I stayed hidden from the world.
I didn't want to see anyone.
I looked at myself…
trapped in the quiet darkness.
How do I release this storm inside?
How do I make sense of it?
Is it my anger…
or the sorrow that drives me?
I've lost so many people I loved.
Each face… each laugh… gone.
I'm alone now.
And yet… the silence feels heavier than any pain.
Will I always remain like this…
locked in this shadowed prison of my own making?
I speak to myself constantly.
Am I sane?
Am I broken?
Or… am I becoming someone else?
My hands tremble.
My body shakes.
The blood on my hands… the remnants of my rage…
Is this a reflection of me…
or of something darker hidden inside?
I can feel it in my veins.
The power…
the hunger…
the need to control…
to protect…
or to destroy.
Is it a blessing… or a curse?
Every time I think I understand…
it slips further away.
The line between me and him…
is blurring.
I imagine a world where I'm not alone.
A family… someone like me.
Someone who can stay beside me
when darkness creeps in.
But reality…
it doesn't wait.
It punishes the weak…
and isolates the strong.
I feel it.
I am both.
I want to scream.
I want to cry.
I want to break something…
anything…
to feel alive again.
Yet…
I hesitate.
Because even this…
this rage… this power…
is part of me.
And I cannot destroy myself completely…
not yet.
I close my eyes…
and I see her face.
Mira.
Her laugh… her warmth…
the memory of what I failed to protect…
It fuels the fire in me.
Not just anger…
not just grief…
but a determination…
to survive.
To endure.
To rise.
My heartbeat pounds.
My body trembles.
The shadows whisper.
Someone watches.
Always.
I do not know who…
or why…
but the feeling is unmistakable.
And I know…
tomorrow…
everything will change.
Everything.
The power inside me…
it waits.
Patient.
Hungry.
Ready.
And so am I.
After days of silence…
after everything that crushed my mind…
I couldn't stay there anymore.
I left without telling anyone.
My steps were slow… heavy…
as if the ground itself was holding me back.
But I kept walking.
I reached a place untouched by people.
A wide field of green stretched endlessly before me.
No voices.
No noise.
Only wind.
I stopped.
My breathing was unstable at first…
then slowly… it began to calm.
Inhale… exhale…
The wind brushed through my hair.
My coat shifted slightly with the breeze.
My fingers loosened… little by little.
I looked up.
The sky was too wide…
too quiet…
as if it didn't care about the chaos inside me.
I felt small.
And yet… strangely alive.
I lowered myself onto the grass.
The moment my back touched the ground…
everything slowed.
My eyes closed.
The wind moved across my face…
cool… soft… almost like a voice.
"…You still exist."
I didn't know if it was real…
or just my mind breaking into silence.
My chest rose and fell slowly.
Each breath felt heavier than the last days of my life.
I raised my hand slightly.
Staring at it.
The same hand…
that shook…
that acted…
that changed something inside me forever.
My fingers trembled.
"Was it me…?"
The question didn't leave my mind.
A faint pressure formed in my chest.
Not pain…
but something deeper.
Memory.
Flashes returned again.
Screams…
shadows…
blood on my hands…
their voices breaking apart.
I shut my eyes tighter.
"Stop…" I whispered.
But the memories didn't stop.
Instead… they merged with something else.
A warmth.
A strange calm.
Like the world itself was trying to balance me.
I slowly sat up.
Grass falling from my clothes.
The wind was stronger now.
It moved through the field like a living thing.
I felt it on my skin…
on my thoughts…
As if it was listening.
I stood up slowly.
My body felt lighter… but not free.
Like something inside me was still chained… unseen.
I looked at the horizon.
No end.
No direction.
Just space.
"…I want more than this."
My voice was quiet.
Not anger.
Not sadness.
Something between both.
I clenched my fist.
A faint pulse answered me from inside.
Not visible.
Not loud.
But real.
The air around my hand shifted slightly.
Almost unnoticeable.
My eyes narrowed.
"…So you're still there."
I released my hand slowly.
The pressure disappeared.
I closed my eyes again.
This time… I didn't fight the silence.
I let it exist with me.
Because for the first time…
I understood something.
Running away won't erase it.
Fighting it blindly won't either.
I need control.
Not destruction.
Not escape.
Control.
I opened my eyes.
The sky above me felt different now.
Less heavy.
More real.
"I'll keep going…"
My voice was firmer now.
"I will not lose myself."
The wind passed through the field once more…
like a response.
And for a moment…
I wasn't alone.