The 302
By J.L.G.
I am sitting in the waiting room, waiting for my name to be called by the psychiatrist's office to go see my shrink. The air is cold coming from the vents. It feels nice for a change. It is 2 o'clock in the afternoon on this hot summer day. Outside in the city of Harrisburg, the temperature is 94 degrees Fahrenheit. I'm thinking of my 4th of July celebrations I will be attending coming up in a couple of days. "Becky," the psychiatrist calls out into the waiting area. I stand up and head over to the doctor, as he just called my name. I have been missing appointments recently with Dr. Zeller.
"I've been going over your chart, you just finished a three month supply of Lithium, we need you to go in for labs today prior to me giving you a prescription. Do you think you can go across the hall and give me some blood to test your TSH levels?" Dr. Zeller asked.
"Yes, I think I can manage that after we have our conversation." I replied. "So Becky, tell me what is on your mind especially after missing numerous therapy appointments with your psychologist Dr. Zane Hoffman, and now I might be considering an involuntary psych admission for you if you miss this next appointment with Dr. Hoffman. If you miss your next appointment with me, not only will you receive a 302, but you will be removed from the patient roster here at UPMC." Dr. Zeller stated. "Understood," I replied. "Your appointment with Dr. Hoffman is downstairs in 2 weeks at 1pm, do you think you can manage that?" Dr. Zeller asked. "Yes, I think I can manage that."
I get up off the chair I was sitting in after the psychiatrist says: "Now go get your labs drawn." I head over to the lab technician to get my blood drawn while the doctor is pointing across the hall. "Please wait for your name to be called." the receptionist says after I hand her the orders for blood-work from the shrink.
"Okay," I replied. "Thank you for choosing Quest Diagnostics, you will be called momentarily, so it's your choice if you wanna sit down or stand right there where the arrow points to where the line starts." she said. I don't think I have ever met her before, she must be new. I have been coming to see this doctor for over 5 years and my therapist I have been seeing at this practice for 6 years. I had to wait a year for my referral to lead to an intake with UPMC's psychiatry team.
I head over to where the line starts. As I put my back against the wall where the arrow on the poster points to, I hear a woman shouting "Becky?" "Right here, I replied gently. "Please come with me," she asked in a cheerful tone. "Okay," I reply gently and calmly.
"How is your day today?" she asked "My day is going okay," I say, sounding down with a gentle tone. "My name is Jess, I am going to be drawing your blood today. Is everything alright though? You don't sound so cheerful for the fourth of July coming up. Do you have plans for the fourth of July? Are you going to see any friends or family? Or don't you have any plans?" Jess asked. "I don't feel like chit-chatting, sorry!" I say nervously and in a sad tone.
"Okay, that's fine. We're also done with your blood-work." she answered. "I didn't feel a tourniquet or the needle or see you do anything." I replied. "That's because you were staring off into space and talking to me. I must be really good if you didn't feel a thing, I will take that as a compliment!" Jess replied.
I walked out of the clinic to find that the bus was arriving and I made it to the bus stop in time. I whip out my phone and show my digital bus pass. "You may have a seat." the driver stated. "You're going to 2nd and Market, correct?" my best friend Rachel asks me. "Yes, how's Pat?" "Oh, she's amazing!" Rachel replied.
"When are you two getting married?" I teased humorously and sarcastically. Rachel chuckles at the irony and replies: "Oh, we're getting married on December 29th this year. We wanted to ask you if you'll be our minister to officiate the wedding. Will you?" "Sure thing, girl!" I replied. "Does your girlfriend understand that you're transitioning?" She asked. "Yes, Jessica knows I am transitioning, but here's the thing: she is too and she is excited that we have that in common." I replied.
We arrive at the second and market location and the bus stops at the bus station. "Oh, there's Pat now!" Rachel said in an excited and happy tone. We exit the bus, we head over to Pat by walking straight for a couple of feet and sit on the bench split into three sections and I ask: "So, where are we headed from here?" "Back to our place, our son needs his nanny and I have to go to the Art Institute down in York and Rachel has to go to work for Walmart down on Grayson Road."
Pat replied. "Oh, did you tell her yet?" Rachel asks Pat. "Tell me what?" I ask curiously. "Pat identifies as a non-binary person and likes masculine pronouns. "Not an issue." I replied. "I love you anyways bro, I am happy you're comfy with yourself and I'll take care of Jay while you're out, nothing changes between us, bro! I am going to be your minister per Rachel's request for your wedding. As for a fee, would you be able to waive 50 bucks from my rent so that I owe you guys nothing?" I asked.
