I woke up to sunlight.
Which was already suspicious.
Sunlight meant windows. Windows meant walls. Walls meant I was not currently being dissolved by shadow gods.
Progress.
My brain, however, had not received the memo.
I groaned and rolled over—and immediately regretted every life choice I had ever made across all universes.
"—Ohhh no."
The room spun like it was trying to win an Olympic gold medal.
I lay there, staring at the ceiling, breathing slowly.
"Okay," I muttered. "Rule number one after fusing with ancient shadow monarch authority: do not sit up dramatically."
I waited.
The dizziness eased, downgraded from actively malicious to passively threatening.
"…Next day?" I guessed aloud.
No system text popped up to confirm, which meant either yes—or the system was being dramatic again.
I cautiously sat up.
My body felt… different.
Not sore. Not injured.
Just solid.
Like I had weight in a way I hadn't before. Like my body actually knew what it was doing now instead of improvising.
I flexed my fingers.
Shadows rippled faintly beneath my skin, then vanished.
"…That's new," I said calmly, like that wasn't horrifying.
I swung my legs off the bed and stood.
No wobbling. No weakness.
In fact—
"Wow," I muttered. "I feel… annoyingly good."
I looked around.
Same room. Same bed. Same faint crack in the wall from where shadows had tried to redecorate.
"Alright," I said to you, stretching. "Moment of truth."
Bathroom.
Every protagonist knows this rule. After any reincarnation, fusion, awakening, or suspicious nap, you check the mirror.
I walked into the bathroom and flicked on the light.
Then I froze.
"…Wow."
Okay.
Let's just get this out of the way.
White hair.
Not gray. Not silver. White. Like fresh snow that had a shampoo sponsorship.
Blue eyes. Bright. Sharp. The kind of blue that fantasy novels describe with way too much enthusiasm.
I leaned closer.
"…Why are they glowing a little?"
I blinked. The glow faded.
Handsome.
And I don't mean "average isekai protagonist who thinks he's plain but clearly isn't."
I mean illegal.
Strong jawline. Symmetrical features. The kind of face that made genetics cry tears of joy.
I stepped back.
Tall.
Very tall.
I checked my height against the mirror frame.
"…I'm like, what, 195 centimeters?"
I turned sideways.
Broad shoulders. Narrow waist. Defined muscles—not bulky, not bodybuilder, but lean.
Swimmer's physique.
The kind of body that looks strong without trying.
I stared.
Then I stared harder.
"…System," I said slowly, "you absolutely did this on purpose."
[Fusion side effects: Physical optimization.]
"That's system-speak for 'fanservice,' isn't it."
No denial.
I rubbed my face.
"Great. So now I look like a walking power fantasy. Subtlety is dead."
I straightened up and sighed.
"Alright. Appearance update acknowledged. Let's check the damage."
I mentally called out:
"System. Status."
Blue text appeared.
[Fusion Complete.]
[Authority: Monarch of Shadows — Integrated.]
I winced. "Integrated sounds permanent."
[Correct.]
"Fantastic."
More text appeared.
[Daily Gacha Available.]
I paused.
"…Daily?"
[One free spin per day.]
I smiled.
Slowly.
Dangerously.
"Oh, now you want to be generous."
I cracked my knuckles.
"Alright, gacha. Redemption arc. Let's see something reasonable. A skill. A weapon. Maybe shadow resistance shampoo."
I took a deep breath.
"Spin."
The air shimmered.
A familiar, infuriatingly cheerful ding echoed.
Lights flashed. Symbols spun. Suspense built dramatically.
I leaned forward.
"Come on… come on…"
The spinning stopped.
A glowing card appeared.
[Reward Acquired.]
I squinted.
"…That's… fabric?"
The item materialized in midair.
Red.
Lacy.
Small.
Very small.
I stared.
Silence filled the bathroom.
Then the system helpfully provided a label.
[Item: Rias Gremory's Underwear.]
I stopped breathing.
I looked at the floating underwear.
Then at the system text.
Then back at the underwear.
"…No."
I blinked.
Still there.
"No no no no no."
I rubbed my eyes.
Still there.
I looked at you.
"You're seeing this, right? This isn't a shadow-induced hallucination?"
The underwear floated gently, like it was proud of itself.
"…Why."
[High-Rarity Cosmetic Item.]
"COSMETIC?!"
I pointed at it.
"That's not a cosmetic, that's evidence!"
My voice rose.
"First of all—why underwear? Second—why her underwear? Third—how did you even get this?!"
[Gacha outcomes are random.]
"That's a lie and you know it!"
I paced the bathroom, running my hands through my white hair.
"I am in a vampire world. I have shadow monarch powers. I am two months before canon. And THIS—" I gestured wildly "—THIS is my daily reward?"
I stopped and glared at the system.
"What am I supposed to do with it?!"
[Item may be stored in inventory.]
"Oh, thank you. That solves everything."
I threw my hands up.
"Do you have any idea how cursed this is? If anyone finds this, I will be executed socially. Possibly literally."
The underwear continued floating.
Mocking me.
I lowered my voice.
"…Also, isn't that theft?"
[Ownership transferred via gacha legality.]
"That sentence should not exist."
I took a deep breath.
"Okay. Okay. Calm down. Rational thinking."
I stared at the item.
"…Sell it?"
[Warning: Cross-world artifacts may cause unforeseen consequences.]
"Of course they will."
I groaned.
"This is what I get for trusting gacha systems. I should've known. Gacha never gives you what you need—only what ruins your life."
I waved my hand.
"Inventory. Store it. Deep storage. Locked. Sealed. Forgotten."
The underwear vanished.
I sagged against the sink.
"…I need coffee."
I looked back at the mirror.
Tall. Handsome. White-haired. Shadow monarch.
And somewhere in my unlimited inventory…
Forbidden lingerie.
I met my own gaze.
"This," I told you solemnly, "is how villains are born."
The system text flickered one last time.
[Daily Gacha consumed.]
"…Tomorrow better give me a sword."
Silence.
I sighed.
"Yeah," I muttered. "I didn't think so either."
And somewhere deep in the shadows—
The gacha laughed.
[Chapter Four Complete.]