I jumped off the cliff without any further thought. The distance was not short, so I remained suspended in the air for a second before crashing down with tremendous force and slamming violently into the ground. The moment my body hit the earth, pain exploded through me all at once—sharp and overwhelming—so intense that it felt as though the bones in my legs had completely shattered.
I almost screamed at the top of my lungs, but I held my breath at the last moment. I clamped a hand over my mouth and forcibly suppressed my scream, letting the pain gnaw at me from within. I remained like that for a while, trembling in silence, unable to move, hearing nothing but the rapid pounding of my heart and the sound of my suffocated breaths.
After some time—how long, I couldn't tell—I dragged my body with great difficulty, trying to move away from the place where I had fallen. There was a rock in front of me, large enough to provide some cover. At first, I hesitated, but then I said to myself bitterly:
It doesn't matter… anyway, if there's a monster, I'll die soon regardless.
My condition was worse than I had expected. My old wounds reopened after having been frozen shut, and blood began to flow once more. My legs… they no longer worked. I felt as if all the bones in them had shattered, and I was no longer able to stand—let alone run.
I scoffed at myself in a low voice as I crawled slowly toward the rock, dragging my body across the ground without dignity, leaving a trail of blood behind me. Every movement was pure torture, and every breath I took was a battle in itself.
At last, I reached it. I leaned my back against the rock with great difficulty and felt its coldness seep into my exhausted body.
I raised my head and looked up at the sky above me, when suddenly my eyes welled up without any warning. I couldn't stop it… a single tear fell onto the ground in front of me, then another followed. And suddenly, I found myself crying uncontrollably, as if something inside me had finally broken.
I wiped my tears quickly with my hand, flustered, muttering to myself:
What is happening to me? Why am I crying?
But the tears didn't stop. On the contrary, they increased, as if my attempt to stop them had only been a signal for them to flow more freely. Without realizing it, I raised my voice:
Stop it… stop!
Then I heard myself speak again, in a different voice—calmer, yet heavier:
Why do you want them to stop? Don't you have the right to feel sad for a little while after all the suffering you're going through?
With those words, I felt the tears pour out even more violently, my chest tightening, my breathing breaking apart. Before I could hear another voice emerge from within me—sharper and colder:
What are you crying about? Are you crying because of the pain? Isn't it enough that you die and then come back again? So what the hell are you crying about?
I wanted to stop crying. I tried desperately, but I couldn't. Then the first voice returned, this time with a sad, almost broken tone:
You know… even if you kill yourself and come back again, your emotions don't disappear. The pain doesn't disappear. So stop holding yourself back… and let it out. Cry. Cry out loud if you want.
Suddenly, another voice surged inside me—angry and harsh:
Didn't you promise yourself that you would never cry? Are you going to break that promise now?
I couldn't take it anymore.
I screamed at the top of my lungs, tears pouring endlessly:
Shut up! Shut up! All of you, stop talking inside my head!
I said it while clutching my head with all my strength, as if trying to crush those voices until they disappeared—until they fell silent.
I remained like that for some time; I don't know exactly how long passed, until the sun began to slowly set on the horizon, as if taking with it what little strength I had left. As time went on, the pain in my body grew more intense, seeping into my bones and settling in my chest, while deep down I knew that I had lost a lot of blood—more than my body could endure.
I raised my gaze with difficulty toward a nearby rock, then extended my trembling hands and grabbed it. At that moment, there was only one thought in my mind: to free myself from the suffering I was living through. I lifted the rock in front of my face, my hands shaking.
I wanted to strike myself quickly, to end it all in a single moment… but I stopped.
How could I do that?
How could I try to kill myself with my own hands?
I remained holding the rock for long seconds that felt like an entire eternity, before it suddenly slipped from between my fingers and struck the ground beside me. I let out a trembling breath and whispered to myself with bitter sarcasm:
Who am I trying to fool?… I can't do it.
Darkness began creeping slowly into the edges of my vision, and everything became blurry…
In that state, I murmured in a weak voice that barely escaped my lips:
If there is a god… even in this world… please… don't let me return.
And before I completely lost consciousness, I heard a rustling sound around me—a slow, heavy movement. Then I felt the air around me suddenly grow cold, an unnatural cold, as if warmth itself were being drained from the place.
Then it appeared…
The same monster, with moonlike eyes.
It was approaching me slowly, step by step, and with every step closer, the cold in the air intensified until I felt as though my body was freezing. My vision was no longer clear; everything had almost sunk into darkness—but before my sight vanished completely… I saw it.
I saw it open its mouth slightly.
And in the next moment…
I died instantly.