"Sure, we can compensate you that way for your services." Rachel replied. "I have to walk over to the garage on Walnut Street to get our car. Rach, I am going to drop you off at work, and I am going to drop you off at the apartment. Are you walking to church at the Journey this Sunday or are you getting a ride from us?" Pat asked. "Why don't we go see the pastor as a family unit this weekend by going together?" I asked.
"Okay then, we can do that!" Pat said excitedly. We walk down Walnut Street away from the Riverfront area library that is close-by and we head down to the garage in the opposite direction after I have been lost in thought listening to my music in my headphones and walking down second street towards the capital area building walking towards Third Street from Walnut Street and halfway down the street, there it is, the Walnut Street Parking Garage that is attached to The Whitaker Center, The Hilton and Strawberry Square.
We go down the alley between The Hilton and the Whitaker Center facing Strawberry Square and we find our car close-by to the next exit facing Third Street from the adjacent side from within the garage.
"There she is, she's beautiful," Pat said. "What kind of car is this? I have never witnessed a car like this ever in my presence." I asked. Rachel laughs at what I just asked and so does Pat in unison. "What's so funny?" I asked out of curiosity. "Oh nothing, you know nothing about hot rods," Rachel says. "It's a Mustang Boss 429 from 1969." Pat says while chuckling. "Oh my gosh, how did you afford this?" I ask. "We worked and we saved while I was in school trying to get my bachelor's degree in Graphic Design.
"Ah, well, I went to no college and got ordained as a Universal Life Church minister upfront and now I am attending Christian Leaders Institute online for free until I decide to buy my credits from them independently because I do not qualify for the FAFSA financial aid program for grants, scholarships or loans. My grades were terrible in high school." I replied.
"While you two have been in school, I have been inquiring going to school to become an English Major, and maybe one day I will hit the big leagues with my writing so I can get published by a professional entity rather than self-publishing by various means and seeing little to no return on my passions I invest in." Rachel replies sadly.
"Don't worry girl, you're an inspiration to me as a person because you do what you enjoy doing the most and it's your greatest passion in life." I replied. "Jay has also been writing short stories because he wants to be just like his mom," Pat stated. "He has?" Rachel asks. "Yes, he has, he's been showing me his works and asking if it would make you proud of him for writing at the level he does and I say yes, but you would love for him to keep practicing because you'd love to see him become the best author out of the greats in his day when he eventually publishes a book and to consider going to school for English like you have been inquiring about prior to me knowing you were looking into attempting college credits to get academic credits under your belt and acquire a bachelor's degree for it. I think that's the minimum credential in English one can get from Penn State, but yeah, I have been reading your internet history and I have saved $5,000 for you to kick off your schooling, girl!" I answered back to Rachel.
"Oh, you did?" Rachel asks curiously. "If you could be so kind as to drive me down to Belco Community Credit Union, I could withdraw the money and put it into your credit union account in one sweep."Yeah, why don't we do that in the morning prior to me heading in for work?" Rachel asked. As we all enter the car in sync.
"We can do that." I replied back to Rachel. I am very tired. I begin doing off and then a little bit of time passes prior to me hearing Rachel say: "drop me off here, babe." to Pat.
"Have a great day," Pat says. I remember getting into the car, but I don't remember falling asleep. The girls kiss as Rachel gets out of the car.
That's very sweet of her to show her girlfriend that kind of love and affection in a public setting, I think to myself. "I am going to drop you off at the corner of 29th and Derry, okay?" Pat asks me. "Okay, just wake me up when we're there and I will walk 3 blocks to our house." I replied.
"We're here," Pat said loudly. I woke up, "Okay," I replied. "Thank you!" I say with gratitude in my voice. "Not a problem, I will see you after I pick Rach up after my classes down at the art institute, okay?" Pat replied. "See you later," I say while closing the door nicely behind me as I take off with my backpack I am strapping onto my back. It is one of those one arm bags that were trendy back in the early 2000s. It may not be trendy anymore in 2025, but I just do me and mind my own business as usual.
I have my earbuds in, I am a block and a half from the house and I am planning on writing my sermon for the wedding when I get home. All of the sudden, an officer pulls up behind me and sounds his alarm that an officer uses to alert people and he says: "Becky Brown, please turn around and come here, I need to talk to you." over the car microphone because I am across the street from him at the corner diagonal from him on his left.
I pause my music, it was low enough where I could hear that clear as day. I stop and sit on the bench to my left and put my hands up. "Put your damn hands down, you're not being arrested or detained, this is a wellness check for a 302." the officer states. "Now, please, stay put and don't move, the crisis worker is on her way to come speak with you.
