The (real) Meander of the Damned was more than just a dungeon; it was a developer's nightmare that had never seen a Day-One patch, a structural insult to the very concept of level design.
As Mordecai led his party deeper into the purple miasma, the laws of physics began to stutter, and the environment itself seemed to be undergoing a slow-motion nervous breakdown.
The ceiling—or what passed for one in this subterranean fissure—occasionally flickered between a sickly violet and a flat, grey void, revealing the "skybox" was nothing more than an unoptimized texture loop.
In a normal Isekai, the protagonist would find a "Hidden Room" with a legendary sword. Mordecai, however, found a bush.
It wasn't a normal bush. It was a cluster of flickering, black-and-pink checkered cubes that emitted a low-pitched hum. A floating text box hovered over it, vibrating violently:
[MISSING_TEXTURE_BERRY_v.01].
"My Lord," Pyroetta said, her twin-tails twitching with visible agitation. "I would advise against touching that. It smells like... burnt ozone and existential dread".
She was almost returned to her Pyroas form, but some fragments of the mosquito were still inside her, causing her to buzz with a nervous, high-frequency energy.
Vera, on the other hand, was doing nothing in particular. She simply stared at him while he talked, occasionally nodding as if she understood everything.
"Nonsense, Pyroetta," Mordecai replied, reaching out with the calloused hand of a man who had spent twenty years touching live wires. "In a world built on broken code, the 'errors' are where the real value is hidden". Without a hint of hesitation, Mordecai plucked one of the flickering cubes and popped it into his mouth.
The reaction was instantaneous.
[SYSTEM ALERT: UNAUTHORIZED DATA CONSUMPTION DETECTED!]
[WARNING: THE HOST IS EATING RAW SOURCE CODE. INTERNAL STOMACH LOGIC IS CRASHING!]
Mordecai chewed with the stoic expression of a man eating a dry granola bar during a 12-hour shift. It tasted like static electricity, rusted copper coins, and the bitter regret of a programmer working a 72-hour crunch.
As he swallowed, his entire body flickered for a second, his skin becoming transparent enough to see the binary code pulsing through his veins. His violet eye didn't just glow; it turned into a spinning green 'Loading' icon.
"Mh. High in fiber, but the rendering is terrible," Mordecai muttered, his voice temporarily sounding like a synthesized text-to-speech program.
[SYSTEM NOTIFICATION: NEW SKILLS UNLOCKED:]
[NARRATIVE SKIP]: Allows the user to skip 'boring travel time, 'unnecessary side-character backstories,' or 'boring/bugged dungeons.'
(Effect: Mordecai can effectively teleport through "filler" content)
[FRAME-PERFECT TAX EVASION]: Passive. Increases dodge chance by 99% as long as the user is thinking about their quarterly earnings.
(Effect: The user becomes almost untouchable by physical attacks as long as they are mentally calculating their ROI. Needs a proper Holy buff to counter.).
[HITBOX MANIPULATION]: Allows the user to 'clip' through solid objects if they find a corner with 90-degree alignment.
(Effect: Mordecai can BASICALLY ignore the laws of collision)
[NOTIFICATION FROM THE HIGHER REALMS: THEY WANT YOU TO KILL MONSTERS, NOT EAT BUGGED ENVIRONMENT]
"Boss?" Vera asked, her voice muffled by her AC-equipped bucket helmet. "Your left arm is currently T-posing."
Mordecai looked down and noticed that his left arm was indeed locked in a perfectly horizontal position, refusing to obey his nervous system.
"A minor graphical glitch, Vera. It increases my reach by 15% due to improper hitbox extension," Mordecai replied, completely unaffected by the fact that he now looked like a broken NPC. "Now, help me harvest these. If we process enough of these 'bugs', we can bypass the entire grind of this floor".
'Mh. Side effect, classic.'
And so, the real work began.
Instead of fighting the thousands of skeletal rats that swarmed the lower levels—creatures that offered pathetic loot tables and even worse experience points—Mordecai spent the next three hours "optimizing" the environment. He treated the dungeon not as a challenge, but as a buffet of technical debt. He ate everything that looked like a glitch, and managed to unlock more stupid skills he's probably gonna use only once, only to completely forget about their existence.
Item ConsumedSkill GainedHigher Realms ReactionGlitching Slime Mold[INVINCIBLE T-POSE]: Mordecai can stand still to reflect all damage."He's literally mocking the combat system! 0/10 immersion!"Invisible Wall Fragment[NDA BARRIER]: Creates a wall that monsters cannot cross unless they sign a privacy agreement."IS HE BARRICADING THE MONSTERS WITH PAPERWORK?!"Recursive Loop Apple[ETERNAL OVERTIME]: Mordecai can work 48 hours in a 24-hour day."This is just corporate slavery with extra steps."Mutated Chicken Leg
[RABIES BOLT]: Mordecai can now give [Rabies] to his worst enemies.
