Outside Ishiyama High, the sun glared down upon a city that had long since learned to fear the delinquent-infested walls of its most notorious school. Tatsumi Oga, unflinching, trudged forward with Beelzebub strapped to his back, his expression grim.
Beside him, Furuichi panted like a small dog who had just been kicked off a bicycle.
"Oi! Are you seriously walking like nothing happened?" Furuichi wheezed, nearly tripping over a stray trash can. "Do you know how many thugs tried to mug us this morning? And I mean serious thugs! Not the snot-nosed idiots you like to beat up with a rattle!"
Oga scowled, ignoring him. "My house isn't an option anymore. Hilda and... that guy decided to invade it. Not happening. So I'm dragging him here instead."
Furuichi blinked, shocked. "What? Your house is a no-go? What the hell did they do to it?!"
"Nothing... yet. But the point is, I don't care. I don't want to deal with it. You just keep running along and stay out of trouble."
Furuichi groaned and rubbed his temples. "I swear, I didn't sign up for this level of insanity in high school. And believe me, I never wanted to be dragged into... whatever the hell is going on here!"
Oga ignored him and looked ahead at Ishiyama High's looming gates. The memories of last night began to press themselves into his mind like an unwelcome shadow.
Flashback – The Hijacked Household
It began quietly, almost innocently.
Oga returned home, expecting the usual dull chaos of family life: his father yelling about grades, his mother fussing over food, and his sister stealing his shirts. But instead... the house had changed.
There, in the center of his living room, seated with the composure of a monarch and the elegance of a royal courtier, was Kogen. He sipped tea with perfect poise, fingers delicate, posture immaculate. His expression was serene, his smile so gentle it might have fooled a mortal... if one ignored the slight glint of amusement in his eyes.
Next to him, standing tall with her gothic attire and imposing parasol, was Hilda. The demon maid had that unshakable calm that suggested she would not hesitate to skewer anyone who dared cross her.
Hilda's voice was blunt, almost shockingly so for the occasion. "I am the caretaker of the Young Master," she declared. "He belongs to you now, Tatsumi Oga."
Oga froze. His brain attempted to process the words... and failed spectacularly.
"Wait. Wait a second. What are you saying? You brought him here? And... and you're saying he's mine?"
Before Oga could articulate anything else, his family's reaction exploded into a symphony of disbelief.
Oga Family: Panic and Misinterpretation
"WHAT?! You brought home a foreign beauty and a child?!" his father roared, veins bulging from his neck.
"Dad, calm down! I didn't—" Oga began, but was promptly cut off.
"I've told you time and again that you are irresponsible! And now this?!" his father bellowed. Without hesitation, he grabbed Oga by the hair and slammed his head onto the floor, muttering something about "correcting a complete lack of responsibility."
Meanwhile, Oga's mother and sister were already crowding around the baby. They cooed, fawned, and attempted to pick him up like he was the most delicate, precious object in the universe.
"Oh! What a lovely baby!" Oga's sister gushed. "Can I hold him? Please, please, please?!"
Oga's eyes twitched. "No! He's not a doll! He's—he's a demon! And if you drop him, he'll electrocute everyone in the room!"
But the family hardly listened. Their attention had completely shifted to the infant on Oga's back, who stared around with wide, calculating eyes as if he already knew how many lives he could ruin in ten minutes.
Hilda and Kogen: The Surrogate Motherhood
Hilda, ever composed, walked forward, parasol in hand. "Do not concern yourselves. I have been tasked with this young master's care until he is properly raised. I am... a temporary guardian."
Oga groaned, collapsing into the nearest chair. "Temporary guardian? That's just... that's just a polite way of saying 'invaded my house.'"
And then Kogen spoke, voice soft, elegant, and dripping with amusement:
"Oh, what fascinating misunderstandings mortals make. I could correct them... but why spoil the theater?"
Oga blinked at him. "The what?"
"I am, in truth, the mother of this child," Kogen explained casually, fingers drumming the porcelain of his teacup. "Hilda is merely a surrogate caretaker. She was helping to raise him while... well... you blundered into our world. Fate twisted the events, and here we are. Truly, a spectacle worthy of applause."
Oga's jaw hit the floor. Mother? Wait, what? Surrogate? What kind of sick soap opera am I living in?!
The family, misunderstanding completely, gasped. "In other words..." Oga's father bellowed. "You and... that guy were in love?! And now you have a child together?! And asked the maid to act as a surrogate?!"
Oga's mother clutched her pearls dramatically. "Oh! This explains everything! You had a child out of love!"
Oga's sister leaned forward, eyes sparkling. "And Hilda helped as a surrogate? How... romantic!"
Oga, completely exasperated, yelled: "NO! That is not what happened! I just—look, I didn't abandon anyone on purpose—"
But his father was already slamming his head into the floor again, muttering about "the heartless bastard who refuses responsibility."
Kogen's Darkly Elegant Commentary
Meanwhile, Kogen leaned back elegantly, sipping his tea and observing the chaos with amusement.
"I could have woven a simple tale," he mused in narration, "neat, tidy, without confusion or melodrama. But where's the fun in that? Chaos, misunderstanding, despair—these make the finest wine. And watching the human male flail so... delectable."
He allowed a small, elegant smirk to grace his lips. Beel, perched near him on the couch, cooed and waved a tiny hand, sparks flickering harmlessly around.
"Ah, the little prince enjoys it as much as I do," Kogen whispered. "Perfect."
Hilda, by contrast, frowned slightly, tapping her parasol on the floor. "You shouldn't revel in their misery, Mother."
Kogen's smile widened just a fraction. "Revel? Oh, no, dear Hilda. I am merely observing. Consider it... research."
Oga's Futile Resistance
Oga, already sweating bullets, tried to regain control. He grabbed Beel's small arm and attempted to pry him off his back. Beel cried immediately, sending arcs of lightning crackling across the room.
"STOP IT! I CAN'T MOVE WITH YOU SHOCKING ME LIKE THAT!" Oga screamed, flailing.
Kogen simply raised an elegant brow and murmured, "Oh, you may try, Tatsumi. But a parent chosen by fate... or by blood and chaos... cannot escape."
Oga groaned and collapsed to his knees, helpless. Even Hilda seemed impressed by the baby's control over the situation.
Furuichi, who had somehow followed Oga into the house, fainted in the corner, muttering about how absolutely insane this household was.
Family Conclusion and Oga's Humiliation
By the end of the night, Oga was firmly entrenched as Beel's reluctant father. Kogen sat elegantly, tea in hand, watching with cold amusement. Hilda maintained her surly but protective stance over Beel, while Oga's family gushed over the baby, utterly misunderstanding everything.
Kogen's narration concluded the evening perfectly:
"I could have made it simple, calm, and understandable. But that would have been boring. And tonight... tonight, I have seen a performance of chaos, confusion, and disaster that even the finest theaters could not rival. Truly... delightful."
Oga muttered from the floor: "I just... I just wanted to sleep..."
Beel cooed in agreement, sparks flickering innocently, while Kogen's eyes glinted with the subtle, unspoken promise: The chaos has only just begun.