"... Stop it."
Unexpectedly, the Sword Empress refused me.
I raised my eyes in surprise, seeing a great deal of reluctance on her beautiful face.
Somehow, I felt I had done such a great sin to put such an expression on her.
'... Was I always this much of a vain person?'
I consider myself to be a perfectly healthy, normal, straight male with normal interests. However, if I remember correctly, even in my past life, I didn't pay much attention to beauty or appearance.
Attempting to reorganize my thoughts, I spoke out about my confusion.
"I apologize. Did I do something wrong?"
"... It kinda hurts how you act so unfamiliar around me. I guess I'm the only one that's still holding on..."
Maria muttered quietly, but due to our close distance, I could hear her words clearly.
I wish I hadn't heard them.
Ignoring what she just said, I stayed quiet.
Seemingly unaware that I heard her, Maria looked at me with a gloomy face.
"No, it's nothing... just don't call me Sword Empress. I'm just an ordinary human now."
She shook her head in distaste.
Ah, I see.
No wonder she was feeling sour.
Though I get it, from being one of the strongest rankers and then suddenly turning back to being an unawakened... the feeling of weakness she must be experiencing right now must feel very disorienting to her.
Truth to be told, I do feel disoriented as well.
It was only a while ago that I could easily handle a hundred ordinary humans without difficulty.
"Not for long, Empress. With your talent and abilities, getting back your previous strength is just a matter of time."
I spoke out my thoughts honestly.
"My strength is not enough... I'm sure you know that too. In our previous life, I couldn't even do anything. In the end, when we promised to end things once and for all, we ended up coming back to when it all started. I apologize for that."
Maria sneered, showing a self-deprecating smile.
Seeing that helpless smile on her face, my heart slowed a beat.
Not good.
I averted my eyes, sighing.
"Don't blame yourself. No one saw it coming... and if anyone is at fault, it's only the Tower alone."
"Are you comforting me? How uncharacteristic of you, Zold."
Maria tilted her head, revealing a cute expression. But in a split second, it was replaced with a cool, casual smile.
My thoughts were a bit messy right now so I could easily see that just being a figment of my imagination.
Not wanting to deal with this any longer, I excused myself.
"I'm not sure what you mean, Sword Empress. And I apologize, I have to go..."
"You won't accompany me?"
Maria pouted while leaning against the stairwell.
I stopped.
Looking at her straight in the eye, I would be lying if I wasn't feeling excited right now. But I don't want to think it's real—or rather, I very much doubt it. It should just be teenage hormones taking effect as usual.
"I'm just joking."
Seeing my expression, Maria smiled casually. She patted my shoulder and left behind a few words before entering the rooftop.
"Good luck. I hope you still survive, Madman."
"... Yes."
I nodded, restraining myself from turning around.
'Calling me Madman, and then calling me Zold...'
Sword Empress, it's not good to be indecisive.
I sighed.
What was in the past must be left behind in the past.
'But still...'
Thinking back, I smiled.
'You've grown into a strong person, Maria.'
Taking a deep breath, I walked down the stairs...
Moments after Zold left, Maria stood on the rooftop, gazing at the sky aimlessly.
"The sky is so pretty. Solea, why do you think I'm feeling this way...? I'm supposed to be sad that the Final Conquest ended up bringing us to when it all started... again, when so much has already been sacrificed. But what is this feeling of happiness? Maybe, this time I can correct everything..."
Then, a butterfly appeared in the air and landed on her shoulder.
"And, maybe we can rekindle our relationship... Zold? Funny, how you're known as a Madman now, but I guess that sounds just about right..."
===
A fly flew by in front of me, disrupting my sky staring session.
I was feeling a bit sentimental, but that ruined it.
Without realizing it, I had arrived in the arcade I used to frequent when I was still a student.
"Can I get some coins?"
Walking to the cashier up front, I exchanged some of the money in my wallet for coins.
'15 coins... yeah, this should be enough.'
Taking the coins, I looked for a certain game.
Every gamer has that one game they loved, even if it was utter sh*t.
And this game...
"... Found it."
Seeing that the coast was empty, I went towards it without a second thought.
[The Dungeon Rat].
Held a very special place in my heart.
If I would have to explain what this game was, it was a steaming hot pile of tr*sh.
And I was being generous with that explanation.
In this game, you basically have to play as a dungeon rat.
Simple, straightforward, and no more unnecessary details.
Your main objective is to escape the hellish and torturous dungeons, evading the traps, and running away from bosses under a time limit.
Get hit once, it's game over.
Go into a wrong direction, it's game over.
Describing the dungeons as hellish and torturous was by no means an exaggeration.
Click!
Inserting a coin, I grabbed the handheld controller and familiarized myself with the controls for a brief moment.
"Hm... feels a bit odd."
Before the sword, the staff, or the dagger, I held a controller.
"Alright, that should do it."
Since my time was short, I had to make every second worth it.
Just as I moved the rat down, a sudden spike erupted and killed me.
[GAME OVER]
"... I love this game."
I grumbled, shaking my head as I inserted another coin.
While I said that ironically, I truly do love hardcore/masocore games like [The Dungeon Rat].
Games that are buggy, straight up unreasonable, and try to kill the interest of the players at every opportunity were my favorite.
And the reason for that was quite vain.
Hardcore and masocore games like this were often avoided by normal gamers, even pros, calling them the "hardest and most difficult" games they ever played.
When I heard about it the first time, I thought to myself...
'Is it really that hard?'
Since The Dungeon Rat was easily accessible at that time, I tried my hands on it to verify the rumors.
They were right.
It was so trashy difficult that it seemed to be created for the purpose of destroying a gamer's psyche.
But to me, that attracted me above all else.
I was born without talent.
I was born weak and sickly.
The thought of clearing and conquering a game that ordinary people, even pro-gamers, couldn't clear pushed me to play more and more.
Every time I cleared a stage, found a loophole, or figured out an unconventional way... I felt like a genius.
I felt special.
"... And there."
I muttered out, smiling slightly.
[The Rat Survives! Darn It!]
Seeing the small, helpless rodent scurrying away from the hellish dungeons of Cthulhu, I couldn't help but identify myself with the rat.
Like the rat, I was also a small and helpless creature scurrying at the throes of death every moment.
Finding every possible loophole, trying out any method...
"... But I only have one life."
I tapped the controller before putting it down.
Instead of enjoying the game, it reminded me of my purpose instead.
Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy it.
But I remember why I enjoyed them in the first place.
Because I'm weak.