"Whoooaaa… thank you, dad, for the birthday present! I love you, dad!"
"Yes, son… I hope you will become a successful person someday..."
I overheard that conversation while I was at a video game store, just looking around. I often stopped by after school to cheer myself up, even though all I could do was watch recordings of various gameplays from different games on the rows of display screens.
One of the store employees immediately looked at me with obvious displeasure. I could not stay there for too long because sometimes the store attendant would scold me for constantly coming just to look around without ever buying anything.
It was not that I didn't want to buy anything; on the contrary, I really wanted to, just like most other children. But unfortunately, I could not ask my mom because she was only an employee at a small laundry shop. She never even gave me any pocket money because of how limited our circumstances were.
I arrived at my home, which was nothing more than a rather shabby apartment. Deep down, I did not want to live in this house forever. Once again, I could not bring myself to say that to my mom. I only hoped that after I grew up and became successful, I would take her to a much better place to live.
As I opened the door, I saw several plastic garbage bags still piled up there, along with worn-out shoes and sandals scattered across the floor. I noticed a pair of shoes that looked familiar. Wait, weren't those Dad's shoes?! Had Dad really come home today???
Suddenly, an adult man approached me with messy hair, an angry expression on his face, bloodshot eyes, heavy breathing that made his chest rise and fall, and a cigarette in his right hand. A chill ran down my spine because I immediately recognized that it was indeed him.
My dad was not the kind of loving father who always encouraged his child or even gave birthday presents to his son. It would not be an exaggeration to say that he was every child's nightmare to have living under the same roof. Yes… he was an alcoholic and rarely came home.
"YYOOUU...!!! WHERE DID YOU PUT MY CIGARETTES, HUUUHHH...?!?!" my dad shouted at me.
Those harsh words were something I often heard whenever dad was at home. I didn't know what he did for work, and mom always avoided my questions about his activities. He barely provided for the two of us, which was why Mom always worked herself to exhaustion, even until late at night, just to support our lives. He was not only abusive toward me, but also to my mom. That was also one of the reasons why I truly wanted to leave this house together with mom.
"I-I d-don't k-know, D-Daaaddd... I-I sweeearrr...!" I said, trembling in fear.
He immediately approached me and grabbed the front of my shirt collar, dragging me forcefully into the room. He slammed me roughly against the wall until my back hurt.
"SO YOU WON'T ADMIT IT, HUUUHHH...?!?! YOU USELESS PIECE OF TRASH...!!! YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORN INTO THIS WORLD...!!!"
Dad immediately pressed the burning tip of his cigarette against my left chin, and I screamed in pain.
"IIITTT HUUURRTTTSSS...!!! STTOOOPPP IIITTT, DAAADD...!!!"
Suddenly, I saw someone rush up behind him and immediately start striking his back repeatedly.
"STTOOOPPP IIITTT...!!! YOU'RE TORTURING YOUR OWN CHILD...!!!"
Mom desperately tried to stop dad from abusing me. He immediately stopped, turned around, and slapped my mom hard across the face. I collapsed against the wall, groaning in pain while clutching my burning chin.
"YOU'RE ALLL UUSEELLEEESSS...!!!"
After shouting, he immediately left the two of us, slamming the door behind him. My mom immediately came over and hugged me as we both cried together.
"J-Johann... m-my d-dearesttt... n-no matterrr w-what happennnsss... M-Mother w-will alwaysss p-protecttt yooouuu..."
The door opened again, and this time it was our next-door apartment neighbor. She immediately gasped when she saw us, especially the burn wound on the left side of my chin.
"Oh my goodness, Ms. Rodrig...!!! Your husband has done it again...!!! Here, let me help...!!!" said Ms. Delby.
Mother and Ms. Delby treated my burn wound. I looked at Ms. Delby for a moment and remembered how, when I was little, mom often left me in her care while she was at work. She would often come just to check on me and bring me lunch. She frequently scolded me for not acting strangely. That used to make me feel incredibly bored and powerless to do anything. Back then, I found my neighbor rather annoying, but in a situation like this, she still cared enough to make sure we were alright. Ms. Delby would sometimes come over whenever something like this happened, as though it had become a common occurrence whenever my dad was home.
Dad didn't come home again until the following day. Even though my chin still hurt, I still had to go to school. The distance from my home to the public school was quite far, and I had to walk for thirty minutes. I began those days with a simple breakfast that mom prepared, without being given a packed lunch or any spending money like the other students in my class.
When I arrived at the classroom, I was greeted by a noisy atmosphere that felt as though a fight was about to break out.
"Looookkk... The Walking Statue is wearing a bandage on his chin now! How ridiculousss hahahahaaaa...!!!" one of the male students said before bursting into loud laughter, followed by the other students.
I simply remained silent as I sat at my desk in the front row. They called me like that because I was quiet and tended to keep to myself, even though my appearance was nothing strange from most people—a boy with fair skin, blue eyes, and short brown hair with bangs.
A group of boys led by someone named Simone approached me. They stood around me, each holding a notebook. I already understood what they were about to do to me.
