Kael didn't speak immediately.
He sat there, behind the desk that I'd cleaned hundreds of times as a servant, and his hands were shaking.
I waited.
I'd waited three years. I could wait a few more minutes.
*The night you left,* he began, his mental voice quiet, *I went back to my room and drank myself unconscious. I thought... I thought it would get easier with time. That the guilt would fade. That I'd convince myself I'd made the right choice.*
*But you didn't.*
*No.* Kael shook his head. *Every morning I woke up and remembered your face. The way you looked at me when I said the bond was an inconvenience. The way you collapsed when I rejected you. The way you crawled away while everyone laughed.*
*I didn't laugh,* I said quietly.
*I know.* His mental voice was heavy with regret. *I noticed that. Even then—through all the shock and panic—I noticed that you didn't laugh. You just... you just looked at me like I'd broken your heart.*
*You did.*
*I know.*
We sat in silence for a moment.
*What about Seraphina?* I asked. *Did you... did you and she ever—*
*No.* The denial was instant. Fierce. *Never. We never... the bond wouldn't let me.*
*The bond?* I was confused. *But you rejected me. The bond broke.*
*It broke on your end,* Kael explained. *On mine... it just went dormant. It never really went away. And every time I tried to get close to Seraphina—every time I tried to take things further—it would scream at me.*
*Scream?*
*Pain.* Kael rubbed his chest, like he was remembering a physical ache. *Actual physical pain. Like someone was reaching into my chest and squeezing my heart. I couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. Couldn't function.*
I stared at him.
*That's not possible,* I said. *A rejected bond doesn't work like that. It's supposed to fade. To disappear. To—*
*I know what it's supposed to do.* Kael looked at me. *But ours never did. And I think I know why.*
*Why?*
*Because we're true mates, Elena.* He leaned forward. *Not just mates chosen by the Moon Goddess. True mates. Soul-bonded. That kind of bond... it doesn't break just because one person rejects it. It breaks when both people give up on it.*
*I didn't give up,* I protested. *You rejected me. You chose someone else. You—*
*I know.* His mental voice dropped. *But you didn't stop loving me. Did you?*
I didn't answer.
Couldn't answer.
Because he was right.
*I hated you,* I said finally. *I hated you so much. But underneath the hate... underneath the anger and the hurt and the humiliation... I still loved you.*
*I know.* Kael's eyes were sad. *I could feel it. Through the bond. Even broken and dormant and barely there—I could feel that you still loved me.*
*That's why you couldn't be with Seraphina.*
*That's why I couldn't do anything.* He stood up and paced the small office. *I couldn't sleep. Couldn't eat. Couldn't function. Some days I could barely get out of bed.*
*The pack,* I remembered. *Marcus said you'd been struggling. That you'd changed.*
*I did change.* Kael stopped pacing and looked at me. *The first six months after you left... I was a terrible Alpha. Distant. Depressed. Barely functioning. The pack suffered. The alliance suffered. Everything suffered.*
*What changed?*
*I realized I had two choices.* He sat back down. *Either I could keep wallowing in self-pity and watch everything I cared about fall apart, or I could get my act together and do the job I was born to do.*
*So you chose the job.*
*I chose responsibility.* Kael's voice hardened. *The pack needed me. The alliance needed me. Even Seraphina—* he made a face *—needed me to at least pretend to be functional.*
*Pretend.*
*That's all it was.* Kael met my eyes. *I never loved her, Elena. I never even liked her very much. She was... convenient. A path to the alliance my father had wanted. A way to secure the pack's future.*
*And me?* I challenged him. *What was I?*
*A mistake.*
The word hung between us like a blade.
