…And inside was a total disaster. Not in the sense that we were greeted with pepper and lemon, no. We were greeted normally, and assigned the proper rooms in a wing separate from the younglings. The rooms, by the way, were individual, not shared like Padawans'.
Inside the rooms everything was as ascetic as possible. A small "tea" table, a wardrobe, and… that's it. There was a lamp too. Instead of a bed, a folded mattress. There was also a large soft cushion on the floor, right in front of the table.
No, I expected there to be nothing extra here, but not to this extent. They could've at least issued a bed, the bastards. No wonder I'd been puzzling over Irbis's manners and tastes. Now it was all clear. The poor guy complained more than once that I grumbled about the crappy rooms we stayed in. Yeah—looking at this one, I admit those were luxury suites.
No, living like this is impossible. We'll hang something cheerful here, put up a Vessira poster here, set a bed here, replace this thing with a normal work desk. A weapon rack goes in that corner, and we'll stick a refrigerator in that corner. It'll be a bit cramped, but it'll do.
Dropping my things, I peeked into the neighboring room where Gris had settled.
"Oh…" was all I managed when I saw the big guy. "Hey… aren't you cramped?"
"R-ra-a-ag ag-ru a ar-ri," the Wookiee answered indignantly, inspecting the floor rug… I mean, formally it was a mattress, but for a Wookiee it was definitely a floor rug.
"Then go ask for bigger furniture," I laughed under my breath, watching Gris try to sit at the table. His paws were too big, his knees didn't fit under the table, the cushion was too small… In the end he gave up and just stood up, knocking over the unfortunate furniture.
"Grea-aar-u?"
"Yeah, my room isn't any better. But I won't ask—they won't give me anything. I'll furnish it myself. At least, that's what I'm thinking."
"Ar ug ur-r-rai?"
"What do you mean, 'where will I get it'? I'll ask acquaintances to bring it, of course. I doubt the locals will give me everything I ask for. It's 'not allowed,'" I snorted. "'Nothing must interfere with meditation,'" I quoted, rolling my eyes, the line from one of the local masters who'd given us a tour. And that was his answer to my question: "Guys, aren't you overdoing the minimalism?" Hell, even the corridors look like a crypt—gray, bleak, and creepy. Maybe repaint them for fun? Hm…
"Ur-r ag-i ir-rau."
"Just thinking about my own stuff."
"Rai ur-r-a?"
"Agreed. Let's go see how the others are doing."
We went. We looked. We confirmed it. These locals definitely need a trip to the arts temple. All of them. Because this is truly a disaster—how have they not all hanged themselves yet? On the other hand, now it's clear why there are so few people here. Everyone tries to get out as fast as possible. And we won't be an exception.
I also wasn't surprised to learn that most of the masters here were Talids. Those monks don't need anything for life besides meditation. But we're different! We're, like, peo— I mean, xenos—proud, and too wild to pompously overcome the hardships of monastic service. Kriff that.
Then I checked myself and thought. Is it worth suffering and changing something in someone else's monastery? They won't appreciate it, and I'll waste time. Besides, neither I nor any of my friends planned to stay here long, so what's the point of furnishing the room? Easier to endure it. Probably.
Not rushing to conclusions, I decided first to see what kind of place this really was—what if my conclusions were wrong?
The very next day we went to classes. The first thing we had to pass was a balance check. We were meant to deliberately immerse ourselves into one side or the other, and then come back out. Control was measured by speed of immersion, duration, and depth.
Of course there's a certain threshold you shouldn't cross—not only is it dangerous, it's pointless—but you still have to reach it. For the test's clarity, you had to gather accumulated energy above your hand. It produced a kind of Force sphere. Dark energy gave dark and red tones; light energy, accordingly, white. And the denser, brighter, and larger the ball, the deeper you managed to sink into that aspect of the Force.
I immediately noted the originality of the approach. Standing aside and watching my friends go through the test, I thought about how I'd do it, because my situation was different. I try not to divide the Force into black and white—I use both sides at once. And I'd tuned myself accordingly. Since childhood. Mom never worried about it, because either way I still used the Force. But now… it could come back to bite me. Hard. To be honest, using both sides, it became a real problem for me to separate them. Traditional methods didn't work; I'd experimented with Irbis, and they affect me badly in general. Seriously—am I supposed to drive myself, for one experiment, into "kill all living things" mode? With that setup even Ramiry would become a maniac, and she's a literal angel. Almost always. If you don't piss her off too much.
