"Joker, how are things here?"
"Well... it's not easy without a co-pilot..."
Joker looked at me with a smirk, his hands dancing over the holographic panels as he piloted the ship.
"...but I'm managing. The ship is just wonderful! Responsive and tender, like a high-end Asari you'd pick up in a brothel..."
A lewd little smile appeared on the pilot's lips.
"Well, it's good that the ship is good..."
I nodded approvingly.
"...but there are drawbacks, right?"
"The Normandy is a perfect ship!"
"Joker..."
I frowned slightly.
"...this is an experimental ship, and if you keep praising it, other pilots—not as good as you—will just die trying to fly ships like this. So a list of ALL drawbacks must be compiled, with notes on why they are drawbacks, as well as suggestions on how to fix them."
"Sigh... more paperwork..."
Joker gave a theatrical sigh.
"I see your discipline is quite poor..."
A voice sounded behind me, making me flinch slightly. I wasn't used to someone being able to walk so quietly on a ship. Especially sneaking up on the second-in-command. Though... I only became second-in-command just now; before this, if I was on ships, I commanded landing parties and that was it. But, as they say, you get used to the good things quickly, especially since this ship would soon be mine.
"Well, why would you say that..."
I shrugged carelessly, turning my head slightly to look at Nihlus Kryik—the one who might very soon be a corpse.
"...our discipline is fine. It was just a private conversation, not a talk between an officer and a subordinate. If the conversation were formal, Joker would be standing at attention and I wouldn't be so relaxed myself. Though, then we wouldn't be going anywhere, but listening to strictly formal answers."
I allowed a smirk to touch the corner of my lips.
"By the way, Spectre, allow me to ask a question..."
"Hmm?"
"I've always wondered—Spectres rarely work together, right?"
"Let's say they don't."
I was met with a suspicious look.
"But what if you met another Spectre on a mission... someone you know... maybe your student, someone you recommended, or just someone you've worked with before? How would you determine if they'd sold out to the enemy?"
"In what sense?"
Nihlus Kryik's voice became several degrees colder.
"Well... maybe 'sold out' was a bit much, but everyone has a weakness. Someone has a family, someone actually loves money, someone is just a careerist and was helped from the outside and is now being blackmailed, someone does it for ideological reasons... basically, you meet a hypothetical Asari representative from the Spectre corps—how would you behave? Take off your helmet, go in for a hug, ask how she's doing, and pull out a flask of booze to share? Or would you point a gun at her and demand answers?"
"You ask strange questions..."
"Well, why strange?"
I shrugged.
"For example, in N7, we were taught that anyone with a weapon you meet on a mission who isn't part of your group is a suspicious subject first and foremost. Even if you know them personally. Only secondarily, after a query to command, can they become a friend or an enemy. If there's no contact with command, the decision rests with the squad leader, but usually, such a person isn't left unsupervised. Someone keeps an eye on them so they don't do anything stupid. So I'm curious, what's the protocol for such cases with you?"
"That is classified information."
I gave a quiet snort at Nihlus Kryik's words, while mentally shrugging. I had planted a seed of doubt in his head before the meeting with Saren Arterius; the rest was up to him. I wasn't his nanny to wipe his nose.
"Approaching the relay..."
Joker focused, his hands dancing over the panels even faster.
"Transition in ten..."
He gave the countdown, and I took a stable stance. It wasn't strictly necessary, of course; we were passing through the relay in a non-combat state, so there wouldn't be much of a jolt. But, as they say, trust in the gods, but don't stick your fingers in the socket. And it's better to save the gods' favor for another occasion.
"One... zero..."
A faint tug, and we were already at the other end of our journey. An instantaneous movement for us, which for ordinary people could take several seconds. Joker had already started listing various ship parameters.
"Drift: fifteen hundred."
"Fifteen hundred is good... your Captain will be pleased."
Having said that, the Spectre left us.
"What a condom."
Joker couldn't help himself and said it with a hint of hatred.
"Now, why so harsh, Joker?"
"Cap?"
He threw a look at me that contained both bewilderment and a question.
"He just had a stick shoved up his ass to make him stand straight and they forgot to take it out, so he behaves like that."
"Heh..."
Joker gave a short laugh.
"It actually does look like that. But you were talking to him quite politely."
"Well, it's not my place to discuss the decision of the brass who agreed to have a Spectre on board. In my opinion, it's a mistake; Turian technicians and a second pilot would have been better, since the ship is experimental, as I said before. But... they gave us a Spectre..."
"Sir, why do you think he's here? I just... I don't think they'd send a Spectre on a regular test flight."
"Well... who knows with Spectres? Maybe they decided to use us as a taxi, and another ship is already waiting for him on Eden Prime. Or maybe this assignment is a kind of vacation for him. Like, fly there and stand around looking smart..."
I shrugged carelessly.
"Hmm... any other options?"
"Well..."
I looked thoughtfully toward one of the sensors.
"...if we go with a completely wild version, they want to nominate me for the Spectres and he's here as an observer."
"A human? In the Spectres?!"
Joker gave a short laugh.
