Chapter 158: I Finally Have Friends Over for a Sleepover!At the dining table, Auntie Yuiyui displayed breathtaking culinary skills—candied sweet potatoes, steamed sweet potatoes, sweet potato stew with dried meat, and even sweet potato skin sashimi...Haru elegantly picked his teeth while inconspicuously handing Hyo Saburo a high-end cigar from Axel (actually low-quality goods bought from a roadside stall, but the packaging was very impressive), his tone full of inducement:"Uncle, you might not know, but Kazuma is a man known as the 'Golden Finger' in Axel. Any business he handles, even stones by the roadside can be sold for double. This time he specifically instructed me to choose the top-tier supplies to bring over, just so Megumin wouldn't lose face at home.""Ohhh! As expected of Master Kazuma!" Hyo Saburowas moved to tears, slapping Kazuma's shoulder with such force he almost hammered him into the floor. "A man who treats money like dirt and is so considerate of my daughter is simply the perfect son-in-law for the Crimson Demon Clan!"At this moment, Kazuma had completely drifted into outer space under the influence of Haru's flattery and the alcohol.He puffed out his chest and waved his hand with a look of arrogance:"Aya, Uncle, you're being too polite. Money is nothing more than a string of numbers to me. As long as Megumin is happy, never mind a wagon of sweet potatoes, even if I have to move all the sweet potatoes in Axel here, I, Satou Kazuma, wouldn't even blink!""Kazuma! You big idiot! What kind of nonsense are you talking about!"Megumin was so angry she nearly snapped her staff, but under Yuiyui's kind yet threatening gaze, she could only shrink into the corner, trembling.After lunch, Auntie Yuiyui showed a meaningful smile and briskly pushed Kazuma toward the second floor:"Oh my, Master Kazuma must be tired, right? Although our house is humble, we still have rooms. However... because the house is currently undergoing renovations for a magic laboratory, the other rooms are filled with dangerous explosives. So, please bear with us, Master Kazuma, and rest in Megumin's room for now. Megumin, hurry and help Master Kazuma make the bed!""Wha-What?! Mama! This is absolutely not okay!"Megumin let out an earth-shattering scream, but Yuiyui blocked her mouth in a flash and hauled her directly into the room.Haru watched the door on the second floor being slammed shut—he even faintly heard the sound of it being locked—and the corners of his mouth curled up slightly.He turned his head to look at Aqua, who was staring blankly while still trying to stuff the last piece of sweet potato into her mouth, and Darkness, who was lost in some sort of humiliating fantasy about being locked out of the room."Hey, everyone, I don't think there's any room for us here anymore."Haru clapped his hands and made a serious suggestion,"Look, Megumin's house is indeed quite cramped, and with that mountain of sweet potatoes, we'd probably have to sleep in a human pyramid tonight. It just so happens that Yunyun's house is nearby; she's the village chief's daughter, her house is big and empty, and she must be very lonely living alone. As her companions, we should go and warm up her home, don't you think?"As soon as Aqua heard about a big house, she immediately raised both hands in favor:"Exactly, exactly! This goddess has had enough of this house filled with poverty and the smell of sweet potatoes! We're going to live in a mansion! Haru, lead the way!"Darkness blushed and fidgeted with her fingers:"Being abandoned by companions... going to stay at the home of the reclusive village chief's daughter... this feeling of living under someone else's roof... Haa... I have no objection either!"Thus, Haru took the goddess and the crusader and quietly slipped out of the house while Auntie Yuiyuiwas busy playing matchmaker for Kazuma and Megumin on the second floor.Walking on the road to Yunyun's house, Haru looked at the tower that stood out in the center of the village, silently calculating in his heart."Kazuma, oh Kazuma, as your brother, I can only help you this much. Whether you can escape your single status tonight depends on whether Auntie Yuiyui's assist is strong enough. As for me... of course, I'm going to Yunyun's to enjoy VIP treatment."When Haru knocked on the heavy door of Yunyun's house, Yunyun's slightly panicked voice came from inside:"Coming, I'm coming! Who is it? If you're trying to sell magic potions, I already have plenty..."The door opened, and Yunyun froze when she saw Haru, Aqua, and Darkness standing at the entrance."Mr. Lin Jin?! And Miss Aqua and Miss Darkness? Why are you...""Yunyun, sorry to bother you."Haru gave an extremely brilliant and friendly smile. "Megumin's house is just too 'explosive.' We're worried we might get blown away while sleeping, so we wanted to come here to stay for the night. Is it convenient?"Yunyun's eyes instantly lit up. The happiness of being needed and relied upon by her companions instantly overwhelmed her, making her almost want to cry:"Con-Convenient! It's very convenient! Please, do come in! I'll go prepare the best guest rooms and black tea right away! Wuwu... I finally have friends over for a sleepover!"Just as Yunyun was frantically fussing over those overly exquisite tea sets, trying to demonstrate her social etiquette as the only normal person in the Crimson Demon Clan to Haru, the living room door was suddenly kicked open by an invisible force (actually a sudden kick).Accompanied by a meaningless but imposing smoke effect (likely the aftereffect of some small Explosion Magic), a man wearing a deep purple robe and an exaggeratedly large cloak walked in with an extremely distorted gait.He suddenly pressed his left eye, his red pupils flashing with an eerie light in the dim entrance hall, and then he made a back-leaning pose that almost broke his spine."My name is Sirofone! The man who controls the principles of causality, weaves the chains of taboos, and stands at the peak of the Crimson Demon Clan! Also the watcher of this cursed land, and the biological father of Yunyun, in whom the blood of destruction flows!""Dad, Dad! Stop it! There are no outsiders here, hurry up and clear the smoke, the floor is hard to clean!"Yunyun screamed and rushed up, trying to pull down her father's wildly fluttering cloak, her face so red it could almost light up the entire living room.Sirofone gave a cold snort. Although his pose didn't change, his gaze instantly locked onto Haru sitting on the sofa.He strode over with long strides, every step hitting a rhythmic beat that said 'I have a lot of authority.'"Hmph, although I have heard of your deeds from Yunyun's letters filled with loneliness and longing, seeing you today, you are indeed extraordinary."Sirofone suddenly retracted his pose and sat down in the main seat opposite Haru. Although his tone was still chuunibyou, it carried a hint of an elder's scrutiny."Haru-kun, on behalf of the Crimson Demon Village, I thank you for taking care of my incompetent daughter in that town of Axel, which is filled with losers and drunks. Although she doesn't even have a single friend to play shadow tag with, at least she hasn't been carried off by those lowly Goblins.""Dad! What are you talking about in front of the guests!"Yunyun covered her face and crouched on the ground, already starting to consider whether to use teleportation magic to flee this planet.
