The new year had started, but nothing really changed. Everything and everyone was the same as before except for the year and the month. And for the new light I saw Ava in; for the weird air between us. Obviously, I knew that even if we got together, that relationship would be doomed—most likely. Since we weren't in love with each other and because we started our relationship at the end of high school—that did not sound very reliable to me. On top of that, how many teen relationships survived graduation and months after that? Not many, I would guess.
My friends had already gone back home. Christmas break had ended. Everything was back to being ordinary; calls with my family and childhood friends over the phone because of the distance, and my home being full mostly only at night. And for those quick make-out sessions every now and then in an empty classroom during lunch break with Ava.
A new term was here, and I had all my applications done ages ago. All I could do now was to focus on school and not forget to send those applications. And for some reason, my mind wasn't even there. I felt like this all wasn't my reality, but only some kind of weird dream. After all this, choosing the right path for our future seemed so absurd to me when I thought about it. Yes, I wanted to follow in my parents' footsteps but… I felt like it was too early for university. We were just kids.
Going through the upcoming days felt like a fever dream. My London friends were focused on their things like any other day, while my Instagram chat with Ava was mostly quiet. Although probably not the bad kind of quiet. I hoped, at least.
"Sid?" I heard my name being called, which made me look up from my maths homework.
I was currently sitting with the school literature club members by the table, doing my homework. Because although I did decide in the end to join the club, there was nothing to do most of the time.
"Hm?"
"You weren't listening," Jade stated, glancing up from her book. I just shrugged since I didn't know how to react to her words. I was obviously paying attention to the work I had to do at some point.
"We were talkin' 'bout movie night," Leah clarified when Jade didn't say anything else.
Nodding, I went back to doing my homework I had almost completed. I didn't even understand why they were telling me about some movie night. Be it for the literature club or their friend group. I might have been part of both, it seemed, but I still felt like an impostor—I was just everywhere and nowhere at the same time.
"We agreed on next Friday," Leah exclaimed, making me look up at her as I raised my eyebrows in a quiet question, to which she rolled her eyes at me, "I meant you're free to tag along."
"Dunno if I wanna intrude," I shrugged hesitantly. It felt wrong to spend that much time with them. Sometimes it felt like too much. I just came and invaded their lives. They were friends for so long, and I had just spawned here.
Leah and Jade shared a look like they had a telepathic chat before switching their gazes to Amani. Which I did then, too. The girl who had a dark green hijab today didn't even pay any attention to us as she continued reading some text on her paper.
After what seemed a minute, Amani suddenly looked up at us, raising her eyebrows in confusion, "What?"
"Sidney doesn't wanna tag along for the movie night," Leah stated, motioning towards me, to which Jade continued.
"Because she doesn't wanna intrude."
Rolling my eyes, I averted my gaze back to the homework in front of me. Only one last result was missing to be written down, which I did right away rather than looking at the girls. It was embarrassing already as it was. I didn't need to have a talk about my feelings in this friendship. I was the new kid here, not them. I was the one who just came into their lives, into their school. I was the one who interrupted their activities. And even though they were the ones asking if I wanted to tag along, it felt like they did that only because of pity. And now, when they knew the way of my thoughts, it felt embarrassing. Having a talk would be even worse.
"You should come. It's gonna be fun."
And that was it. A sentence that was supposed to make me come with them into one of their homes and be part of their movie night. Words were a strong force, so obviously they used Amani, the queen of a few words, against my insecurities.
Feeling like a burden to them almost disappeared into the back of my mind as the minutes went by, and so I agreed—just like they wanted. They would probably try to convince me the next day, otherwise, or maybe give up. I wouldn't know now.
Only a couple of minutes were left until the end of the literature club when my phone made a noise to announce an incoming message. I could be almost a hundred percent sure that it was Evelyn, or maybe Jonah, or some of my other childhood friends, with most likely some tea to spill.
After closing my notebook with the homework for the day, I picked up my phone and opened the new message from Instagram. The chat wasn't shared with any of my friends, though. The girl wasn't even a friend of mine—more like… a kiss stealer.
avathompson:you free?
sidney.sanderss: sure
avathompson: i'll send you my location, come if you want
I just chuckled at her way of going straight to the point. It was so herself but also not. And I liked that about her. For now, since it wasn't annoying or too much just yet—it was new and intriguing.
The next second, she indeed sent me a location of a place where she was at the moment. After reading the couple of words and looking up the address, I immediately was sure it was a place I already knew. A place I had already seen her at. And that made me smile.
