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Chapter 215 - "Chase's Spiral"

POV: CHASE

The first week without Vivian in my life in any form is the week I discover what the baseline actually is, which is nothing good.

I've been without her before. There have been periods, weeks and months, the six months of no contact that lasted twenty-two days, the London stretch, the various distances we've constructed and dismantled over four years, and in all of them there was always the awareness of her in the world, the specific background frequency of knowing she exists and is somewhere doing something and could be reached, and that awareness is so constant and so structural that I've never been able to identify it as a separate thing, never been able to locate where the awareness ends and I begin.

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