*3 hours later*
The ward room smelled faintly of medicines the cold breeze entered through the open window , the arc lamps hanging from the ceiling casted long shadows. Outside the night had settled , arc lamps glowed everywhere, the moon shone brightly in the dark night, stars glowed and in the room everything was silent except the slow and measured breathing of the humans present there and the dripping of IV drips.
Everything was silent until "Won't you go home? " Amara asked to Bernhard who had been sitting across her.
"Mmh" that was all Bernhard said as he finally lifted his eyes to look at Amara, his one brow lifted in questionable manner.
"I mean it's almost dark and you have been here since evening almost like two or three hours"she said as she stared at him for answer, when he didn't said anything she continued"ok" She let out a breathe "then how long are you gonna stay? " She said and waited patiently for answer from the man sitting across her.
"I don't know" he said his voice was almost a whisper as if saying aloud would break something he had been trying hard to hold on.
"Look I understand that he is your friend and you are worried for him but if you stay like that you are gonna make your health spoil" She said and looked at him with concern.
"I know"he said and let out sigh before adding" But I can't help it"he said as he shoulders curled and he added once again " this all,"he let out sigh this time longer and then spoke "it still feels like it wasn't meant to be like this"he said and looked at the figure laying on th bed who breathed peaceful unware of the present and everything that has been.
For a moment Amara didn't said anything, she just stared , stared at the man across her,something about seeing the man sit there ungarded and almost near to surrender made the situations more worse.
Whereas with Bernhard, the word he had spoken felt louder than they were spoken, no matter how softly he spoke them they cutted him more than anything could. "This all, it still feels like it wasn't meant to be like this" They were just mere words for someone who would hear them but for Bernhard they weren't . "This all" It wasn't just about how he was feeling it was everything, everything that has till now happened, none of it felt it wasn't meant to be this way. His friend, he wasn't supposed to be laying here while fighting for his dear life, he wasn't supposed to be sitting in a place surrounded by smell of medicines and neither did his friend. They both were supposed to be in the battlefield with air filled with the smell of blood, gunpowder and surrounding filled with the sound of blasts and gun shooting, they both were supposed to be fighting for their motherland with their lives on stakes.But still he was here because not all dreams does come true. Because right now every moment he lived felt like a dream, the way Volker had cracked jokes about him being a scared cat in training days, the way they talked how when the war would end they would return to their villages atleast that was how it was planned, the way they both kneeled on the salt for being late but still Volker had teased him about starring at the general's daughter at bit longer, the way laughed on every jokes he ever cracked no matter if they were funny or not but Volker always laughed, and now sitting beside beside Volker's unconscious figure all of those felt like memory, like a something which he could never touch, never feel , all of it felt like felt like a dream from which he was forced to wake up, was forced to forget them. At this moment everything felt wrong the way Volker never replied to his wishper calls of his name, the way tears always flowed no matter how hard he tried.
He was lost in memory or dreams he no longer knew it felt like if he didn't expressed it he would droen in it for forever. His Adam's apple wobbled as memory flashed in front of his eyes.
"Are you okay? " when he heard Amara calling him he felt like he came out of trace of those memories.
He finally looked up and looked at Amara when he did he was no longer the Bernhard people knew, untouchable and cold, he was just the Bernhard Volker knew, soft and warm a person full of warmth with no coldness and a older brother figure.
When Amara saw him it was as if someone had knocked the breathe out of her lungs. She took a moment or two to take the scene in front of her. Bernhard eyes weren't sharp , not that they were hallow worse than it they were helpless as if seeking warmth and mostly red, stains of tears sticked to his cheeks, his hands weren't crossed over his chest, they hung loosely at his sides and miatakely they treambled not from cold but from the emotions which swireld inside him.
It was a sight which Amara wasn't prepared for but still she asked her again "Are you okay? " this time her voice wasn't casual or confident, this time they were concerned as if choosen and the lacked the earlier confidence in them.
Minutes passed,Amara waited for the reply which never came the finally with a long sigh she said "look , if something is bothering you you can say and... and" she paused for a moment "and I won't judge" she said her tone was careful and mistakely hopeful that maybe, maybe the man across her would not be silent anymore.
Bernhard looked at her there was hesitation in his eyes, so he choosed to be silent.
Seconds passed and the silence pressed and yet Amara sat looking at the man across still waiting for the answer and then Bernhard finally replied.
"I don't know what to say. " he said as he ran a hand through his hair.
"I am not asking about something completed things, I am asking about you, your emotions and what you are feeling" Amara said and once again stared at Bernhard for a reply, for something that would be enough to help him to loosen his shoulders.