The panic sets in. "I still need to go write my sermon, the doctor said I had 2 weeks to see my therapist to not get a 302. I was told I had time to turn this around." I replied in a panicked voice.
"Becky, I don't know what to tell you. Your mom contacted Dr. Hoffman and then Dr. Zeller got the news, you didn't answer your phone, so then they called crisis intervention. I just have to do my job, I am sorry this sucks, but it is what it is. Okay?" The officer stated. "My cellphone is dead, I haven't gotten home to reply to a voicemail or call via the home phone and right now I am just using my iPod Nano to just chillax on the way home." I replied.
"It's taking you 2 hours to get home?" the officer replied. "Well, see, I took the bus, then I had to walk to a garage to get in my friend's car, and then I got out of my friend's car, I still have about a block and a half to walk home, and now you have me here under a 302," I say while trying not to cry.
Too late, I am crying after I have just finished my sentence. "Did you write a suicide text to your mother?" the officer asked. "A suicide text?" I asked. "All I know is it states that you and Jessica have broken up, you're distraught and mentally not well and that you wanted to harm yourself." "I never said anything like that," I replied. Jess comes running down the street, "What's going on honey, why are the cops here?" she shouts. She gets to me and starts gasping for air and then she pulls her inhaler out of her left pocket and starts puffing the inhaler once, now twice.
"The officer thinks my shrink and my counselor can rely on anything my mom says and then they are forcing a 302 on me because I supposedly sent a suicidal breakup text to my parents." I replied. "Officer, her and I haven't broken up, she's the happiest she's ever been in her life, I don't know why you're listening to her mom when she has a PFA order against her own parents. Her mom will make up anything to harass her. And, as for the text, I am guessing that her father spoofed her number again to text her mom so they could set this up right before our wedding day on November 30th of this year.
"She still has to have a mental health evaluation, there's nothing else I can do. The court sent me out to come find her, now I am going to have to do my job. Start heading to UPMC on Front Street, and I will escort her to the facility because I have no clue what's taking so long for the crisis worker to arrive." the officer replied.
"Understood." Jess replies. "I'm sorry honey, I will visit you at the hospital though, I will start by catching the bus on Derry Street to Walmart and then pay again to get back on to go the other way. Okay." Jess said to me in a concerned tone. "Okay sweetie," I replied to Jessica.
I get into the officer's car after he's done patting me down while talking to my girlfriend. I sit and get comfortable and then I just fall asleep swiftly.
I wake up to a nurse introducing herself by saying: "Hi, my name is Jackie, I need you to urinate in this urine specimen cup. Would you like a urinal or just a clean catch cup?" she asked. "I will take a urinal." I replied. She walks over to the cabinet to my left and bends down, grabs me a urinal and asks: "I am going to draw the curtain and leave the door cracked, just call out to me when you're done peeing, k?"
"Will do," I replied. I stand up, pull up my skirt, adjust my panties and proceed to urinate after pulling the lid off the urinal and inserting my male genitalia. I go pee for about 30 seconds, and then I pull the urinal from my crotch and place it on the counter while lowering my skirt just after fixing my panties back into the correct position.
"We need to stick an IV into you to draw blood for labs." Jackie stated. "Are you giving us the urine sample," she asked. "Yes, ma'am," I replied. "Thank you!" she said. I fall asleep as she preps the IV right as she goes to stick it into my right forearm below the crease of my elbow fold.
I wake up and there's a sitter to my left in a chair. "I just have to go to the bathroom," I stated. "Okay, well the bathroom is right there with a curtain in the opposite corner of the room or you can use the urinal. If you want to get up, I have to go get your nurse." she answered. "I will use the urinal." I replied. "Okay, well, I am going to hand it to you and turn around so you know I do not see anything, okay ma'am?" she replied to me. "Thank you, I appreciate it," I replied back to her as she handed me my urinal and turned around. To pull the curtain and remain turned the opposite direction from me.
The guard rail to my right is still down while I am on this gurney. I sit up, then I stand up, lower my paper scrubs and pull the urinal to my crotch and relieve myself. The nurse knocks on the door just after the curtain was pulled about 30 seconds ago. I close the urinal, pull my pants up and sit down as the sitter replies to the nurse: "just a second, she's using the restroom." "I am actually done," I replied." "Excellent, I have a few questions for you." The nurse stated.
"Why are there opioids in your system?" The nurse asked. "Because I pop painkillers." I replied. "Why haven't you been taking your Lithium?" the nurse asks. "I know I have low Lithium levels in my bloodstream, I haven't been taking it because I have been popping Oxy." I replied.