Chapter 159: The Village Chief's Words Make So Much Sense!Sirofone ignored his daughter's protest. Instead, he leaned forward, his red eyes staring intently at Haru, a hint of an appreciative curve appearing at the corners of his mouth."At such a young age, not only do you possess a title like Lord of Ashes that makes even my heart race, but you've also successively slain Demon Kings Army Generals Beldia and Hans. You even completely pulverized that Mobile Fortress Destroyer that left countless Kingdom Knights Orders helpless... Mr. Lin Jin, does your right hand truly seal a karmic fire capable of rebooting the world?"Haru coughed awkwardly twice, intending to be humble, but Aqua, who was sitting beside him, couldn't sit still anymore.She suddenly stood up, hands on her hips, and pointed at her own nose with a look of displeasure."Hey! You red-eyed middle-aged man! Did you miss the most important part? In the credit for defeating those guys, this Goddess's sacrosanct Purification Magic accounted for more than ninety percent! Quick, kneel down right now and praise the Great Lady Aqua, then offer up your village's top-tier tributes!"Sirofone was stunned for a moment. He sized Aquaup and down, then revealed an expression of utter disdain."Oh, so this blue-haired woman is the follower Yunyun mentioned in her letters—the one whose beauty is stunning but whose intelligence seems to have been sacrificed to a demon? As expected, her reputation precedes her. This illogical arrogance could practically compete with Megumin, the worst student in our village.""Who are you calling a follower?! You red-eyed bumpkin! I think you want to be washed into the sewers by this Goddess's Holy Water!"Aqua was so angry she was about to unleash her ultimate move on the spot, but Haru was quick and pressed her back into the sofa.Darkness, meanwhile, stood up with a serious expression and gave Sirofone a standard knight's salute."I have long looked forward to meeting you, Village Chief Sirofone. I am Lalatina of Dustiness Family... No, I am Darkness. It is a great honor to come to the Crimson Demon Village and receive the baptism of being scrutinized by all the villagers as if I were an anomaly!"Sirofone's mouth twitched."Dustiness Family? That noble house known for being old-fashioned and upright actually produced such a... well, such a highly individualistic junior? It seems the world truly is collapsing."While Haru soothed Aqua—who was still thrashing in his arms, trying to use God Blow to discipline the Village Chief—he remembered the crisis-filled letter Mimi had sent to Axel earlier.He frowned and looked at the currently overbearing Sirofone."Village Chief, setting the title issue aside. Mimimentioned in her letter that the Crimson Demon Village seems to have been targeted by a General of the Demon King's Army? And the situation seems very urgent, even Megumin rushed back overnight in a panic. This matter...""Ha! Hahahaha!"As if he had heard some world-shaking joke, Sirofone suddenly burst into laughter, throwing his head back so hard that his magnificent cape covered his face. "A Demon King's Army General? Targeting our Crimson Demon Village? Mr. Lin Jin, you couldn't have actually believed that old fellow Hyo Saburo's tall tales, could you?"Sirofone yanked the cape off his head, his eyes filled with the arrogance of a lonely powerhouse."Listen closely, that was nothing more than a clumsy lie Hyo Saburo cooked up to trick Megumin into coming home! After all, that guy's magic item development failed recently, and his family is so poor they have to split a single sweet potato skin with Mimi. He probably wants to use Megumin's Explosion Magic—which, while only one shot, is incredibly powerful—to go into the deep mountains and blow up some valuable materials. As for the Demon King's Army? Hmph, as long as their heads aren't stuffed with straw, they would never dare step into this land blessed by the gods... ah no, this land dominated by us Crimson Demon Clan! Here, even a primary schooler on the street can casually toss out a few Advanced Magic spells. Which General would be so tired of living that they'd come here looking for a beating?"Haru was stunned.He looked at Sirofone's nearly delusional confidence and thought of the villagers he saw when entering the village—the ones who even added special effects to their greetings—and suddenly felt... the Village Chief's words make so much sense!"So you're saying our sense of tension all along was led astray by that daughter-pitting guy Hyo Saburo? Kazuma is still over there spending his life savings to buy sweet potatoes; does that mean he's just paying the bill for a scam?"Haru silently felt a bit of heartache for Kazuma's wallet."D-Dad! Stop talking! Let Mr. Lin Jin and the others rest!"Seeing Haru lost in thought, Yunyun thought he had been frightened by her father's chuunibyou remarks. She hurriedly rushed over with a red face, grabbing Haru with one hand and the still-sulking Aqua with the other."Everyone, please follow me! I've already picked out rooms for you; they're the ones with the best lighting and are closest to the kitchen! Please do stay, don't leave just because of my father's strange talk!"Sirofone watched his daughter look as if she were ready to pour her heart out, shrugged helplessly, and turned to leave the living room.But as he passed by Haru, he suddenly stopped. Taking advantage of the moment Yunyun went to get the keys, he quickly leaned into Haru's ear, his voice low and full of a certain understanding between men."Hey, young man. I rarely hear Yunyun praise a man so much in her letters. Although you seem quite normal, if you really could become my son-in-law... an alliance between the Lord of Ashes and the Crimson Demon Village Chief sounds absolutely cool to the extreme! I have high hopes for you; don't let that sweet-potato-scamming Hyo Saburo take all the credit!"After saying that, Sirofone gave Haru a 'you know what I mean' look, and then, accompanied by a flashbang effect that appeared out of nowhere, he disappeared gallantly at the end of the corridor.Haru froze in place, his brain instantly crashing."S-Son-in-law?! Hey, Lord Village Chief, isn't your logic jumping a bit too fast? I just came here for a place to stay!""Mr. Lin Jin? What's wrong? Your face is so red."Yunyun ran back with a bunch of shiny keys, looking at Haru with concern."N-Nothing." Haru shifted his gaze guiltily. "I just suddenly felt that the elders of the Crimson Demon Village... are indeed very individualistic."Yunyun led Haru down the long corridor of the mansion, which was covered with thick carpets.After seeing the guest room with a giant bathtub, Aqua had already screamed and rushed in to enjoy her holy bath time. Meanwhile, Darkness was deeply studying a sculpture at the end of the corridor that looked a lot like a torture device (it was actually just a uniquely shaped coat rack).At this moment, only Haru and Yunyun were left in the corridor.Haru's brain was currently in a state of near-stasis.From returning to Axel from the City of Water to setting out until now, he not only had to deal with Kazuma's various schemes but also had to perform that embarrassment-level-max show at the Crimson Demon Village entrance. Combined with the son-in-law theory bombardment from the Village Chief just now, he currently just wanted to find a pillow and bury himself in it.
Chapter 160: Lock of True Love"U-Um, Mr. Lin Jin... This is your room. It's not as grand as the mansion in Axel, but... but I specifically changed into lavender-scented sheets, hoping it would help ease your fatigue..."As Yunyun spoke, she turned around somewhat restlessly, wanting to show Haru the room's furnishings.However, Haru, who was on the verge of sleepwalking, didn't notice that Yunyun had stopped in her tracks."W-Woah?!"The moment Yunyun turned around, she crashed firmly into Haru's embrace.Haru was jolted slightly awake by the sudden impact, but the reflexes developed over a long adventuring career made him subconsciously reach out his hands to steadily catch the heavy weight in his arms.A soft sensation, accompanied by the faint, characteristic magical fragrance of the Crimson Demon Clan, and the girl's rapidly rising body temperature due to panic.Haru was now completely awake.He looked down, meeting Yunyun's wide, round red eyes, which were filled with disbelief and extreme shyness.Yunyun's entire body froze. Her hands were pressed against Haru's chest, but she made no move to push him away; instead, she was trembling slightly from extreme nervousness."I'm doomed! What am I doing?! I'm in the house of the Crimson Demon Village Chief, hugging his only precious daughter?! If Sirofone pushes the door open right now, I, the Lord of Ashes, might actually turn into a pile of ashes!"Haru let out a desperate cry in his heart, cold sweat instantly soaking his back.In any normal worldview, this behavior would be enough to be called late-night harassment or extreme rudeness.Haru wanted to let go immediately and apologize, then flee the scene at the speed of light, but when he saw Yunyun's expression—looking like she was about to cry yet desperately holding it back—his brain jammed again.Meanwhile, Yunyun's inner monologue was even more dramatic than Haru's."I-I'm being hugged! Is this the legendary trust-filled physical contact that only occurs between best friends? Or is this the most popular goodnight greeting in Axel? If I push him away now, Mr. Lin Jinwill surely think I'm an ungrateful, antisocial woman, and then he'll leave tomorrow morning with Lady Aqua and the others and never talk to me again... Uwah, I don't want that! I finally made friends... Even if... even if I'm being hugged so tight I can't breathe, I absolutely cannot push him away!"Thus, in an eerie silence, the two remained in this extremely ambiguous and dangerous posture, deadlocked in the empty corridor.Haru's arms could clearly feel Yunyun's rapid heartbeat; the frequency was so fast it was like an Explosion Magic engine running at full capacity.His brain frantically toggled between letting go to apologize and staying like this until the end of time, eventually reaching the most cowardly conclusion:"Since she hasn't pushed me away, should I say something to break the awkwardness? Like... Yunyun, you're actually quite light? No, no, no, that would definitely be treated as sexual harassment!"Just as this suffocating scene of social suicide was about to evolve into some indescribable development, Aqua's energetic (and extremely mood-killing) shout suddenly came from the other end of the hallway:"Hey! Haru! Why won't the soap in this bathroom bubble up! Come over and take a look for me; is the water quality in this village so bad that even this Goddess's divine power can't purify these cheap detergents!"This shout was like a bolt of thunder, instantly shattering the pink bubbles between the two.Haru let go as if he'd been electrocuted and took a large step back, his movement so swift it even kicked up a gust of wind."U-Um! I'm sorry! Yunyun! I was spacing out just now! I really didn't mean it! I-I'll go see what that idiot Aqua is up to!"After shouting incoherently, Haru sprinted toward the bathroom without looking back, his retreating figure looking utterly pathetic as he fled in panic.Left in place, Yunyun's hands remained in the air, the blush on her face having spread to the base of her neck. She looked like a thoroughly cooked shrimp, and a wisp of white steam even rose from the top of her head."I-It's okay... If it's Mr. Lin Jin... even if it were a bit longer... i-it would be fine..."She murmured in a voice as faint as a mosquito, then covered her face and zipped into her room, followed by the loud sound of a closing door.After a chaotic bout of Holy Iron Fists and Goddess wails, Haru finally succeeded in shutting Aqua's non-stop mouth with the threat of stuffing her into the toilet to purify it if she made any more noise.He crawled into the room Yunyun had prepared with a body full of exhaustion, and fell into a dreamland the moment his head hit the pillow—after all, in a place like the Crimson Demon Village, staying awake was the greatest mental torture.The next morning, when the first light of dawn pierced through the atmosphere filled with magical dust in the Crimson Demon Village, Haru walked into Yunyun's living room while yawning.However, the sight before him instantly chased away all his drowsiness.Sitting on the spacious sofa in the living room were two literal Crimson Demon Village zombies.Kazuma's face, which was usually written with scumminess and opportunism, was now as pale as a sheet of paper. The dark circles under his eyes were so heavy they looked like they'd been smeared on with charcoal, and his whole body was trembling slightly.Megumin next to him wasn't doing much better. She was death-gripping her staff, staring blankly at a pattern on the floor, her mouth still unconsciously murmuring:"Explosion... urge to pee... barrier... unforgivable..."Haru raised an eyebrow and walked over slowly, scanning Kazuma with a gaze full of righteous judgment.It was as if actual sparks of electricity were flickering in his eyes—the ultimate stare directed at a suspected lolicon criminal."Yo, isn't this Kazuma?"Haru lowered his voice, his tone carrying a hint of mischievous teasing."How was the feeling of all-night resonance in Megumin's bedroom last night? Did you find the Crimson Demon Clan's hospitality exceptionally gentle? Tell me, what kind of indescribable scum-like acts did you commit against our team's only underage Archwizard?""Lin... Haru..." Kazuma slowly raised his head, his eyes filled with the dead silence of one who had seen through the mortal world. "Did you think that was heaven? No, that was hell... an Avici Hell that would make even a Dullahan weep!"He suddenly grabbed Haru's collar and issued a grief-stricken accusation in a low voice:"I, Satou Kazuma, may be lecherous and lack integrity, but even I have a bottom line! Before establishing a relationship or getting a marriage certificate, how could I possibly lay a hand on that flat-chested explosion maniac! But the problem is... Megumin's insane parents actually cast a high-level barrier magic called the Lock of True Love on the door and windows! Unless the two reach some kind of union of soul and body, it absolutely won't open before dawn!"At this point, a glint of crystal tears actually appeared in the corners of Kazuma's eyes:"The most critical thing is, there's no toilet in that room at all! I held my pee for the entire night! The whole night! I didn't even dare close my eyes for a second, fearing that if I fell asleep, my dignity as an Adventurer would completely collapse on those lavender-colored sheets! Megumin was the same; she curled up in the corner and shook all night. I could even hear the wails coming from her bladder...""Shut up! Kazuma! Don't say another word!" Megumin jumped up suddenly. Though her legs were still a bit weak, her aura remained formidable. "That was just... just Holy Water endurance training performed by the Crimson Demon Clan to temper one's will! It wasn't anything embarrassing!"Looking at this pair of partners who had repeatedly teetered on the edge of their physiological limits, the sparks of judgment in Haru's heart instantly vanished, replaced by a deep sense of sympathy.