"It'll never happen. Saren cut down the Captain back in the day just for trying to move up, and they won't accept you into that outfit anyway."
"I'm telling you, that's just one of the crazy theories. In reality, there could be many..."
"Joker..."
One of the communicators crackled to life, and Anderson contacted the pilot.
"...tell Shepard to head to the comm room."
"Copy that, Captain. And watch out, Nihlus is heading your way and..."
He couldn't finish, as I covered his mouth with my hand—doing it quite roughly, in fact, so that he even let out a slight groan of pain.
"Thanks for the warning, Joker. Mr. Kryik is already here."
The connection cut off, and I immediately pulled my hand away.
"Joker, thank the gods I shut your mouth just now. Because if you had said something rude..."
He looked away, which told me that was exactly what he had intended to do. Still, canon is canon, and Joker is Joker. He's not a bad guy, but his tongue is like a broom. First it sweeps, then he coughs from the dust.
"...then you could have very well been washed out. Is that what you want?"
"N-no, sir."
"Then think about what you say and when you say it. Our own people are one thing—they'll just curse back and forget it—but Spectres..."
I shook my head.
"Thank you, sir... but you could have shut me up a bit more gently."
"No, I couldn't."
I shook my head.
"And yeah, after this mission, remind me to order some medicine. It won't cure you, of course, but it'll make you much more durable."
"Huh?!"
The kid looked at me in shock.
"I'm saying your disease is actually treatable now. There's a course of medication for it, as well as a series of surgeries. There are two treatment options: a light version with minimal surgical intervention, and a maximum version where they replace your bones... obviously, that's not possible with all bones, but that's what the medicine is for—to strengthen the ones that can't be replaced through external polymer grafting."
"Sir..."
"But you won't be seeing any surgery in the near future. You need to finish a course of meds first."
"Sir, I..."
"Oh, just shut up already and remember that I look after my people. Though once you're cured, you'll have to be more careful with your words, because people won't just be cursing back at you—they'll be hitting you."
"Yes, sir!"
He snapped to attention while remaining in his seat.
"Yeah..."
I waved a hand and headed toward the comm room.
"Shepard, I need a word with you..."
Karin, the ship's medic, caught me just as I was almost past the CIC.
"Can it wait? Anderson just called for me."
"It can..."
Karin sighed.
"...go on.
"Thanks, Doc. By the way, if you need any medical supplies for your domain, make me a list. I'll see what I can do about it."
"And if it's more than just medical supplies?"
She looked at me intently.
"Put it on the list too. What I can squeeze out of the supply rats, I will; what I can't, I'll buy myself. I can't promise everything will be latest-gen and factory-new, but the condition will be good."
"I'll... think about it."
Karin nodded somewhat thoughtfully, and I continued my way to the comm room.
"Mr. Kryik?"
I looked questioningly at the Spectre, who was standing before a holographic screen, staring at an image of a planet I recognized as Eden Prime. I had studied its orbital shots when I realized I was the Shepard being assigned to the SSV Normandy.
"Shepard, what do you know about the colony on Eden Prime?"
"Hmm... quite a lot... I actually invest in the development of that colony. So I'd like to hear a more specific question."
"What threats exist for Eden Prime?"
"You want them point by point?"
I allowed myself a smirk.
"Well, let's start with the Batarians, whom the Council for some reason hasn't wiped out like they did the Krogan. And those guys just liked to fight and bred like rabbits, while these ones have legalized slavery. At the very least, they should have been blockaded on their planets so they couldn't leave... but no..."
I shook my head.
"...when it doesn't concern your worlds, you prefer to bury your heads in the sand."
Kryik remained still, watching me. It was impossible to tell from his face exactly what he thought of my words. But it was doubtful he thought anything good.
"Then we can mention ordinary pirates. Mercenaries. Some kind of Rachni breeding in unexplored regions..."
At the mention of the Rachni, Kryik flinched.
"Regardless, Eden Prime's defenses are quite good. Unless a Dreadnought shows up, they can generally hold off even a small pirate fleet."
"Shepard..."
Anderson appeared behind me.
"Sir!"
I snapped to attention.
"Shepard, let's get straight to the point. Why do you think you're here, and why is a Spectre here?"
"I have many theories, but I lack the data to determine the most probable one."
"I am here to evaluate you, Shepard."
Kryik took the floor.
"To evaluate your abilities and decide if you are fit for service in the Spectre corps. Humanity is very young for a spacefaring civilization, but you have already managed to enter many spheres of life in Citadel Space. And they decided to give you this chance... a second chance..."
"It's an honor."
"Hah, don't celebrate too early. I haven't made a decision on your suitability yet. And a huge mark against you is that you've recruited your own landing party. Spectres must act in minimal groups."
"Well..."
I shrugged.
"...no one told me I was being screened for the Spectres, so I acted according to Systems Alliance regulations. And even now... the selection changes nothing. I'm not a Spectre yet, so I must act based on those same premises."
"Sir, you have to see this!"
Joker's voice came through the speakers, and the image on the holographic screen changed instantly...
***
Read the story months before public release — early chapters are on my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Granulan