***
I don't know where my steps are going, I also don't know where I am looking.
I just feel this ticklish feeling, the good kind, it feels good following behind my boyfriend while tugging at his sleves.
I don't know why, but being vulnerable and relying on my boyfriend is a great feeling.
But I am getting pretty tired, I wish he could carry me. There are many romantic carrying positions I know from before.
But I want to be lazy, so sleeping in his arm in a princess carry would be pretty nice, no, pretty soothing and good actually.
I would also like to try cuddling, I heard that it feels pretty good. Just need to find out tonight I guess.
Although Sex with him felt good, I am still sore and it's still burning my skin below.
I really hope he isn't disappointed.
"ouch!" I bumped into his back, my face straight up. He stopped, he should've warned me~
"We're here. Let me talk to Teacher Julius." He said and let go of my hand holding his sleeve.
All of a sudden, my world went completely empty, with only the wind and muffled voices reaching my ears briefly.
This isolation feels suffocating, lonely and unbearable.
I feel scared, not because of presence, but because Sunny isn't with me.
I felt blank, my mind trying hard to focus on anything else but the emptiness.
But I just can't, I can't focus, I can't form a sentence in my mind. My mind is jumbled up with all kinds of words I know, but none could be controlled.
It's just so lonely...
Suddenly, a warm sensation grabbed my hand, a warm, soothing and gentle hand with roughness touched my skin.
At once, my mind cleared, words and thoughts flowed cleanly and my body tense a second ago let go.
"Teacher Julius agreed to let you attend the class, let's go and take a seat, you must be tired." He said, voice slightly supressed and tense.
It's just like when Nephis joins us in conversation and meal.
I nodded at him, but my mind keeps thinking over and over.
'Did they have some history? Do they have feeling for each other? Is he cheating on me? Does he not really love me?' Then, my thoughts became gloomy.
'Of course he wouldn't really love me. My days are numbered, a sickly girl with no chance of survival. Nobody can really love someone in my position.'
Teacher Julius was beginning his lesson, when a warm hand took my hand again.
He didn't move, didn't say anything, just held my hand, as if he knows what I am thinking, as if he is indicating that he's there.
This feeling isn't bad, it keeps reminding me that I am not alone...no, not really, I already know that I am not alone.
It's just that, being with him feels...fulfilling. Like a void within me is filled by his presence.
Is this what they call love? I don't really know.
But if it is....
I focused my senses on him sitting beside me.
'I don't hate...' No.
'I love this feeling.'
***
Today's lesson is finished, and it's already evening.
Most students would be going to the cafeteria to eat, but I didn't felt any desire to eat.
My throat felt dry due to hours of not speaking.
My body felt stiff, barely functioning like a human.
I don't have any will to even move, I am just walking until I reach my dorm.
This feeling is suffocating. I don't want to feel this.
After stepping inside my dorm, I locked the room, my gaze landing on the large mirror.
The silver hair he once said looked good on me, the silver eyes he said he loved.
I don't know, I don't want to know why, but I can't stop the tears from flowing.
Even when I feel sad, my face stays stiff, unchanging and only expressing a blank and indifferent face.
I hate this! I hate this!
My current body has never learned to show emotions, I only began to learn them gradually due to Sunny's influence.
How ironic, even after having a second chance, I can't fix the mistake I made.
I, Nephis, the last daughter of the Immortal Flame, Once a master going through her third Nightmare...
Is now back...to fix her mistake.
***
To be continued...