Chapter 161: The Public Execution Ground of Dark HistoriesAt the massive dining table in Yunyun's house, which was large enough to seat over a dozen people, everyone sat gathered together, enjoying a non-sweet potato full-course breakfast personally prepared by Yunyun.Although Kazuma and Megumin still emitted a decadent aura as if their souls had been hollowed out, as the steaming hot thick soup entered their stomachs, their complexions finally recovered from a deathly white to a living pale green.Haru put down his spoon and looked at Yunyun, who was staring at him with a resentful expression (likely because of last night's hug), and Aqua, who was trying to stuff an entire piece of bread into her mouth. He cleared his throat and spoke:"Cough, everyone. I have some unfortunate news to tell you. Last night, I had an in-depth conversation with the village chief—that is, Uncle Sirofone. Regarding the intelligence about a Demon Kings Army General attacking the village... it's most likely a lie fabricated by Uncle Hyo Saburo to trick Megumin into coming back and, while he was at it, swindle some supplies from Axel."The dining table instantly fell into a dead silence."Pfft! Cough, cough, cough!" Kazuma sprayed the black tea right out of his mouth. He pointed tremblingly at the two carts of sweet potatoes outside the window that hadn't been unloaded yet, his voice wavering,"Y-You're kidding, right? Then the loan I took out to buy these supplies... the hair I lost from the stress and fear of transporting these things all the way here... was it all for a middle-aged man's prank?!""Oh, Kazuma, don't worry about it so much."Aqua heartlessly patted Kazuma's back (nearly slamming him into his bowl), "Since we're already here anyway, just treat it as a vacation on the public dime! Look how fresh the air is here, how interesting the villagers are, and the bathtub in Yunyun's guest room is seriously awesome!""Since there's no threat from the Demon King's Army, we really can relax for a bit."Although Darkness's tone carried a hint of regret at not being ravaged by monsters, she quickly adjusted her mindset, "It's a good chance to stroll around the village and learn about the local customs."And so, at Haru's suggestion, everyone decided to temporarily forget the frustration of being tricked and started Crimson Demon Village One-Day Tour mode.Walking down the streets of the Crimson Demon Village, Haru felt as if he had walked into a massive Chuunibyou Cosplay exhibition.The uncle at the roadside fruit stand would chant a verse about the 'Blade of Shattering Stars' before cutting a watermelon, and elementary schoolers passing by would coordinate Teleportation while jumping rope.When the group arrived at the edge of a huge circular plaza in the center of the village, Yunyun, who was usually gentle and never contradicted anyone, suddenly stopped in her tracks.She spread her arms to block the group, her face pale and her eyes filled with unprecedented fear and seriousness."W-Wait! Everyone! That place up ahead... that plaza, you absolutely, absolutely cannot go there!"This was the first time Yunyun had voiced an objection so loudly and firmly.Haru looked doubtfully at the empty plaza; in the center was only a strangely shaped stone tablet engraved with symbols he couldn't understand:"What's wrong, Yunyun? Is some dangerous Demon King's Army weapon sealed there?""No, it's scarier than that!" Yunyun's voice was trembling, "That is... that is the Public Execution Ground of Dark Histories! As soon as you step into the range of that plaza, you are forced to give your coolest self-introduction, and it will be broadcast throughout the entire village by amplification magic! It is the ultimate murder of social standing!""Huh? What are you talking about, Yunyun!"Megumin, however, wore a fanatical and proud expression. She suddenly whipped her cloak back and slammed her staff heavily onto the ground,"That is the most sacred and fun place in the Crimson Demon Village! That is the Soul Resonance Plaza! Only there can we of the Crimson Demon Clan completely release the restless magic deep within our hearts and engrave our true names into the void! Haru, don't listen to Yunyun. Come with me, I'll show you what true Crimson Demon romance is!"Haru looked at the two Crimson Demon girls—one trying desperately to escape, the other trying desperately to charge—and then looked at Aquabeside them, who was already cracking her knuckles and preparing to go up and show off."This kind of place... no matter how you look at it, it's hell for normal people, right?"Haru complained silently in his heart.Haru sighed deeply as he watched the tense situation unfold before him.On one side was Megumin, eyes glowing, wishing she could jump onto the stage and start dancing wildly immediately; on the other side was Yunyun, teary-eyed, almost kneeling to beg for mercy.And behind them, Aqua had already begun tidying her long blue hair, wearing that trademark expression of preparing to receive the worship of mortals;Darkness, meanwhile, was breathing heavily, her cheeks flushed red, and her hands tightly clasped together."This kind of public execution filled with a sense of shame... being stared at by the whole village as if I'm a freak, and having to shout out lines that make you want to crawl into a hole?"Darkness's voice trembled, leaking an extremely dangerous excitement,"I-I also vote in favor! Please, by all means, let me experience that ultimate mental devastation!""This Goddess also votes in favor!"Aqua raised both hands with an air of entitlement,"Letting these red-eyed fellows witness the elegance of Lady Aqua is their honor! Maybe they'll be so moved they'll change that stone tablet into a statue of me!"Yunyun looked despairingly at the half of her teammates who had already fallen, finally turning her pleading gaze toward Haru and Kazuma, who seemed like the most normal people present."Mr. Lin Jin, Mr. Kazuma! I beg of you, save me! If we really go in there, my reputation for the rest of my life will be completely ruined!"Haru looked at Yunyun's pitiful state and, thinking back to that awkward but truly warm hug last night, his sense of justice (and fear of social death) instantly took the upper hand."I support Yunyun." Haru stood decisively by Yunyun's side, his tone firm, "This kind of meaningless, shameful activity will only waste our physical strength."The score was now 3 (Megumin, Aqua, Darkness) to 2 (Yunyun, Haru).All the pressure instantly focused on Kazuma, who was currently squatting on the ground poking at the dirt.Kazuma's face turned shades of blue and white; his sharp scum intuition told him that plaza was definitely a huge trap.He was just about to cast the critical dissenting vote when he felt a burning gaze lock onto him.Megumin walked slowly up to Kazuma, lowering her head slightly, her black mage robes fluttering in the wind, her red pupils flickering with a certain seductive light.She lowered her voice and said in a magnetic tone that only Kazuma could hear:"Hey, Kazuma. If you support me this time... once we come out of the plaza, I'll go on a date in the village with just the two of us. How about it? We can go to the secret base I used to visit as a kid, or go blow up something interesting."Kazuma's body stiffened suddenly."A date... a date with Megumin... Even though she's a flat-chested explosion maniac, that's a genuine date with a girl!"In the next second, Kazuma stood up abruptly and pointed righteously toward the center of the plaza, his voice as loud as if he were a different person:"I think Megumin is right! To come to the Crimson Demon Village and not experience the local traditional culture is simply a desecration of this trip! Therefore, I vote in favor! 4 to 2, the result is obvious. The minority submits to the majority. Let's go, everyone!""K-Kazuma-san?! You traitor!"Yunyun let out a scream of despair.Haru looked with utter disdain at Kazuma, who was busy sucking up to Megumin:"Hey, where's your integrity? Who was that guy who almost ascended to heaven earlier because he was holding in his pee? You've actually sold your soul to the devil for an illusory date?"While pushing everyone into the plaza, Kazumashamelessly shifted the blame:"What are you talking about, Haru! I'm doing this for the harmony of the team! Deciding the route of action through a democratic vote is the quality a modern Adventurer party should have! It's definitely not because I want a date, definitely not! I just don't want to waste precious travel time here!"And so, amidst Yunyun's cries and Megumin's laughter, the group officially stepped into the range of the plaza known as the Public Execution Ground of Dark Histories.Vroom—!Accompanied by a low vibration of magic power, the stone tablet in the center of the plaza instantly lit up with a purple-red glow. Countless transparent magic screens unfolded in mid-air, and a massive, majestic amplification magic circle formed above everyone's heads.[Foreign contractors detected. Crimson Demon Village tradition—True Name Liberation Ceremonyofficially begins! Please, the first participant, step onto the central stone platform and announce your existence to the world!]
