Or rather, what he hoped for was to avoid, as much as possible, the kind of negotiation that came after a lie, because if it failed, it would just cause a second round of harm to Fern.
After all, if he agreed now and then went back on it later, he suspected this child would end up hating him.
So as he looked at this child who had lost control of her emotions and was clinging to him with tear filled eyes, he simply reached out and pulled her into his arms.
Just like that, gently, he let that trembling little body rest against his chest, and without saying a word, he softly patted her back, silently hoping that through his actions he could help her calm down again, just like on the night they first met.
And in that wordless embrace, time seemed to lose all meaning. The sound of crying gradually faded, leaving only their heartbeats and breathing.
As Fern's tears slowly stopped, her small hands instead wrapped tightly around Ash's waist, as if afraid that the moment she let go, she would lose this warmth and support.
Ash did not let go either, only gently holding this tiny girl who was so fragile it felt like he might accidentally break her if he used even a little too much strength.
———
Heiter, who had left the room but had not actually gone far, was hiding outside the window, quietly peeking in at the two of them.
At this moment, even he felt as if everything around them had lost its color. In this brief moment of peace was woven the most sincere emotional bond, only—
"Ash isn't going to accept this that easily, is he?", Just like with his understanding of Frieren, he also understood Ash quite well.
Even though Ash had never revealed what he really was, Heiter could tell that he was not human. At the very least, no human could go that long without their body aging at all, and even keep getting stronger.
And for a long lived being like that, accepting a human child, that was indeed extremely difficult.
Because of that, he could not really blame Ash. After all, this truly was a case of long pain being worse than short pain. But still...
"That child really wants to be with you. She is far too considerate, so considerate it breaks your heart," Heiter pulled his gaze back from the window and could not help but let out a long sigh.
If he were ten years younger, or if Fern had never met Ash, he felt that even if he was very unsuitable, he would still force himself to take her in.
But as long as there was even someone slightly reliable around, he could not bring himself to step in.
Because his age would not allow it. He was already over a hundred years old.
At his age, he even had to worry about whether he might not wake up after going to sleep, and if no one noticed, whether his corpse would just rot in bed.
As awful as that sounded, it was the objective reality he had to face as an elderly man living alone.
So even if Ash were extremely irresponsible and just ran off, he himself would still have to find some way to get someone to take care of Fern, otherwise... how was this child supposed to survive on her own?
Originally he did not plan to meddle, but he truly felt sorry for Fern, so he had stuck his hand in a little, and was now planning to stir things up even more.
After waiting a long time, Fern cried herself to sleep, and Ash gently carried her over to his own bed. Only then did Heiter step back into the room.
Because Fern had not let go even while sleeping, Ash was now only staring from a distance at the opened drawer in the room, and then quickly turned his gaze to Heiter, who was walking over lightly without even using his cane for fear of making noise, and asked suspiciously:
"Heiter, that drawer was opened by you, right?"
"You suddenly doubt your own friend? You probably forgot to lock it yourself, didn't you?", Heiter looked surprised.
There was even a hint of grievance on that old face.
But Ash looked at him coldly, with not a shred of sympathy, and even said in a low voice, "Stop acting. Do you think I don't know you?"
"Haa! To think that at the very end of my life, I would see a falling out with a dear friend," Heiter shook his head again and again, looking as if life was not worth living.
The level of his act almost made Ash lose control and want to punch him.
But as he touched Fern's hair, her head resting on his lap, tears still at the corners of her eyes as she slept soundly, he took a deep breath as if trying to pour all his emotions into the air, and only then barely calmed himself down.
"If I had just forgotten to lock it, this child would never have opened it. Someone must have opened it beforehand and left the name exposed."
"You really know Fern well."
"Whether I want to or not, I've known her for over a year now. I guess I understand her a bit."
"Is that so? Is that so?", Heiter nodded with a smile.
That attitude made Ash want to throw something at him, "You cause me trouble for no reason and this is the attitude you give me?"
"Ahh! Then I'm really sorry! Haha! Haha!"
