…
The moment Inv woke up he felt something directly on his ear. Turning his head in a way that wouldn't move his ear somehow, he saw the small pink head of his partner snoring on top of it.
…
Getting his thoughts together, Inv looked back up at the ceiling of the shelter. Making sure to not move his ear so it wouldn't wake up his partner. Inv at the current moment felt at peace… and also conflicted.
Inv was used to seeing things when he fell asleep. Seeing things he didn't like nor want to remember. The entire time it would be something horrible he didn't want to remember then he would be abruptly woken up by water suddenly filling the shelter he was sleeping in.
But this time… it was different. At first he was reliving a time where he still was something he didn't want to believe he was. The word the strange looking slugcat called him back then stuck with him ever since.
'Monster'. Inv had always seen himself as one since then. He knew he would never be the creature called a slugcat. Just a cheap imitation of one. But despite this, he still kept this form. He felt comfortable as one, feeling that this is what he was supposed to be. Even if he knew he could truly never be one.
…
This is why Inv's emotions were currently mixed right now. He had always been affixed to the Slugcat race for some reason once he started looking like one. Despite only having ever seen only a few in his entire lifetime.
It's why he so desperately wanted to be close to one. Every slugcat he had met has held a form of thought that outmatched any other race he had met in this world.
Lizards, spiders, scavs. Inv just felt he didn't belong with them. He just didn't know why…
But if there was one thing that each race held in common that he had come across. It was something called a Mate. where 2 of the same race would be close to one another. Produce offspring. And stay together no matter what…
This was something Inv desired. He hated being alone. The isolation made living feel terrible. What was the point of sleeping and waking up to another cycle alone just to do it all over again?
Wouldn't it be much better… with someone else? Well… looking for another Mate proved fruitless.
Every encounter with a slugcat he had would just end up leaving him feeling more isolated and hated. He didn't understand why he was treated the way he was. Was it just not meant to be? Because he truly wasn't a slugcat?
…
…
…
That was until he met Joey, the small pink slugcat that was currently laying next to him. Joey's head laying directly on Inv's pink ear.
Inv could feel the warmth that was radiating from the small slugcats body. His and Joey's skin and fur pushed against each other.
Inv had found it. A mate… no, a Partner. His quest to find someone that would be willing to be with him had actually succeeded. It was something Inv had thought would never happen. But it was all Inv could ever ask for.
These past 3-4 cycles with Joey has been the most joyful Inv has ever experienced. The moment he had become partners with Joey everything just… felt better. Living felt much better now. Even the living conditions had improved! He hasnt been drowned in water once ever since arriving here!
'Though Joey did mention it was because where we currently are is special for some reason…' Inv pondered, remembering Joey tell him that this area experienced no rain for some reason…
But back to the point, Inv felt at peace. Having never experienced the kind of affection from another being before until he met Joey.
This was also why he felt majorly conflicted. Because he felt this peace could be easily shattered. Inv had already done several things he felt that should've ruined everything with Joey. Like accidentally hurting Joey with his claws, or panicking when he saw himself in that strange metal thing that Joey called a mirror…
But every time, Joey deescalated the situation, calming Inv down and ensuring Inv that it was ok… he had never experienced being comforted like this before…
That's why he feared… if he truly showed Joey what he really was… that it would ruin everything. Ruin the illusion that Inv is a slugcat. Wouldnt Joey feel betrayed to learn that his partner isn't a slugcat but some form of… monster? Only imitating the form of his race?
Inv couldn't bear the thought of even imagining how much Joey would hate him for revealing something like that…
…
But what he saw when he was asleep… right as it was about to get to the worse part everything suddenly turned pitch dark. And the only thing in that darkness was Joey.
…
Inv… might've gotten carried away. It was just nice being able to feel Joey so closely. To be allowed to touch another being without being pushed away. That's why Inv got so scared when he suddenly lost the ability to. It was as if he was touching an invisible wall around the fake Joey.
But even in his sleep… Joey calmed Inv down… telling Inv that he would never leave him.
It's why Inv told the fake Joey about his deepest fear. About if Joey ever saw his true self.
And in classic Joey fashion, he told Inv that if he showed his true self to Joey. wouldn't it make things better? To actually be accepted for what he was?
…
Inv felt he would be at complete peace if that happened. That Joey still stayed his partner despite knowing what he truly looked like…
Inv didn't know what to think. To either tell Joey the truth or not…
…
Turning his head again. Inv looked at the sleeping Joey…
He didn't want to ruin this peace he had finally found after so long… but he also didn't want to lie to Joey…
He could tell that Joey was doing everything he could to make this work with him… so shouldn't he?
'Ughhhhhh' Inv could only groan in his mind. This was the most he had ever thought about something in so long!
Inv wanted to tell Joey but at the same time he didn't! Why did this have to be so complicated!?