62Chapter 162 Water and HardnessChapter 162: Shui-Duo-Duo and Ying-Bang-BangAs the stone tablet in the center of the plaza erupted with a dazzling red light, the public execution known as the True Name Release Ceremony officially began.A large crowd of Crimson Demon Clan members, young and old, had already gathered around the plaza. They stood with arms crossed and sharp gazes, as if waiting for a world-class opera performance."Hmph, hmph, hmph! In that case, let these sheltered fools witness what the true abyss looks like!"Megumin was the first to lose her patience. She whipped back her pitch-black cloak, her staff drawing a perfect arc in the air as she leaped lightly onto the central stone platform.The amplification magic circle instantly captured her voice, transforming it into a grand soundscape with heavy metal echoes."I am the Queen of Explosions who Lurks in the eternal Darkness and rules the crimson abyss! This body is the Red Lotus of the End—let the world tremble beneath my roar! My true name was cast aside long ago to the forbidden beyond; that which descends here is only—[Abyssal Blast Overlord · fiery-hot]!""Ohhh! So cool! That pose's tilt angle is absolutely perfect!"The Crimson Demon Clan villagers below applauded in unison, and a few elementary schoolers were even frantically taking notes.Haru, watching from the side, felt his eye twitching: "What the hell is fiery-hot?! And that title, Abyssal Blast Overlord... the cringe level has broken through the atmosphere!"Next, under Megumin's provocative gaze, Yunyun walked tremblingly onto the stone platform, her neck pulled in like a prisoner about to be sent to the guillotine.She shot a pleading look at Haru, only to find him covering his face, unable to watch. Steeling her heart, she closed her eyes and shouted the lines she had secretly practiced countless times under her covers last night."I-I am... the lonely star wandering the peak of the firmament, seeking the bonds of fate... the weaver of phantom and reality... remember my name, engraved in the void—[Phantom Tears · Lei-Wang-Wang]..."Though her voice was as small as a mosquito's buzz, with the boost of the amplification magic, it still echoed throughout the entire village."Oh dear, that Yunyun is the same as always. Choosing such a melancholy nickname... it's definitely because she has no friends.""Exactly, exactly. I don't feel any restlessness in her mana at all."The villagers' whispers caused Yunyun to petrify on the spot. Covering her face, she dashed off the platform with speed bordering on teleportation and began drawing circles in the dirt in a corner.Just as the atmosphere was cooling down slightly, a blue figure walked onto the stage with an overbearing aura and a swagger that defied all reason.Aqua stood with hands on her hips and laughed toward the sky, her flowing blue hair dancing wildly in the breeze generated by the amplification magic."Hahahaha! Mortals! Kneel before this miracle! I am the supreme deity who governs the source of all waters, purifies all filth in the world, and is worshipped by billions of believers! My radiance shall illuminate this barren land, and my blessings shall pour down like a torrential rain!"Aqua suddenly pointed to the sky, striking an extremely exaggerated chuunibyou pose:"Listen now to my true name! I am—[Source of Endless Holy Water · Shui-Duo-Duo]! Praise me! Worship me! And then bring forth the finest liquor in your village!"The air instantly froze.Haru and Kazuma both slipped, nearly falling flat on their faces.They looked in horror at the smug Aqua on stage, then at the Crimson Demon villagers who were showing confused or even slightly odd expressions."Sh-Shui-Duo-Duo?! Aqua, you idiot! Do you have any idea what that phrase means in certain strange contexts?! And pairing the prefix'Source of Endless Holy Water' with that nickname is just criminally misleading!""Oh? Shui-Duo-Duo?" A Crimson Demon youth rubbed his chin with a thoughtful look. "It sounds like she has a lot of mana, but something feels a bit off..."While Aqua was still on stage enjoying the toe-curlingly awkward admiration, Darkness could no longer suppress her inner restlessness. Her heavy armor clanked loudly as she moved, her face so flushed it looked like it might bleed, and her breathing was as ragged as if she had just finished a ten-kilometer run."I-Is it my turn? To say something so shameful in front of so many people... haah... this kind of mental humiliation..."Darkness stumbled onto the stone platform, and the amplification magic circle immediately locked onto her.She clenched her fists tightly, her body trembling slightly as she gazed into the sky with a hazy look, shouting in a quavering voice filled with a certain dangerous pleasure:"I am the shield that guards the royal family, the feverish soul dwelling within a body of steel! Even if I am ravaged by countless monsters, despised by the world, and stripped of all dignity, I shall never yield! Here I release my true intent; my name is—[Steel Wall of Suffering · Ying-Bang-Bang]!"The entire plaza fell into dead silence once again.The Crimson Demon villagers looked at each other.If Shui-Duo-Duo just sounded like someone with an odd abundance of mana, then 'Ying-Bang-Bang' combined with this blonde beauty's expression—as if she couldn't wait to be executed in public—was causing the pure-hearted Crimson Demon youths to suffer a crisis of worldview."Y-Ying-Bang-Bang?" An elementary schooler's hand shook as he held his notebook. "Does this big sister... mean her defense is rock-hard? But why does she look so excited? Help, Mommy, the world is scary!"Haru and Satou Kazuma stood side-by-side at the edge of the plaza, their expressions beyond mere 'unpleasant' at this point.Kazuma stiffly turned his head toward Haru, and Haru happened to turn toward him at the same time.In this moment, the two reincarnators from another world achieved an unprecedented spiritual resonance.There was no trace of their usual bickering or scheming in their eyes, only the resolve of those who have seen through life and death."Hey, Haru, did you see that? Shui-Duo-Duo and Ying-Bang-Bang... they're beyond saving."Kazuma's eyes were saying."Yeah, I saw. If it's our turn to go up, tomorrow's headline in all of Axel will be 'Pervert Party Annihilated in Crimson Demon Village, Cause of Death: Extreme Social Suicide'," Haru responded with his gaze."...Physical death is like a heavenly caress compared to the pain of having one's soul hung on a flagpole and roasted in the sun.""Let's bail. Before that amplification magic locks onto us, while the villagers are still digesting the impact of Ying-Bang-Bang."Without a single word exchanged, their movements were as perfectly synchronized as special forces soldiers who had trained together for years.Haru silently took a step back while Kazumaskillfully initiated the prelude to [Lurk]. Maintaining a bizarre rhythm of 'if I'm not embarrassed, I don't exist,' they slowly, inch by inch, moved toward the deep alleys outside the plaza."Hey! What are you two shuffling around for over there!" Megumin suddenly turned her head, her red eyes gleaming with the light of a predator finding its prey. "Haru! Kazuma! Get up here! You're the grand finale! I've already thought of super cool nicknames for you, like [Shadow of scum · Tou-Guang-Guang] and [Lord of Ashes · Shao-Guang-Guang]!""RUN!!!"Someone—it was unclear who—shouted first. Haruand Kazuma instantly exploded with Agility stats far beyond their levels. Their feet practically greased, they turned into two blurs and fled this living hell without looking back, leaving the Crimson Demon villagers staring in surprise."Stop! You cowards with no Crimson Demon soul!" Megumin shouted in exasperation from behind, while Aqua was still on the stage waving to the villagers: "Look! Those are my followers, running off to spread the faith because they're so moved! Everyone, don't mind them, keep praising me!"
