Elise Ambrose's POV:
The man I love is a living lie. How? How did I never notice?
I'm so scared, because now that I see it, I can't unsee it. I… I don't know what to believe anymore.
I looked at him. He was tall for his age. His body was very lean. He didn't train anymore, so he barely had any muscles left compared to when we first met.
And his face. It was sharp, dominant. He had a well-defined chin, with not a single hair on it.
From the bottom, his features were sharp, until you reached the eyes.
Soft, mysterious hazel eyes that you could lose yourself in
And… his deep black hair, loosely combed to the side. His hairstyle always made me feel like he took care of himself, but never wanted to leave an impression.
I… I always felt like his face grabbed your attention, and then put you at ease once you looked closer.
He… looked exactly the same. But now, there was nothing left of him.
He just stood still, not moving a muscle, and kept staring at me with an empty look in his eyes.
His normal slightly sun-kissed white skin had turned completely pale. It's like a doll was standing in front of me.
My whole being was filled with terror, because Ruby Sporo had dropped the act, and only an empty husk of the man I loved remains.
I… I can't unsee it now. All the interviews I watched about her. The movies she was in. The man before me had exactly the same mannerisms, intonation, behavior, and communication style.
Wh… When did I notice? No… I never really noticed. How could you notice, or even imagine something like that is possible?
That's the most terrifying part. He basically told me himself by accident, and I would have forever been deceived otherwise.
I… I was worried about him. He only took a few seconds to say goodbye to his mother. He thought he had packed that sharpening stone. He kept staring at that vase. He wanted to take care of all her plants.
But…, he kept acting all calm and composed, like he usually is. I… I felt like he was bottling it up.
I… wanted to be there for him, the man I love, whom I thought was suffering by himself.
And… I went to his room, because I care for him, because I felt like he would regret it forever if he really washed his mother away, losing what was left of her forever.
And when I came into his room, he was gone.
He lied to me, even though he asked me, asked us, for our help. He lied, and trampled upon our trust in each other, my care for him.
…My feelings for him.
I was so angry and hurt. And when he came back and explained himself, I discovered even more lies. His very being is a living lie. My… my love for him is a lie.
I… I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know who he really is anymore.
Was he really a vegetarian? Was he really kind? Was he really anything at all?
Or was it all an act to make people fall in love with him?
Just like… like his mother.
Because then, I… I don't know if I've been deceived into loving him.
When 'that' happened. When he was there for me, protected me, talked to me.
When… when I realized through him that I could accept this disgusting body of mine, and fall in love with someone.
Fall in love with him.
I didn't know anymore, if he did all that to help me out of the goodness of his heart, or only so that someone as beautiful as me would fall in love with him?
And... I'm so horrified that I couldn't move a muscle. I couldn't move, because I didn't know who the man in front of me was anymore.
But now I know what he is capable of.
He knows that I know that I have discovered the truth. That's why he has dropped the act. And, I didn't know what he would do to keep the lie going.
He still has the knife he gave me for my birthday sticking out of his pocket, and he has superspeed.
I… I'm filled with dread that he would murder me or worse to keep burying the truth.
I could only stare into his empty, hollow eyes, as the seconds that felt like hours passed.
Eventually, the doll in front of me spoke.
"Elise," it said in a monotone voice which had lost all of its warmth.
He moved his hand to my knife. I closed my eyes.
I… I didn't want to see who the man I love truly is.
"I offer my heart to you."
…?
…Huh?
I opened my eyes in shock.
Jack was standing there, bowing, his hazel eyes staring into mine. He held the knife by the blade, and offered the handle to me.
What? Why? What's he doing? What's his aim? Is this a trick? Is he lying again?
I kept switching my gaze to the knife and his eyes, waiting for him to continue.
But, he didn't do anything? No, he had a question mark in his eyes?
What's he waiting for? For… for me? Why would... huh!?
…nononowhynowthiscantbehappeningisheinsaneafterallhesdonetome!?
Did… did he just confess his feelings to me!?
All my fear and everything else faded in shock at the realization.
Then, Jack continued speaking.
"Before you answer me. Let me say I'm truly sorry about everything. And, if you want to hear it, I would like to tell you the truth about me."
…What?
I was absolutely stunned.
First, he lied to me the entire time I've known him. Then, when I saw through him, he confessed to me, apologized, and wanted to tell me the truth.
