In 0.1 seconds, Garfield ran through more than ten excuses in his head.
All of them were rejected.
As a cute orange cat, logic was optional. Cuteness was the ultimate survival strategy.
So, he made a decision… play dead.
Eyes closed. Limbs limp. A textbook performance.
Unfortunately, the two elf girls saw through it instantly. They leaned in from both sides.
"Your Highness," Fran asked sweetly, "Care to explain?"
Angie crossed her arms. "Or are you planning to sleep through this?"
Oh no.
Garfield opened one eye a crack, then abandoned the act entirely.
"Meow. Meow meow meow."
Angie scooped him up face-to-face, smiling brightly.
"If pretending to be stupid worked." She said gently, "There wouldn't be castrated cats."
"…?!" Garfield's pupils shrank.
Wait… castration exists among the Nine Realms' elves?!
Fear.
Terror.
Existential dread.
"N-no!" Garfield squeaked. "I'm still a young orange cat!"
"I haven't even grown up yet! You can ask the guards, yesterday I was just DJ-ing and singing, and then you two got me drunk!"
Fran froze, a faint blush crept up her cheeks.
Angie, meanwhile, calmly kneaded Garfield's chubby face. "We don't care."
She turned to Fran, utterly serious. "You know who he is. Let Odin propose marriage."
"…What?"
Fran blinked. "What?"
Garfield's soul nearly left his body. Marriage?!
Images flooded his mind…
Blackie.
Queenie.
Baima.
The Black Goddess's clones back home.
And worst of all… Pandora, the prehistoric nightmare, who didn't attend the banquet solely because she disliked Odin.
Garfield chose survival.
Better short pain than long pain. He lifted his head, eyes glassy, as if facing execution.
"I already have… several waiting for marriage back home." He confessed.
"And one of them is a wild goddess. Look at me, I'm clearly a scumbag. You can't do this."
Silence.
Fran and Angie leaned closer.
"…A wild goddess?"
"What's her name?"
"Is she pretty?"
"What does she look like?"
"Is she cute?"
"Fierce?"
"Does she have claws?"
"Scales?"
"Carnivore or vegetarian?"
"…I think." Garfield said weakly, "You both missed the point."
Angie shrugged. "Lots of people like the strong."
Fran nodded thoughtfully. "If you can attract a wild goddess, you must be special."
Garfield sat on the massive bed, big enough for five or six people and finally asked himself the question he'd been avoiding.
Why do these two look so smart… yet act so dangerously simple?
Was this a curse?
Otherwise, why were they clinging to an underage, openly self-proclaimed scumbag?
"…Don't you think I'm terrible?" Garfield asked cautiously. "Flirting everywhere?"
Angie shook her head. "As long as you're strong enough, no one complains. Your father was famous for it."
Fran added helpfully, "My dragon's father has many mates."
Garfield's mind wandered to a grim place…
A riverside grill with overworked male beasts. Relatives eating hotpot and singing while someone was roasting.
Is this my future?
Terrified, Garfield shrank his neck.
Trying to change the subject before destiny cooked him, he projected a hologram.
Midnight.
Her profile.
Her combat footage.
Her data.
Fran and Angie stared at the image, then slowly looked at each other.
Angie leaned close and whispered, "That's the Black Panther, right?"
Garfield nodded. "Yes. Why?"
"…We know her." Fran swallowed.
Angie leaned closer. "I heard she got bullied when she went out to play… even beaten up."
"Too old for that." Fran snorted.
"What? When?" Garfield's ears twitched.
He thought hard and suddenly remembered the legendary tale… Midnight had ventured into the multiverse and returned crying.
He leaned toward Fran and Angie, voice barely a whisper.
"Is that… her true self? She actually got bullied out there?"
Both elves nodded solemnly.
"Yes."
"That's it."
Garfield's whiskers twitched in horror. Midnight, Midnight… what have you been doing out there? Has the entire Marvel universe been bullying you?
As her nominal husband, Garfield acted with utmost diligence.
He pulled melon seeds, peanuts, and a tiny folding bench from his pocket… supplies for comfort and interrogation.
"Now." He said, gesturing at Fran and Angie, "Tell me everything in detail."
The two elves snatched the snacks from him, and the three, two elegant elves and one plump orange cat, sat cross-legged.
Angie produced a small notebook and flipped to a page.
"According to legend…" She began, "Though it may not be entirely accurate, the first world the Black Panther entered after leaving our universe is called…"
Before Fran could finish, the door to Garfield's room creaked open.
It was Fandral, looking disheveled from his earlier encounter with the two elves.
Garfield's claws extended automatically, and he hissed. "Speak quickly, or I will shred your face into a miserable pancake."
Fandral's eyes darted nervously between the two glaring elves and Garfield's sharp talons. Swallowing hard, he said,
"Your Highness… Odin sent me."
Garfield's ears twitched. Odin? That explains everything. The anger on the elves' faces faded immediately.
Though lean and fierce, they respected Asgard's king, and their attendance at the banquet had been a diplomatic gesture.
Garfield watched Angie reluctantly close her notebook. The elves got up to wash, leaving the cat and Fandral alone.
"Fandral." Garfield said, scratching the back of his head, "If Odin hadn't sent you, we'd never finish this. So spill it, what's going on?"
Fandral's face darkened. He knew he was about to offend the third prince again.
And with Fran and Angie gone, the responsibility fell solely on him.
"Your Highness,. He began cautiously, "Someone snuck into the Palace last night. The God King asked me to report it to you."
Garfield's tail puffed. "An invasion? Asgard's tech isn't low-grade. You mean the defenses didn't catch them?"
"They were active." Fandral said. "Even the DNA scanners."
Garfield's whiskers twitched. "Then why didn't I know about it? Where were the patrolling guards?"
"Everything was normal." Fandral admitted, cheeks burning. This was the second time today he'd been caught embarrassed by the prince.
Garfield's claws flexed threateningly. No explanation, and Fandral's face is going to regret existing.
Finally, Fandral swallowed and began, "After I sent His Royal Highness Thor back to his room last night…"
Garfield's ears perked. He thought for less than a second, then his golden eyes narrowed, and he pointed at the doorway.
"Food first."
꧁𓊈𒆜༺⚜༻𒆜𓊉꧂
PhantomDream