Chapter 162: No Problem! Leave It to Us!Haru and Kazuma sprinted all the way, not even daring to look back.They dashed through narrow alleys, the exasperated shouts of Megumin and the oblivious laughter of Aqua still faintly echoing in their ears.When they finally burst out of the village and reached the edge of a lush forest, the two of them stopped almost simultaneously, gasping heavily for air."Whew... whew... finally... we escaped..."Kazuma bent over, hands on his knees, looking like he might cough up a lung at any moment."This village... is simply a paradise of mental pollution." Haru leaned against a tree, trying to steady his breathing. "fiery-hot, Teary-Eyed, Sopping-Wet, Rock-Hard... I feel like my SANity is about to hit zero. Physical death would be a hundred times better than this social suicide!""Exactly! To think I voted 'yes' for that ethereal date, and I almost lost my dignity because of it!" Kazumacomplained indignantly. "I swear, I'll never believe a Crimson Demon girl's invitation for a date again!"The two of them continued to roast the bizarre culture of the Crimson Demon Village while enjoying the tranquility brought by the forest.However, just as Kazuma was about to find a place to sit down and fully relax, his gaze suddenly froze."Hey... Haru... L-Look over there..."Kazuma lowered his voice, pointing toward the depths of the forest in an extremely unnatural tone.Haru followed the direction Kazuma pointed, and his heart skipped a beat.Under the shade of the trees not far away, a graceful figure was faintly visible. It was a tall woman with an exquisite silhouette; her long, wine-red hair draped over her shoulders like flames, and a tight leather outfit outlined her proud figure. Especially those two 'great existences' on her chest, enough to make any man's blood boil, seemed to emit a tempting luster under the sunlight.Her back was turned to them, and she seemed to be admiring something."T-This is simply a goddess descended to earth! No, she's more of a goddess than a goddess! That Aquafellow is practically a washboard compared to her!"Haru's mind was instantly filled with all sorts of unhealthy thoughts, and saliva began to secrete unconsciously."Whoa... that figure... those curves... it's practically a work of art!" Kazuma had completely forgotten the shadow of his previous social suicide, his eyes fixed straight on that figure. "Haru! Did we wander into the wrong place? Is this some kind of secret model photoshoot location?!"Both of them swallowed hard almost at the same time, then turned their heads toward each other, their eyes filled with wariness and... competition."Ahem!" Haru cleared his throat intentionally. "Kazuma, did you run for too long and get heatstroke? You don't look so good. How about this: you head back to the village and ask Megumin for some water, and I'll keep watch here for you.""Huh? Heatstroke? I, Satou Kazuma, am a man who can hold his pee for an entire night! How could I have heatstroke?"Kazuma retorted with an air of righteousness."I think you ran too fast and fried your brain. Don't you know it's dangerous outside the village? What if a monster attacks? I should stay here to protect you. You should hurry back to the village, find Darkness, and have her give you a full-body massage to relax!""Darkness? Are you sure you want her to give me a massage, and not have her trample me under her feet?"Haru's mouth twitched. "Besides, what can a deadbeat like you, who relies on [Lurk] and [Steal] to make a living, do to protect me? I'll stay here to observe the situation. You go to the village to see if there are any new commissions, and buy me a drink while you're at it to quench my thirst.""No, no, no, you're the captain. Shouldn't you be the one doing the errands!"As Kazuma spoke, his feet didn't move an inch, his eyes still dead-set on that graceful figure.Haru was not to be outdone. He took a step forward, blocking Kazuma, and said with a fake smile:"Kazuma. A beauty like this is better left to me. You should take your meager savings and go buy some Explosion Magic materials for Megumin to coax her, so she doesn't actually blow up the village later."The two of them went back and forth, their words filled with the clash of hidden blades.Haru and Satou Kazuma crouched behind the bushes, sparks practically flying where their gazes met.Neither of them looked as pathetic as they had when fleeing the square of social suicide. Instead, they possessed a mysterious persistence belonging to deadbeat men that only erupts when facing a peerless beauty."Hey, Haru, I'm warning you one last time. This kind of dangerous scouting mission should be left to a professional like me with the [Lurk] skill."Kazuma lowered his voice, his tone full of threats. "If you dare move one step further, I'll go back and tell Darkness that you've been staring at her chest, and sometimes your drool even hits your feet!"Haru sneered, completely unmoved."Ha! Go ahead! Darkness would only see that as a reward! And if you don't leave, I'll tell Megumin that you want to use [Steal] to swipe her underwear every day. Megumin will definitely blast you with an Explosion Magic first! Then you'll really become 'fiery-hot'!""Tch, Megumin is easy to handle. Just take her to blow up some Cabbage or give her a couple of compliments on how cool she is, and she'll forget about it instantly."Kazuma had a look of victory on his face, followed by an even more sinister smile."But I won't just tell Darkness. I'll tell Aqua, Wiz, and even hand out flyers at the guild! I'll let every woman in Axel know that the so-called Lord of Ashes is actually a stalker who can't walk when he sees a beauty!""I don't care! Reputation is something that's been flushed down the sewer ever since I arrived at this village!"Haru displayed surprising mental resilience, even puffing out his chest."Compared to being despised by all the women in the city, I can't tolerate a top-tier beauty of this level being snatched away by a scum Kazuma like you! We're both in the same boat; neither of us can threaten the other!"Just as the two were arguing until they were red in the face and even preparing to kick each other into the nearby sweet potato field, the wine-red figure that had been facing away from them suddenly moved.She turned around gracefully, her hair as smooth as silk fluttering in the wind, revealing a face beautiful enough to put all flowers to shame.A playful smile lingered in her deep eyes, and her red lips parted slightly, letting out a voice as rich and tempting as aged wine:"Oh my, you boys hiding over there, what have you been arguing about for so long? Although playing hide-and-seek in the woods is fun, if I'm the reason for your conflict, it would truly be my sin~"As she spoke, she walked toward them with a feline grace, using those long legs that could drive any man wild.With every step, her proud curves carved thrilling arcs in the air.Haru and Kazuma froze instantly, as if a paralysis spell had been cast on them, staring blankly as the great beauty stopped in front of them.At close range, the scent unique to mature women mixed with the fragrance of wild flowers wafted toward them, causing the brains of these two deadbeats, who had never experienced such a situation, to instantly crash."That... well..." Kazuma's sharp tongue from moments ago vanished, and he began to stutter. "W-We weren't... we were just discussing... discussing the ecological environment here!""Exactly! The ecological environment!" Haru quickly chimed in, even subconsciously striking a pose he thought was cool."Beautiful lady, I am Haru, an Adventurer from Axel, known as the Lord of Ashes. We were just debating which goddess left such a miracle of divine radiance in the mortal world."Hearing Haru's compliment, the beauty couldn't help but cover her mouth and giggle, the surging waves on her chest making the two of them feel dizzy."Hehe, you certainly have a way with words, young man. My name is Sylvia, just a frail woman who lost her way while traveling." Sylvia bowed slightly, an imperceptible red glint flashing in her eyes. "Looking at you, you must be guests of the Crimson Demon Village? Could I please ask you... to give me a little tour of this interesting village?"Haru and Kazuma glanced at each other, both seeing the wild joy of a successful plan in the other's eyes."Kazuma: Although this woman looks a bit suspicious, with assets this big, she definitely isn't a bad person!""Haru: Regardless of her identity, a quest of this level—I'm taking it!"The two of them shouted almost in unison:"No problem! Leave it to us!"
