Julian buried his head into Ethan Caldwell's chest, his ear pressed against the steady, rhythmic beating of the man's heart. There was even a faint scent of mild body wash lingering on the tip of his nose, distinctly lacking the overpowering cologne of some wealthy young masters he had encountered in the past.
Julian couldn't help but nuzzle against him once more.
Then, he felt the nape of his neck being grasped, warm fingertips tracing circles upon the skin.
Slowly, leisurely, yet it made him involuntarily shrink his shoulders.
However, the little turtle attempting to retract its head into its shell was still caught.
Ethan leaned down, bringing his face close to Julian's. Their gazes met; he could clearly see his own reflection in those eyes.
Along with a scorching breath.
This was his future husband.
Kissing a strange man he had only met twice might be considered too forward. Unless they were merely bed partners, meeting solely for physical intimacy. But did such people need to kiss so gently?
Julian didn't know; living two lives, he had never loved anyone.
He didn't even have a bed partner.
This was his first time.
With his future husband, it shouldn't be too bad, right?
While thinking aimlessly, Julian closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Ethan's neck. Ethan used his hands to support Julian's lower back, their lips intertwining.
He could even feel Ethan's canine lightly grazing his thin lip.
It was an incredibly unfamiliar sensation. Julian's breath trembled, and he felt a numbness spreading from his spine.
The sensation of lips caressing each other, soft and tender, was like cherishing a tiny treasure.
Julian's small hands tightly gripped the fabric on Ethan's back, his whole body trembling before that passionate kiss.
Without warning, the hot lips that were gently rubbing against him suddenly became aggressive. The man forcefully urged him to open his mouth, then began to conquer his territory. Scorching breaths mingled. When the tips of their tongues lightly touched, Julian felt as if an electric current coursed through his entire body.
It was so numbing he couldn't suppress a soft whimper like a kitten.
In return came an even more forceful invasion.
The wet sounds of lips and tongues tangling made Julian's ears burn red, his consciousness becoming increasingly hazy.
Only when he was released did Julian bury his face into Ethan's chest, gasping for air.
The man held him, his large, warm hand gently stroking Julian's back, but Julian dared not look up.
Not only were his ears red, but his face was also flushed.
To be honest, Julian was very shy; this was the first time he had kissed someone. Before, when reading those novels, Julian had imagined how he would be with his lover in the future.
Perhaps he would love that person deeply; they would share morning and evening routines, exchanging passionate kisses. At home, at the park, even in the movie theater... they would always be inseparable.
But the premise was that those things were built on love.
Did he love Ethan?
No. Perhaps Ethan felt the same. They had only met twice.
At most, it counted as having some chemistry.
Suddenly, Julian felt a bit lost. What was the meaning of his appearance in this world?
In his previous life, Julian had been blind his whole life. He gave up his passion, gave up love, living in a gilded cage his father set up. His entire life had only one goal: to dedicate himself to the Sterling Group. The thing that kept him existing was a sliver of hope, a yearning for love.
Since waking up in this identity of Julian, he seemed never to have truly thought about his future.
He told Ethan he wanted to study art, but he had never actually thought about picking up a paintbrush again.
He went on a date with Ethan, even kissed, but was there any flutter in his heart?
Perhaps there was, but it was just the vibration of innocence. Who doesn't need release when they are adults?
Julian asked himself: past life, this life, what was he living for?
Julian was so dazed he didn't know how he got home. He realized Ethan drove him back and asked him gently about something. But he didn't answer, merely gazing out at the night sky with a vacant look.
Later, he entered the house with Ethan's reminders. When the bedroom door closed, Julian felt as if all his vitality had been drained. He collapsed onto the bed, eyes wide open staring at the ceiling.
Many things flashed through his mind. Torn paintings, harsh scoldings, moments of exhaustion slumped over his desk...
Julian's chest heaved; his heart felt constricted, not in pain, but choked up, making it impossible to breathe.
Julian wanted to cry a storm, but he could only look at the ceiling with soulless eyes. Finally, he raised his hand, covering his eyes, his whole body trembling in helplessness.
Somewhere in his mind, a voice always told him he could trust Ethan, could try once, let himself spread his wings and become a free bird in the sky.
But could a canary kept in a gilded cage for too long still know how to fly?
It would fly, but that vast blue sky would no longer give it a sense of safety. Escaping the bindings, it would only feel bewildered and hollow amidst the vast emptiness.
No one loved it, and no one gave it a home to shelter from the sun and rain.
Julian lay on the bed, mouth slightly open gasping for air, his heart seemingly clenched tight, making normal breathing incredibly difficult.
A long time later, when the moonlight was obscured by dark clouds, Julian reached for the phone that had been thrown into a corner.
He tapped on the top chat, not replying to the series of concerned messages Ethan had sent, but instead asked a question.
Smile Everyday: [Ethan Caldwell, can you do it? Will everything of mine be according to my wishes?]
After texting, he tossed the phone aside, curled up hugging himself, and looked heavily at the night outside.
His phone screen lit up; a single word appeared on the notification: "Okay."
Seeing it, Julian suddenly buried his face in the pillow, his shoulders trembling incessantly.