Chapter 25: The Sausage Vendor and the Golden Purge
Following the scent of grilled meat and cheap spices, Mame eventually located the academy's resident food-system Spirit Master. Oscar, hiding his youthful fourteen-year-old face behind a hilariously thick, scruffy beard, had been thrilled to meet the new arrival.
After a brief, highly amusing exchange where Mame firmly established the nickname "gramps," Oscar enthusiastically abandoned his sausage cart to show Mame to their shared quarters.
"Welcome to the elite boys' dormitory!" Oscar announced, pushing open a creaky wooden door and gesturing grandly to the cramped, dusty interior. "I managed to snag the corner room for us, Bai! Best roommate on campus, guaranteed."
Mame stopped in the doorway.
His pitch-black eyes slowly scanned the room. The floorboards were uneven and coated in a thin layer of grime. The two narrow beds consisted of sagging wooden frames and scratchy, mildew-scented blankets. In the corner sat a small, battered wooden trunk and a meager pile of neatly folded, threadbare clothes—Oscar's entire worldly possessions.
The "Untouchable Aristocrat" was horrified by the poverty. The "King Beast" was deeply offended by the lack of hygiene.
Mame sighed, unbuttoning his pristine silver cuffs and rolling up his silk sleeves with elegant precision.
"Step outside, old man," Mame commanded smoothly.
"What? Why?" Oscar blinked, thoroughly confused.
"Because I am about to clean," Mame replied.
Before Oscar could ask what that meant, Mame stepped over the threshold. The Cosmic Origin Core in his Dantian spun to life, and a blinding, radiant golden aura flared around his body. He didn't summon a ring, but the sheer, condensed heat of his Sun-Ape Ki filled the cabin.
Mame snapped his fingers.
A wave of pure, golden holy fire washed over the entire room. Mame controlled the multiversal flames perfectly so they wouldn't burn the structural wood of the cabin, but he ruthlessly eradicated absolutely everything else. The dust mites, the mildew, the splintering chairs, and the lumpy straw mattresses were instantly flash-incinerated.
Unfortunately for Oscar, Mame's definition of "biohazard" included the bearded teenager's wardrobe. The battered trunk and the pile of threadbare clothes went up in a puff of golden smoke, completely vaporized.
The flames vanished in a flash of light, leaving behind the crisp, clean scent of ozone. The room was now completely, utterly, and terrifyingly empty.
Oscar stood in the doorway, his peach-blossom eyes bulging out of his skull. He stared at the empty corner where his life's belongings used to sit.
"My... my stuff!" Oscar shrieked, his voice cracking an entire octave higher as he dropped to his knees, clutching his head. "What did you do?! You destroyed everything! My clothes! My spare apron! My lucky socks! My secret stash of premium grilling spices! Why would you burn all my possessions?!"
Mame turned around, rolling his silver sleeves back down and buttoning his cuffs. He looked at the weeping, bearded teenager kneeling on the pristine, sterilized floorboards, and a genuine, highly amused chuckle vibrated in his chest.
"Hahahaha, do not worry, old man," Mame laughed, completely unbothered by the destruction. He walked over and patted the devastated teenager on the shoulder. "Your belongings were a biological hazard. We could not possibly sleep in the same room with those rags. But look on the bright side—at least this place is clean now."
"Clean?!" Oscar wailed, tears soaking into his thick beard. "I have nothing to wear tomorrow! I'm going to have to go to class in an apron!"
"I said do not worry," Mame repeated, his aristocratic persona oozing bottomless wealth and untouchable privilege. "Make a list of anything that was destroyed. Tomorrow, we will go into the city, and I will buy you the absolute best replacements gold can buy. Silk shirts, imported spices, custom aprons—whatever you want. Consider it a roommate signing bonus."
Oscar's wailing hitched. He sniffled, looking up through his tears at the silver-robed aristocrat. "...The best replacements? Really?"
"I am Young Master Bai," Mame smirked. "I do not do anything cheaply. Now, stand up so I can furnish this empty box."
Mame tapped his void-black spatial ring.
Thud. Thud. Two massive, plush mahogany bed frames materialized out of thin air, complete with imported memory-foam mattresses, thick, breathable silk sheets, and heavy goose-down comforters. Next came a polished ironwood writing desk, velvet-cushioned chairs, and a glowing crystal lamp that bathed the room in warm light.
Oscar slowly stood up, completely dazed. He walked over to his new, massive bed and tentatively poked the silk sheets. His hand sank into the goose-down comforter. It was softer than anything the poor food-system Spirit Master had ever felt in his life.
The grief over his lucky socks instantly evaporated.
"Bai," Oscar whispered, his voice trembling with sheer, reverent emotion as he looked at the luxury suite that had replaced his dingy shack. "You can burn my clothes every single day if you want to. You are the greatest roommate in the history of the Douluo Continent!"
Mame smirked, elegantly sitting down on the edge of his own bed. "Just make sure you don't drop any greasy sausages on my silk, gramps, and we will get along perfectly fine."
The next morning, the bright rural sun illuminated the incredibly shabby dining hall of Shrek Academy.
Unlike the opulent restaurants of Suotou City, the cafeteria was just a large, drafty barn with long, splintering wooden tables and wobbly benches. Despite the rustic setting, Mame sat at the end of one of the tables looking like a king holding court. He wore a fresh set of immaculate silver-white silk robes, his dark hair tied back perfectly, eating his morning porridge with the elegant, unhurried grace of high nobility.
