Madam Li and Liu'er had indeed taken good care of Shen Hui but her thoughts had always been with her parents. It had been almost one year since they last had any contact. After completing her postpartum recovery, Shen Hui decided to return to her hometown and brought up the matter with Madam Li:
"Aunt Li, I need to talke to you. It have been such a long time since I have had any contact with my parents. Although I have written to them several times, I didn't have received a single letter in return. That has made me really worried. Now that the war is over, I have decided to go home to see how they are doing. If everything is all right, I plan to do my best to make my way to Hongkong where John is waiting for me. That means I probably won't be coming back. I wanted to ask what your plans are."
Madam Li replied warmly:
"I understood how you feel, Mrs. Lei. You are a good person and so is Mr. Lei. These past these months, it has been the two of you who supported us. We have lived together like a family. Now that it is New China and our life is becoming more stable. I plan to find some job to support ourselves within my ability. For now on, raising Liu'er became my first step. This is my plan for the future."
Shen Hui said sincerely:
"I see. Thank you so much for everything you have done for me during this time. Here is my address. If you and Liu'er ever want to visit, you're always welcome."
Half a month later, Shen Hui, holding her girl in her arms and taking a small suitcase, walked slowly down the familiar street. Her home was just ahead. Although she had get to the outside, she had no brave to knock the door. Near home, fear stirred in her heart. Hesitated, she stood there and stared at the closed door. Just then, a PLA soldier approached from the same path she had taken. Instinctively, She stepped backward to make way for him. To her surprise, the soldier walked up to the closed door and knocked while he turned his head back from time to time and looked at her with curiosity. Finally he walked over and asked gently:
"Excuse me, are you..."
Shen Hui raised her head and looked at him. They studied each other closly for a moment. And then, almost in unison, they exclaimed:
"Tao ge."
"Hui mei." ("Mei" means "younger sister" in Chinese and is sometimes used affectionately. Just like the meaning of "Ge", which means "older brother", it can also be used as a term of endearment between lovers.)
Just then, the door opened. Nanny You looked at the two persons standing outside in surprise and said to her son:
"Tao, you come back and who is it? Oh, my God, it is Miss Hui. My Girl! You are home." She turned around and shouted into the house, "Oh my, my master, Miss Hui has come back!" The said to Shen Hui again, "Hurry, come in, my child."
Tears streamed down her face as she spoke and Shen Hui couldn't hold back her own from falling.
Shen Hui, holding the baby in her arms, followed Nanny You slowly into the courtyard. You Tao, taking Shen Hui's suitcase, came in behind them and quietly closed the door. At that moment, her father, Shen Huanzhi, stepped out of the room. His eyes brimmed with tears as he looked at his daugher. Shen Hui burst into tears and fell to her knees. She cried:
"Dad!".
Nanny You gently took the baby from her arms. Then, without a word, Shen Huanzhi walked over slowly and slapped her hard across the face. Shen Hui staggered from the blow and was caught by You Tao just in time. Shen Huanzhi roared:
"You unfilial girl! How could you do something so shameless like this? You were an engaged girl but you still ran off with a foreigner. Now that you are dumped, what's you doing coming back with a bastard child? Get out! Get out of my house! From now on, I don't no daughter any more."
As saying, he, with tears streaming down his face, pushed Shen Hui away hardly You Tao immediately stepped forward and held him, saying:
"Uncle, please calm down! Don't be angry. Hui mei had a hard time out there all alone. It isn't all her fault. It is also mine. We still don't know what happened with her now. Now she is kneeling in front of you and let her tell us the story."
Looking down at the daughter, who had knelt again before him, Shen Huanzhi collapsed dejectedly onto the stone stool, just crying, and said:
"How unfortunate for the family! Disgrace! If your mother knew what shame you have brought upon us, how..."
His voice broke and couldn't finish his words.
Shen Hui crawled forward on her knees and gently clutched her father's sleeve, asking softly:
"Where is mom?"
She looked around and saw Nanny You holding the baby, crying while You Tao's eyes were also filled with tears. Clinging tightly to her father, she kept asking:
"Where is my mom? Please tell me. Dad, please! Where is my mom?"
But her fathter only wept and said nothing. Nanny You whispered through her tears:
"Miss Hui, my madam...she... has gone."
Shen Hui knelt there in a daze, murmuring:
"Gone? Mom is... gone?"