Before this conversation, Heiter had already made up his mind. Now he was smiling as he once again confirmed his goal, then turned around and left the room, even kindly closing the door behind him.
'What the hell got into him all of a sudden?', Ash stared at the door blankly for a while, then gloomily lowered his head again to look at the small girl lying on his lap. He unconsciously stroked her hair and let out a long sigh.
"Taking care of a kid is more troublesome than I thought. I really shouldn't have gotten involved with humans in the first place."
But regretting it now seemed a little too late, and without even realizing it, he had forgotten that he himself used to be human too, only... the time he had spent as a demon had long since surpassed the time he had spent as a human.
———
The next day—
When Fern woke up, she found that Ash was actually lying beside her, but after taking a closer look she realized... it was she who was sleeping in his room.
Memories of last night flooded back at that moment, making her nose sting as she almost lost control of her emotions again.
Still, after tidying up the clothes she had not been able to change last night, she carefully got out of bed and, as usual, went to draw water from the well in the courtyard.
In the yard without a fence, the gentle morning light softly brushed against her skin, bringing a delicate warmth. Birds chirped on the surrounding trees, as if it were an embrace from nature, everything was so quiet and peaceful.
But when she thought of what happened last night, Fern's expression darkened a little, because in the end, Ash still had not agreed to her request.
As if everything had already been decided, just thinking about having to talk about it again later made her heart feel unbearably heavy.
She accidentally filled the bucket too full, and the handle dug painfully into her fingers, but unlike usual, she did not pour any out. Instead she clenched her teeth and staggered forward, wanting to prepare the morning water for Ash just like always.
In fact, it was not only Fern who felt heavy hearted. Ash, who had already woken up when she got out of bed, felt the same way.
Just thinking about having to talk about it again made his stomach hurt.
Before this, he had never imagined that simply helping to take care of a child for a while would put him in such a dilemma.
But when he noticed through the gap in the window that small body swaying left and right with the water in the bucket, splashing her feet and soaking her skirt, he could not help but sigh. He straightened his clothes and walked out after her.
———
Fern, as she walked toward the house, clenching her teeth and forcing herself to endure the pain in her fingers, she heard footsteps. She instinctively looked up and noticed him, then immediately lowered her head again to avoid meeting his eyes, looking unusually distant.
Even so, this polite child still greeted him softly in her hoarse voice from crying last night.
"Good morning, Lord Ash..."
"Morning, but I'll take that."
Ash sighed and reached out to take the bucket from her.
But he had not even taken two steps when Fern's voice came from behind him again.
"Th, that... Lord Ash!"
"What is it?"
"About yesterday... I'm really, really sorry!", Fern bowed deeply, so much that her body was almost at a ninety degree angle.
Her overly respectful posture made him feel troubled, "It's fine. That was normal. You're still just a kid."
"Thank you... um..."
"Is there something else?", He turned to look.
Fern, clearly nervous, lifted her head and carefully asked, "Is it really... because I did something wrong?"
"No. I'm the one in the wrong."
"What... does that mean?"
"You're unexpectedly persistent today," He put the bucket down, turned around, and sat on the wooden steps. Looking at the child standing there at a loss under his gaze, he could not help lowering his eyes and softly sighing, "Like I said from the start, there is nothing wrong with you, and there is nothing you need to apologize for. It is purely my fault."
"N-no, that's not true! I think Lord Ash is... a very good person!"
"Really? Be honest."
"There are, there are some strange parts, b-but! I only want Lord Ash! I don't want anyone else! Absolutely not!"
The girl, gripping the hem of her skirt with both hands and shouting those words with all her strength, even squeezed her eyes shut in nervousness, as if afraid to see something that would drive her to despair.
But in reality, Ash was just sitting on the steps, propping his chin with his elbow on his knee, and letting out an amused sigh.
"What kind of line is that? If you were seven years older... no, you're only seven and a half now, right? If you were eight or nine years older and said that to me, I might actually be pretty moved."
"I-I will say it! Even eight or nine years from now, I will definitely say it!"