Sitting next to him was Oscar, who was currently wearing a spare, slightly-too-large silk shirt that Mame had tossed to him after the "golden purge" the night before. Oscar looked absolutely thrilled, practically glowing in his high-end fabric despite his lumberjack beard.
Across from them sat a new face. He was a deeply plump, red-haired teenager who was currently inhaling steamed buns at a terrifying speed, completely ignoring everyone else at the table. This was Ma Hongjun, the Evil Fire Phoenix, and Shrek Academy's other resident student.
"Slow down, Fatty, you're going to choke," Oscar laughed, nudging the red-haired boy. "Leave some for the new students."
Ma Hongjun swallowed a bun whole and squinted across the table at Mame. "Who's the silver guy? He looks way too clean to be here."
"I am Bai," Mame answered without looking up from his bowl. "And I would ask that you chew with your mouth closed. It ruins the ambiance."
Before Ma Hongjun could retort, the doors to the dining hall opened. Zhu Zhuqing, Ning Rongrong, and Xiao Wu walked in.
Thanks to the Moon-Dew Fern Mame had provided, Xiao Wu looked completely recovered from her spiritual backlash. Her complexion was rosy, and her energetic bounce had returned. The three girls grabbed their food and, surprisingly, bypassed the empty tables to sit directly across from Mame and Oscar.
Xiao Wu hesitated for a moment, her crimson eyes meeting Mame's pitch-black stare. Her beast instincts still hummed with that confusing, terrifyingly familiar warmth whenever she looked at him.
"Um... Zhuqing said you were the one who gave me the medicine last night," Xiao Wu said softly, offering a polite bow of her head. "Thank you, Young Master Bai."
"Think nothing of it," Mame replied smoothly, taking a delicate sip of his tea. "You displayed admirable survival instincts yesterday. It would have been a shame to lose that."
Ning Rongrong poked at her bowl of plain rice and boiled vegetables with a look of profound, aristocratic despair. "How are we supposed to eat this? It's practically peasant fodder. My clan feeds our spirit beasts better quality grain."
Mame set his spoon down and elegantly wiped his mouth with a silk napkin.
"You lack perspective, Princess Ning," Mame stated mildly, glancing toward the kitchen where an older village woman was scrubbing pots. "The ingredients available to this academy are, undeniably, of the lowest possible quality. Stale grain, wilted greens, and cheap salt. Yet, the cook has managed to balance the meager spices to make the dish not only digestible, but surprisingly palatable. It takes true skill to forge a weapon out of garbage. My compliments to the chef for making something actually edible out of this tragedy."
Oscar gaped at him. "Wow. That was the most insulting compliment I've ever heard in my life."
"I simply state facts, gramps," Mame smirked.
The Four-Eyed Owl
After breakfast, a loud bell rang across the campus, summoning the students to the main dirt plaza for the morning assembly.
Mame walked out with the others, his hands clasped casually behind his back. The plaza was empty save for one man standing in the center, waiting for them.
He was a tall, incredibly sharp-featured man with a pronounced, hooked nose and a pair of thick, square crystal glasses resting on his face. He radiated a shrewd, calculating, and undeniably greedy aura. This was Flender, the Four-Eyed Owl, a Rank 78 Spirit Sage and the Headmaster of Shrek Academy.
Mame recognized him instantly from the antique shop where he had sabotaged Tang San's Plate Crystal. However, Flender showed absolutely zero signs of recognizing Mame. The "Mo" persona Mame had used that day—the forgettable, dark-grey-robed traveler who suppressed his aura—had worked perfectly. Flender simply saw Young Master Bai, the ridiculously wealthy new noble he had heard rumors about from Zhao Wuji.
Flender adjusted his glasses, his sharp eyes sweeping over the five students standing before him.
"Welcome, little monsters," Flender began, his voice carrying a surprisingly commanding resonance. "I am Flender, the Headmaster of this academy. First, congratulations to the new arrivals. You survived Zhao Wuji, which is no small feat."
Flender's eyes lingered on Mame for a fraction of a second, likely recalling Zhao Wuji's terrified report about the twelve-year-old with a ten-thousand-year black ring.
"You may notice we are missing two of our numbers this morning," Flender continued, clasping his hands behind his back. "Dai Mubai and Tang San are currently resting in the infirmary. Mubai suffered severe blunt force trauma and fractured ribs..." Flender shot Mame a highly calculating look, "...while Tang San is recovering from extreme spirit exhaustion and the physical toll of his own toxins."
Xiao Wu frowned worriedly, looking back toward the infirmary cabins.
"They will require a few days of bed rest before they can join the active roster," Flender stated bluntly. "However, Shrek Academy waits for no one. You are here to become monsters, not to sit around while your classmates nurse their wounds."
Flender pointed a sharp finger toward the open fields beyond the village.
"Your training begins today. I don't care about your noble titles, your wealth, or what clans you come from," Flender said, projecting his Spirit Sage aura to assert his dominance. "Here, you follow my rules. Now, Oscar! Step forward!"
Oscar groaned, shuffling forward in his oversized silk shirt.
"Your first lesson," Flender grinned wickedly, "involves our resident food-system Spirit Master. Everyone, prepare to eat!"
Mame stood perfectly still, his aristocratic mask flawless, but a deep sense of amusement bubbled in his chest. Tang San and Dai Mubai were stuck in bed, missing crucial training, while the King Beast was standing right here, ready to run the board.