CAREFUL: THIS IS A VERY DANGEROUS SKILL!
"Bro. I can't wait for that."
At one point, a swarm of skeletal rats—creatures with pathfinding so broken they were running in circles while barking like dogs—tried to ambush the party.
Mordecai didn't even draw a weapon. He simply stood in a perfectly rigid T-Pose. Every time a rat bit him, the creature exploded into a shower of unformatted text and 1s and 0s.
"EFFICIENT! SPLENDID! AHAHA!" Mordecai laughed maliciously, not realizing that both of his eyes glowed with an intense purple, charming his subordinates.
Pyroetta and Vera got [Charmed], of course.
Mordecai kept testing his new skills, while his subordinates stared at him with... ammiration?
"I-it's not like I'm impressed by your ability to digest errors, stupid!" Pyroetta shouted, her face turning a nuclear shade of red as she watched Mordecai walk straight through a solid stone wall to find a shortcut.
"Efficient... splendid." He said, while eating another piece of bone.
Pyroetta's twin tails were wagging with a speed that suggested her internal fans were trying to cool down her overheating brain. "But... how does your stomach even handle that?! You're eating the literal fabric of reality!"
"I was a master electrician, Pyroetta," Mordecai said, his voice finally returning to its natural, cynical baritone as the [CLICHE' NAUSEA] debuff faded. "I've survived on vending machine coffee that was older than the company and expired sandwiches from gas stations for a decade. My digestive tract is more resilient than the code of this world".
Both Vera and Pyroetta nodded with the solemn expression of people who had absolutely no idea what he was talking about
Mordecai then stopped his 'grinding' to inspect a chest that was vibrating so hard it was partially embedded in the floor. He didn't open it; he "clipped" his hand through the lid using [HITBOX MANIPULATION] and pulled out a handful of gold coins that didn't have a weight stat.
"Waste of time," Mordecai muttered, tossing the weightless gold to Vera. "It's non-standard currency. It won't pass an audit. Let's find the Alchemist. If she's been down here for three thousand years, she's either found the 'Dev Console' of this world or she's become the most efficient production asset in my portfolio".
Then, Mordecai kept eating a lot of other trashy things. Even bugged rocks from the ground or other glitched rat bones, while Pyroetta and Vera followed him silently. (Yeah. They're useless.)
After consuming the final fragment of corrupted code—a chair floating three meters off the ground that tasted like burnt plastic—Mordecai paused for a moment, indifferent to the fact that his right leg was currently clipping through the solid floor as if it didn't exist.
"Mh. The system is attempting to recalibrate parameters to compensate for the ingestion of raw data," Mordecai murmured, as a series of semi-transparent holographic tables appeared before his violet eye, pulsing with unstable light. "Let's see if the ROI of this digital snack justifies the heartburn".
He opened the statistics screen, but instead of the usual balanced numbers, he found a mass of data that was the very essence of RPG progression.
VIT (Vitality): [ERROR] – "Your body is technically a bug. You cannot die because the system doesn't know where to send the data of your demise".
INT (Intelligence): 250 – "Level: 'Above human average'. High enough to realize the other heroes are complete idiots, but not enough to explain to Vera why fanservice is inefficient".
STR (Strength): 60(+15 T-Pose Bonus) – "Enough strength to lift a jackhammer or a particularly heavy folder of contracts".
CHAR (Charisma): -80 (CEO Aura) – "Your presence inspires a mix of bureaucratic terror and the urge to resign. NPCs are deeply in love with your malicious aura".
AGI (Agility): 99 (Frame-Perfect) – "Allows for the dodging of responsibilities, taxes, and physical attacks with the precision of auditing software".
KARMA: -500 (Corporate Evil) – "You killed an innocent man and your ex-lover in a previous life, and now you are literally enslaving everyone instead of redemption and love. The Goddess of Light Caspera has your poster as a dartboard".
MNA (Mana): [BUFFERING] – "Your mana reserves do not regenerate; they are 'invoiced' directly from the surrounding environment".
CYNICISM: MAX – "Statistic unlocked by eating bugs. Allows you to ignore dramatic boss monologues and waifu feelings. Reduces 'Cliché' damage by 100%."
