Meilin's POV
The Emperor asked about my dream.
He shouldn't know about the dream. No one should know about the dream except me.
I pace my room, trying to calm down. My hands won't stop shaking.
In five lifetimes, he's never noticed me. Never asked my preferences. Never looked confused or bothered by anything about me.
But this morning, he looked at me like I was a puzzle he couldn't solve.
And those eyes—for just one second, they weren't cold. They were scared.
A knock interrupts my thoughts.
"Your Majesty?" A woman's voice, bright and cheerful. "May I enter? I'm Lady Feng, assigned as your lady-in-waiting."
I freeze.
Feng. Lady Feng Qian.
In my second life, she became my only friend. In my third life, she died trying to save me from falling off that tower. In my fourth life, I pushed her away, trying to protect her. In my fifth life, she testified at my trial, forced by Lord Wei to lie about seeing me steal military documents. They tortured her first. I heard her screaming.
And now she's here again, alive, whole, with no memory of any of it.
"Your Majesty?" she calls again. "The breakfast ceremony starts in an hour. I'm here to help you prepare."
I force my voice to work. "Come in."
The door opens, and there she is—Lady Feng, twenty-three years old, with sharp eyes and a sharper tongue. She's wearing simple servant robes, her hair tied back practically.
In my second life, I thought she looked plain. By my third life, I realized she was beautiful in a way that didn't need jewels or silk.
By my fifth life, when they made her betray me, I was grateful she survived, even if it meant losing her.
"Your Majesty, you look pale," Feng says immediately, rushing over. "Are you ill? Should I call the physician?"
"I'm fine," I lie. "Just tired."
She studies me with those sharp eyes. "The Emperor visited you at dawn. The whole palace is talking about it."
Of course they are.
"He had questions about the wedding," I say smoothly. "Nothing important."
"At dawn?" Feng raises an eyebrow. "The Emperor never visits anyone at dawn. He's always in his study, working."
She's right. He is always working.
Except today, he came to my room. Asked about dreams. Looked at me like he knew something he shouldn't know.
"Well, he did today," I say firmly. "Now, what do I need to do for this breakfast ceremony?"
Feng launches into explanations—which nobles will be there, who I need to greet first, the proper order for everything. I've heard it all before, five times, but I let her talk. Her voice is comforting, familiar.
I missed her.
"Your Majesty?" Feng pauses. "You're staring at me strangely."
"Sorry," I say quickly. "You just... remind me of someone."
"Someone good, I hope."
"The best person I've ever known."
Feng blushes, surprised. "We just met, Your Majesty. That's very kind, but—"
"I know." I smile sadly. "Sometimes you just know, though. When someone is going to be important to you."
She looks confused but pleased. "Well, then I'll do my best to earn that trust."
You already did. Five times over.
As Feng helps me prepare, I make mental notes. Lord Wei will be at the breakfast—he's always at important ceremonies. Consort Shen won't arrive for another three months, so I have time before that threat appears.
The real danger right now is the Emperor's strange behavior.
If he's starting to remember, everything changes. The curse was supposed to keep him cold, indifferent. That's how it worked for five lifetimes.
But that dream—the garden, the moonlight, him saying he loved me in some original timeline—what if it's true? What if someone really did erase his memories?
No. I can't think like that. Can't let hope back in. Hope is what killed me five times.
"Your Majesty?" Feng holds up two hairpins. "Which one?"
I point to the simpler one. In my first life, I always chose the fanciest jewelry, trying to impress him. What a waste.
"Excellent choice," Feng says, pinning my hair up. "Sometimes simple is more powerful."
She has no idea how right she is.
The breakfast ceremony is exactly as I remember—boring, formal, full of fake smiles. I sit beside the Emperor at the high table. He doesn't look at me. Doesn't speak to me. Perfect. This is what I expected.
Except I can feel him watching me when he thinks I'm not paying attention.
Lord Wei approaches, bowing low. "Your Majesties, congratulations on your union. May it bring prosperity to the empire."
