The grandmother's house smelled like barley tea and old wood. It had a warm, cozy scent that only exists in homes where people truly love each other.
Se-na had been carried here.
Our arrogant, proud and rich Dr. Maeng Se-Na; carried on an old woman's back, down the stairs, and into a waiting car. She was a top surgeon who had walked into the country's most intense operating rooms without breaking a sweat, had been carried like a piece of luggage, as if she was a helpless child. Because right now, she was really a child; and this tiny, shaking six-year-old body had reached its limit, and the grandmother had simply gathered it up and refused to let go at any cost.
Se-na couldn't even try to fight it; she didn't know how. This child's body kept shaking and shivering and tears kept falling from his eyes whether she wanted to or not; her pants were wet with piss and her legs were damp and sticky and her body was smelling now and adding on top her throat kept making those embarrassing little hiccups that she couldn't stop. It was the most humiliating moment of her life; and out of embarrassment she didn't realize that she had buried her head in the grandmas chest, holding her tightly.
The old woman had left a note on the dining room table before they left, it read;
I am taking Ra-ik with me.
Do not look for us tonight!
The handwriting was small and careful. It was definitely the writing of a woman who meant every word she said.
Grandma put se-na down as they reach her house and tell the maid to take her to the room. The bedroom was small and soft, filled with gentle afternoon light. There was a yellow quilt on the bed with tiny birds sewn into it, and a small dresser with a mirror just at her height. Se-na sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor, trying to think like an adult.
Okay, she told herself. You are a doctor. You are a logical person. You don't believe in things like this…This…whatever it is… isn't real. There is a reason for this.
She looked at her hands, they were small and round; then she looked her foot; it was scraped from when the glass had hit Ra-ik when his father threw it away. The blood was dry and brown now and then her stomach twisted.
You're dreaming, she repeated. You fell asleep at your desk or in the elevator. Ahhh… I was saving Ra-ik haha that must have taken a toll on me… This is just a very bad, very real dream. Se-na, soon, your pager will go off, you'll wake up with a stiff neck, and your coffee will be cold. Everything will be fine.
She nodded firmly to herself in the mirror. The child in the glass nodded back.
That is not my face, she thought, a shiver running down her spine.
Then the grandmother walked in with a pile of clean clothes, and Se-na's calm thoughts turned into pure panic.
"Alright, Ra-ik-a," the old woman said kindly, setting the soft cotton clothes on the dresser. She started rolling up her sleeves and took her to the bathroom. "Let's get you cleaned up. Let's get these dirty clothes off."
Se-na stood up as straight as she could. "I can do it myself."
But the voice that came out wasn't hers. It was high, thin, and it cracked at the end. The grandmother looked at her with the kind of patient smile people give to children who always say I can do it myself.
"Of course, of course my lion you can," she agreed, but she reached for the bottom of Se-na's shirt anyway.
"ahjumma…!!! " she was moritified.
"Arms up."
"I'm serious, I can… "
"Ra-ik-a. Arms. Up."
Se-na, the woman who had stood her ground against the most powerful doctors in the country, slowly raised her arms.
This is the lowest point of my life. She thought and closed her eyes; turning her reddening face away with a strange feeling of shame and humiliation.
The grandmother pulled the dirty shirt over her head. She made a soft clicking sound with her tongue when she saw the torn collar and the blood on the sleeve. Her hands were quick and gentle. To her, she was just a child who needed to be washed, fed, and kept warm.
Se-na was staring at the wall; she tried to think about medical notes or the steps of a heart surgery. She tried to memorize a list of medicines, but then the grandmother pressed her warm fingers to Se-na's chin. She gently turned her face toward the light to check the scratch on her cheek. And then kissed her forehead.
Every medical thought in Se-na's head vanished as she felt a warm bubbly feeling in her throat.
"This isn't so bad," the old woman whispered to herself. "It doesn't need stitches. We'll just put some cream on it."
Se-na stayed quiet.
"Does it hurt?"
"No," Se-na said. It was true. The scratch didn't hurt, but everything else, the fear, the rejection, the screaming, hurt too much to even talk about. But now it was better.
"Good boy," the grandmother whispered. She pulled a soft yellow sweater over Se-na's head. It smelled like fresh laundry and sunshine. "Now, let's fix that foot. You've been very brave today, Ra-ik-a. More brave than any little boy should ever have to be. My sweet little lion."
As the old woman knelt down to clean the cut on her heel, Se-na looked at the top of her gray hair. For the first time, Se-na realized something. While the rest of the world saw a genius or a "perfect machine," this woman was the only one who had ever looked at Ra-ik and seen a human being worth protecting.
"Why?" Se-na asked suddenly, "Why did he say that? That I'm not his son?"
and then she immediately put a hand on her mouth because she absolutely didn't intended to ask such a question, because even if she was in his body she didn't want to pry in his situation but the question just rolled down her tongue unconsciously with a small and shaking voice. It was him! Its him! Her eyes were wide with horror.
I am not doing anything! Its ra-ik! He is doing this! I am just listening in! am I eavesdropping??? What the heck!!! Whats the use my presence then if I can't have my own will! What…Before she could think more grandmother sigh caught her attention.
The grandmother had froze for a second, her hand resting on Se-na's ankle. Then she started without looking up, her voice was strong. "Because your father is a man who thinks he can own the stars, Ra-ik-a. And when he realizes he can't make them move the way he wants, he decides they don't belong in his sky. And know that, none of this is your fault! At all!"
She looked up then, her eyes bright with tears and anger. "He is wrong. You are the brightest thing in this family. And one day, you will be so high above him that he won't even be able to see your light."
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