*Not a mistake in the sense that I wish you hadn't been born,* Kael clarified quickly. *A mistake in the sense that... you were never supposed to be my mate. You were Wolfless. A servant. The last person in the world I would have chosen.*
*So you settled for me?*
*No.* Kael shook his head. *I didn't settle. The Moon Goddess chose you for me. And when the bond snapped into place... it was like nothing I'd ever felt. Like nothing I ever expected to feel.*
*Then why—*
*Because I'm an idiot?* He gave a bitter laugh. *Because I was twenty-one years old and terrified? Because I'd been raised my entire life to believe that duty came before desire? That the pack was more important than my own happiness?*
*So you chose duty.*
*I chose what I thought was right.* Kael's mental voice dropped. *I chose what my father would have wanted. What the pack needed. What made strategic sense.*
*And what happened?*
*I was miserable.* He said it simply. *Absolutely, completely miserable. The bond made it physically painful to be around Seraphina. The guilt made it impossible to sleep. The regret... the regret was a constant weight on my chest.*
*Why didn't you come after me?*
*I tried.* Kael looked up. *The day after you left, I went looking for you. I tracked you as far as the edge of pack territory, and then... your scent just disappeared.*
*Magic,* I said. *Astrid hid our trail.*
*I searched for weeks.* He shook his head. *I sent search parties. I used trackers. I even tried to follow the broken bond, but it was too faint. Too distant.*
*You were looking for a servant to come back and scrub your floors,* I said sharply. *Not the Lycan Queen.*
*I didn't know,* Kael protested. *How could I know? You were Wolfless. You'd never shifted. How was I supposed to know you were Lycan royalty?*
*I didn't know either,* I admitted. *Not until Astrid told me.*
*When was that?*
*The morning after I left.* I thought back. *She found me in the forest. Told me the truth about my mother. About my blood. About... everything.*
*And she trained you?*
*For three years.* I nodded. *She taught me how to fight. How to shift. How to control the hunger. How to be... this.*
*I saw you fight,* Kael said quietly. *Against the rogues. You moved like... like you'd been doing it your whole life.*
*Three years of intensive training will do that.*
*I'm impressed.* He hesitated. *And proud. If I'm allowed to feel that.*
*I don't know,* I said honestly. *Are you?*
*Yes.* Kael met my eyes. *I'm proud of the woman you've become. I'm proud that you survived. I'm proud that you protected our children. I'm proud... proud doesn't even begin to cover it.*
*But?*
*But I wish you hadn't had to become that woman at all.* His voice dropped. *I wish I'd chosen differently. I wish I'd been brave enough to choose you. I wish I'd—*
*Don't,* I cut him off. *Don't do that.*
*Do what?*
*The "if only" game.* I stood up. *It doesn't help. It doesn't change anything. It just—*
*It hurts,* Kael finished.
*Yes.*
We fell silent again.
*What happens now?* he asked finally.
*Now?* I thought about it. *Now I focus on the children. On helping them adjust to pack life. On training Darius to control his powers before he accidentally reads someone's mind and blows up the entire pack.*
*Kael's eyes widened.
*He can do that?*
*I don't know.* I sighed. *And that's the problem. He's three. His powers are manifesting early. Too early. And I don't know how to help him.*
*Astrid can help.*
*She's helping.* I paced the small office. *But Darius isn't like other Lycans. He's not like me. He's something... new.*
*How so?*
*I don't know.* I stopped pacing and looked at Kael. *He's telepathic. Empathic. He can project power. He can sense things—intentions, emotions, dangers—before they happen. It's like he's... connected to something.*
*Connected to what?*
*I don't know.* I shook my head. *The pack bond? The ancestral memory? The Moon Goddess herself? I can't explain it.*
*That's...*
*Terrifying?*
*I was going to say powerful,* Kael corrected. *But terrifying works too.*
*He's three, Kael.* My voice rose. *He shouldn't have this kind of power. He shouldn't have to carry this kind of burden.*
*Then we help him.*
*We?*
*We.* Kael stood. *I'm their father, Elena. Whether you want me to be or not. I'm going to help raise them. Protect them. Teach them.*
*Teach them what?* I challenged him. *How to be Alpha? How to choose politics over love?*
*How not to make my mistakes.* His voice was heavy. *How to be better than me.*
I stared at him.
*You're really going to do this,* I said. *You're really going to try to co-parent with me. After everything.*
*I don't have a choice.* Kael met my eyes. *I love them. I've never even met them properly and I already love them. And I can't just... I can't just walk away from that.*
*What about us?*
The question hung in the air.
*What about us?* Kael repeated.
*Is there an "us"?* I asked quietly. *Or is there just... co-parenting?*
Kael didn't answer immediately.
*I want there to be an "us,"* he said finally. *But I don't deserve for there to be an "us." And I don't expect you to just... to just forgive me. To forget three years of pain and humiliation and—*
*I won't forget,* I cut him off. *I can't forget.*
*I know.*
*But maybe,* I continued slowly, *maybe I can... I can stop being angry. Eventually. Someday.*
*Kael's eyes lit up.