Chapter 163: The Reincarnator's Benefits Are Being Settled TodayAnd so, with Haru and Satou Kazuma on either side of her like two loyal flower-protecting knights (or rather, ill-intentioned lackeys), they escorted the curvaceous Sylvia onto the paths of the Crimson Demon Village.Although they had just experienced a social suicide crisis in the plaza enough to make one want to restart their life, their mental resilience showed an amazing rebound in the face of Sylvia's enchanting fragrance and sweet smile.Everything else was tossed to the back of their minds; now, their cerebral cortices contained nothing but the swaying, graceful figure of the older sister before them."Oh dear, I feel like the noise coming from that plaza over there is quite loud."Sylvia slightly furrowed her beautiful moth-like brows, her slender finger gently pressing against her lower lip as she put on a pitiful appearance."I'm not very good with crowded places... You two young men, could you take me to some quiet, secluded corners? I'd prefer to quietly feel the inner essence of this village..."Hearing this, Haru's heart skipped a beat, and his gaze instantly became incredibly sharp."A quiet corner? A place with no people? Is—is this the legendary flag?!"Haru screamed inwardly, while struggling to maintain a smile he thought was suave on his face."Of course, no problem! Miss Sylvia, your taste is truly elegant! The main roads of the Crimson Demon Village are filled with nothing but chuunibyou and lunatics; there's really nothing worth seeing. Please follow me, I happen to know a few very hidden spots where absolutely no one will disturb us... cough, excellent viewing points!"Kazuma squeezed forward, unwilling to be outdone, even bumping Haru with his shoulder."Hey, hey, Haru, isn't your so-called viewing point just that weed-choked sweet potato cellar behind the village? Don't embarrass yourself! Miss Sylvia, I'm a professional scout with the [Enemy Detection] and [Farsight] skills. I can avoid all the villagers and take you to secret passages only known to the high-ranking members of the Crimson Demon Clan! For example, that abandoned warehouse over there—good lighting, and the soundproofing is excellent!""Kazuma, you bastard, what the hell is with an abandoned warehouse! Your ulterior motives are practically overflowing from the screen!"Haru roared in a lowered voice."Right back at you! The direction you were pointing is clearly the woods on the mountain behind Yunyun's house. You're trying to take her for a roll in the bushes!"Kazuma fired back without hesitation.Sylvia watched the two boys arguing incessantly over her favor, the corners of her mouth curving into a playful arc as a hint of mockery flashed in her eyes."Hehe, you two are truly warm-hearted. In that case, I'll have to trouble you to lead the way."She naturally took both of their arms.In that instant, Haru felt his left arm sink into a warm and elastic sensation, while Kazuma's right arm clearly enjoyed the same treatment.The brains of both boys ceased functioning simultaneously, leaving only nosebleeds flowing in reverse.And so, under Sylvia's guidance (though they were nominally leading), the three avoided the busy streets and villagers, specifically picking dark, remote, and even somewhat desolate corners to duck into.Whenever they reached a secluded wall or ruin, Sylvia would stop, seemingly admiring the scenery, but in reality, her beautiful eyes were constantly scanning the surrounding magical barrier nodes."The magic flow here is truly marvelous," Sylviasighed softly, her body leaning against Haruintentionally or otherwise. "If only I could understand the defense mechanisms of this village more deeply, that would be even better...""Defense mechanisms and such are too profound, Miss Sylvia!"Haru was now completely blinded by hormones. He pointed to a dilapidated stone gate ahead that looked like an ancient ruin and loudly tried to curry favor."Ahead is the most obscure Forbidden Gate in the village; usually, not even a cat goes there! If you want to see something special, I'll take you for a roll... I mean, for a tour!""Exactly, exactly! I'm going too! I can take responsibility for keeping watch; I definitely won't let anyone disturb our world of three!" Kazumadrooled, his entire being already in a half-dreaming scum state.Just as these two useless guys were scrambling to lead the Demon Kings Army General toward the core defense point of the village, on a nearby roof, a black cat (Dounosuke) tilted its head, staring at them curiously with its golden pupils.Haru and Satou Kazuma walked side-by-side behind Sylvia, their gazes seemingly stuck like magnets, fixed firmly on the swaying curves ahead.However, just as Sylvia intended to go deeper into the building with the Forbidden Gate that exuded an ancient aura, Haru suddenly felt a chill down his back.He turned his head and happened to lock eyes with Kazuma, whose eyes were filled with the same sense of kinship."Hey, Kazuma, do you feel it? This is the core area of the Crimson Demon Village. Even though no one's here now, knowing the nature of those chuunibyou, some 'Watcher of the Pitch Black' or 'Twilight Patrolman' will surely come running out later to shout their lines, right?"Haru conveyed a sense of crisis with his eyes."Ah, I get it. If we're about to enter the critical stage and get surrounded by a crowd of magic-casting chuunibyou, the rest of my life will truly be spent in a cell or on a pillar of shame."Kazuma returned an extremely understanding look.The two instantly reached a consensus:This place was not to be stayed in for long; they had to take this older sister to a truly remote place where 'heaven wouldn't answer and the earth wouldn't respond'."Oh, Miss Sylvia, please wait a moment!" Harusuddenly took a step forward, righteously blocking Sylvia's path."The road ahead is actually very dangerous, filled with the Crimson Demon Clan's most despicable intelligence-testing traps. A noble lady such as yourself is really not suited for such a dark and damp place. How about... we go to that forest outside the village? The air there is fresh, and absolutely no one will disturb us."Kazuma quickly chimed in from the side, smiling like a salesman hawking low-quality insurance."Exactly, exactly! Miss Sylvia, the ecological environment there is excellent. I just saw a swarm of rare in-heat... no, glowing butterflies there! Only by visiting there can you truly feel the romantic atmosphere of the Crimson Demon Village!"Sylvia stopped, her fox-like charming eyes scanning their faces.She sneered inwardly:"Heh, these two brats finally can't help but ask for a guide fee? Men really are creatures who will listen obediently as long as you give them a little sweetness. Fine, once we get to a place with no people, I'll dispose of these two nuisances, then it won't be too late to come back and blow up this barrier.""Hehe, since you two young men are so graciously inviting me, it would be rude to refuse~" Sylviagiggled, reaching out both hands to hook around their necks, her entire body nearly pressed against them. "Then take me to that romantic forest. I'm... very much looking forward to your next performance."Haru and Kazuma only felt a gust of fragrant wind hit their faces, and half their bodies went limp.Dizzily, the two led Sylvia, avoiding the crowds all the way, and ducked into the most remote dense forest on the mountain behind the Crimson Demon Village.The trees here were tall and thick, sunlight only filtering through the gaps in mottled spots. Aside from the occasional insect chirp, it was quiet enough to make one's heart race.Sylvia walked to a clearing in the woods and slowly turned around.She unfastened the clasp of her cloak, letting the light fabric slide to the ground, revealing the tight-fitting leather armor underneath that looked as if it were about to burst.She lowered her head slightly, looking at the two boys with an extremely seductive gaze, her slender finger gently tracing her collarbone."Alright, you two young men. It's quiet enough here; even the wind can't be heard." Sylvia's voice became low and husky, carrying an irresistible magic. "Bringing me to a place like this, you must want some special reward, right? Do you want me to kiss your cheeks... or, do you want a deeper, more passionate thanks?"As she spoke, she walked toward Haru with a cat-like stride, leaning her body slightly forward so that her surging greatness nearly bumped into the tip of Haru's nose."Come on, don't be shy. Tell me, what is the thing you want to do to me most right now?"Haru's brain had completely exploded by now.He looked at the peerless beauty within reach, smelled the intoxicating body fragrance, and waved his hands in the air, at a loss."Th-th-th-this... is this for real? Are the benefits for an otherworld reincarnator finally being settled today?!"
Chapter 164: Philosophical Questions Like the Origin of LifeBeside him, Kazuma had completely transformed into scum mode. His eyes were glowing, and his hands trembled as they reached toward his pockets."Mi-Miss Sylvia! Since you've said so much, then I won't be polite! I-I'm actually very patient; we can start by getting to know each other's physical structures!"Deep in the forest, the air seemed to become thick and viscous due to Sylvia's close body heat.Haru felt his heart was about to jump out of his throat. That pair of 'greatness' almost within reach swayed slightly before his eyes, exuding a soul-snatching charm."Hehe, Miss Sylvia, since you're being so passionate, then I won't hold back either..." Haru's hand trembled as he reached out, his brain already playing various restricted-rated isekai anime plots.His palm slid slowly down Sylvia's amazing waistline. Originally, he wanted to confirm if this dreamlike touch was real. However, just as his fingers grazed the root of Sylvia's thigh and accidentally touched a certain spot, an extremely discordant, hard, and heavy sensation shot straight from his fingertips to the top of his skull.Haru's movements froze instantly.That wasn't a fold in the fabric, nor was it some dagger hidden on her body. That shape, that scale, that kind of thing that a member of the same sex could absolutely never mistake..."W-Wait... this touch... this position... this sense of weight... something's wrong! This is definitely wrong!!"Haru's pupils shook instantly. His face, which had been flushed red with desire, turned deathly pale within a tenth of a second.He stiffly raised his head, meeting Sylvia's face, which was still glamorous and even carried a hint of a flush."Oh my, young man, where are your hands touching? That place is... very sensitive~"Sylvia licked her lips, a red light mixing playfulness with a certain fanaticism flashing in her eyes."Cough! Cough cough cough!!" Haru snapped his hand back and jumped three steps away as if he'd been electrocuted, his entire body shaking like a sieve."Th-That! Miss Sylvia! I just remembered... I-I haven't fed the cat today! Right! That cat I keep called Dounosuke will self-destruct if it's not fed on time! I have to hurry back to the village!"While shouting, Haru winked frantically at Satou Kazuma, who was still there drooling over Sylvia, his eyeballs nearly popping out