My entire being was blank. But slowly, only one feeling took over.
That… THAT BASTARD! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, CONFESSING YOUR FEELINGS AFTER ALL THOSE LIES!!!
A RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE BUILT ON TRUTH AND TRUST!!! AND YOU TRAMBLED ALL OVER THAT!!!
I… I COULD STAB HIM FOR KICKING MY HEART AROUND LIKE THIS!!!
YOU… YOU KNOW WHAT, LETS HEAR IT THEN!!!
I'LL SHOW HIM THAT MY HEART IS NOT HIS PLAYTHING!!!
IF I'M NOT SATISFIED, I'LL BREAK HIS HEART TOO!!! THAT WILL SHOW HIM EXACTLY HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW!!!
With the last of my composure, I grabbed the knife from him and yelled.
"EXPLAIN!!!"
Upon hearing me, for the first time, his expression changed.
A smile had formed on his face.
…I was terrified again.
***
Jack Marwood's POV: 2 years ago
For the first time I had eaten dinner at our new dining table.
We had just finished moving into our new home. Our new hiding place from the world, to escape from everything.
And it was the first time I had cooked. My mother…, she…, after she had unpacked her luggage…, she…, started drinking again.
We no longer had a private chef. She didn't want to move with us. And hiring a new one… We couldn't risk my mother's current state leading to a scandal. Her entire acting career, everything she lived for, would be ruined. And…, my mother was too drunk to even try cooking now.
So for the first time in my life, I made an attempt. I looked up a recipe, bought the ingredients at a store within walking distance of our house, and made a vegetable curry.
…It tasted horrible, even though I'm sure I followed the recipe exactly.
I didn't understand. It tasted burned. Was the heat too high? Some vegetables were undercooked. Did I not cut them thin enough? And it tasted too salty, even though I put in the exact amount I was supposed to.
I never cared about cooking. I thought I could handle something simple that anyone could do. What a miscalculation.
…Another one. I had made a great many lately.
I should have gotten some experience with our private chef, but it was too late now. Another regret.
But that one, like all the others, paled in comparison to the regret I felt toward the person sitting across from me
For what I had done to her.
"Well…, I know I didn't do a good job. But that means I can only improve from here on out, right?"
"…"
My mother didn't respond. She just kept staring expressionlessly at her plate of food, from which she had only taken a few bites.
I balled my fists under the table.
Say something! Give me a witty and sharp retort to motivate me! Loving, comforting words to put me at ease and make me feel better!
…Like you always used to.
My mother moved. She grabbed her drink.
And drank the last of the beer in the bottle.
That was her response to me. The only response she could still give me, and the world.
After my father was done with her.
And I could only stare. This past month…, I already tried saying everything I could think of.
It only led to her drinking more.
My mother placed the empty bottle back on the table.
And she was eyeing the next one with a hazy stare.
…No, that can't be! She was already shit-faced! Was she trying to put herself in a coma!?
Her hand moved toward the bottle and grabbed it.
I… I had to say something! But, I couldn't think of the words that would stop her.
Grab it by force? But when I tried it before, she only drank even more later when I was not looking.
I… I didn't know. I didn't know anymore.
"Mom…, please…, don't."
She froze. She hesitated.
And then, for the first time today, she looked me in the eye.
And I looked back, heart pounding with hope, at her unfocused green eyes.
"…I'm sorry," she said to me softly, before opening the bottle.
…My balled hands relaxed. I lost all of my strength..
"I'm going to my room. I still have to unpack my stuff. Knock on my door if you need anything."
I got up from the dining table, as my mother took another sip of beer.
I walked out of the living room. I left the plates on the table. I couldn't right now.
I had to hold it in.
I walked upstairs. My bedroom came into sight.
Hold… hold it in. Otherwise everything would be over.
I opened the door, closed it behind me…
And locked it.
I rushed to my bed, dove into it, and buried my face in the pillow.
"AAAAAHHHHH!!!"
I screamed and cried all the agony of the last month out of me.
"WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!?"
Nothing made sense anymore! I didn't understand anything!
What my father had done to her. Why she became this way.
But it was all my fault. Because I rebelled. Because I wanted us to be free.
That's why my father did it.
And it would kill her.
It was getting worse and worse. And now we moved here.
I thought, hoped, that she wanted to be away from it all in an attempt to recover.