HATE: 120% (Productivity Fuel) – "Pure hatred toward inefficiency and concept of life itself is now your primary fuel. The more cringe you feel, the more your attacks become critical".
"Mh. Imbalanced statistics, aesthetically questionable, and morally bankrupt," Mordecai concluded, closing the window with a sharp flick of his wrist. "In other words, they are perfect for a hostile takeover".
He looked at Pyroetta, who was still trying to understand why Mordecai had just eaten a chair, and Vera, who was enjoying the air conditioning inside her helmet.
"Alright, we have enough corrupted data in the system," Mordecai said, activating the newly unlocked function. "Pyroetta, Vera, Vespera is waiting, and I have no intention of walking for another twelve floors of repetitive textures. Activating [NARRATIVE SKIP]".
And in the blink of an eye, the dungeon around them dissolved into a blur of pixels, skipping hours of useless grinding to project them directly in front of the Scientific Direction door.
Pyroetta and Vera immediately clung to him, scared of what was happening.
"Move. Your weight reduces my mobility by 70%." He said.
Pyroetta and Vera immediately detached from him. The wyvern's tail started wagging rapidly like that of a dog, while Pyroetta rubbed her legs together, mumbling 'B-Baka.. it's not like I wanted to cling to you...'
It seemed his touch was too much for them to bear.
As the last pixels of the skipped corridor finished loading, the dungeon became silent. Way too silent. Even the broken textures stopped flickering.
In front of them stood a single door that wasn't made of metal or stone.
It was made of... code.
Lines of glowing symbols ran across its surface, constantly rewriting themselves.
"We're here," Mordecai stated. "Vera, prepare for heavy lifting. Pyroetta, prepare the onboarding forms. We are about to meet our Chief Scientific Officer."
"Is she going to be dangerous, Boss?" Vera asked, her hand tightening on the hilt of her sword.
"Worse, Vera," Mordecai sighed, recalling Ugo's previous warning about Vespera's new 'Compulsory Attraction' protocols. "She's going to be a 'reincarnation-overlap' disaster. Stay sharp. This is a hostile takeover of a 3,000-year-old startup".
Pyroetta shivered.
"My Lord…" she said softly, looking at him again, her eyes sparkling as if seeking protection.
Of course, our beloved necromancer ignored her.
Instead, he stared at the door for a long moment, then smiled.
"Three thousand years of research and development…"
He adjusted his hat.
"Let's see if my employee kept the factory running."
He pushed the door open.
[SYSTEM ERROR: ACCESSING LEGACY CONTENT]
[SYSTEM ALERT: (almost) FINAL BOSS CHAMBER DETECTED.]
[WARNING: LEVEL GAP CRITICAL. THE 'CRIMSON CATALYST' HAS COMPLETED 3,000 YEARS OF UNINTERRUPTED R&D.]
'This is gonna be... fun.'
[FEEDBACK FROM THE HIGHER REALMS: CHAT IS EXPLODING!]
WAIFU_HUNTER99: "HERE WE GO! THE QUEEN IS COMING! I bet 1,000 gold coins she's wearing a lab coat and absolutely nothing else underneath! 🧪🔥"
NTR_Lover69: "Look at Mordecai's face. He isn't even thinking about the waifu; he's calculating the market value of the laboratory equipment. He's a LEGEND! 📈📉"
TsundereSupremacy: "PYROETTA IS ALREADY SMOKING! The jealousy arc is about to begin, and I am here for the drama! Team Mosquito vs. Team Alchemist! 🦟🥊"
CorporateSlave42: "He called it a 'Hostile Takeover of a 3,000-year-old startup.' I can't, I'm dying. Mordecai is my corporate spirit guide. 💀🏢"
PlotArmorEnjoyer: "3,000 years of R&D without a single vacation day or paycheck? This isn't a waifu, it's a shareholder's wet dream! 💎💰"
Vanilla_Lover69: "I bet she falls in love with him in less than 3 seconds. The 'System-enforced attraction' never misses! ❤️⚡"
LUKAS_THE_GREAT: "Mordecai, use a 'Paperwork Avalanche' on her! Block that fanservice with a Non-Disclosure Agreement (NDA) before it gets cringe! 📄⛔"
AriseButCorporate: "Imagine saying 'ARISE' and instead of a shadow army, a Human Resources department appears asking for your severance pay. 💼👻"
JinWoo_Fan: "3,000 years waiting for her Boss... This loyalty deserves a promotion or a permanent contract! 🛐📑"
SystemAdmin: "Please keep your reactions within the limits of degeneracy acceptable by the server. Or I will be forced to ban you like Mordecai bans fanservice. 🚫🛠️"