It didn't take long to be on my way. It seemed like the others didn't have any more plans for the afternoon as everyone parted ways. I was glad that I didn't have to tell them I had plans already and couldn't come with them, while Leah and Jade probably wouldn't believe me since the talk we had in the club's room earlier.
Just to be sure, I typed the address into my phone and looked up the way. It didn't seem to be far away, which was good since I didn't want to travel across the whole city. It was just a couple of blocks.
The familiar building came into my view a bit later then. I just hoped that Ava was in the same room as the last time since she didn't tell me where to find her—and I didn't ask. I could also only hope that no one would ask me why I was there. Last time I was with Henry and mum, after all.
Muted music could be heard in the corridor. And as I took a couple more steps and pushed the familiar door open, taking a look at the room behind it, only proved my assumptions right—she was there. Just like the last time. Playing a nice song mindlessly on the piano. Though a little more cheerful this time.
"Hey," I greeted, coming closer to her through the otherwise quiet room.
There was no reaction at first as the dirty blonde girl continued playing the song. She could be entranced or probably just wanted to finish it, which I assumed when she played some last notes before turning to look at me.
"Hey."
I pushed my hands deeper into my coat's pockets and stopped a few steps in front of her, waiting for whatever that was about to come. She was, after all, the one who wanted to meet up. Initiator, like every other time… which seemed a bit humorous, but I didn't complain. I was aware that we were moving at her pace.
"How did you find me?"
Furrowing my brows, I wanted to say that she had sent me the address earlier, but then I realised that small information was missing in the message—where in the building. A piece of information I didn't seek, and still I stood here in front of her.
"Ah, you know, I just looked through all the rooms here till I found you," I shrugged in the end, hiding the truth.
Ava only nodded as she probably didn't want to get deeper into the matter. She then turned back to the piano, to which she played some more notes, leaving me there to stand like a stake. Which I did for a short moment before putting my things next to hers while leaving my coat on top of my backpack so it didn't get dirty.
"So…," I started, not really knowing what to do, "…you've been here the whole afternoon?"
Ava nodded again, probably paying more attention to the song she started playing to the full. It sounded beautiful. Although I couldn't tell what song it was as it didn't sound familiar to me—just a beautiful melody.
Folding my arms over my chest, I kept my eyes on her. She looked so focused and at peace. It was indeed a beautiful sight which I really liked. Even though these moments were somehow weird, they were always comfortable. Perhaps in the beginning, this whole thing, whatever it was, had not been so smart and anything serious, but now… I was glad that we started seeing each other even if it was this way.
"Why are you standin' there like that?" she asked after a moment, finishing yet another song.
Shrugging, I glanced around myself, "Where should I stand?"
Ava also shrugged, turning her whole body to face me while she let her hands fall onto her lap. It seemed like I wasn't the only one who didn't really know what to do with themselves. And so, we just were there, staring at each other, waiting for the other one to do or say something first. Just like many other times before.
Feeling some sort of encouragement since I had the high ground, I stepped closer to her, motioning with my hand around myself, "So… you're here often?"
"Kinda."
Nodding, I stopped in front of her, towering over her. Only two more small steps were left between us. I wanted her to do something in exchange for getting closer to her. And so, feeling unsure of taking the lead, I just waited.
My strategy seemingly soon did its job as Ava stretched her arm, taking my hand into hers, following them with her greenish eyes that could capture me in so much. I only smiled, waiting and brushing my thumb over the back of her hand.
"I was thinking," she started, not making eye contact. "We could go to my place sometime… when it's empty."
I nodded, furrowing my eyebrows. I didn't really know much about her family apart from what she told me weeks ago about her father, but I could guess she wasn't out to them yet—it seemed like she wasn't even sure about herself either. I also wasn't out to my family, but it wasn't like I was hiding that anyhow. They didn't ask, so why should I come to them with it, right? It wasn't really their business anyway. Although my parents had never really said anything homophobic, I was counting on that mostly.
"Or to mine; that's alright, too."
Ava nodded, strands of hair falling from her shoulders, to which she stood up, facing me fully. The short distance between us was now even shorter than before as we stared into each other's eyes. I liked it—she had very beautiful ones, after all. I could look into that mixture of colours all the time.
"Can I kiss you?"
I smiled at her question, nodding slightly as an answer. There was no reason why we should not. And so, she did just that, closing the distance between us fully in a slow and sweet kiss. I smiled at the move, putting my free hand on her cheek and making her come even closer to me, if that was even possible.
We kissed for a while, our hands still joined. Ava then put her other hand on the back of my head to make me move closer to her. I could only smile at that, kissing her back slowly, not wanting the moment to end. How nice would that be?