I smile politely at the man who orchestrated my death five times.
"Thank you, Lord Wei," I say sweetly. "I hope to serve the empire well."
His eyes study me, calculating. "I'm sure you will, Your Majesty. The Oracle chose you for a reason."
Yes. To die over and over while feeding some dark curse.
"The Oracle's wisdom guides us all," I reply, keeping my voice light.
Wei smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Indeed. I look forward to working with you, Your Majesty. Perhaps we could discuss the temple ceremonies sometime. I oversee all religious rituals."
"Of course," I lie. I'll never be alone with this man.
He bows again and leaves. I feel the Emperor tense beside me.
"You don't like Lord Wei," he says quietly. It's not a question.
I turn to him, surprised he noticed. "I don't know him well enough to have an opinion, Your Majesty."
"You're lying." His eyes lock onto mine. "You've been lying since yesterday. About the dream. About the mirror. About everything."
My heart pounds. "I don't know what you mean."
"Yes, you do." His voice drops lower. "Something is happening. I can feel it. And you know what it is."
Before I can answer, he gasps. His hand flies to his head, face twisting in pain.
"Your Majesty?" I reach for him instinctively, then stop myself. Can't show too much concern. Can't show I care.
But he's shaking, eyes squeezed shut, breathing hard.
The nobles around us start murmuring. General Xiao rushes over.
"Your Majesty, what's wrong?"
The Emperor's eyes snap open, and they lock onto me with an intensity that steals my breath.
"You were poisoned," he whispers. "In a garden. You drank tea with... with Consort Shen. You died in my arms, and I felt nothing. Nothing."
Ice floods my veins.
That's my second death. He's remembering my second death.
"Your Majesty, you need to rest—" Xiao tries to help him stand.
But the Emperor won't stop staring at me. "Why didn't I care? Why did I watch you die and feel nothing?"
The entire hall has gone silent. Everyone is watching.
I should say something. Deny it. Laugh it off. Claim he's feverish.
But I can't speak. Can't move.
Because he's remembering. The curse is breaking, just like in the dream.
And if he remembers everything—all five deaths, all five lifetimes where I loved him desperately and he felt nothing—what then?
"I need to leave," the Emperor says suddenly, standing up so fast his chair falls over. "I need—"
He doesn't finish. He just walks out, General Xiao rushing after him.
The nobles explode into whispers. Lord Wei's eyes narrow, suspicious.
And I sit frozen at the high table, my perfect empress mask finally cracking.
Because I just realized something terrifying.
The curse isn't just breaking.
It's breaking backward.
He's not just remembering vague feelings. He's experiencing every death in detail, feeling what he should have felt then.
Five lifetimes of guilt, pain, and horror—all hitting him at once.
And I don't know if even an Emperor can survive that without going mad.
Feng appears at my side. "Your Majesty, we should go. People are staring."
I let her guide me out, my mind racing.
This changes everything.
If he remembers, he'll try to fix things. He'll feel guilty. He'll want to make it up to me.
But guilt isn't love. And I can't—won't—go through this again.
We reach my chambers. Feng closes the door, then turns to me with worried eyes.
"Your Majesty, please tell me what's happening. The Emperor said you were poisoned, but you're alive. He looked at you like—"
She stops.
"Like what?" I ask tiredly.
"Like he was seeing a ghost."
I laugh, bitter and sharp. "Maybe he is."
"I don't understand."
I look at Feng—my friend, my ally, the person who died for me once and betrayed me once and stood by me through three lifetimes of horror.
And I make a decision.
"Feng," I say slowly. "If I told you something impossible, something insane, would you listen?"
She nods without hesitation. "Always, Your Majesty."
I take a breath. "I've lived this life before. Five times before. And each time, I died."
Feng stares at me. "Your Majesty, that's—"
"Impossible. I know. But it's true." I meet her eyes. "And the Emperor is starting to remember too."