.
Justin took a drag and pushed Alice's hand away.
— Don't do that. Please.
— Don't do what? — she asked with a teasing smile, then placed her hand on his crotch. — I have no idea what you mean.
— Alice… — he pushed her hand away again. — This isn't okay. I know I said I wouldn't get involved, but you can't keep doing this…
— Doing what? — she took a long pull from the whiskey.
— You know exactly what I'm talking about. You're so fucked up it's a miracle you can even hear me.
— My hearing's fine… — she set the whiskey on the table. — And I don't get what your problem is. Because last time, if I remember right, you weren't exactly sober either. What was I—just good for a fuck?
— That was a mistake… I'm sorry. I fucked up. I was drunker than I should've been. Can we just move on already?
Alice lit a cigarette and blew out a thick cloud.
— Then drink. Get that drunk again if that's what you need. I want you tonight too.
— It can't happen, Alice…
— Why not? Oh right, I forgot. You're engaged to that pretty little thing. You could bring her too. — a dirty grin curled across her face. — I like sweet little bites like her.
— Aren't you tired of this act?
— Act?
— Yeah. Do you think she'd be happy seeing you like this? Is this what she'd want? You destroying yourself?
The grin fell off Alice's face. She went cold, then angry.
— Go fuck yourself… — she stood and grabbed the bottle. — Then someone else will fuck me if you're not man enough.
She stormed away from the table. Pinky was just coming back and didn't quite understand what had happened. She saw the rage on Alice's face and Justin's dark, silent stare.
***
Alice returned to the hotel room with a girl and a guy.
By the time all three of them stumbled inside, she was completely wrecked—honestly it was a miracle she'd made it back to the right hotel.
The girl and the guy started kissing and undressing each other while Alice began smashing up the room with a crowbar.
She destroyed the TV first, then one of the cabinets, and finally she shattered the window.
The hotel receptionist rushed in, along with Ervin and Pinky, trying to calm Alice down together.
They kicked the guy and the girl out, then Ervin got the crowbar away from Alice.
Alice finally burned out and collapsed onto the bed—dragging Pinky down with her. She wouldn't let go, holding her tight and kissing her cheek over and over.
Ervin worked it out with the receptionist: they would cover the damages. The number was huge, but with that kind of money involved, they let it go and didn't call the police.
Ervin leaned closer. Alice immediately reached for the crowbar again, but she missed—grabbing at nothing but air.
— You're not getting this back. — Ervin held up the crowbar. — I'm taking it. Where did you even get it?
Alice couldn't answer properly. She just mumbled.
— Can I leave you with her for a bit? — Ervin asked Pinky.
Pinky nodded. It wasn't the first time she'd had to watch Alice. Lately, it had become one of those "shared responsibilities" she and Ervin handled together.
Ervin left.
Alice pulled Pinky close again and kissed her shoulder.
— The bogeyman is coming… the bogeyman… — she whispered, her voice fading.
— Yes, Alice. The bogeyman. So go to sleep, before someone finds you awake.
— I love you… — and Alice passed out instantly.
— I love you too, idiot. — Pinky said softly, stroking the top of her head.
***
The next day they drove home—back to Rust City—in their van.
This time Alice was silent. Her head felt like it was splitting open, and she couldn't stand the light. She watched the road through sunglasses with a cigarette in her mouth.
The others kept glancing at each other, each one waiting for someone else to start. Nobody wanted to be the one. They all knew Alice would blow up.
Finally Justin sighed and went for it.
— Okay. Listen, Alice… we need to talk.
— Uh-huh… about what?
— I don't know… maybe about how you trashed a hotel room?
Alice laughed.
— I don't even remember that. Relax, guys, I'll pay for it.
— This isn't about money. You overdid it again. You embarrassed us again—and Ervin. You need to stop this bullshit.
— Stop what, exactly? Rock and roll? Kinda hard to perform without it.
— Alice…
— I don't know what this is supposed to be. An intervention? Because you're doing a shit job.
— Look, we all agreed maybe we should skip the next show. And maybe the one after that too.
— What? Are you out of your minds? That's a massive loss of income. Ervin wouldn't even allow it.
— We already talked to him too. Your health matters more.
— My health? I've never felt this good. If you take this from me, I won't get better. I need the stage, the music, the crowd.
— Okay, and that's fine—but what if you went on stage without drugs?
