Saint, You're So Vulgar! – Chapter 4
The next day arrived.
On the second day since the incident, it was once again the girl's voice that woke Asher from sleep.
"Saintess, it's time for your medicine."
He gathered his hazy mind and opened his eyes.
An unfamiliar ceiling, a stark room with no decorations, and a woman with short chestnut-brown hair.
Only after seeing all of it did he remember what he'd forgotten.
'Ah, right.'
Their bodies had switched.
He'd hoped that maybe when he woke up, things would be back to normal, but that was wishful thinking.
Helplessness welled up, but what could he do?
Asher sluggishly crawled out from under the covers, and just then, Dalin drew back the curtains.
Shwaaak
"Ugh."
His face scrunched up at the sunlight.
Dalin flinched in surprise and bowed her head deeply.
"Ah, sorry!"
"Ah, no... I mean, it's fine. Waking up like this is nice. Thanks."
"...Pardon?"
Dalin's expression turned strange.
It was exactly the look of someone wondering, 'What's gotten into her?'
Asher's body froze.
He'd just remembered something in his sleepy daze.
-Act appropriately high-handed with Dalin. Even a little looseness, and she'll start prying into personal matters.
Oh no, he'd slipped up.
Asher felt cold sweat trickling down his back.
His eyes darted around, and in that state, he barely managed what he thought was a high-handed response.
"N-next time, ask me before you open the curtains!"
"...Ah, yes."
Dalin seemed convinced.
Of course, she was still eyeing him suspiciously, but Asher didn't notice.
'Phew, dodged that!'
Relieved at averting the crisis, he let his guard down completely.
It was a bad habit of Asher's that even Holy Knight Captain Sir Whale had pointed outhe loosened up too easily.
* * *
Dalin, the attendant to Saintess Versia, thought to herself.
Today's her seems somehow off.
'Something...'
Why does she look so gentle?
To be more honest, why does she look so lax?
Versia wasn't like this usually.
She slept ramrod straight like a corpse, hands folded over her stomach. When gently woken, she'd slowly open only her eyes to signal she was awake.
And she wouldn't say another word after that.
The Versia that Dalin knew was someone who maintained a cold, expressionless silence unless it was necessary for outward appearances.
But looking back on today...
'Her sleeping posture was weird from the start...'
Today, she'd been curled up hugging the blanket like a shrimpthat was odd already.
But whatever, maybe she had a dream or something. Let's let that slide.
-Ah, no... I mean, it's fine. Waking up like this is nice. Thanks.
What was with that troubled smile and considerate words?
-N-next time, ask me before you open the curtains!
And why did she grin so excitedly after saying that?
Setting those aside, there was something truly bizarre.
"Saintess, your arm..."
"Ugh... yeah...!"
It was bath time.
Normally, without Dalin even saying anything, she'd head silently to the bathroom and entrust her body to Dalin.
But today, when Dalin brought it up, she hiccuped with a flushed face.
Then she seemed to agonize over it for a while before finally nodding and creaking her way into the bathroom.
From the moment she started undressing, she was stiff as a board.
Her eyes were squeezed shut, not even a sliver open, and she flinched every time Dalin's hands touched her body.
Dalin knelt behind her and narrowed her eyes.
With her hair tied up, her flushed ears and neck were visible.
As Dalin stared, she began to tremble faintly.
"...Saintess, are you feeling unwell by any chance?"
It was a ridiculous question.
Versia was a woman renowned for her overwhelming divine power, said to be favored by the world itself.
Her body was an impregnable fortress, immune to minor ailments or any poison or curse thanks to her miracles.
And the answer confirmed it.
"N-no... I'm fine."
Was the water temperature off?
Or maybe because of yesterday's oracle?
'Ah, could be.'
No matter how stoic she was, yesterday's Versia had been frantic enough to dash out first thing in the morning.
It must be worries related to the oracle.
Dalin thought that and brushed off her odd behavior.
Besides, wasn't she a bit more talkative and expressive now?
As someone who, unlike the other attendants, hadn't grown close to Versia yet, Dalin even welcomed the change.
"You have to tell me if anything feels uncomfortable, okay?"
"Mm..."
Dalin smiled brightly and continued with the bath.
It was a real stroke of luck for Asher.
* * *
He felt like he was dying of guilt.
