Sashi was sleeping on his bed soundly. He had been feeling good about himself somehow; maybe due to his success in subduing a strong Mitra with just a few words. Sleep was bliss, till he felt his body being set on fire.
It started slow at first, his hands and feet singing with the heat, and then the fire creept up to his heart and engulfing his body. He tried to move, but he couldn't. As the fire raged around him, he could see Mitra standing a few feet away, a torch of fire in her hands, watching him burn.
"Why did you kill him?" she asked quietly, her voice piercing him sharper than the fire itself.
Everything went into a blur as he locked his gaze with Mitra's. Her eyes were hauntingly cold in the glare of the fire. And he was dying.
Sashi snapped his eyes open, panting heavily at first and then erupting into a cough.
It was a nightmare. One after many years. He had thought himself cured of the curse of those dreams. But, now that he was unwinding the yarn of his past, those dreams found their way back to him.
Sashi gasped getting out of his bed. He reached out for a bottle of water, drank some and poured the rest on his face, waking himself up properly. He fumbled regaining himself.
Mitra.
Strange, how he thought about the person he saw murdering him in his dreams in a more possessive way than an antagonistic one. He went to his computer system to check on Mitra via the CCTV streaming.
She was curled up on her bed, sleeping, with no movement at all. Little did he know that she was also dreaming a nightmare, of getting killed by the murdered victim from twelve years ago.
Sashi went back to his bed, remembering his own unfortunate past. As he sat trying to take his head off things, he could see flashes of his father glaring at him with venomous eyes.
How he hated him.
Sashi remembered working late into the night every time just so he could belatedly go home, after his father passed out drunk. His father, however, barged into the restaurant Sashi worked early in the evening everyday to snitch his earnings for his drinks.
Sashi never much bothered about money. He had a deal with his restaurant owner to lie to his father about his wages. Sashi saved whatever change and tips he could hide and the rest he gave up to his abuser.
And he waited.
Years passed. Mitra appeared occasionally in town, usually during summer or close to Christmas. Sashi would go around the silent streets of the neighbourhood, following her in the shadows, watching her. He never felt like approaching her: she was always surrounded by some elder member of her family and that scared him. The thought that she might not even remember him didn't cross his mind at all. It was unfathomable.
Slowly along the years that went by, Sashi lost his purpose of staying in the town without even knowing it. He had been abused more than he could take it. Yet, he kept himself in check using Mitra as an excuse for staying back and bearing it all.
Every time he felt like quitting the town or defending himself against his father, he would repeat to himself that he needed to stick around to see Mitra. There had been just one occasion, one absolutely brutal night with his abuser when he stood holding a knife, about to stab his father, his mind screaming at him to just run away from there, when he questioned himself about his purpose of staying back.
He gulped and controlled himself. Dropping his knife, he slipped out of the door, out of his father's reach and didn't return home for four days.
The reason of his return: in those four days, he came across Mitra, twice. The first time was when she was walking through the town with her parents, wearing the uniform of their town's best school, smiling as bright as ever. It meant only one thing: that she was back in the town for good.
Sashi felt relieved and elated, with the relief part confusing him. He was elated about her return, and in a sense relieved about it. What he couldn't understand was that he was relieved he didn't have to move.
Unbeknownst to Sashi, he had a parasitic relationship with his father. The violence drove him mad, yes. But, the absence of it scared him further, as if something was incomplete. He was adamant and partly ignorant about his own psyche to admit that he was addicted to the abuse.
So, he used Mitra's presence as the force behind his decision to stay back in town.
The restaurant cum cafe he worked at was on the way to Mitra's school and Sashi made it his point to work there during the school time, to make sure he could see Mitra going to and from school. That was his only joy in a day.
Yet, again, he never made an effort to tip her off about his existence. He assumed her to be aware of his presence, which wasn't the case.
His workplace supplied evening tea to the street vendors in the market near the school every day, and the employees took turns to make the delivery. One such evening, Sashi was out passing tea cups to the street vendors in an order. He went from one food stall to another nonchalantly, going about his job.
In that hustle, as he stepped towards a small stand of sweet snacks, someone bumped into him.
It was a girl who was walking backwards, giggling, who walked straight into him. Sashi was taken aback, irritated for a split second by the inconsiderate action of the stranger. He had almost spilt the hot tea in his hands.
And then, the girl turned around to face him and apologize for her intrusion.
It was Mitra, with a smile of apology on her face, saying, "I'm sorry. Really sorry, I didn't see you there."
The same smile.
Sashi froze for a moment. He was back in the church street with her offering him a paint brush with a smile on her face. She hadn't changed. She still included him.
Mitra couldn't grasp the reason of his lack of movement. She wondered if he was really angry about her bumping into him so carelessly. She apologized again.
Sashi gave a curt nod, more involuntarily. Mitra smiled in relief and turned towards the stall again, continuing to munch on her snacks. Sashi walked forward past her, watching her. She was laughing and chatting with a boy from her school.
They both looked enclosed in their own world, and Mitra didn't look at Sashi again.