When Jay heard his father's words — "I'm going to war" — the happiness that had filled him vanished in an instant. Fear gripped his heart. Fear of losing his father, fear of seeing someone else disappear again. Sadness crushed him, mixed with the desperate wish to beg Poul not to go.
But Jay knew it would be useless.
'How could I ask him not to go? He's a hero. A captain, even.'
He clenched his fist tightly, unable to meet his father's eyes. Poul already knew this reaction would come, so he had prepared something — a small distraction to ease the weight of the words.
"Jay, get ready. You've been discharged."
Jay simply nodded, turned away, and stood up from the bed. He picked up his clothes and began to change.
Outside the room, Poul met his old friend Luís, who came running down the hall, panting.
"You came all this way running?" Poul asked."Of course! Jay's out of the hospital. We should reward the boy with what he loves most," Luís said, rubbing his chin. "Think there's a bookstore open nearby?""Good question… think there is?" Poul replied, thoughtful.
At that moment, a small girl with snow-white hair caught Poul's attention. She was walking beside a blond man with a neat beard. When she noticed the hero speaking, they approached.
"Mr. Hero! Did you already tell Jay he was discharged?" she asked brightly."Yes, Saint Clarice," Poul replied with a gentle smile.
Clarice beamed.
'We're going to buy books! Me, his sister, his friend, and him… so many real people together. How wonderful!'
Inside, Jay gritted his teeth. The thought of losing someone who had always protected him tore at his chest. His heart raced, cold sweat ran down his face, and his mind overflowed with horrific images — each one showing his father dying in a different way.
The anxiety crushed him. He fell to his knees, curling up on the cold floor. He had only managed to put on his pants — the rest lay forgotten.
Then, a voice echoed in his mind.
"What a pathetic sight," Roh sneered. He looked straight into Jay's soul. "You're such a hypocrite. You killed two people, destroyed families, and now…" — he smirked — "now you're begging your father not to go to war? Pathetic, Jay."
Those words stabbed through his heart.
'He's right… I am a hypocrite. I should become a slave to the ice, pay for my sins. I'm nothing but a murderer.'
Frost began to crawl across his hand, spreading quickly.
Roh grinned darkly, seeing Jay trembling on the floor with twisted joy. The boy seemed to be accepting his fate.
But before the corruption could take over completely, a gentle voice echoed.
"Jay! Are you ready yet?"
The ice stopped. Jay looked around, startled. Roh clicked his tongue in frustration.
'Next time, that voice won't save me. Next time, he'll have me.'
Jay buttoned his shirt in a hurry. Glancing at the mirror, he saw his hand still covered in a thin layer of ice.
"W-was that… real?" he muttered, trembling.
Without overthinking, he covered it up and stepped outside.
When he saw his family waiting, he forced a smile. They noticed the delay, but Jay apologized and quickly joined them. Together, they headed to the bookstore.
'He's acting strange… His smile used to be as light as a flower. Now it feels heavy, like stone,' Clarice thought silently. 'He's hiding something.'
At the bookstore, Noa and Jay immediately ran to the action section. Clarice tried to follow, but Kyrai stopped her.
"Not so fast. I know exactly what you'll think if you go after them.""But we were supposed to pick a book together!" Clarice protested."And we will. Just not yet," Kyrai winked. "Got it?"
Clarice sighed in defeat.
"I'll go check on them," Mary said, walking toward the shelves.
Outside, a crowd was forming. The king himself had closed the entire bookstore for Poul's and Luís's families. Royal guards stood by the doors, keeping others out.
Even though Clarice was revered as a saint among humans and elves, prejudice lingered. Her race — the elves — was still despised by many. Beautiful, wealthy, and gifted with every form of magic, they were everything humans envied.
Inside, Poul watched the guards holding back the restless crowd.
"Luís," he called."Yeah, Poul?""I need to ask you something. Take care of my son."
Luís froze, turning to him.
"You're… really going to war, aren't you?""Yes," Poul sighed. "Take care of him for me. Play the role I can't anymore."
Luís smiled faintly."Of course I will. I already do, don't I, little ice boy?"
"Ice boy?!" Poul growled."What did you say, you bastard?"Luís laughed."Good to know you still trust me, Poul. For a moment, I thought you didn't.""I've always trusted you, airhead," Poul replied.
A cold wind brushed past them, and Poul sensed something dark inside his friend.
"Luís… have you ever killed anyone?""Why ask that?""Just curious."
Luís smirked."Yeah. I've killed to protect the ones I love. That's my justice, Poul."
Poul's gaze sharpened."You got a problem with my justice?" Luís asked, tone heavy."No… I'm not so different from you," Poul replied.Luís smiled again, and the tension faded.
Jay walked among the shelves with Noa and Mary, running his fingers along the books' spines. But nothing caught his attention.
'That's weird… Where's that spark? I used to love this. Now… nothing.'
His eyes felt hollow as he stared at the covers.'I'm turning back into who I was… someone lifeless. Even here, in my refuge, everything I loved is fading away.'
He smiled bitterly.'How funny.'
Mary watched him quietly.'He's not okay. Jay would never look so empty surrounded by books. I need to make him talk.'
Meanwhile, Noa's eyes sparkled.
"Hey, Jay! I'm gonna check the other section. Nothing beats TB, the masterpiece!"
Tears filled Jay's eyes at the mention.
"You coming?" Noa asked, casual."No. Go ahead. I'll read this one," Jay replied dully.
Noa nodded.'I wanted to pick books with you like always… but it's fine.'
Jay turned back to his reading.
'The protagonist is just like me…'
He stood to grab the next volume — and froze. White hair and crimson eyes watched him.
"Saint?! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with that damned—""That damned what?" Clarice raised an eyebrow."That damned Kyrai," Jay said flatly.
Clarice laughed awkwardly."I got interested in a book and lost her somewhere in the aisles. Total coincidence running into you here.""Same here," Jay said, scratching his neck.
Clarice looked at the book he held — a melancholic title with a faded cover.'Mine is filled with happiness, his with despair. If he finds even a spark of hope, he'll cling to it like life itself.'
"What are you reading?" she asked."How Can I Be Happy?" he replied."Can I read with you?" she asked eagerly.
He hesitated, then nodded."Sure."
Clarice smiled and sat beside him. They read together, occasionally commenting on lines that moved them.
"Jay… the main character is a lot like you, isn't he?" she asked softly."Yeah… he is," Jay admitted.
'For some reason… I want to keep talking to her,' he thought.
When she finished, Clarice stood.'I guess my little moment of happiness is over,' Jay thought sadly.
But she picked up the first volume of his book and sat back down.
Jay blinked, smiled faintly, and returned to reading.
Some time later, Clarice fell asleep on his shoulder. Jay glanced at her and chuckled softly before returning to the pages.
'Maybe I should read her book too… might be good.'
He did — and when she woke, she realized she'd slept against him. Her face turned bright red.
"You're awake, sleepyhead?" Jay teased."I-I just dozed off a bit, idiot!" she snapped, embarrassed.
Jay laughed naturally for the first time that day.
'I did it,' Clarice thought warmly. 'I turned his heavy smile back into a light one.'
Jay's eyes widened.'She… she's my hope. My light.'
He pulled her into a sudden hug and began to cry. Clarice didn't speak. She simply held him and let him cry.