— Oh. Now it's clear. You're scared I can't do the show, that I'll fuck it up for you.
— That's not—
— Fine. I won't take anything before the next gig. There. You happy, daddy?
— If you really don't take anything, then yes—we can do the show. Promise me. You swear?
— Sure.
Somehow, Alice didn't convince any of them. But they wanted to give her one more chance, so they decided to keep the next concert.
***
Their next show was in Rust City—back where it started—at the Crow's Nest, which had basically become their home base.
A lot of people showed up. Way more than the first time. And plenty got stuck outside because there was no room left. The place was packed.
On purpose, the band walked in through the front entrance so they could meet the fans who couldn't get inside. The crowd appreciated it.
And of course, as always, Alice was the most popular. Most people came to her first.
Cornel and Justin had plenty of fans too, and they never denied they enjoyed it—being swarmed right after Alice.
But Pinky's fans never had any luck. She never came in through the front with the others. She always went around back to help bring in her drum kit. She still kept her distance from crowds—still hadn't beaten her shyness.
Once they got inside the Crow's Nest, people surrounded them there too. But they had to get ready, so they pushed through fast.
Justin kept an eye on Alice. For now, she was keeping her word—she hadn't even touched a bottle of beer.
Backstage they ran into the members of Sixty Wires, who were opening for them this time.
They greeted each other and congratulated them on the album, which was selling more and more.
Alice slipped away. Justin followed immediately, just to make sure.
Alice stopped at the very end of the backstage hallway, already annoyed by Justin coming after her.
— What do you want?
— This is where I was going anyway.
— I'm not getting high. — she pointed at the bathroom door. — I'm here to pee. Want to watch? You gonna follow me into the stall too?
— I'm not. I'm trusting you. For now.
— Uh-huh. That's why you followed me, right? Whatever.
Alice went into the bathroom, into one of the stalls, and sat down on the seat.
She did need to pee—but that wasn't the main reason she was here.
The Crow's Nest was their regular spot, and because of that Alice had already hidden a stash inside this exact stall, behind one of the removable tiles.
She popped the tile loose, pulled out the drugs, tucked them into her jacket pocket, flushed, washed her hands, and went back to Justin.
She got right up in his face—too close, almost aggressive.
— So? What do you see?
Justin understood. She wanted him to check her pupils. And sure enough, there was no sign she'd taken anything.
— Nothing. Let's go back to the others, okay?
Alice shoved Justin against the wall, stared into his eyes, then licked her upper lip—playing with him.
Justin really was attracted to Alice, but he refused to repeat the mistake he'd made once, drunk. He pushed her off and started walking back down the hallway.
Alice followed, fingers pressing against the stash in her pocket.
***
After Sixty Wires finished, Alice walked onstage with the others. They were ready.
She stepped to the mic and greeted the crowd.
— What's up, Rust City! You ready for another insane night?! — she shouted.
The crowd roared. They couldn't wait.
— Like you know, we love playing here, because this is where we played our first show. This place is special to us. We'll always come back—even if the whole place burns down, or the owner sells it to some fucking department store. So should we start already?
The crowd shouted yes.
— I can't hear you! Louder!
They got louder—loud enough for Alice to start, and the others with her.
After the first two songs, Alice walked to the back of the stage. It looked like she was just going for a water bottle, but really she snorted the powder she'd been carrying in her pocket.
It hit fast. Alice instantly got louder, faster—more wild.
The crowd loved it. At the end she simply grabbed her jacket and threw it into the audience. A small fight broke out as several people tried to claim it.
After their last song they came offstage and went to their usual spot.
Everyone could see it now: Alice had taken something. She didn't look remotely sober. She couldn't even sit still.
Justin was furious. They were all disappointed.
— What the hell was that?
Alice kicked her boots up on the table and accidentally knocked a beer bottle off, but Cornel caught it before it shattered.
— I don't know what you're talking about. — Alice said, lighting a cigarette.
Justin stood up and moved across the table so he could say it straight to her face.
— We agreed you wouldn't take anything! — he said, pointing at her. — You played us!
Alice stayed calm, just sitting there.
— Not true. I kept the deal, daddy.
— What are you talking about? It's obvious you took something.
— Yeah, I won't deny that. I feel fucking amazing. But I didn't take anything before the show. I took it during—after our second song. See? I kept my promise.