But today, she drank even more. She moved here to escape the guilt, but not the alcohol.
And I'm powerless.
I tried…, I tried! And everything just made it worse!
I…, I…, my mother would drink herself to death. Because of me…, because of me…
And I could only scream and cry…
…
I lifted my face from the pillow. A big wet spot was on it. My throat was hoarse. I… it must have been a long time…
…It couldn't go on like this. There… there was only one thing left I could do.
…I got up and walked to my desk.
I sat down in front of it, took my phone from my pocket, and dialed in a phone number.
The number of the devil, which was burned into my memories.
I stared at the numbers, and thought how I could best negotiate it.
For my father to save my mother, in return for me coming back to the house.
For me to forever obey him.
It's what he wanted. This was why he had broken my mother. To show me what rebellion leads to.
But if he had broken her, he could repair her too.
If my freedom was the cost, then so be it.
If my mother died because of me, I couldn't live with myself anymore anyway.
My thumb moved to the call button…
And froze, hovering just above it.
...I started shaking. My breathing grew erratic. My body grew stiff.
I put my phone back in my pocket and stared at my ceiling in resignation.
I'm a monster. I'm a coward. I'm useless.
I couldn't do it. I was too scared.
To go back to that house. To forever have to act, or otherwise be punished.
And now, no rewarding visit to my mother would remain, where I could drop it.
If I went back to that house, I would never get the chance to be myself again.
Time would strip away everything about me, until only the appropriate act would be left.
The act my father had envisioned for me. An ever-changing one, fit to deceive every person imaginable in the best way.
So that I could negotiate and convince anyone, and be the best lawyer and politician imaginable.
…Exactly like my father.
I couldn't comprehend how one could live like that. To be nobody at all, only who you needed to be. The person needed in the moment.
And yet, my mother fell for exactly that kind of man. So much so that she had overlooked every evil and given everything of herself to him.
Because my father had acted in the exact way that my mother had loved the most. That made her the happiest.
An act my father had become for her forever, to get exactly what he wanted out of her.
…!?
I shot up from my chair.
…Become. …Exactly what he wanted out of her.
…No, that's… insane.
Could… could I?
A terrifying possibility started constructing itself in my mind.
That what my father had tried to make me in…
Could be used for something else.
My thoughts churned. The cockwheels in my head clocked into overdrive. Every memory and experience I've had in my life flashed through my mind.
To answer two questions.
If it was truly possible.
And who.
Hours passed. Guilt, disgust, fear, love, hope. I went through every emotion possible, every doubt I could imagine, every cost, every possibility, to make this insanity a reality.
And slowly, against everything in me, something took shape.
That it was possible, although the costs were great.
It was not likely something my father had intended, could even imagine. It goes against everything he stands for. But nevertheless, all the training he had given me made it possible.
And as to who…, there was only one answer. One person that could bring my mother back to who she was before.
Someone even closer to her than my father was.
My fists balled again. Strength and determination returned to me.
I looked outside. It was pitch black. It was too late for today.
…I'd try tomorrow, to test if it works.
***
My mother and I were sitting at the dining table again.
The scene was an exact déjà vu of yesterday's.
We were sitting across from each other. My mother was drunk.
I even remade the vegetable curry, using the same ingredients I had left over from yesterday.
…It still tasted like crap. My mother had eaten the exact same amount of bites.
And she was done eating. She eyed the remaining amount of beer to wash everything down.
Her hand moved…
"I'm offended, you know. That beer tastes better than my home-cooked meal."
My mother halted. "Her wide eyes immediately sharpened as she looked into mine, despite her drunk state.
We stared at each other for a while…
And then she spoke.
"You call this a meal?"
"Well, I followed the recipe perfectly. So it couldn't have been my fault it turned out like this."
…My mother didn't respond. She never heard me talk this way. She was completely caught off guard.
But eventually, she found some words again.
"You just lack experience. I'm sure with time you'll improve a lot."
"But I want to improve immediately. Can't a great cook like you give me some pointers?"
"…You think a great cook would hire a personal chef? You'd be better off finding a restaurant job or something."
"…Yeah. That's a good idea. I'll do that."
My mother didn't respond, but she kept staring into my eyes. Now that I got her attention, I continued speaking.
"Because I love you. I'll take care of the food and everything else. So, please take your time. Even through the worst of it, I'll never stop loving you. Until you're happy again, I'll be here for you."
