Qiu Yunru had to consciously keep his mouth closed to prevent himself from gaping as Li Chenyuan broke down in tears in front of him.
"Is that it...?" Li Chenyuan croaked, sinking to his knees. His face was so stained with tears that it seemed to glow in the light of the moon. "...So...it was always going to end up like that?"
A knot seemed to be curling in Qiu Yunru's chest, and he felt his own eyes growing wet.
He had always been a bit easy to cry when seeing pitiful things in his last life. When he saw a dog being beaten on TV, he would cry and try to grab it. When he saw a beggar on the street, he would cry and beg his mother for money. When he saw a cat with a broken leg, he would bring it home in tears, to his mother's horror. Of course, the cat would be thrown back onto the street in the end.
But it wasn't only pity he felt this time.
There was a strange sense of deja vu flooding his body, and he felt suddenly lightheaded.
Hadn't he cried just like this and said the exact same things when he was younger?
In grade school, he had gone to the nurse crying with a headache enough times that the school had told his mother to bring him to the doctor. The doctor had put him through an MRI.
"He probably has chronic migraines," The doctor told his mother apologetically on their return visit. "There are no tumors or other abnormalities."
The car ride back home had been eerily silent.
Qiu Yunru had clutched his head and leaned against the window, scrunching his face up. The only things that made him feel a little better were poking his temples with his fingers like acupuncture needles, or pulling at his hair.
"Stop that," His mother snapped, looking in the rearview mirror. "Right now. If you're faking it, you're going to be in big trouble, Wang Zhi."
"But I'm not..."
"I don't care!" She breaked hard, causing Wang Zhi to lurch forward and nearly hit his head on the back of her seat. His vision spun a little. Sometimes, there were little black spots in his vision from the pain. "If you're faking it, you're going to become a loser. Only losers try to get out of things. If you're not faking it and you let it affect you, you're even more of a loser! You need to get thicker skin, ah! Lazy child."
Wang Zhi started to cry a little, shaking his head while tugging at his hair. "But it hurts so much...I'm really not lying..."
"Did you hear me?" Her voice was like the crack of a whip, sharp and stinging. "I said, even if it hurts, you need to get over it! The world won't wait for you to catch up. We don't live in a kind of place that makes space for people who let things slow them down! If you let something as small as this affect you, you'll become worthless!"
"I'm trying..." Wang Zhi doubled over in the back seat, tears streaming down his face. Her voice was too loud; it was making his head hurt even more. "I'm trying..."
Qiu Yunru stared at Li Chenyuan's hunched-over form, feeling a strange sense of warmth in his stomach, alongside the wetness in his eyes.
He crouched down by Li Chenyuan and pulled on his arms to see his face. Upon seeing Li Chenyuan's red face and swollen eyes, his heart only hurt more, and he swallowed down a lump in his throat.
"You're not a bad person. You're not evil. It won't end up like that."
Li Chenyuan's eyes watered, glistening. His mouth opened a little in surprise, and he gaped at Qiu Yunru like a fish.
Qiu Yunru swallowed again, feeling an inexplicable urge to protect this kid. It welled up inside of him in a wave, and he suddenly leaned in and hugged him.
Li Chenyuan stiffened like a log. He could feel Qiu Yunru's warm breath on his ear, and he felt something hot and wet fall onto his neck.
His shige was...crying?
Qiu Yunru felt Li Chenyuan's arms slowly circle around him, and seeing that the hug was being accepted, he squeezed his shidi tighter. He had never been one to hug people in his past life; after all, he hadn't had many close people whom he'd want to hug, so the only hugs he received were from his parents. So, he had never imagined that comforting someone with a tight hug could feel so comforting to oneself, as well. He closed his eyes and squeezed his shidi one more time, before releasing him.
Only, he couldn't really release him.
When he tried to let go, Li Chenyuan's arms only gripped the back of his robes tighter, like a claw clip, and he was unable to pull back. Qiu Yunru suddenly felt awkward--should he pull back harder, or just keep crouching here until his shidi was done?--but in the end, he decided it would be best to just hug him back again. They stayed there like that for a long moment.
Li Chenyuan trembled. Qiu Yunru could tell that he was crying silently into his shoulder. He worried for a moment about snot getting on his robes, but decided it wasn't a big deal in the end. A little snot can be washed off. A hug is more important.
After about three minutes, it seemed Li Chenyuan wasn't planning to release him anytime soon. What a strong grip he had--like a crab!
However, Qiu Yunru's calves were really starting to cramp. One of them even seized up, and he nearly fell over. He cleared his throat awkwardly.
"Shidi...My...ow...leg..."
Li Chenyuan looked down with eyes swollen as grapes to see his shige's leg trembling. He let go quickly, wiping furiously at the snot and tears all over his pale face.
Unfortunately, there was so much snot and so many tears that all this did was smear everything around, making his whole face wet and raw.
Qiu Yunru would usually be disgusted by such a sight; snot was definitely not one of his favorite things. Particularly other people's snot. However, he was already a little used to it. He already had this kid's snot all over his shoulder; what was a little snot on his face? He took out a handkerchief, took Li Chenyuan's chin in his hand, and began to wipe his cheeks gently.
Li Chenyuan's eyes shone out at him brightly with admiration. It wasn't until Qiu Yunru had wiped half his face that he realized he could have just handed the handkerchief over instead of doing it himself like a mother duck. Was this a little too much?
Whatever--he was already halfway there. Better to not make a big deal of it and just finish up!
After he was done, Qiu Yunru stowed the snotty cloth away and sat down next to Li Chenyuan.
A silence stretched between them.
"...I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," Qiu Yunru said. "I...was being selfish. And I'm sorry Shizun didn't tell you, either."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Li Chenyuan muttered, rubbing his red nose on his sleeve tiredly. He looked a little like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Qiu Yunru thought. Cute.
Qiu Yunru thought for a moment. Why hadn't he?
He had wanted to keep himself safe, and he hadn't thought at all about how it might affect anyone else. Was he just a selfish person, or was it because he saw this kid as...just an NPC?
Could he really think of someone with such real emotions, who could really be hurt and cry in pain, as just an NPC?
"I'm selfish," Qiu Yunru confessed, rubbing his arm awkwardly. "I only think about my future. I didn't consider how it would affect you. I try to appear generous and humble, but in the end, I've only cared about myself."
Li Chenyuan was quiet for a long moment. He rubbed his nose again. "...You're not selfish."
Qiu Yunru raised an eyebrow. "I definitely am."
"...You've risked your life before for me."