Naruto woke up in a dark, creepy chamber, groggy.
"Wey... I just had the wettest dream."
"You can say that for all of us, bro," a familiar voice piped up.
Naruto squinted through the darkness. "Shikamaru? That you?"
From the dark, it appeared as though Shikamaru had been cut in half and was floating mid-air, naked. But once Naruto's eyes adjusted, he realized Shikamaru was just lying on top of some naked knocked-out ninja—who was also lying on another nude ninja, and so on.
As Naruto scanned the area more, he realized the walls weren't made of stone. This place was built entirely out of stacked, unconscious people—including some of his closest homies.
"What the actual fuck?" Naruto gawked. "Shika, please tell me what's going on."
"Gladly," Shikamaru yawned. "It all started last week... You know what? This explanation's way too long, so let's just let the next paragraph sum it up. This fanfic's already pushing Four thousand words for God's sake."
Shikamaru brought Naruto up to speed. Turns out, Barry B. Benson had mysteriously appeared in the Hidden Leaf, and he was not here to mingle. Oh no, the yellow bastard had cast Infinite Tsukuyomi on the entire village, trapping everyone in a dream world where they lived out their deepest fantasies. While they're unconscious, Barry stacked them all up like human Legos and built this giant flesh chamber Naruto had just woken up in.
"For real?" Naruto asked.
Shikamaru nodded. "On God."
Naruto frowned. "Bro, I just woke up. I can't fence with you right now, Shikamaru."
"How long have you been out cold? That's a common lingo kids use around the time this fic was released. It means I'm dead serious. Barry B. Benson is the ultimate ShinoBee!"
Naruto finally caught on. "Ah, okay! But that still doesn't explain why my ass feels all wet and gooey right now."
"Oh. That." Shikamaru cleared his throat. "Well, my genius intellect deduced that Barry turned us into some kind of organic beehive. We're on the inside of a honeycomb. And he's been storing his honey in our assholes on the other side."
"I don't believe it!"
"You should believe it," Shikamaru deadpanned. "You're Naturo."
Naruto choked on his next words. "I... You knew about this and didn't do anything?"
Shikamaru shrugged. "Apart from being lazy as fuck, I actually like the feeling of honey in my ass. Reminds me of when I have the runs."
Naruto sighed, "I should've known. Well, it's up to me then."
"You are the main character," pointed out Shikamaru. "By the way, what was your dream about?"
"NO TIME!" Naruto shouted, absolutely not about to admit anything. "I gotta put an end to that evil bumblebitch!"
Naruto unleashed his Jinchūriki powers, snapping everyone out of the illusion. Bodies rag-dolled to the wet ground as ninja after ninja woke up, confused, and covered in Barry's questionable honey.
Just as they were getting their bearings, the air crackled—Barry bilocated to their position in an instant. The noises Naruto's attacks had made attracted the bee.
"What is the meaning of thi—oh, of course. You!" Barry's Rinnegan spotted Naruto, now glowing with all his tailed beast aura. "I knew you'd be special. That's why I made sure your dream was the gayest of all!" Barry grinned. "I guess it wasn't gay enough!"
Naruto's hands clenched into fists. "You took advantage of my ninja way!"
Barry buzzed in mock. "Not my fault your ninja way is the gay way."
Naruto turned to his comrades. "Alright, folks! Mug that bee bastard!"
From the crowd, Sakura's voice rang out. "Why don't you go first, coward!?"
Naruto rolled his eyes. "I'm the MC. You know how anime works—the useless rush in first, get their asses folded, and then I come in and save the day. Now, ATTACK, MY COMRADES!"
Hundreds of ninjas advanced at Barry.
Barry just sighed. Then he pulled a full-on Madara and whooped every single one of those fools without breaking a sweat.
Certified fatty, Choji, tucked into a ball and rolled towards Barry, but Barry sidestepped outta the way. Barry then hit him with a Ransengan—right on the asshole! The impact twisted Choji's sphincter shut like a pickle jar. Choji was so shocked at what happened that he wanna fart badly, but the gas had nowhere to go. His body puffed up and exploded into tiny pieces.
Ino attempted her Mind Transfer Jutsu on Barry, and for a second, it seemed like it worked—until Barry flipped the script. Instead of her controlling him, Barry took control of her and added her to his hivemind. Under Barry's command, Ino made background ninjas swan dive off a cliff and even made Tenten bring her useless tools to the kitchen and fix Barry a sandwich.
Kakashi had bigger problems to deal with—he had to take a huge caca shit by some bushes. But there were no bushes around so he went to the closest thing possible, Rock Lee's bushy brows. He squatted over Lee and his anbu booty dropped a wicked steamer onto Lee's face and chest.
Sai, on the other hand, drew my little pony fanart with his own faeces for the shits and lols, while Sasuke went out to form a Midwest emo band somewhere in Nebraska.
"Shikamaru, you slacker!" Naruto called out, "Do something, Goddamn it!"
"This is such a drag..." Shikamaru complained as he dragged his sagging nutsack into the battlefield. Shikamaru used shadow possession jutsu on Barry, but with one look from Barry, a realization hit him—he's merely a shadow to Barry's excellence. And just like that, Shikamaru developed an existential crisis mid-battle.
Determined to prove she wasn't useless, Sakura charged at Barry. But Barry was quicker. The bee activated the paper bomb that had been stuck to Sakura's juicy kunoichi coochie—Konoha had a napkin shortage, the ladies had to use explosive tags for pads. Sakura exploded and died.
"What the hell is going on!?" Naruto was beyond stressed.