'Why does it only count if I'm eight or nine years older?', Fern did not quite understand, but she still pressed a hand to her chest and made her promise to him with utmost seriousness.
But that serious yet innocent promise just made him laugh and shake his head.
"You're still young so you probably don't get it, but that sounded just like a confession."
"A confession?"
"Expressing the feelings in your heart, feelings of love or affection."
"So I was expressing my feelings for Lord Ash?", Fern tilted her head in confusion, thought for a moment, then asked nervously, "I-I get it... Does Lord Ash actually hate children? Because children are annoying? Or because I'm too disobedient?"
"No, no, that's not it... ugh! this is my fault. Let's stop talking about this. If this keeps going and someone hears it, they'll think I'm some kind of messed up pervert." [T/N: I hope you, really, are not.]
What was supposed to be a pretty serious explanation had been twisted into something so strange, and the other party was still an innocent child. It made him cover his face with one hand, unable to even look straight ahead.
But those words only left Fern even more confused. Even though he had said that, she still could not help saying, "Lord Ash, if there's anything you don't like about me, I will really try my best to change it!"
"No, you're really great. There's nothing I don't like about you. I also really like you. But because of that, I can't stay with you like this."
"Why!"
"Sigh! How should I even explain this?"
Looking at the girl who, for the first time, was pressing him so insistently, he rubbed his aching temples and sighed.
"Think about it. I'm very busy, right?"
"So?", The girl's eyes were firm, without the slightest retreat.
"So I don't have any way to take good care of you. If you went to someone better..."
"I'm fine!", Fern interrupted him without a second thought, making his words stop short, "I don't want anyone other than Lord Ash!"
"I figured you'd say that. But why? Why are you so set on me?"
"Because if it weren't for Lord Ash, I might have already died by the side of the road! It was Lord Ash who gave me hot food and a clean bed! Who gave me a home! When I was scared, it was you who held me tight! In the frightening nights, it was you who gently held my hand! Even when you yourself were covered in wounds, the first thing you thought about was whether I was hungry! So... so! I, I like... I like that Lord Ash more than anything!"
By the end of this almost screaming "confession", Fern was already so out of breath that she could barely breathe. Her excited chest kept rising and falling, and from using too much strength, she had to struggle at the end just to get her chaotic breathing back under control.
Those words left Ash staring blankly at Fern, a complex feeling rising in his heart.
He hesitated for a while, wanting to say something, yet not knowing how to begin.
Honestly, he had not expected her emotions to be shaken to this degree, but he could not say he did not understand it either.
'So is this my fault? Yeah, obviously it is. But I have my reasons too. Separating is clearly the real win win, so why do kids never understand the troubles of adults? No, this is not the time to push the blame away. Fern really knows nothing. In a child's world, parents are everything, and I took that role. Being abandoned is basically the same as having the sky fall down on you. At least that much, I can understand.'
So in the end, he could not say anything at all. He just patted the step beside him, signaling for Fern to come over.
When she carefully moved closer and obediently sat beside him, Ash stroked her hair and, as if forced into a compromise, softly sighed.
"For now, let's put this matter on hold."
"Why... not give up?"
"Well...", He glanced at Heiter, who was peeking over from not far away, and immediately got an idea, "Right, why do you think I know Heiter?"
"Why?"
"Because actually, Heiter and I are about the same age."
"You're lying, right?"
"Even older, actually."
Facing the child's look of disbelief, he brought out the same excuse he had used on Frieren and the others.
Compared to any other reason, this would probably lessen the harm to Fern a little more.
Although he himself was not sure whether using dying of old age as an excuse, or simply disappearing for various reasons, would hurt her more.
But at least, it felt like maybe this time they could talk it out and let Fern choose a more suitable family, and then Heiter suddenly walked out.
The old man, who no one knew what he was plotting, wore a smile on his face and held an ancient book in his hands.
"If it's a matter of lifespan, then that's nothing to worry about."
"What do you mean?"
"This is a grimoire by the sage of the Age of Myths, Evisch. It records magic about the lost arts of resurrecting the dead and immortality." [T/N: Lmao!]
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