She threw herself onto her father's lap, crying and shouting:
"Dad, where is mom? What happened to her? How did she pass away?"
She cried out as she shook her father. He, weeping as well, struck her in grief but finally pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly as they both broke down in loud sobs. Through his tears, he said:
"Why did you come back only now? Why so late? You have no idea how much your mother worried about you."
Standing nearby, Nanny You held the baby in her arms, quietly wiping away her tears. You Tao's eyes were also filled with emotion. The baby's sudden cry broke the heavy silence. After checking on her, Nanny You said gently:
"Miss Hui, I think the baby is hungry."
You Tao also added:
"Uncle, Hui mei must be exhausted after the long journey. Let her rest with the baby. And you're not in good health. Don't grieve too much. You two can talk more later."
After dinner, after Nanny You helped put the baby to sleep, she said to Shen Hui:
"Miss Hui, I'm here to take care of her. You go spend some time with the master and talk with him. It was true how much my master and madam worried about you."
She sighed deeply and looked tenderly at the baby.
Shen Hui walked quietly to her father's bedroom. Shen Huanzhi was lying back in the relining chair, closing his eyes in rest but the tears still shimmered at the corners of his eyes. She stepped forward and called softly:
"Dad!"
He didn't open his eyes but the tears silently streamed down his face. She rushed forward, knelt beside him and threw herself onto his lap. With tears in her eyes, she pleaded:
"Dad, please... What happened? Tell me what really happened to mom."
Shen Huanzhi opened his eyes and wiped the tears on the face. He let out a deep sigh, gently patted her on the head and said:
"I know you must have suffered a lot along in Peking. Frankly speaking, ever since we got the letter from Mr. Lin, saying that you had been shot and rescued by an American, your mother and I had been living in constant fear, especially your mom. Not long after she fell seriously ill. She began to recover a little when we got your letter saying you were safe and came back soon. But soon there were all sorts of news spreading. First it was said that the government had apoplgized and offered compensation to the students and the next was that many students were arrested. Hearing these news, your mother's health still hadn't fully recovered. She kept getting better and then worse again. I also had been on edge the whole time, worrying about you and about your mother's health. I had written to you several times but most letters got no reply or it took a long time for us to receive your letter so we knew how you were doing. As the war situation grew more tense, all lines of communication were cut off and we lost all contact with you. I kept trying to comfort your mother, telling her that Peking was surrounded and you must have been trapped inside Peking so there was no way for you to send the letter to us, your mother couldn't stop worrying about you. She wept day after day in grief and fear, which made her health worse and worse. And just like that, her body gave out, she passed away less than a month."
After saying that, he could no longer hold back and burst into tears and Shen Hui also began sobbing uncontrollably. She deeply regretted having taken part in that student movement. She had never seen herself as a radical. She was just following the crowd that day. She had never expected it would end with her getting injured, which delayed her return to the south and ultimately caused her mother pass away from worry. The sorrow overwhelmed her even more. They wept together for a long time before Shen Huanzhi gradually calmed down. Then he asked:
"What exactly happened between you and that American? Is that baby illegitimate?"
"No, Dad, we got married. John is a good person, a doctor. He saved my life and, as you know, I had been recuperating at his apartment this whole time. Over time we fell in love. But I also knew I was engaged to Tao ge. So as soon as I was recovered, I planned to come home. I had already bought a ticket. But due to ongoing fighting along the Jinpu railway, I couldn't make the trip. In the end, I was arrested. It was John who got me out of prison. That's how it all began for us... But he knows a lot about China and he is one-quarter Chinese himself. He understood that if we just lived together without marrying, it would reflect the bad reputation on me. In addition, he truly loves me. So we got married and escaped to Qingdao before Peking was surrounded. We would plan to continue heading south, but by then I was pregnant. We wasn't able to travel anymore. Then, in May, when the American fleets in Qingdao were preparing to withdraw, I couldn't go with them because I was showing signs of a threatened miscarriage. John didn't want to leave me behind so he planned to stay in China. But I was deeply afraid that he, as an American, couldn't be accepted by the PLA or the new government so I forced him to board the US fleet. He really did treat me very well."
He seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and said:
"So he treats you well. Not like the rumors about other Americans who toy with women's feelings and then abandon them. Americans have a terrible reputation in China, infamous for doing for all kinds of bad things. Well, if your relationship is like what you said, I won't say any more but I do feel sorry for Tao. You should have to have a proper talk with your Nanny You and Tao." Seeing Shen Hui nod, he added, "Now what are your plans for the future? Are you going to raise the child on your own for the rest of your life?"
Shen Hui replied:
"I really have no idea about my future yet, just taking things one at a time. I came back to see mom and you but I didn't expect that mom would..."
At that, she couldn't hold back her tears and began to cry again. Shen Huanzhi patted her shoulder gently again and said:
"Don't cry anymore. It is all fate. Since You're back now, stay home and keep me company. You mom is gone so I feel so alone. Nanny You, after all, is still an outsider, our maid. Now that Tao comes back and he is an officer in the PLA. I don't think it is right for Nanny You to continue working as a maid. I have told her that she doesn't need to come anymore but she doesn't listen. Now that you are home and help me talk to her. It's not appropriate anymore. It is getting late. You must be tired. Go get some rest. We can talk more tomorrow. Oh, by the way, what is the baby's name?"
"John gave the girl's English name was Helene Ray. But when I saw how fair and delicate she looked like freshly fallen snow, I gave her the nickname, Xue'er."
"Xue'er. That's good. Let's not mention her English name again, not to anyone, not even to Nanny You and Tao. Her formal name should carry our family name: Shen Xue."
She nodded and said softly:
"Dad, let me help you get ready for bed."
That night, Shen Huanzhi slept more soundly and peacefully than he had in over a year.
Shen Hui stepped out of her father's bedroom and saw You Tao sitting quietly in the courtyard, dressed in his PLA uniform. She walked over and said softly:
"Tao ge, it has been a long time since we last met, almost ten years. I didn't expect to you as an officer in the PLA."
You Tao looked at her intently and said:
"I'm waiting here to apologize to you. When you were looking for me all over Peking, I actually was there and I knew you were searching for me but at that time it was impossible for me to contact you. I couldn't protect you the way I should have. Hui mei, I'm truly sorry."
She gave a faint and wistful smile and replied:
"Is that so? I didn't know but I can understand why you didn't get in touch with me. In that situation not contacting me might have actually been your way of protecting me. For someone as naive and clueless as I was, according to your position at that time, it could have put both our lives at risk. As it turned out, I nearly lost mine anyway."
You Tao could hear a trace of resentment in her voice, so he tried to explain:
"Hui mei, if at that time I had contacted you, it would have been dangerous not just for you and me but also for my fellow Party members working underground in Peking. Of course I never stopped keeping track of you. Your neighbor, Cui, was a student we had developed outside the Party and I knew her. I kept in touch with her to learn about your situation. During the time you were injured and missing, I went to her apartment several times for any news. I also asked other students to help search for you. When I finally learned you were safe, I was relieved. During the mass arrests, I was forced to leave Peking and was transferred directly to the battlefield in the Northern. After that, I took part in the Huaihai Campaign and Yangtze River Crossing Campaign. Now I am in charge of operations here."
Listening to his explaination tinged with a hint of justification, her lingering resentment gradually faded away. She said softly:
"Tao ge, I know it hasn't been easy for you. I understand. Actually, I was forced to grow up so quickly when I was alone in Peking without your protection and my parents' support. No, I don't blame you. You're no longer the boy from our childhood, who always looked out for me, who carried me on his back everywhere we went. You have your own ambitions now, your own ideas to pursue. And if I were still relying on you the way I used to, I would never have truly grown up, never learned how to protect my own daughter. Actually I have lived under the protection of my husband over this past year. Now he has gone and I don't know when I will be with him again. So I have to be stronger for my daughter and for my father." She paused, then looked at him with quiet determination and continued, "Tao ge, I have to say sorry to you I didn't keep our engagement we once made. I fell in love with someone else. Please forgive me! As for Nanny You is a maid in my family, who treats me like her daughter and takes care of my family with great devotion. My father and I are truly grateful. But now it is different times. This is new China. You're an officer in the PLA now. Under this situation, my father and I think that it isn't suitable for Nanny You to continue working as a maid in my family. So please talk with Nanny You about this. We don't need her to take care of our daily lives as she once did. I can do it. No matter whether Nanny You continue to live here or move out at her will, I will always treat her like my mother and you like my elder brother. From now on we can keep in touch each other as the family."