"How many pills a day would you say you're using?" the nurse asks. "I don't know," I replied. "How many pills are you taking at a time?" the nurse asks. "About 3 pills every time I use them." "And, how many times a day are you popping them?" The nurse asked.
"Roughly 3 or 4 times a day." I answered. "So you range between 9-12 pills a day?" the nurse asks. "Like 12 to 15," I reply. "And, how many milligrams are these pills?" the nurse asks. "They're 30mg tablets." I replied. "Thank you. And, where do you acquire these pharmaceuticals? From a doctor, the street, a friend, a family member, a partner?" the nurse asks. "I plead the fifth," I answered. "Okay, you have every right to do so, but you're going involuntarily for psych down at Roxbury in Shippensburg, then you will head for a rehab per court order for your well-known substance abuse problems." the nurse stated.
"Okay," I reply sadly. "Where's my girlfriend, did she show up yet? "She's here but she isn't allowed back here to see you at this time." the nurse replied. "Why not?" I asked. "Because you're a psych patient and UPMC has policies regarding visitors not being allowed to visit the psychiatric patients." Jackie answered me. "The doctor is without a doubt admitting you based on the text you sent, your mom and dad is here but are not allowed to visit you due to a PFA, however, how does your mom know anything about your situation with Jess if you're legally not allowed to communicate with her by court of law?" the nurse asked. "I never sent any text," I replied. "But, the text is clearly from your number." the nurse replied. "I don't have an answer for that." I replied.
Well, the police looked at the data regarding your cellphone plan and it seems like Adrienne, your ex-wife you legally have to pay a phone bill for, well, she confessed to officers after being interrogated upon investigation of your phone plan data because she looked up a number spoofing website and masked her number as yours and then that's how Jenna, aka your mom, got a text from you supposedly even though you never sent the text and I believe you." the nurse stated.
"You have two treatment options because there was no provable cause to bring you in other than this falsified information your mom got from Adrienne. Your dad, Pete and your mom Jenna are leaving soon. But, I am really interested in knowing if you'll do outpatient rehab and a partial program or if you want inpatient psych voluntarily and inpatient rehab or some combination thereof. If you deny the help, they will 302 you entirely and they will force rehab on you and it will go on your record for drug court." the nurse explained. "I will do all outpatient treatment, that is fine." I replied. "Thank you, Becky, this makes it easier on everyone." the nurse replied.
I fell back to sleep for a little bit. Roughly about 30 minutes into my slumber, the nurse wakes me up by saying: "Hey, I need your signature real quick and then Rachel and Pat will drive you home." Jackie stated. "Thank you for letting me know my friends are here." I replied. "It was 3:03pm when you arrived, it is 10:31am on July 3rd, 2025 and we are requesting you to sign, date and time so we can send you on your way." the nurse stated. I sign, date it for 7/3/25 and then I write 10:32am for the time.
"Okay, thank you, oh and one more thing, the office down in Kline Village will call you when they're ready to do your partial and rehab treatments outpatient. The doctor threw a dual diagnosis requirement for your treatments in the partial program." the nurse stated.
"You are good to go." the nurse says while I hand her back her pen. "Have a good day, darling." the nurse said while smiling at me. The nurse and the behavioral technician aka the patient sitter take off. I gather my things, pull the curtain, and take the paper pants off 30 seconds after the woman leaves the room. Then, I take off the paper shirt. I put my arms through each arm hole of my sports bra. I step through my skirt and put it back on. Then I put my arm through each spaghetti strap tank top after putting on my skirt.
I put all of my belongings back into my backpack which ironically were next to the sitter and not removed from my patient room directly but were still out of my possession. I put my backpack strap across my chest and then I put my slides back on and started walking towards the exit. "Follow the exit signs," the nurse told me as I already started to. "Have a wonderful day," I said to everybody while waving and looking at everyone around. "Are you okay," Jessica asks. As I enter the waiting room. "Yes, I am, sweetie." "Why didn't you tell me you were using drugs again," she asked in a whispering voice lowly. "I'll tell you in the car, " I answered Jess. "Okay," she says in a casual normal indoor voice volume tone. And then we started walking for the car. We walk out to the parking lot in front of the emergency room door and then the girls honk at us with Jay shouting "I love you auntie Becky!" Jay has a smile on his face that I will never forget. The one thing I will look back to for all of my challenges is the smile on that kid's face. I love my friends, I love my girlfriend, but I definitely love this kid, because he's a sweetie.