from the effort."Run! Kazuma! Run fast! It's a trap! That's an abyss more terrifying than Explosion Magic!!"However, at this moment, Kazuma had completely entered scum-sage mode, totally blocking out all external interference.Looking at Haru's terrified state, not only did he fail to realize the crisis, but he also showed a look of disdain."Hey, Haru, aren't you being a bit too much of a buzzkill?" Kazuma accused with a righteous face, moving even closer to Sylvia in the process. "What feeding the cat? Since when did you become so caring? I think you're just getting cold feet at the critical moment! Miss Sylvia, ignore him. This guy is probably just scared because it's his first time seeing such a grand scene. Come, let's continue our deep discussion about physical structures...""Discussion my foot! Kazuma, listen to me, that place... that place has..."Haru was sweating profusely in his anxiety, yet he didn't dare say it directly in front of Sylvia. What if she got angry and silenced him on the spot!"Has what? Has treasure? I know there's treasure; isn't that what I'm preparing to dig for!" Kazumawaved his hand impatiently, even starting the preparatory motions for [Steal]."Hurry up and get back to the village, don't be a third wheel here! Miss Sylvia, let's ignore that coward. I just noticed the buttons on your leather armor seem a bit tight; do you want me to help you..."Watching the interaction between these two humans, Sylvia couldn't help but let out a low laugh. The sound seemed exceptionally eerie in the empty forest."Hehehe... It's all right, young man. If you want to leave, you can go first." Sylvia turned her head, her eyes fixed intently on Kazuma, her palm already resting gently on Kazuma's shoulder. "As for this brave young man, I will cherish him well... until even his soul melts away..."Haru looked at Kazuma's stupid, happy face despite death being imminent. Then, he greased his feet and turned to run, his speed so fast it was as if he had activated a sprint skill.However, just as he had dashed dozens of meters away and was about to leave this den of trouble completely, his heart—long nurtured by the chaotic atmosphere of Axel—suddenly gave a sharp throb."Wait a minute... If I just leave like this, won't I miss the most glorious and desperate turning point in Satou Kazuma's life? As his bad friend, I'd be failing in my duty if I didn't witness such a legendary scene that I could mock him for for a lifetime!"At this thought, Haru slammed on the brakes and skillfully dove behind a nearby thicket of dense bushes like an old monkey.He held his breath and quietly parted the leaves, revealing two eyes sparkling with an eerie light, staring intently at the pair in the clearing.In the clearing, the atmosphere was now so suggestive it was practically dripping."Oh my, that meddling young man has finally left."Sylvia spoke coquettishly, her whole body slumping into Kazuma's arms as if she had no bones. Her slender arms wrapped around Kazuma's neck as she breathed into his ear."Now... it's just the two of us here. Well, brave young man, you were saying... how did you want us to get to know each other?"By now, Kazuma had completely floated off to cloud nine.Feeling the incredible elasticity and heat in his arms and smelling the fragrance that numbed his brain, he smiled like an idiot who had just won a five-hundred-million-dollar jackpot."He-Hehehe! Miss Sylvia, you're really too direct!"As Kazuma spoke, he unconsciously groped that enticing body, even glancing provocatively in the direction Haru had fled (though he didn't know Haruwas hiding behind him)."That guy Haru is just a kid who hasn't seen the world. Not like me—I'm a man who has weathered countless storms! Come, Miss Sylvia, let us discuss more deeply the philosophical topic of the origin of life..."Sylvia let out a giggle, her deep eyes flashing with a cat-and-mouse playfulness.Kazuma had completely lost his reason. Like a kitten that had found a comfortable nest, he contentedly buried the back of his head deep into Sylvia's surging bosom, letting out a satisfied sigh.That expression of enjoyment, looking as if his soul were about to transcend, made Haru, hiding behind the bushes, roll his eyes. A complex emotion beyond words welled up deep within him:There was both schadenfreude for the revelation Kazuma was about to experience, and a hint of simple envy, jealousy, and hate."Oh... ohhh... Miss Sylvia, you... you're really... really wonderful!" Kazuma was incoherently happy, his whole body turning into a puddle of mush. "I've never seen a woman as... as charming as you! You're simply the incarnation of a goddess! No, even better than a goddess! Someone like Aqua can't even compare to your toes!"She used her long fingers to gently comb through Kazuma's messy black hair, her eyes full of amusement."Hehe, is that so? You really have a smooth-talking little mouth." Sylvia's voice became even sweeter, like honey. "However, I still have to correct you, young man. An... interesting boy like you is a first for me."She specifically emphasized the word 'boy,' her tone carrying a subtle, hidden meaning.Haru heard everything clearly from behind the bushes. He almost couldn't help laughing out loud and had to bite down hard on his own arm, fearing he would make a sound."Kazuma, oh Kazuma, I gave you such an obvious hint. Can your head really not hold anything other than big breasts?!"Haru ranted wildly in his mind. Looking at Kazuma's oblivious, stupid face, he even felt a bit of pity for the guy.However, Kazuma's brain, immersed in the world of tenderness, was clearly unable to process such high-level linguistic art.He simply understood Sylvia's words as a compliment and became even more carried away."Hahahaha! Really? Am I interesting? I'm so honored to receive such a compliment from Miss Sylvia!"Kazuma's smile was so wide his mouth wouldn't close. He even lightly patted Sylvia's buttocks. "Actually, I have many more interesting qualities that will surely open Miss Sylvia's eyes! For example, in bed... cough, I mean, as an Adventurer, I'm an all-around man!"Sylvia's smile maintained its perfect curve, but her fingers on Kazuma's shoulder tightened slightly."Oh? Is that so? Then, let me see just how much your so-called interest... can open my eyes."Sylvia's voice suddenly became low and raspy, carrying a hair-raising sense of pressure.Her hand on Kazuma's shoulder began to slide slowly toward his waist, while her eyes, which had been as gentle as water, gradually became sharp.Sylvia's hand at Kazuma's waist was now moving downward with eerie precision, gently and slowly
Chapter 165: As Long as You Can Coax Her Into Being HappyHer fingertips felt as if they carried an electric current; every inch they slid over made Kazuma feel numb all over. Kazuma closed his eyes, enjoying this touch that seemed to come from heaven, with a silly grin even hanging on the corner of his mouth.He thought he was about to welcome the sweetest moment of his life, but little did he know, it wasn't sweetness, but horror.Sylvia's smile grew increasingly seductive, a cruel light flickering in her eyes."Hehe, little brother, didn't you say... you'd accept it all? Well then, right now, please... feel my secret properly!"Her hand finally reached its destination. It was no longer a gentle caress, but carried a hint of playfulness and force, directly letting Kazumapersonally experience an existence that shouldn't belong to a peerless beauty.In that instant, Kazuma's pupils shrank suddenly, the color drained from his face, and his expression twisted from infatuation and happiness into extreme terror and despair at a speed visible to the naked eye.He looked as if he had been hit by petrification magic; his whole body was stiff, his mouth wide open, yet he couldn't make a sound.After a brief, dead silence, a tragic howl that pierced the heavens—filled with the disillusionment of life, the shattering of worldviews, and the screaming of a soul—suddenly erupted from the depths of Kazuma's throat!"AHHH!"Accompanied by this earth-shaking scream that seemed like it would shatter the entire barrier of the Crimson Demon Village, Haru almost rolled out of the bushes.He covered his mouth tightly, his body trembling violently as he suppressed his laughter, tears nearly bursting out.In the clearing, Kazuma was completely dazed.His eyes lost focus and his mouth hung half-open, as if silently accusing the world of its cruelty.Meanwhile, Sylvia gracefully withdrew her hand, a satisfied and pleasant smile on her face."Hehe, it seems you've gained a deep understanding, little brother." Sylvia chuckled, lightly tapping Kazuma's forehead with her fingertip. "So, now can you tell me, is the secret of this perfect body of mine... even more of an eye-opener than you imagined?"Kazuma didn't respond. He just fell straight back, staring blankly at the sky as if his soul had left his body, leaving his physical form a hollow shell without thought."Is—is this the legendary mental shock?! Kazuma is really finished this time, isn't he?!"Haru cried out inwardly in the bushes. He tried hard to suppress his laughter, but his shoulders still couldn't help but shake. This was a live broadcast a hundred times more exciting than any comedian's skit!Sylvia looked at Kazuma lying motionless on the ground, seemingly feeling unsatisfied. That specific glint of hunter-like excitement flickered in her charming eyes.She slowly crouched down, her slender fingers gently stroking Kazuma's pale cheek."Hehe, little brother, though you're fragile, your reaction is quite interesting." She chuckled, her voice like a soul-bewitching devil's. "However, this isn't up to you. Since you've already accepted my secret in full, well, I don't plan on letting you go."She leaned down slightly, her full curves almost pressing against Kazuma. She held his shoulder with one hand while the other began to undo the buckles of her tight leather armor.With the slight sound of fabric rubbing, Haru's pupils shrank suddenly."Wait—wait! This development... is it a bit too off the charts?! Although I really want to see Kazuma's face when he's completely 'purified,' if that kind of thing really happens, that guy might not just be a loser in the future, but a broken man?!"Haru's inner self was in a state of conflict.Reason told him that such a grand scene must not be missed; this was material enough to be a lifelong laughingstock!But his last bit of conscience as a bad friend made him feel that letting Kazuma be left with a total psychological shadow seemed a bit... excessive.Just as Sylvia's fingertips were about to touch the button of Kazuma's shirt, Haru finally couldn't take it anymore and suddenly jumped out of the bushes!"Stop! You enchantress!" Haru shouted with an air of righteousness. Though his voice carried a hint of trembling, he managed to maintain his momentum. "Release that youth! Wh—what you're doing is illegal!!"Sylvia's movements stopped. She slowly raised her head, her playful eyes sweeping over Haru as the corners of her mouth curled into a mocking arc."Oh? So there's another little mouse here." She giggled, her voice becoming even more seductive. "What? Did you see him having so much fun that you wanted to join in too? I don't