Justin grabbed his head and walked away, too angry to stay. Cornel hurried after him to talk.
Pinky stayed, so Alice slid closer and wrapped an arm around her.
— At least us girls should stick together, right?
— Alice… — Pinky started, shy. — He's just worried about you. We all are.
— You don't have to worry about me. — Alice grinned and took a swig of beer. — I'm fine. I've never been better.
— Ever since the funeral, you've been… different. I don't want to lecture you or anything, but… I'm scared for you too.
— The only thing we're burying with that attitude is the vibe. — Alice said. — Have some fun, babe. Let go. Drink with me, okay? Then sleep over at my place—we'll have a girls' sleepover like old times. Remember?
Pinky smiled.
— When my mom yelled at us because we started drumming on pots late at night? That was actually funny.
Alice laughed.
— Well tonight there's no one to yell at us. It'll be just us—no one else. Or did you have plans with Ervin?
— No. He won't mind if I sleep at your place. I'll just tell him.
— Good. He shouldn't keep you on a short leash anyway—Count Dracula!
***
The next day Alice showed up at Ervin's office.
Ervin wasn't bothered by her barging in, but he did find it strange that she'd appeared out of nowhere like this.
Ervin sat behind his desk, organizing papers—planning the next show.
— So what is it you want from me, Alice? Everything okay?
— Yeah. Yeah. Everything is perfect. Couldn't be more perfect.
Alice suddenly went to the window and started pulling up the blinds.
— It's kinda dark in here, don't you think? Even you could use a little light sometimes, right?
Ervin stood up and stopped her before she could raise them all the way.
— Don't do that, unless you want to give me second-degree burns. What's going on?
Alice stepped away from the window, sat down in front of the desk, put her boots up, and lit a cigarette.
— You know… Pinky slept over at my place last night.
Ervin sat back down across from her. The way she had her boots on the desk annoyed him, but he didn't comment yet.
— Yes. She told me you two were having a so-called "girls' night." Did you have fun?
— You could say that. Pinky and I have been friends since kindergarten, so I know a lot about her. Including the fact that she can't lie, and she can't keep secrets. Especially if she drinks a little.
Ervin exhaled. Now he knew exactly where this was going.
— So she told you… Right. I guess sooner or later I would've had to tell you myself. I'm sorry.
Alice shot up and slammed her hand on the desk.
— You're sorry?! That's all you can say?!
— Calm down, please. — he tried to soothe her. — There's no need for this.
— I'm not calming down! — she kicked her chair and it flew into the wall. — There's no excuse for what you did to me, you little rat! And I trusted you…
— You have to understand, Alice. I had to.
Alice leaned over the desk, grabbed Ervin by his shirt, and raised her other hand like she was ready to punch him.
— You had to?! I trusted you to watch the phone and tell me if the hospital called! And what did you do? You picked up the phone, but you didn't tell me something was wrong—and because of you I didn't get to say goodbye!
Ervin stayed calm even with Alice shaking him by the collar.
— I did it so your sister wouldn't see you in that terrible state. Do you even remember anything from that night? You fought, you argued with Justin, and then you left with that washed-up singer.
Alice let him go, turned her back, flicked her cigarette to the floor, and crushed it under her boot.
— You had no right to decide for me…
— I'm sorry, Alice. But believe me—this was for the best.
Alice grabbed the chair she'd kicked into the wall. For a second it looked like she was going to throw it at Ervin—he even raised his arms to protect himself.
But the chair slammed into the window instead.
The glass shattered. The blinds tore. Sunlight spilled into the room—and it immediately started scorching Ervin's arm, so he jumped away from the window.
— Go fuck yourself… — Alice said, and stormed out of the office.
By the time she reached the ground floor, the lobby was in chaos. Security was panicking about the broken window.
Outside, the shards hadn't hurt anyone, but they covered the sidewalk. The chair lay somewhere too, near the base of a streetlamp.
Alice pulled a tablet from her back pocket and swallowed it immediately, then ducked into a nearby shop.
She bought a bottle of vodka, some snacks, then called a taxi from a phone booth.
The taxi took her straight to the city cemetery.
She walked through the gates, straight to her mother's and her sister's grave.
Alice dropped down between the headstones and started drinking the vodka, chugging until the world softened and blurred.
She stroked Lucy's grave, and finally passed out—soaking the ground with her tears.