"Heeeyyy, Son of Trash...!!! Finish all of our homework before this afternoon's class!" Simone said.
I could not refuse, or they would drag me into the boys' restroom and bully me more. This had become part of my daily routine at school. I felt that my ability to understand school lessons was the only gift I possessed. Perhaps because this public school was free, the students also behaved like that. I felt like I was the one student who always gave in, unable to get angry or defend myself in the slightest because I had no standing at all here. My homeroom teacher never provided any solution to all the complaints I had made about school.
"Just be patient, Johann... I know you're a smart student. I'm sure you can get through all of this..."
That was more or less what she always said every time I met with her. Well, my daily life had truly become that hopeless. I wished that someday my life would completely change.
***
One night, while I was fast asleep, I suddenly woke up because of angry voices coming from outside my room.
I knew mom and dad were arguing again, but this time it sounded far worse than before. Plates and glasses shattered repeatedly. I heard my mom crying and shouting at him.
"I CAN'T TAKE YOUR BEHAVIOR ANYMOOORRREEE...!!! I WAANTTT A DIVORCE AND I'M LEAVING THIS PLACE, TAKING JOHAAANNN WITH MEEEE...!!!"
I got out of bed and walked toward the door, wanting to look outside. Before I reached it, everything suddenly became silent. Then I heard someone gasping and choking.
Driven by the instinct that something terrible had happened, I opened the door. What I saw was a nightmare that had truly become reality.
My father had stabbed my mother's neck with a kitchen knife. Fresh blood was spraying everywhere. My legs trembled violently, and I collapsed onto the floor.
When my father realized I was there, he pulled the knife out of my mother's neck, causing even more blood to gush out and soak the floor. My mother's body collapsed lifelessly beside him. Father stood there staring at me, his clothes drenched in blood, the knife still in his hand.
My eyes widened. My body froze. My breathing became erratic, as though a demon was about to chase me. I was certain that I would be next.
But then—suddenly—he dropped the knife. He staggered backward, turned around, and ran away. A few moments later, my vision became completely blurred. I lost consciousness.
***
When I woke up, my head was still spinning, and my vision was blurry. A woman was looking at me.
"Thank goodness you're awake, dear..."
I immediately recognized her voice. It was my next-door neighbor, Ms. Delby, the same woman who had once helped me when dad burned me with a cigarette butt. As my vision gradually became clear again, I realized I was in a hospital. A police officer approached me.
"It's alright, son. You're safe now..." he said before walking away.
"Johann, I'm sorry. I couldn't save your mother..."
Save my mom? What nonsense was Ms. Delby talking about?
Then all those memories came crashing back at once. I screamed and cried uncontrollably. A nurse hurried over and embraced me while Ms. Delby cried beside me as well. I cried until there were no tears left.
My relatives from my mom's side came from out of town for her funeral. She was cremated. My uncle would take her ashes. It never even crossed my mind to ask for them.
Because my heart had already been shattered and left empty.
I didn't go to school for nearly two weeks. During that time, my uncle, Mr. Jenkin, and my aunt, Mrs. Nancy, stayed with me in the apartment. I barely knew them. According to Mrs. Nancy, the last time I had seen them was when I was still a baby.
My homeroom teacher also came to offer condolences. As I looked at her face, I thought:
Why didn't you protect me when I was being bullied? Why didn't you act when I asked for help? Why do you only pity me now, after I have already lost everything?
Not long afterward, Ms. Delby finally moved back to her hometown.
"I hope you'll stay strong through all of this, Johann..." she said to me as we said goodbye for the last time.
I smiled faintly.
"Thank you for everything, Ms. Delby..."
She hugged me and cried. I did not return her embrace. I truly felt nothing anymore.
My uncle later told me that my dad had been arrested and would most likely face a life sentence in prison. Even his own family refused to visit him. According to my uncle, they were just as bad as he was.
I no longer regarded him as my dad, but only as a cold-blooded monster. I tried to forget my last name. It was the same name as that blood-soaked creature. My auntie encouraged me to move on with my life. But it was incredibly difficult.
When I returned to school, I felt like a walking corpse. The students looked at me strangely. The boys who used to bully me now completely avoided me. They already knew what had happened. Perhaps they could not believe I was still alive after that tragedy.
To me, none of that mattered. Nothing mattered anymore.
***
One day, on my fifteenth birthday—November 7th—Uncle Jenkin gave me a present: a video game console along with one game disc.
It was the first birthday present I had ever received. My late mother had only ever given me a muffin with a single candle on top. Even that alone had been enough to make me happy as we prayed for a more prosperous future. I remembered so clearly that every day after school before that bloody tragedy, I would often visit the video game store and dream of owning one someday.
The game disc was called The Mayhem.
"I asked the game console shopkeeper which game would be suitable for a boy to have fun with. He recommended this one because it's popular game right now." he said.
At first, my uncle was not sure whether the game was suitable for me, but he still asked me to give it a try. I played it—as a way of thanking him.
Not long after I started playing, something strange happened inside my mind...
It felt as though something I had longed for my entire life, something I had never imagined I could ever have...
That moment became the turning point of my life.