…My mother's mouth opened…, but she closed it again. She didn't know what to say. Her face was conflicted…, guilt-ridden…, full of pain.
And I still wore the same calm smile I had maintained throughout our entire conversation.
…After a few seconds…, she spoke hesitantly.
"…Sorry. I'm tired. I'll go upstairs to bed."
"That's fine. I'll clean up here and see you tomorrow. Goodnight."
My mother nodded, then stood up from her chair and slowly walked out the living room.
I stood up too, picked up everything from the table and walked to the kitchen sink.
I trashed my mother's leftover food, put our dirty plates in the dishwasher…
And poured the remaining beer down the drain, with the first genuine smile I'd had since a month.
***
It was late in the night. I was staring into my own hazel eyes in the bathroom mirror.
I had been looking through more reference material since dinner.
But I knew that this was the right way. The only way that would work.
For the first time since my father broke her, she had left alcohol untouched.
…Even though my act was subpar.
The words I chose were right, but my expressions were off, I realized after watching more material online.
…I knew why. It was because I was still too scared to fully commit myself.
If I have to think about what to say or what expression to make, I'm already too late. If I hesitate, she'll see it. If she sees it, she'll pull away again.
Only perfection could heal my mother. Everything else would make it worse or lead to the process slowing down.
And if I take too long, he'll come.
My father…, he would eventually discover it. He would come and finish the job somehow.
I didn't know if my mother and I could handle it when that time came. There was no way to know.
I could only believe and hope that we were both recovered fast enough again when the moment comes.
It was the only thing I could do. Pray and hope.
But that was apparently enough for me to overcome my fear.
I was ready.
I closed my eyes.
I would become too scared to be myself again. Too scared to let someone truly see me. Too scared to ever fall genuinely in love.
But that was alright. It was the price I'd pay to save my mother. To reject my father.
And I believed. That my mother could bring me back when she's herself again. If it's her, I'm sure it would be a breeze for her. She was truly the best actress ever.
And…, perhaps someone I've yet to meet would also want to contribute to my salvation. I'd have to start public school in a few weeks. For the first time in my life, my siblings excepted, I would meet other people near my age.
…I'd best not become popular. I have enough to deal with already.
…Shit, I was delaying.
I breathed in and out, in and out, until I overcame the fear again.
It was time.
Farewell… me.
I touched the switch in my mind, the one built into me since childhood.
And paid the price to flip it forever.
Everything that I am.
I ceased.
…
My eyes were forced open.
The reflection was already smiling.
It stared at me.
Its eyes were green.
Its smile was cold.
A perfect puppet.
***
Elise Ambrose's POV: Present day
I heard the truth about him. How he was raised. What his father made of him. What his mother meant to him. What his father had done to his mother. What he had done to save her. And finally, what he had become because of that. What… what he had wanted to do when I discovered his act.
It was very complicated. I asked questions and asked him multiple times to explain things again. He kindly and patiently did that, but even so, a lot of it still went over my head.
But that was alright, since the conclusion in my heart was clear.
HIS FATHER'S A MONSTER! PURE EVIL! FOR WHAT HE DID TO HIM AND HIS MOTHER!
I couldn't understand. I was so terrified that someone like that existed in this world.
But, even that paled in comparison to the real horror I felt for the man in front of me.
For what he knowingly did.
He knew! He knew exactly what would happen to him when he chose to save his mother!
He knew he would lose himself, forever becoming a hollow performance!
And he went through with it anyway!
He threw his entire identity away to save his mother, who he loved so much, because it was the only way to save her!
I… I couldn't comprehend. How could you do that to yourself, damning all the consequences.
It… It's basically suicide. He… he had no way to become himself again.
But he did it anyway.
Because… because he had blind faith in his mother and the rest of the world that they would save him from his inevitable fate.
I didn't understand how someone like that could exist. How… how could his father and mother have made someone like that?
Someone that can offer up everything for all that he loves, and believe in the world that it will give everything back to him.
I was filled with absolute horror for the incomprehensible man in front of me.
For what he was capable of. How damaged he really was. For what he wouldn't do for others.
And now that I understood him, something even more terrifying than horror itself was happening to me.
Something I couldn't comprehend.
Something that made my heart almost explode out of my chest.
All the fear I felt for him… was turning into… love?
no no no no NO NO NO NO!
THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! HOW AM I FALLING AGAIN FOR HIM! AFTER HE'S BEEN LYING TO ME ALL THE TIME!
A RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE BUILT ON TRUTH AND TRUST! AND THERE HADN'T BEEN AN OUNCE OF THAT PRESENT IN THE MAN IN FRONT OF ME!
I… I now know he couldn't do anything about it, that he could only tell the truth now.
But I had still fallen for a lie, for Ruby Sporo.
And now I'm falling in love again with the man, Jack, in front of me.
I couldn't understand what was happening to me. How could I fall for both a lie and the truth?
I… I thought and thought, and couldn't find an answer.
I… he hurt me. I don't know if he was real or not. I just can't… I… I don't know…
"Elise."
My head snapped back up at Jack. He had just stood still in front of me all this time. His way of speaking was still as monotone as it had been when he explained everything to me.
I waited for him to continue, but he didn't say anything more. And I couldn't ask either, because my breath caught.
I kept looking into his eyes, where I saw him gather some kind of courage.
And once I saw that he had found it, he moved.
He slowly took a step towards me.
Stopped for a moment, and then awkwardly took another…
He tripped.
Like my mother.
The memory made me move.
I let go of the knife and caught him in my arms.
"Hah!"
I fell backward on the bed.
My body was pressed down with his weight.
Wh… what? No… please…
I couldn't move. I was petrified.
His face was so close. He looked straight into my eyes.
Was… was he going to…
I looked back at him, but he didn't react or move at all. His expression was still as stiff as before.
No… slowly… his face was becoming…
Red.
"Sorry, I don't even know how to walk as myself anymore."
…I couldn't comprehend.
But after a moment, Jack managed to slowly lift himself off me and then took a seat next to me.
…I stared at the ceiling, but… nothing came to me… I didn't even know what to feel anymore… so I sat upright too…
And I looked at his face again… which was still a bit red.
…Surely not as red as mine, though.
…He didn't say anything, so I took a deep breath.
"What… was that about?"
He quickly blinked a few times, before he answered.
"I wanted to hug you."
I felt my face heating up again.
"Wh… why?"
"Can I?"
I stared into his eyes. They… they looked so sincere.
I nodded.
He scooted over to me.
Put his arms around me.
And placed my head on his chest.
"This is who I really am," he said, still in that cold voice.
And then, he started stroking my head.
…Smoothly, without any awkward movements.
…It felt so familiar.
Of course it did… I never wanted to forget.
How he had saved me.
So then… why… why did I feel so conflicted?
…Because I didn't know if it was real or not.
And I could never know…
Never trust him.
If… if only somehow…
*Badump*
…?
*Badump* Badump* *Badump*
I noticed… I heard…
The only thing he couldn't fake. The only thing I knew for sure was real.
His heart.
It was racing.
Because right now, at this moment.
He cared for me.
I wanted to know… needed to know. But I couldn't… I was so overwhelmed back then…
So… so… I…
I prayed.
God, please.
Let me remember.
I know I won't be able to in the future, but please, for now, I beg you!
Let me remember!
If his heart was racing back then too!
And at that moment…
My prayers were met.
I pulled myself out of his embrace, and stared into his hazel eyes.
I opened my mouth.
To ask, to be sure, to confirm.
"It did."
He had answered before I could speak.
Lightning hit my heart.
And I finally knew.
What was real about him.
Ah… of course. I'm so glad I realize it now. That I'd never fallen in love with a lie.
Jack had been acting like his mother, but who he truly is as a person is nothing like her at all.
The man in front of me, the man I fell for, is kind, smart, calm, capable, funny, and so much more.
Even his mischievous side… I adored… unless he goes too far!
And he's a great cook, he can clean, take care of himself, take care of others.
Of course, I realized that his mother was like that too. But even so, his own authentic personality shone through in all those little acts.
Because most importantly, one of the many things I really fell for, something that was absolutely different from how his mother was.
HE ISN'T A PLAYBOY!
GOD, I HATED THOSE! A RELATIONSHIP SHOULD FOREVER BE MONOGAMOUS AND FAITHFUL AFTER ALL!
AND HIS MOTHER, THAT VIXEN, ALWAYS CHARMED EVERYONE AROUND HER!
EVEN MY FATHER!