Maybe it was like peeking into Versia's daily life.
Asher trembled with a sense of sin, as if he were doing something he shouldn't.
After the bath and dressing, he immediately started praying.
'Don't lead me into temptation...! Shelter me with the Parent God's mercy...!'
Truth be told, resentment and annoyance toward the Parent God welled up too, but what could he do?
Praying this fervently might earn him some pity and switch their bodies back.
His mind calmed about 20 minutes later.
Asher's energy was drained, his shoulders slumping.
"Saintess, time to get ready."
"Mm..."
Asher sat before the mirror and entrusted himself to Dalin.
He needed to get used to this fast, but why was it so embarrassing?
Smooth, smoothDalin brushed Asher's hair.
Asher glanced at Versia in the mirror.
Still, no matter how he looked...
'She's so beautiful. The Saintess is.'
Her translucent pale sky-blue straight hair cascaded like silk under Dalin's touch.
Her straight eyes and long lashes evoked mystery and elegance.
Her skin was excessively pale, making the flush stand out even more.
Asher chewed his lip.
As he did, it felt like Versia in the mirror was shyly looking at him, making his heart pound.
He got strangely drawn in.
Like someone lost in narcissism, Asher gazed endlessly at Versia in the mirror, then stared piercingly at her lips.
That was the moment.
-Whoa, dick.
Freeze!
Asher stiffened.
The shy demeanor instantly cooled to ice.
He squeezed his eyes shut and resented Versia.
'Aah...!'
With Versia spouting vulgarities all day, he'd imagined that face saying words like "dick."
Now he couldn't idolize her like before.
Guilt and self-loathing made Asher's body shudder, and just then, Dalin's brushing finished.
"Saintess, all done."
"Tha... I see."
Thanks weren't allowed.
Suppressing a habitual response intentionally wasn't easy.
Asher let out a deep sigh and staggered to his feet.
That was when Versia arrived.
Knock knock
-Saintess, may I come in?
"Ah, starting today, you'll have a knight's escort?"
"Mm..."
"I'll go tidy the bedding! Good luck with today's schedule!"
Dalin replied with a bright smile.
How could she be so cheerful and kind despite the mischief?
Her gentleness stirred a faint guilt in Asher.
So, with a soft smile, he said,
"Yeah, see you later."
Dalin giggled at that, hugged the bedding, and opened the door.
There stood Versia, dressed impeccably just like yesterday, smiling elegantly.
Asher felt distraught.
'Why... why does it suit her better than me...!'
What was this defeat?
As his fists clenched and trembled futilely, Dalin bowed to her and left.
Now alone, Versia finally entered, closed the door, and greeted him.
Having shed her knightly demeanor completely.
"Good morning. Or not? Anyway, sleep well?"
Asher let his shoulders drop, relaxing his tension, and replied.
"...Yes, did you sleep well too, Saintess?"
That was the moment.
"Haha, whatever."
Versia smiled with her eyes.
She looked full of life, which made him uneasy.
Tension rose again.
'...Why?'
Why is she smiling like that?
No, Asher knew the reason.
Shiver shiver
It was learned fear.
Only the second day, but after enduring Versia all day yesterday, Asher instinctively sensed something he shouldn't hear was coming.
He had to block it first.
Thinking that, he opened his mouth, but as always, Asher was slower than Versia.
"When I woke up, my dick was hard."
"...!"
CrackAsher froze solid.
Beyond shock, a sense of his ego crumbling swept over him as he blankly looked up at Versia.
One second, two, three.
As time passed, Asher's skin flushed beet red.
His eyes welled up.
Excessive shame made even his hair stand on end.
But Versia was merciless.
"Tried to pee, but the angle was all off..."
"Aaaah!!!"
Asher plugged his ears and ran to the corner screaming aaaah!
Versia followed with long strides, continuing her vulgar spiel.
"Should I just let it go? It goes down if I wait, but time..."
"Aaaah! No! I said no!!!"
"It's your own body. What's there to be embarrassed about? Oh, you washed it? How's it feel being naked in front of a girl..."
"Aaaah!!!"
Asher wanted to die.
So he could declare for sure.
"Come on, don't be like that. We switched bodies, so tell me about that much?"
If Asher were to die young, the cause would undoubtedly be suicide from shame.