actually mind... after all, playing with three people might be even more lively~""Pfft! Cough, cough, cough!" Haru's mouth twitched violently, almost choking on his own saliva.He suppressed the urge to complain, his hand pointing at Sylvia trembling. "You—you woman! You're simply... simply scandalous! Kazuma! Wake up! Let's go!"He rushed forward, grabbing Kazuma's limp arm and trying to drag him up from the ground.However, at this moment, Kazuma seemed to have lost all weight yet was as heavy as a stone, completely unmoved."Wanting to leave? That won't do." Sylvia's voice rang out again, carrying a tone of unquestionable command.She stood up gracefully, blocking the only exit in front of Haru and Kazuma.Her posture was still graceful, but there was an added touch of aggression in her eyes."Do you think this is a place where you can come and go as you please? Since you've both seen my secret and still want to run away... that's not something good boys should do."Although Sylvia's tone was gentle, Haru could hear a thick threat within it."This... is a big problem!"Just as Haru was sweating profusely and trying to drag the human-shaped boulder that was Kazumaaway from the scene, the previously corpse-like Kazuma suddenly jolted and snapped his eyes open.His eyes were initially dazed, but when they met Sylvia's beautiful yet hair-raisingly close smiling face, they were instantly filled with thick terror."Eek! Don't—don't touch me! That... that feeling is coming back! Help! My purity! My worldview! My life's ideals have all shattered into dross!!"Kazuma let out a shrill scream, frantically scrambling backward on the ground with his hands and feet at a frequency so fast he looked like a startled arthropod.He hid behind Haru, clutching the corner of Haru's clothes tightly. The sound of his teeth chattering was clearly audible in the quiet woods.Watching Kazuma's avoidant behavior, Sylvia's originally seductive smile gradually stiffened, finally turning into a hint of gloomy coldness.As one of the top beauties in the Demon Kings Army (self-proclaimed), when had she ever been treated like a plague?"Hehe, little brother, this attitude of avoiding me will make a girl sad."Sylvia stood up straight. Under her tight leather armor, magic power began to surge restlessly. The surrounding air seemed to freeze at this moment."I was clearly trying to love you so gently, yet one of you thinks of running away and the other treats me like a monster... This is really, too impolite.""Who cares if it's polite! That secret of yours isn't something that can be solved with politeness!" Kazuma shouted hysterically from behind Haru, poking half his head out. "Haru! Use that invincible brain of yours to think of something! This person... this person is the true abyss!"Sylvia's patience seemed to have finally run out.She let out a cold snort, her originally slender fingers suddenly spreading wide. A deep red whirlwind of magic power filled with an ominous aura exploded outward with her as the center, instantly turning the surrounding fallen leaves into dust."Since you're so ungrateful, there's no need for me to continue this boring guide act."Sylvia's voice became grand and majestic, carrying a crushing sense of pressure. "Listen well, lowly humans! Standing before you is one of the Eight Generals of the Demon Kings Army, the great existence in charge of synthesis and evolution—the Chimera, Sylvia!"Her originally silky long hair danced wildly in the magic wind, and her entire being radiated a suffocating aura of a powerhouse.Facing Sylvia's terrifying magic pressure that seemed like it would ignite the air, Haru felt his own legs trembling slightly.He glanced sideways at the Satou Kazuma behind him, who was about to tear his clothes and was crying with tears and snot flowing. His brain worked rapidly, and an extremely wicked...No, an extremely constructive plan instantly took shape.Haru turned his head slightly and squeezed out words through his teeth in a voice only the two of them could hear:"Hey, Kazuma, sober up! Looking at this setup, the two of us combined aren't enough to fill the gaps between her teeth. This is a Demon Kings Army General! She's the kind of monster who can turn us into mosaics with a flick of her finger!"Kazuma sobbed, his voice shaking like he was plucking cotton:"Th—then what do we do? I haven't started my harem in another world yet, I haven't lived the shut-in life of my dreams yet, I don't want to die here! Especially not at the hands of... of this kind of abyss!"Haru took a deep breath, his tone becoming extremely serious:"Listen, Kazuma. You saw it just now; this big sister... no, this General seems to have a soft spot for you. Since fighting head-on means certain death, why don't you use your skills as 'scum Kazuma,' sacrifice yourself a bit, and try to seduce her? As long as you can coax her into being happy, maybe she'll just let us go like a fart?"
Chapter 166: Grabbing the Last LifelineKazuma's crying stopped abruptly. He stared at Haru with wide eyes, his gaze full of disbelief:"W-What did you say?! Seduction?! You want me to seduce a Demon Kings Army General who's packing heat?! Haru, are you even human?! Was your conscience eaten by a Slime?!""Tsk, beggars can't be choosers at a time like this!"Haru pushed him away with a look of pure disgust."This is called a necessary sacrifice for a strategic retreat! Besides, didn't you just praise her as a goddess incarnate? Just close your eyes and imagine she's a slightly more buff Aqua. Now go, or we're both dead meat today!"Right then, Sylvia seemed to grow impatient. She casually waved a hand, sending out a dark red shockwave that blasted a thick tree beside them into splinters."It seems you've finished discussing your last words."Sylvia licked her lips, preparing to launch an attack.Kazuma looked at the tree turned to dust, then at Sylvia's face—beautiful yet radiating the stench of death. His will to live finally triumphed over the PTSD deep in his soul.He jolted, suddenly shoving Haru aside. Under Haru's dumbfounded gaze, he actually forced himself to stand up straight.Kazuma wiped the tears from his face. His terrified expression instantly switched to a twisted, almost suicidal, wicked smile.He even flashily straightened his tattered Adventurer coat and took two steps forward with a stiff gait that looked like his bones might snap at any moment."W-Wait a moment! Miss Sylvia!" Kazuma's voice carried a skin-crawling magnetism (though it was on the verge of cracking)."Just now... I was just too shy! After all, a woman as... as deep and vast as you is truly a bit much for a country boy like me to handle. Actually... from the moment I saw you, my heart was already your captive!"After saying that, Kazuma gave Sylvia a total scum-like wink. Though with tear stains still on his face, the wink looked more like an eye twitch.Haru, hiding in the back, felt completely numb. He clawed at the dirt, screaming internally:"This guy... this guy is a genius! Between his dignity and his life, he didn't hesitate for a second to toss his dignity into a woodchipper!"Sylvia's hand, which was about to strike, suddenly stopped.She looked at the human boy who had suddenly changed his tune. A flash of bewilderment crossed her deep eyes, followed by a thick, more aggressive interest."Oh? Captive?" Sylvia withdrew her mana pressure, eyeing Kazuma with great interest. "Hehehe... interesting, truly interesting. Scared to death a moment ago, and now you say such things. Young man, you really haven't disappointed me."She walked with a feline grace, slowly approaching Kazuma again. That suffocating pressure, accompanied by a thick fragrance, hit him once more.Kazuma's legs were shaking violently, but he gritted his teeth and maintained that scum smile—the kind that would make any normal woman call the police.The scene was spiraling out of control. Sylvia's hands, glowing with magical red light, slowly slid toward Kazuma's chest, which was already as stiff as a rock. She even let out a heart-pounding light pant.Though Kazuma maintained that twisted scumsmile, Haru could clearly see a single tear of clear regret rolling down his cheek. His lips were trembling so hard he was about to bite them bloody."Hehe, young man, since you're being so proactive, then I'll... graciously accept your sincere heart."As Sylvia spoke, her entire body pressed against Kazuma. The pressure of a Demon Kings Army General combined with a certain indescribable physical impact made Kazuma nearly roll his eyes and faint.Just as Kazuma was about to lose the last shred of his dignity as a man and his soul was about to step into the abyss, Haru, hiding in the bushes, suddenly spotted several Crimson Demon Clan villagers at the edge of the forest. Clad in pitch-black cloaks with eyes glowing an eerie red, they were striking chuunibyou poses as they passed by."T-They're the saviors! Even if these guys have screws loose in their heads, they're still the Crimson Demon Clan with off-the-charts combat power!"Haru looked at Kazuma's dead-fish face, which looked like it had transcended the mortal world. He knew if he waited any longer, Kazuma would truly become Sylvia's fusion material.He took a deep breath, leaped out of the bushes, cupped his hands around his mouth, and used the loudest voice of his life to let out an earth-shattering cry for help:"Help!! There's a perverted big sister here... wait, no! There's a peerless beauty with a package trying to kidnap a young man!! Heroes of the Crimson Demon Clan, come quick! There's a live broadcast here even more explosive than Explosion Magic!!"This shout didn't just freeze Sylvia's movements; it also made the Crimson Demon Clan villagers, who were immersed in their own chuunibyou worlds, turn their heads in unison."Hmm? Who calls upon us?" The leading Crimson Demon man whipped his cloak and struck a shameful pose with one hand over his eye. "I am the Crimson Demon Clan's number one Magic Item Crafter—Chekipepe! What monster dares to commit such lewd acts in broad daylight and disturb our resonance with the earth?!""Indeed! What a shameless act!" Another Crimson Demon woman struck a golden-rooster-on-one-leg pose, her eyes glowing bright red. "Though we have some research into 'forbidden love,' such an atrocity in the light of day is an insult to the aesthetic of the Crimson Demon Clan!!"Sylvia's face instantly turned incredibly dark. She slowly pushed aside the now-limp Kazuma, her murderous eyes fixed on Haru."You... damn little rat." Sylvia's voice was cold as ice. "It seems you not only have no intention of joining, but you also want to ruin this show I was looking forward to."Meanwhile, Kazuma, hearing the voices of the Crimson Demon Clan, felt as if he had grabbed the last lifeline.He scrambled toward Haru, crying out as he ran:"Help! Help me! Haru! You've finally become human again! Waaaah... Everyone from the Crimson Demon Clan! Quick, use your brainless magic to blast this monster away! I'll give you all the eris I have!!"Haru watched the mana around Sylvia grow increasingly violent, then looked at the Crimson Demon villagers who were slowly chanting long, embarrassing incantations for their grand entrance. His mouth couldn't help but twitch again