During the test, Zeng and Feng could easily sink into the dark, but not into the light; the master made the appropriate notes. Gris, on the contrary, easily produced a bright ball of pure white light, but his dark one was so-so. Vess had a tilt toward the dark, but not as strong as the twins', so it would be easier to correct.
But the one who surprised us was Ramiry. That sweet darling first produced a very, very bright sphere of light-side Force, almost blinding everyone in the room. Vess and I got it the worst—our eyesight is sharper than most.
Now she had to call on the dark side. Knowing Ramiry, we didn't expect anything special, but… we were wrong. Breaking her inner balance, Ramiry remembered Lina and the rest of our people, and… then something started. The ball of dark energy grew denser and denser, and after it the furniture in the room began to crumple. It tried to crush us too, but asymmetric pressure solved that issue. Still, it's unpleasant to feel yourself under pressure from all sides.
Then, slowly, everything began to fade. Ramiry pulled herself together and returned to her inner balance. But the tear tracks, clenched fists, and bitten lower lip spoke louder than words about what she felt. Zeng was immediately at her side, trying to comfort his girl. The master, on the other hand, was very pleased with the result.
In the end, Ramiry was the only one of us who passed the test brilliantly and was declared unfit for training at the temple. Her control was already excellent, so there was no point in keeping her here—meaning in the main profile. But she could learn something secondary or take an advanced course, which they told her.
I don't know about the others, but in my eyes these monks just fell hard. A girl is standing in front of you who feels terrible, and you load her as "work material" like nothing happened. Sympathy? Never heard of it.
After Ramiry, it was my turn. And, as I feared, I managed to distinguish myself. Since I'd never dealt with this kind of nonsense before and my habits remained, I didn't try to push myself out of balance; I simply directed the Unified Force to shape the Force sphere. As a result, I got a true black sun: a black sphere blazing with white fire, with white lightning discharges flashing inside it. It looked gorgeous, and I even lifted it to the ceiling, imitating a luminary. And because I shaped it in a positive mood, the light it emitted carried positive energy, making the others smile.
My Force sphere came out large and dense. Very dense, yet still pliable enough to control. Probably for the first time in my life I allowed myself to release so much Force outward. You can't really let loose on Tython, and beyond it there was simply no need.
In general, the feelings were contradictory. The veins on my hand burned, like my arm was about to tear apart, but at the same time a pleasant coolness ran through it. It strengthened me, brought relief, and didn't let the destructive energy break free.
And then it hit me. Darkness and light—the second restrains the first. That's how they coexist. I felt it here and now, and I finally understood how I could develop this direction further.
Not just me—everyone else, including the Master, froze up too. If my friends looked surprised and awestruck, the Talid looked like a fish thrown onto shore: wide eyes, mouth opening and closing soundlessly… Yeah. I might be in trouble.
Collapsing the sphere—partly absorbing, partly dispersing the Force invested in it—I turned to the Master, waiting for his words.
"Master?"
My voice brought the poor man back to our world. Shuddering, the Talid looked me over again, differently.
"What did you do, Shade?"
"I completed your assignment. Performed the technique you indicated."
"I'm not asking about that. How did you combine the two aspects?"
"Somehow." I shrugged. "I have good control, so I operate this energy freely without any negative impact."
"Then why didn't you separate them?"
"Why would I? The task was direct: focus energy. I focused it," I tried to slip past a direct answer.
"Mmm…" The old Talid chewed his lips, shifting his gaze from me to my friends. "And you—can you repeat his experience?"
"No, Master," Vess shook her head. "In this, Shade is unique among us."
"I see. Shade, you misunderstood the assignment. The task was to immerse yourself in the Force; the energy was only an indicator."
"So I immersed."
"In both aspects at once?" he raised a brow.
"You saw it yourselves," I dodged again, trying not to lie. After all, I wasn't so much immersing as drawing it from myself.
"Suppose so. Now do it properly. Immerse in the light aspect."