Before he could make sense of things, a bright light flashed before him. Outta nowhere, Boruto appeared!
"Father, I have terrible news! Barry—" Boruto froze in horror at the ensuing chaos. "Oh, shit... I'm too late! Welp, I tried—see ya, Dad!"
But before Boruto could fully vanish back to the future, Barry teleported behind and sent his huge cock into Boruto's borehole!
Somewhere in the future, Boruto's friends would be wondering why he returned all gaped up.
"Man, they're gonna have questions," Barry quipped before Might Guy appeared and punched his laughing ass.
"Cobra Kai!!!" Guy might say.
After being used as a human-toilet, Rock Lee was ready to assist Might Guy. But as he rushed into battle, he saw Barry exercising authority over Guy-sensei through ways of buttfuck.
"Guy-sensei, NOOOO!" That did not bode well for Lee.
Barry sniggered, "I gotta say, this ass is the best one yet! I, Barry B. Benson, declare you the tightest!"
Tight Guy turned to Lee, teary-eyed. "I'm sorry, Lee. He stretched open the eight gate without my consent... He's too fast. I don't think you can defeat him—unless... you take them off."
"But I already took the weights off pre-timeskip," Lee protested.
Guy gave his signature smile. "No, the other thing we talked about..."
Lee knew what sensei had meant. "Hell no, I already told you, I ain't cutting off my balls, bruh!"
"You must, Lee. It's the only way..."
With Guy's insistence, Rock Lee neutered his rock hard dick and balls and felt improvements to his mobility. But without his balls, he couldn't care less for Guy because he had no lust for him anymore. No lovelife means loneliness, so Lee got depressed and became a full time alcoholic.
It was Neji's turn to strike. He used his blind powers and did what you'd expect from a blind man, tripping over a rock and face-planted, ass up in the air.
Barry fisted that exposed anus, abusing Neji's Neji spot. He was supposed to sex Neji but he already had Guy around his dick and he couldn't pull out or else he'll die.
Doing his canon death face, Neji died.
Hinata arrived. "You monster! You killed my brother!"
She tried to fight but Barry had other plans. The bee told her he had a friend who's an ophthalmologist and promised they could finally fix her cataracts—so she could spy on Naruto-kun's dick in full HD IMAX quality. That was an offer Hinata couldn't pass up. From that moment on, she and Barry became best of friends.
"Okay that rips it! I'm putting an end to this BS!" The epic Naruto theme played out as Naruto finally made his move. It was hard to Naruto-run when your ass was all slimy and shit but he persevered and threw a kunai at Barry.
It pierced through the bee.
POOF!
Barry suddenly turned into a log. The kind of log that comes outta the ass!
Barry used the Naruto equivalent of the force and telekinetically sent his cowpie splat on Naruto's face.
Poopoo on the face gave Naruto the blackface and the ninja wasn't a fan of racial stereotypes, so his anger upgraded him to his final form: Baryon mode!
Using his Sharingan, Barry replicated a bastardization of Naruto's transformation he proudly called, Barryon mode!
"Barryon my wayward son!" Barry zipped towards Naruto.
Naruto made a giant Rasenshuriken. "SASUKEEE!"
Just as they were about to clash into one another, a mysterious figure popped up between them, stopping a collision from happening.
"Shino the bug whisperer?" Naruto muttered.
Shino ignored Naruto, instead focusing on Barry. "What have you done, Barry!"
"Oh, you left me no choice!" said Barry, tone loosing its usual bravado. "You did this. You broke my heart—cheated on me for what? A damn tick!?"
"I couldn't help it, you know that!" Shino's voice cracked. "Tick-sama... Tick-sama was just so good with the glock glock!"
"If you wanted the succ, you could've just asked!" Barry's voice trembled, anger giving way to heartbreak.
Shino's head hung low. "I was stupid... but we can fix this. Let's try again. Let's get out of here, just you and me."
Barry craned his head away, pooling tears starting to break. "It's too late... Look around, I've done too much... We've done too much..."
"That's why you have to stop," Shino strutting closer. He reached out, cupping Barry's face with a sanitized hand. "Remember our little honeycomb house? The one we planned to build? We can still do it. We can still live that quiet life... reproduce human/bee hybrids... far away from all this."
Barry hesitated, then closed his eyes, nodding weakly. For a moment, the world felt lighter.
Shino injected his slimy tongue into Barry's mouth and stirred spaghetti noises blared as their tongues twirled on each other.
Barry savored the familiar taste, flavor he'd spent two painful years longing for.
But then came a sharp pain from his peepee area.
"You... you pulled him out!" Barry choked, glancing down to see Might Guy, torn away from his cock!
"You son of a bitch!" Barry coughed blood, "You made me pull out!"
Shino stood there in silence, tears streaming down his face.
"I should've known..." Barry spat, falling knees planting on wet soil. "Once a liar... always a liar... You're a cheat!"
"I'm sorry, Barry," Shino murmured. "But I had to do this... You're not the bee I fell in love with. That bee promised to protect Konoha... to plant flowers and cherry blossoms and make this village bloom. That bee is gone."
Somehow, Barry didn't lash out. He didn't scream. Didn't go apeshit for that matter. He just smiled—that same angelic smile he'd worn the day he first met Shino.
Had Shino made a mistake? Perhaps Barry could've been redeemed.
"...Fuck love, amirite?" Barry whispered.
"Fuck love," Shino echoed, grief swallowed him whole as color left Barry's eyes.
Naruto was ready to offer gay comfort, but the weight of the moment stopped him. Some wounds weren't meant to be patched up so soon. Instead, Naruto turned away to tend to the wounded.
THE END
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