*Eventually?*
*Don't push it.* I warned him. *I'm still angry. I still hurt. I still have days where I want to claw your eyes out.*
*I'd let you.*
*I know you would.* I sighed. *And that's the problem. If you'd fought back... if you'd been less pathetic... maybe I could have moved on. But you're just so...*
*Regretful?*
*Miserable.* I studied him. *You've been miserable for three years, haven't you?*
*Every single day.*
*Why didn't you just break the bond properly?* I asked. *If it was causing you so much pain... why not just reject me completely? Cut the last threads?*
*Because I didn't want to.* Kael said it simply. *Even in my worst moments—my most selfish, cowardly moments—I couldn't quite let go. Couldn't quite... couldn't quite stop hoping that someday you'd come back.*
*I did come back.*
*You did.* He gave a small smile. *And you're more incredible than I ever imagined. Stronger. Braver. More powerful.*
*I'm not the same girl.*
*No.* Kael shook his head. *You're not. You're something else entirely. You're the Lycan Queen.*
*And you're okay with that?*
*I'm not okay with how you got here.* His voice darkened. *I'm not okay with the fact that my choices forced you to become this. But I am... I am in awe of who you've become.*
*Don't flatter me.*
*I'm not.* Kael stepped closer. *I mean it. The woman I rejected... she was gentle. Kind. Forgiving. The woman who came back...*
*She's a killer,* I said flatly. *She fought mutated rogues to protect her children. She would have torn Seraphina's throat out if you'd let her.*
*She's a mother,* Kael corrected. *A mother who will do whatever it takes to protect her children. There's a difference.*
*Is there?*
*Yes.* He rested his hand on my arm, tentatively, like he expected me to pull away. *A killer enjoys the violence. A protector... a protector does what's necessary.*
*I enjoyed it,* I admitted. *When I fought those rogues... when I realized I could protect my children... there was a moment where I felt powerful. Alive. Like nothing could ever hurt us again.*
*That's not the same as enjoying the killing.*
*No,* I agreed. *I suppose it's not.*
We stood there for a moment, his hand on my arm, and I realized something.
*I don't hate you anymore,* I said quietly.
*Kael's breath caught.
*You don't?*
*I don't.* I looked up at him. *I'm still angry. Still hurt. Still... still processing everything. But the hate... the hate is gone.*
*That's something.*
*It's everything.* I pulled away gently. *But it doesn't mean I'm ready to... to just pick up where we left off. I can't do that.*
*I'm not asking you to.*
*Good.* I moved toward the door. *Because I need time. I need to figure out who I am now—not just the Lycan Queen, not just the rejected mate, not just the mother of your children. Me. Elena. Who is she?*
*Kael watched me.
*She's incredible,* he said softly.
*She's confused,* I corrected. *She's tired. She's... she's trying her best.*
*That's all anyone can ask.*
*Is it?* I challenged him. *Because it feels like everyone expects me to have all the answers. To know exactly how to handle this. To be the powerful Lycan Queen who has everything under control.*
*You don't have to have all the answers.*
*Don't I?*
*No.* Kael shook his head. *You just have to be willing to find them. Together.*
*Together.*
*With me. With the pack. With Astrid. With the children.* He stepped closer again. *You're not alone anymore, Elena. You haven't been alone since you came back.*
*I know.*
*Do you?*
*I know,* I repeated. *But it's going to take time to really feel it. To believe it. To... to trust it.*
*I have time.*
*Do you?* I gave him a pointed look. *Seraphina's father is coming. Blood Moon Pack is mobilizing. War is on the horizon.*
*Then we face it together.*
*Together,* I tested the word. *I think I could get used to that.*
*Kael smiled—a real smile, one I hadn't seen in three years.
*I'd like that.*
Before I could respond, the door burst open.
Marcus stood there, breathing hard.
*Alpha. Lycan Queen. You need to come. Now.*
*What is it?* Kael demanded.
*Scouts report.* Marcus's face was grim. *Blood Moon Pack's army is on the move. Three days out. And they're not coming to talk.*
Kael and I exchanged looks.
*War,* I sent privately.
*War,* he agreed. *Sooner than expected.*
*Then we prepare.*
*We do.*
I turned to Marcus.
*Gather the pack leaders,* I said. *And the warriors. And anyone else who can fight. We have three days.*
*Three days to do what?*
*Three days,* I said, letting my eyes flash violet-gold, *to prepare for war.*
Marcus's eyes widened, but he nodded.
*Yes, my Queen.*
He hurried away.
Kael looked at me.
*Lycan Queen,* he said quietly. *I could get used to that too.*
*Don't push it.*
*Right.* He nodded toward the door. *Shall we?*
*We shall.*
We walked out of the office together—mates separated by three years of pain and rejection, united by the threat of war and the children we both loved.
Not together.
Not yet.
But maybe, just maybe, on the way there.