"Uh… no."
"What do you mean, 'No'?" The Talid raised a brow in surprise.
"Master, I'll be honest: I have certain difficulties immersing into a specific aspect. Since childhood I've tried to operate both at once. And at this stage I have perfect balance, which I'm proud of," I called the sphere again. "Who else can repeat this?"
"Hm… suppose so. I won't insist right now, because you really do hold control. Very well. But… if you allow it, I would like to examine your phenomenon thoroughly."
"But the check is passed?"
"No, Shade. You failed the task. It's not enough to control the Force—you must be able to immerse in it. Any Jedaii needs that, and I will speak with those who explained to you the wrong form of understanding this aspect."
"But mine is correct."
"Can you immerse in the Force?"
"Yes."
"Demonstrate."
"Only in the Unified aspect of the Force, not a specific one."
"That won't do. I'm forced to disappoint you, but sooner or later the Force itself will immerse you, and you must be able to return. Therefore, you will remain at the temple for a time until we understand you can handle imbalance. Also, given new circumstances, we will need to check the limits of your Force control."
"Kriff…"
So that's how I stood out. Expecting new problems, I walked on pins and needles, but none were immediately visible. A gathering of masters, led by Enzer Da'Kot, the master of Akar Kesh, studied me from different angles like some exotic curiosity. They scanned me with the Force and with a normal tomograph. Took blood. Repeatedly asked me to immerse into the Unified Force while observing the process, and conversely asked me to isolate myself from the Force while exposed to irritants.
That part was harder. Reflexes drilled into me by Mom did their work and I had to check myself every time. Especially when a lead ball flies at your face at fifty meters per second. Intellectually you know it won't reach you, but when it turns away centimeters from your face—it's stressful. I told the masters as much honestly, but that was the point. I had to keep the Force under control inside myself during an emotional spike.
And I kept it. I kept it when they tried to tip my balance toward the light side from within. It didn't work. Yes, I felt awful, my head started to hurt, but my balance stubbornly refused to break—even when I tried to shake it myself. That wasn't enough for them, and it only escalated. Up to the point where they sat in a circle and tried to drive me out of balance with enormous pressure on my mind. Any direction—the key was to push me out.
In that moment, I felt like a rope being pulled in different directions by excavators, and over and over I repeated in my head: "Just don't snap." Because if it snapped, it would snap hard. I was already breaking into giggles, and ideas started appearing in my thoughts—like snapping someone's neck just for a joke. Everyone's sitting there so serious—time to cheer them up.
They also tried to break through the block directly into my head with telepathy, and that's where I failed completely. I endured the pressing. Endured when they tried to provoke memories for emotional response. I even kept a Force ball in front of me as a visual proof of control, so to speak. Endured delusions—when they tried to inject both light and dark emotions. In one case I saw a child; in another I was killing that same child. Even then I held on, understanding it wasn't me, that it was only visions. But when those devils climbed into my head—when I felt someone touch my mind directly—I couldn't take it.
I sprang to my feet like I'd been scalded, and, overflowing with rage, I released a powerful Force blast that slammed all the masters into the walls of the round hall, shattering all delusions and illusions and driving every voice out of my head.
Cooling slightly and taking myself in hand, I looked at the masters rising. Not all of them rose. Far from all.
"Gentlemen…" I growled quietly through clenched teeth. "You'll forgive me, but I will not allow anyone to climb into my head without my permission—be you even the Force's own god," I loomed over Enzer Da'Kot, who still hadn't gotten up.
My mood had already been bad, and now I understood perfectly: one more step and I'd calmly settle everyone in this room. Congratulations, you bastards—you pissed me off.
The Force answered like family, filling my body with destructive energy. A veil clouded my mind; I wanted to strangle someone right now, and it didn't matter who.
The thought that I was ready to strangle even Vess with my own hands abruptly cooled me. Shade—calm down. That's not you. Inhale-exhale. Control. Self-control. Closing my eyes and taking a couple of deep breaths, I looked at the Master more calmly.
"I warned you that I react very sharply when someone encroaches on what's mine. It can be anything—friends, things, my mind…"
"I remember," Enzer rasped, healing himself with the Force.
"So you did it on purpose?"