DAMN THAT WORKAHOLIC TOO! DOES HE NOT CARE ANYMORE ABOUT POOR MOTHER!
BUT, but, that was not important now. Jack, now that I realized what he's truly capable of, I know he could do that too, be exactly like his mother.
He could have bent every maidens' heart around his little lying fingers. But he chose not to do that.
He's a loner. He's only really friends with me and Ken.
And with me, he was just there for me when I needed him, in whatever way, shape or form.
Not because he was after my body, wanted me to be indebted to him or fall for him…
He helped me, because… he cared for me as a person.
He… he never made a move on me. I… I chose to fall in love with him on my own accord after 'that' happened.
And even after that, he… I'm sure he knew that I had fallen in love with him.
And still, he never made a move on me, even though I'm now sure he loved me too.
Because he still had never told me the truth of who he really is.
I… I'm sure that back then, if he confessed, I would have said yes. I would have fallen forever… for a lie.
I'm so glad that the man I love values the same things as me.
That he respects me enough to tell me the truth, so I can make my own choices.
That he lets my love for him remain true… true to myself.
I… I know now. My heart is beating fiercely and yet it is calm at the same time.
I know that he truly is the one for me, the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
…Unless he starts lying to me again! I'll never allow that from the man I love!
I won't let him turn into a bad boy!
…Well, maybe a little bit is alright?
When… when he fought to protect me, when I saw how good he was.
I… I'll admit it. I… got a bit excited…
But never lies!
Okay… okay, calm down. Deep breaths. I know how to respond to his confession, and I have found the courage to do so.
I focused on him again.
…He now had a stupid smile on his face, waiting patiently for me to get my thoughts and feelings in order.
I looked deep into his hazel eyes, and laid my heart bare to him, like he had done for me.
"Jack, thank you for telling me the truth. And… I love you too. But, I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU IF YOU LIE TO ME AGAIN, YOU HEAR!"
His expression changed slightly.
Was he… embarrassed?!
OH GOD, HE'S SO CUTE, I CAN'T!
"I'm truly happy you love me. And I love you too, but I can't accept your feelings yet."
My heart stopped. My entire being went blank. Luckily for him, he continued talking before I turned this entire room into scorched earth.
"I haven't told you everything yet. We're still in great danger, and I'm at a time limit."
***
My day really has been an emotional rollercoaster thanks to him. And even after I felt like I reached the peak and confessed my feelings for him, Jack didn't relent.
We talked even more, and I believe now that on this day I've felt every emotion a human being can feel.
We talked about when and how we fell in love with each other. I told him that after I got through that incident with his help and could accept my body for what it is, I could finally hold love in my heart, and I chose to love him.
And then, the greatest shock of my life came.
The incident that would have ruined me, that Jack saved me from, that allowed me to live again…
Was caused by him.
THAT BASTARD! I WAS SCARED, YOU KNOW! I SUFFERED, YOU KNOW! I WAS IN ABSOLUTE DESPAIR!
I made it VERY clear to him how I felt about that revelation. And, the only thing he could say in return was that I had every right to be angry. That he was so sorry for what he did to me. That he always felt terrible guilt regarding what he did.
But, he also said that it was the only way he could think of to help me. That despite the horrible guilt he would live with, he found my happiness to be of more importance.
He didn't ask me to forgive him, or to understand his reasoning. The only thing he said was that I should make my own decisions regarding what happened. I should decide for myself if I could still love a man who is capable of doing that.
I… what he did was truly horrible. But…If he hadn't done that, I… I don't know what would have become of me.
After that, I… I could finally love myself.
And I could overcome my fear of loving someone else.
But it was still unforgivable, what he had done to me. What… what would have happened to me if he was not able to protect me?
I… I don't think I could have lived with myself anymore.
It almost made me fall out of love with him again.
But something kept my heart from breaking once more.
The truth he had told me.
That he still felt incredible guilt from what he did.
Guilt that he would keep living with and accept. Even if I fell out of love with him now.
Because he did that horrible thing at his own cost, just to selflessly help me.
He could be lying about his guilt as a trick to make me forgive him.
But my heart didn't believe it.
Because he had put his faith in me and told me the truth about himself.
So, I'll now put my faith in him and choose to believe that he only had my best interest at heart.
My heart forgave him. I still love him despite what he did.
But I also made it clear to him, TO NEVER PULL SOMETHING LIKE THAT AGAIN!
