Of course, a Dwarf's great hammer to your crotch is no laughing matter.
"Don't panic. The fog will clear once the temperature rises." The fleet admiral wasn't afraid of the enemy standing them up; he was afraid of leaving only for the enemy to show up. In short, whoever chickened out was the loser!
At that moment, the eerie fog was so thick you could almost wring water from it. Sea and sky blended into one, a vast expanse of white that smothered the entire fully-armed fleet, leaving every officer and sailor on edge.
The eerie fog gradually dissipated. At the edge of the fishery, the flagship of the Istani Royal Navy and the lead ship of the Dwarf Federation's tin-can bathtub fleet came into view of one another. Neither had expected to be so close!
The former was the *Hundred-Eyed Giant*, temporarily renamed *The Breaded-Fish-Fillet-That-Makes-Neighboring-Dwarves-Weep* for today's fishing war. The latter was the *Dwarf King's Bathtub*, also temporarily renamed the *Ten-Year-Old Earth-Smoked Fish and Dead Bean Sprouts*.
"We're in engagement range! Prepare!"
"Prepare! Prepare!"
Suddenly, a strange, primal song echoed across the sea. It was indescribable and incredibly piercing, yet everyone could clearly make out the lyrics.
"The sun is bright, the waves are high,
"The D-flag's flying from the mast,
"The savage ships all turn and fly,
"We'll ram you down, and leave you fast!"
"Who? Who's singing?" Both the Istani and Dwarf fleets scanned the horizon, searching for the source that had warmed the lonely ocean. An flamboyantly pure white warship slowly emerged from the horizon. It flew the D-flag, cutting straight into the waters between the two opposing fleets with unstoppable momentum.
Soon after, a mighty fleet of over a thousand sailboats fanned out behind it, completely filling the horizon!
Both sides gasped at the sudden appearance of a third party, warming the lonely ocean once more...
The command came from both flagships simultaneously: "Quick, identify them! Whose forces are those?"
The Istanis' lookout post was higher, and they immediately spotted the Dwarf singing at the top of his lungs.
"It's a Dwarf fleet!" the Istanis quickly concluded.
The Dwarves, being short, had a lower observation post. They couldn't see Singrev, the "Good Voice of the Sea," who was blocked by the railing. They only saw a white Elf with a look of utter despair, who appeared to be casting Magic.
"It's an Istani fleet, and they have a Mage!"
The commanders on both sides came to an identical, furious conclusion: The enemy had brought a flanking force to launch a sneak attack!
The two commanders immediately agreed—things were getting dicey, time to bail. Retreat!
"They're just leaving?" the white Elf asked, watching the two great fleets turn tail in disbelief.
"Heh heh, I'm a Gold Level Adventurer, after all."
"I think you could be a Gold Level con artist... What are you doing?" The Elf noticed the Dwarf directing sailors to load barrels of ale onto a lifeboat.
After loading the ale, Singrev stroked his great beard. "Making a run for it, of course! There's no real treasure. You think they'll let us off easy when they realize they've been had?"
"You're right. Wait for me!" The Elf cast a spell and quickly hopped into the lifeboat.
"The fog is rolling in again!"
"The Pure White Elf Prince has vanished! They must have reached the treasure palace! After them! Quick!"
"Dammit, get out of the way! Eat a cannonball!"
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! ...Although the two main parties in the fishing war had fled, that didn't stop the armed merchant ships from opening fire, ready to beat each other's brains out and feed them to the fish.
...
"The sun is bright, the waves are high, the D-flag's flying from the mast. The savage ships all turn and fly, we'll ram you down, and leave you fast..." Singrev, now in disguise (which meant he'd tidied up his beard a bit), was back in the tavern next to the Adventurer's Guild. He hummed his song as he drank, waiting for his next adventure.
"Hey, Mr. Dwarf, there's a letter for you!"
"For me?" Singrev looked around and, seeing no other Dwarves in the tavern, took the letter from the Guild receptionist.
Innovative Warriors were a cultured sort, so Singrev had no trouble reading the flamboyantly scrawled letter:
"To the Gold Level Dwarf, Singrev:
"Our last collaboration was quite enjoyable, but unfortunately, when I approached the Istani authorities and the Dwarf Federation to claim my ownership of the North Sea Fishery, those scoundrels with no sense of chivalry actually went back on their word!
"Their stories were suspiciously identical. They claimed that aside from some infighting among pirates, no other battle took place at the fishery, and they refuse to recognize that it belongs to the final victor—me!
"Worse still, some old-timer from a Magic Tower recognized my true form. If I'm captured by those perverts who study Magic, I might end up as a specimen in the Great Istani Museum, just like my second uncle and my great aunt.
"In any case, I've completely lost heart. The only interesting thing that's happened recently was meeting a neurotic Dwarf, but that's not enough to make me want to stay in this place with its severe lack of sunlight, especially not with a death threat hanging over my head.
"Fortunately, I have a good friend in the distant East with the surname Ye. We've had friendly exchanges by way of me entering his dreams. He's very fond of my kind, and of me personally. He also happens to be a Lord.
"I've decided to journey to the East. I'm sure this Duke Ye will be pleasantly surprised to see me and will treat me with great hospitality. It's time to taste the fish from other parts of the world!
P.S. I actually quite like the *Legendary Pure White Elf Prince*, if only it didn't have such a stupid name.
"Best wishes,
"Your unfaithful and long-suffering White Dragon friend."
"A White Dragon? There are still Dragons these days? My drinking buddy?" In his final moment of drunken confusion, Singrev remembered "Mr. Pure White Elf Prince" and had a sudden realization. "It's him! It's... it's... oh, crap. What was his name again?"