"Yes. Don't forget, Shade—the task was to push you out of balance."
"Congratulations, you succeeded. And what now? What's the point of this torture when I already showed I can keep the Force under control?!" My voice almost broke on the last words.
"A Jedaii must be able to immerse into a side of the Force and come back out."
"I'll shove those words down your throat right now," I grabbed the Talid by the collar and lifted him off the floor. They're light and short, so it wasn't hard. But… a new wave of light energy rocked the scales. My body itself tried to return to an optimal state and gradually stabilized. Exhaling, I carefully set the monk down. "Master, don't push me. Please."
"But you yourself know these were necessary measures. Since you won't immerse, we had to push you out of balance ourselves and see how you handle it. How do you feel?"
"Terrible," I growled. "I returned to balance, Enzer. Satisfied? Can I go?"
"The result is exhaustive. When you've rested, we need to repeat it."
"What?" I even froze at that audacity. "Do you know what—go to hell!" I shoved him in the chest, knocking him to the ground. "Have you completely lost it? Am I your lab rat?!" I snapped, heading for the door.
"Stop him!"
In a blink, two masters blocked my way. I bored into them with a look, sighed, and turned back.
"Are you trying to die?"
"You don't control yourself, Shade. First you need to calm down."
"First: if I didn't control myself, you'd already be dead. That's a fact." The grinding of my teeth was probably audible in the corridor. "And to kill you, I don't even need my blades, because besides me there are no fighters in this room." I paused to repeat the breathing routine and speak more calmly. "Second: to calm down, I need to go out, breathe fresh air, eat something at last. Most importantly—I need not to see your faces."
Now I understood Irbis. Now I finally understood why he drilled me on control. That's why he tried to lead me to serenity, and never once suggested foreign techniques, driving me again and again through my own. He knew what awaited me here, and he tried to prepare me so I wouldn't settle these idiots on the spot. Irbis… forgive me. You're not a Jedaii—you're a saint who was handed a demon to raise.
"Well? How long are we going to play staring contests?" I pushed Enzer toward a decision.
"Let him pass."
Turning away and reaching the door, I yanked it open and strode down the empty corridor without even bothering to close it. Whew. Devils—meditated out their last brain cells, got tired of living, old fools… and young ones too.
Walking up through the corridors, I passed one of the dining halls and stopped on a balcony. A light breeze cooled my heated face; the light side of the Force obediently answered my call, washing away the dark and helping me return to my previous state. The scales inside me creaked and groaned, but leveled out.
I physically felt the flood of dark energy that had surged into me in that moment—first time in my memory. I won't lie to myself: the power that answered my spontaneous call was intoxicating. It felt like you were omnipotent, and everyone around you was just insects crawling underfoot. Like you were the smartest, strongest, and best-looking being alive. Yeah… An unprepared gifted will go for that "cheese" instantly. And even a prepared one too, judging by practice. No wonder Jedaii who go too deep into that aspect blow their bolts completely, ready to butcher even friends and family when otherwise they would never have thought it. I just felt it myself. And it's good that even under such conditions the "rope" didn't snap, or I would've either died or broken.
This only reinforces my theory again. To hell with these "immersions." The Force is one with me, I am one with the Force, and we are a single whole. Period. Inhale-exhale, again…
"The Force is one and it is with me, and I am one with the Force," I repeated like a mantra. It helped.
"Shade?" Ramiry's worried voice sounded behind me.
"Hi, Rami," I greeted our healer without turning.
"Shade, are you okay?" She came closer and, placing one hand on my shoulder and leaning on the railing with the other, looked into my eyes.
"Yeah, all good."
"Yeah? Because when you rushed through the dining hall, you looked like you were ready to kill everyone."
"Checking whether my eyes turned yellow?" I smiled a little, looking at her worried muzzle.
"Yep."
"It's fine, Rami. I just came from training, that's all."
"What kind?" So much suspicion.
"You know they've been studying me from every angle and running Force experiments?" The dandelion blinked in agreement. "So those geniuses decided to try to break my mental barrier and look into my head. And you know how I feel about anyone encroaching on what's mine." She nodded. "I was already shaken up, and I snapped. Pinned them to the walls. I thought I'd break and settle them right there. I warned them not to try. I won't tolerate it. But they did. On purpose—because otherwise they couldn't 'stir me up.' Psychos."