IF THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU COULD THINK OF DOING THINGS, TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE! MAYBE THEN A BETTER IDEA COULD COME INTO THAT STUPID HEAD OF HIS!
He nodded fiercely upon hearing that. He told me that I was absolutely right. Good for him!
I… I then asked him when he fell in love with me. And he said that he came to love me after I started loving myself again, because he then truly saw who I was as a person.
He said he loved everything about me, body and soul.
And even more than that…, he loved something about me that only the man in front of me, not Jack Sporo, could understand.
Because it was a truth that Jack Sporo was too afraid to face.
He loved that I have chosen to be a good person, despite the terrible burden I carry within me.
Ah… he even knows about that. I'm not even surprised anymore.
And this once again confirms it in my heart.
This man is truly the only one for me.
He loves everything about me that I want to be loved.
And loves everything about me that I'm too scared to love myself.
I felt the happiest I've ever been in my life.
And then, all that turned into the greatest sadness I've ever felt.
Because he told me that the man I love, the man sitting next to me, is only temporary.
He would fade away soon and fall into an act again, never to remember what had happened here.
"I'm sorry," was all he could say with a sad expression, after he told me all that.
…No. I… I didn't want… Not… not like this!
I grabbed his shoulders! I didn't want to let him go!
"Please! I can't… You're here now! Why can't you stay!"
"…You've noticed, right? I'm already becoming more like—"
"Then how come you're like this now!"
"Well, my mother—"
"What about her!"
"…You've met her a few times when she came over. Can't you realize now?"
What's there to realize!?
I looked into his eyes, but they stared back at me calmly and expectantly.
…Some calm returned to me, and I took a deep breath and thought back.
About the few times I met her, when Jack invited me over during his mother's better periods.
And I immediately felt agitated again!
Because every time I had met that devil, she was always teasing me!
You and Jack must be very good friends. Why do you keep looking at him? You two should try cooking together sometimes.
God, it was so… so… humiliating! What's so charming about making me feel like that!?
And the worst of it all, she always had that stupid smile on her face! The exact same smile Jack currently has!
…Huh? Wait… wait a minute.
If… if Jack had been acting like his mother all this time…
Then… was his mother also…
Was… was all that teasing!!!
"Well, can you blame me? Your reactions are just so cute."
…Maybe I should stab him?
"Um…, so to clarify," he continued speaking, with a slight tremor in his voice.
'…At least he does it because he finds me cute,' I told myself to calm down whilst he continued to speak.
"Like how I became my mother so she could remember how she was. My mother, after she had become a bit better and regained some of her acting skills, she…, I'm sure she realized what I had done to myself. So… she had acted like me when I was around, so I could remember myself slowly again too. She… was trying to save me too…"
Jack's gaze shifted to the desk behind me. At the amaryllis plant.
He… he looked so sad. But also… thankful.
He looked back into my eyes. And I saw… that his eyes were full of love.
"Without her, I'd never be able to help you become so beautiful, even though I regret how twisted that whole situation became. We wouldn't have grown so close together, and you would have never seen through my act. And when you did, if I hadn't been able to remember the sliver of myself my mother had given back to me, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from… hurting me and you. And right now…, most importantly… I wouldn't have ever been able to tell you everything. How much you mean to me. How much I love you."
I grabbed his sleeve. Please don't say it… please…
But his eyes were unyielding.
"That's why I can't let my father get away with this. For what he did to her, me, my siblings…"
Jack broke his gaze and looked up at the ceiling. No… beyond that…
"And worse… what he will do to the world, now that it's like this. If I let him, he will trample upon everything you and I care for. That… I cannot allow. Even… even if…"
…He didn't finish his sentence. And after a moment, he looked at me again.
And when I saw the depth and determination in his eyes… I knew… he wouldn't let this go. But… still… why…"
"Why… why can't you stay like this?" I asked while his face became blurry.
"…This is all my mother managed to salvage. I can't even walk or make an expression. And the more I try… the more I'll start acting like her, because it's still the only thing I know how to do right now. And slowly there… will be nothing else left."
"Then don't try! Just…"
"I can't deal with my father like this, and it wouldn't be fair to you."
"Of course it would be fine! I… I'd rather have the real you here than that fake, perfect act that constantly lies and hides his feelings!"
"I know, but I need to. It's the only way to protect us from danger for now."
