Chapter 364: The Legendary "Filth God" Uchiha Madara
Senju Hashirama stepped forward and hoisted Uchiha Madara onto his shoulder, preparing to carry him back to the small room.
But after taking just two steps, he put Madara back down and turned to look at his younger brother.
"Tobirama, is there any way to wake Madara up first?"
Hashirama thought about it. Even if he carried Madara away, there was no telling when he would wake up.
What if the Impure World Reincarnation had really gone wrong?
That wouldn't be something time alone could fix.
"…Big brother, I promised you that after reviving Madara, I absolutely wouldn't touch him again."
Tobirama fell silent for a moment before slowly speaking.
Hearing this while pretending to be dead, Madara's heart sank halfway.
So it really was that inherently evil Tobirama who had revived him?
This was bad.
He had to act at the first opportunity.
Before Tobirama did anything disgraceful to him, he needed to contact Black Zetsu and Obito, have them control Tobirama with genjutsu, and force him to undo the Impure World Reincarnation.
As for Tobirama's promise not to touch him?
That could be treated like nonsense.
Could anyone really trust a promise made by that inherently evil Tobirama?
"Tobirama, you… sigh. Then tell me what to do. I'll do it myself."
Hashirama felt relieved that his brother was keeping his promise, but given the current situation, he couldn't think of any other solution, so he could only ask for help again.
"Try pinching the philtrum?"
Tobirama offered a tentative suggestion.
"Oh."
Hashirama nodded, then turned to look at Madara.
Pinch the philtrum?
Hearing Tobirama's suggestion, Madara felt his brain freeze for a moment.
Pinching the philtrum was something used to revive living people.
Impure World Reincarnation bodies didn't even feel pain, what was the point?
However…
Tobirama was doing it on purpose.
If you're allowed to play dead, why can't I play dumb?
Fine then. You act, I act.
Hashirama reached down and grabbed Madara's groin.
Clearly, it had no effect.
And since Madara had his eyes closed, no sensation, and weak perception, he didn't even know what Hashirama had just done.
"Big brother, you got it wrong. The philtrum is the spot above the mouth."
Only after Hashirama fumbled around for a while did Tobirama kindly remind him.
Hashirama then pinched the actual philtrum for quite some time, but still nothing happened.
"Big brother, how about trying to pour fecal water?"
Facing Hashirama's questioning gaze, Tobirama gave a second suggestion.
These methods might work on living people.
But on the dead, they were completely useless.
Especially on a dead man who was pretending to be dead.
But Hashirama refused to give up any possibility.
"Madara, I'm sorry. I'll brush your teeth and clean you up afterward."
Hashirama solemnly apologized to Madara, then turned to Tobirama.
"Tobirama, help me out. Get me some… of that."
"Big brother, I already prepared it."
Tobirama calmly took out a hose with a nozzle from under his feet and handed it over.
"This is…?"
Seeing that his brother had prepared such a thing in advance, Hashirama became suspicious.
"This was originally meant for fertilizing crops nearby."
Tobirama gave a composed explanation.
"Oh, I see."
Hashirama suddenly understood, and felt ashamed for doubting his brother.
Holding the hose, Hashirama turned around, about to put it into Madara's mouth, when, to his surprise, Madara suddenly opened his eyes.
"Madara, you're awake!"
Hashirama was overjoyed.
"Hashirama…?"
Madara put on a dazed expression, as if he had just awakened.
He truly couldn't keep pretending anymore, he had no choice but to "wake up."
Earlier, when he heard Tobirama say "the philtrum is above the mouth", he had already felt something was wrong.
If Hashirama hadn't been pinching above the mouth at first… then where exactly had he been pinching?
The more he thought about it, the more terrifying it became.
And what followed was even more outrageous.
That inherently evil Tobirama actually wanted to pour feces into him!
How could something like that possibly have any effect on an Impure World Reincarnation body?!
Madara had figured it out, Tobirama wasn't actually stupid. He was pretending to be stupid!
He had to wake up immediately and get away from this cursed Tobirama.
As long as he could be alone with Hashirama, he would have plenty of ways to manipulate him.
"That's great, Madara! We've finally met again, hahaha!"
Hearing that familiar voice, Hashirama rushed forward and gave him a big hug.
But he overlooked one thing, he was still holding the hose.
The switch was triggered.
Pshh!
"Eh?"
"Oh no, Wood Release: Hōbi Technique!" (Wood Expulsion Jutsu)
Realizing the problem, Hashirama instantly let go of Madara, leapt backward, and clapped his hands together. A shield shaped like a fanged demon face, resembling a coffin, instantly formed around him, sealing tightly shut.
Normally, Madara could have reacted just as quickly.
But his current body didn't allow him to respond at all.
The result was…
"Big brother! That's too much! How could you leave Madara there alone?! Get out here!"
Tobirama shouted "angrily" at the shield.
Hashirama opened a back exit from the shield and walked out with a guilty expression.
"Tobirama, you're right to scold me."
His face was full of regret.
Even Tobirama cared so much about Madara's feelings, yet he, as Madara's former closest friend, had abandoned him over something as trivial as… that. It was too much.
"Big brother, why don't you hurry and take Madara to the room we prepared for you, and wash up?"
Tobirama "angrily" tossed the keys that Hashirama had dropped earlier back to him.
"Right, right."
Hashirama didn't think further. Following his brother's suggestion, he created a wood clone to rush in and turn off the switch, then helped the thoroughly dazed Madara and headed toward the small forest.
Impure World Reincarnation bodies didn't have touch, smell, or taste, but they did have sight.
And that close-range visual impact just now had been far too overwhelming.
In his entire life, Madara had never experienced anything like this.
The only similar moment was when he was a child, peeing by the river with Hashirama. Afterward, they had playfully fought and accidentally fell into the river, both swallowing some water.
Thinking of that, Madara couldn't help but feel a trace of nostalgia.
By the time he came back to his senses, he had already been carried by Hashirama out of everyone's sight, walking through the small forest.
"You… you are…"
Suddenly, a few villagers dressed as travelers saw Madara and blocked their path, their faces filled with hatred.
"My name is Uchiha Madara."
Madara found it baffling, but still coldly declared his name.
"Of course we know you're Uchiha Madara! The 'Filth God' Uchiha Madara! My second uncle was brutally killed by your 'Filth Release'!"
One of the villagers shouted in grief and anger.
(End of this chapter)