"Shade—calm down."
"I am calm."
"I can see that."
"Hey! I really did come to my senses! Especially compared to how I flew out of there."
"I believe you, I believe you," Ramiry nodded. "And look what I have," she pulled my favorite bar out of a pocket.
"Where did you get that?!"
"Well… I took it from you," she said, embarrassed.
"You too??? What is it with everyone stealing my bars?!"
"Mm-mph, om-nom-nom-nom," I chewed industriously so I wouldn't erupt into fresh righteous rage.
"Better?" She nodded. "Good."
"Listen—where are the others?"
"What do you mean, 'where'? Everyone's in class. I'm on a break."
"Got it. What are you doing there, anyway?"
"Comprehending the biofield of living organisms, using Force-sight to identify damage—physical and energetic. It will help me later install Force-based implants for Jedaii."
"Isn't that taught at the healing temple?"
"There. But the technique that underlies this ability can be sharpened here too."
"I see."
After standing and chatting a bit more, I finally brought my thoughts in order. Still, as I'd subconsciously expected, I wasn't left alone: until the end of the day, someone tailed me and watched, which—at least a little—pissed me off.
And the next day, the training… no, it didn't repeat. I simply told that training and all the masters to go where the sun doesn't shine.
"How dare you say such things?!" one of the masters present exclaimed.
"I dare. Very much so."
"Do you understand that this is not only disrespect, but disobedience? That's not far from exile," the Temple Master measured me with his eyes.
"Then exile me," I leaned forward. "Go on. I'm ready. Hm?"
The Talid didn't answer. Only drew his brows together darkly. But we didn't play staring contests for long.
"Fine. We have nothing to teach you, Aero. You passed the check—you control the Force and can restore balance even after extreme stress. But your behavior…" he clicked his tongue.
"My behavior is the result of how you treated me, Enzer. Nothing more, nothing less. And even if you're a Temple Master three times over, it changes nothing."
"Looks like Aala's son," the Talid snorted.
"Looks like a Padawan disappointed in you."
"Shade…"
"What?"
"Be careful. The methods we use won't suit you and will push you out of balance. I don't know how you reached us sane and in your right mind, but you did well. And since you chose this path, you'll have to adapt them to yourself first, and only then use them. Otherwise, we all saw what happens."
"All right… thanks, I guess."
"And now go, wanderer," he pointed to the door. "May the Force be with you."
That ended the conversation. And my training at this temple. The locals simply couldn't give me anything because our approaches to the Force were too different.
Still, I had to wait a whole taked for the others. I needed something to occupy myself with, and to combine the pleasant with the useful, I decided to learn riding. The temple had some tamed beasts—"raptors," for example. And this thing really did resemble a raptor from my past life. It was like a little dinosaur, with the difference that it had electrified dangerous crests on its head, it was blue, it had a maw full of small sharp teeth, and rounded claws. Cute little beast, in general.
And that, they offered me as a mount—offered it like they were handing over a kitten. I mean, if you think about it, why is a raptor worse than a horse? Omnivorous, tough, can bite an enemy… and the rider too, sure, but those are details.
So why not try to break it? Said and done. I listened closely to the tracker responsible for the animals. Heard the instructions and…
In short, the very first attempt ended with the thing bolting headlong wherever its eyes looked, while I smashed my head on a crossbeam and fell on my back to the ground.
The second attempt was different. I tried to "negotiate" with the beast and make it understand what I wanted by nudging it with the Force. It understood me. It didn't obey. But after a preventative slap to the muzzle, we finally came to an agreement.
The poor tracker watching all this practically clutched his head. But after a moment, he started teaching: how to ride properly, how to saddle, how to care. He said you generally shouldn't hit beasts—they can take offense. The raptor nodded vigorously. And they're considered dumb animals… no. They understand everything—just play dumb convincingly.
So by the time the others finished training, I could hold the saddle fairly well. Too bad they won't give us such beasts for the road—the temple doesn't issue them. At least this one doesn't. So we'll have to go to the nearest settlement and buy mounts there, because the next temple is too far away to hike on foot.