"How can that protect us from danger!? You… you kept hiding things from me!"
"I know, and you're right. Jack Sporo won't be enough."
I blinked a few times upon hearing that, until I saw him clearly again.
"The trap tonight will fail… and I don't have the time left to explain. But… I see you realized why just now. But because of that… well… I promise we're still safe for tonight, but beyond that… I don't like our odds… So…"
He grabbed my shoulders, and looked into my… no… deeper
He stared straight into my soul.
"Elise, after I disappear, please help me become myself again."
*Badump* *Badump* *Badump*
I felt my heart race again. I… I could save him too… the man I love. But… I didn't… he needed to tell me.
"How?"
"…I don't know," he said with a soft smile that crushed me.
"How can you not know! You…, I can't… I can't do what your mother did. I… I didn't know you before…"
"You don't have to. My real self will still be buried behind the script, only I will be too scared to deviate from it."
"Then say what I have to do! Please!"
"I told you all that I know about myself right now…, but I'm sure there's still some terrible stuff buried deep within. I… I'm sure we'll probably hurt each other a lot in the future, but I know we can overcome everything if we face it together."
"Just say it! Why! Why can't you just say it!"
"…Because I believe in you."
His face became blurry again, but this time, he held my face in his hands and wiped my tears away.
"I wanted to say one last thing to you, to… help you… in case things don't work out between us."
He looked into my eyes and waited, until he saw that I was ready.
"No matter how much I change or forget, I now know that what's inside my heart won't. And that's... that's what really connects people. And your… your heart is the most beautiful I've ever met. So I wanted you to know, so that you can keep believing in yourself."
That… that's not fair you know. How… how do you always know what to say to save me?
I leaned forward and hugged him. I didn't care anymore.
"I'll try," I said between sobs.
He hugged me back.
"I love you."
He started stroking my head again.
"I love you too."
"…I'll try. I don't know how, but I'll try."
"…Thank you."
We kept holding each other, until my tears had run dry and I had found my determination.
I would do everything I could to save the man I love.
And then, when we let go of each other… I could see it in his eyes.
That it was time.
I gave the knife back to him, and he put it back in his sheath.
I walked with him to where he had previously stood, and after sat back on the bed.
Exactly where we had both previously been.
"I'll use my power to accelerate the process, but the moment the switch flips, I imagine I'll be quite panicked. Can you handle it?"
"…Yes."
"Alright, then… this is goodbye. …I'm always watching, but I hope you'll see me again."
"I… yes. I'll make sure of it."
"Oh…, well, you really are amazing. …Then this is farewell for now. …Goodbye."
And then…, Jack gave me one last smile and closed his eyes.
I clenched my fists.
Be strong. Don't cry. He's strong too.
The seconds passed, and Jack…
His hands started to shake…
Then his body…
He started to breathe heavier.
And suddenly, he opened his eyes.
His met mine, but he quickly looked away…
Ashamed and frustrated.
"Damn it! Shit! Fuck! Why! Why can't I…"
…Ah, of course. Despite everything he's… he's just a boy.
And I know. I know how he feels.
To forever change and forget everything.
Every day, it terrifies me.
But I know now. Because he saved me, I know.
How to live despite that.
"Jack!"
His eyes snapped back to mine, and I saw the breath catch in his throat.
"I promise I'll keep loving who you really are the most!"
He completely froze, and while looking at me…
Two tears streamed down his cheeks from his hazel eyes.
But despite that…
Jack gave me a warm smile.
My heart almost stopped, because that smile…
Contained more love than Ruby Sporo could ever give the world.
And then… while looking into my eyes, the… the man I love ceased to be.
An actor took center stage again.
***
Jack's POV:
I had offered up my identity to the world.
The world had accepted it.
I ceased.
All faded to lies.
***
END OF VOLUME I: THRONE OF FEAR AND LOVE
***
AUTHOR NOTE: Dear reader. If this chapter resonated with you, consider adding the novel to your collection, sharing it, and leaving an honest comment with your thoughts. It helps this story reach others and lets me know the truth written here has reached someone.
If you have theories, suspicions, or doubts, share them.
For the THRONE remains undecided.
Truth and lies remain in conflict.
Love and mystery will continue.
All horror will be revealed.
When the THRONE is claimed.
Will truth rule?
Or deception?
Or something even worse?
Look forward to the stanzas yet to come.