"As you can see, gentlemen, someone has already begun slandering us. This is a sample newspaper I just confiscated from a sealed illegal printing press. If these newspapers reach the market, the consequences will be unimaginable.
And I cannot guarantee that this is the only illegal printing press we've sealed that is printing this content."
Mr. Horatio subtly hinted at 'where there's one, there's usually a second.'
Sir Humphrey held his breath, pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket, and meticulously dabbed the cold sweat that had appeared on his forehead.
"Minister," he called out.
"Wh-what is it?" The still-shaken Minister Hank adjusted his collar, trying to appear calm, but even his few words were stuttered, his teeth chattering.
"In my opinion, we are in deep trouble now."
"I knew the Adeptus Administratum wouldn't give us anything good to do, especially since I was once his opposition, but now it's more than just a bad assignment."
"It's a matter of losing our heads," Bernard cautiously added.
"The motto of the current Minister of Internal Affairs is 'resentment in defeat, aggressive retaliation in victory.' In short, we're finished."
Sir Humphrey, surprisingly calm at this point, turned his gaze to the Minister, with a look that said, 'Let's see what you'll do, Minister, there's no escaping this either way.'
"If we mess this up, the Administrative Affairs Department will be abolished in terms of administrative structure.
As the direct persons in charge, even if we were only assisting, we might lose our heads. The best outcome would be to be demoted to a first-class clerk, sent to some administrative office, living on bland basic nutrient paste, and then facing an endless sea of documents, endlessly transcribing and re-copying, passing our lives meaninglessly."
The Minister moved his stiff neck, sighing uneasily.
"More likely to be converted into a Servitor, Minister."
Bernard professionally reminded him, "We might be copying for hundreds, or even a thousand years. It just depends on when we break down."
"Oh, stop it, Bernard, this is truly awful."
"So, this is the situation now, gentlemen leaders," Mr. Horatio said.
"I think we should already be... grasshoppers on the same boat now. Am I right, esteemed Minister, Sir?" Mr. Horatio asked politely.
He had clearly been eavesdropping outside the door earlier, roughly figuring out what had happened inside before he arrived.
"I think, perhaps so?" Sir Humphrey, uncharacteristically using a simple short sentence, turned his inquiring gaze to Minister Hank.
Perhaps he had thought of another clever idea to protect himself.
"Of course! We are certainly one entity." Hank's gaze flickered to Bernard.
Bernard understood the Minister's meaning in that brief glance, and so he began with his characteristic hypothetical scenario:
"Under normal circumstances, a department's Permanent Secretary only has advisory power.
Suppose, I'm just making a supposition, suppose this department is about to be disbanded, and everyone will undergo unified personnel changes to fill the inevitable grassroots vacancies in other departments, transitioning from management to technical positions, starting as a first-class Scribe.
In this situation, from my humble perspective, it is a moment to make significant and bold decisions, requiring extraordinary thinking, to empower us with pioneering and innovative approaches, inspiring us to perform beyond conventional regulations." He lightly emphasized the word 'beyond,' subtly hinting to the others, especially Permanent Secretary Sir Humphrey.
Having worked with them for so long, Bernard knew that any word implying 'innovation' was a spark that could ignite a powder keg for Sir Humphrey, a seasoned conservative.
Sir Humphrey took a deep breath and gave Bernard an exasperated look.
Bernard nodded slightly, rubbed his nose, and bowed slightly to him, retreating to the back of the group.
"So, the situation we face is clear, Humphrey. If we handle this well, the Administrative Affairs Department and we ourselves will be safe and sound, and might even receive commendations or a medal. Hmm, maybe even the Great Imperial Skyhawk medal you've always yearned for. But if we mess it up, everyone will certainly suffer together."
Minister Jim Hank, after so much open and covert struggle, pulling and compromising with Humphrey, knew perfectly well what this exceptionally capable Permanent Secretary liked and feared.
"I think the current situation might indeed be as you say." Humphrey maintained a stiff smile and bowed slightly.
"When all of us are going to suffer because of this, regardless of whether we've fulfilled our duties, our superiors only look at results, not the process. So, just tell us what your plan is." Jim Hank shrugged, like sharpening a spear before a do-or-die battle.
He seized the opportunity to strike while the iron was hot, subtly poking at Sir Humphrey's heart.
Sir Humphrey sighed tragically, then, clutching his large ledger, with a helpless expression, said, "Alright, first and foremost, we need to create a public relations emergency plan to buy us time to design a formal public relations strategy.
Therefore, I suggest that the Minister propose to his colleagues in the Ministry of Truth and Propaganda to intensify their propaganda offensive. As long as we act first, we will stand at the commanding height of public opinion, guiding it like diverting a river to places favorable to us.
Of course, we can provide the drafts; the Ministry of Truth and Propaganda only needs to act as the mouthpiece for recitation.
Secondly, these emergency drafts must appear plausible, so we need to make the'stories' more realistic, at least more credible and eye-catching than those in these newspapers, so that the public will be willing to believe our'stories' are more reliable.
And then, we must confine this content within a framework, meaning the stories we create can only disclose the parts we want and are able to disclose externally.
Those commoners, most of whom are interested in official anecdotes, but we only need to include a large amount of trivial internal government procedural details, and they will feel our'stories' are more professional and credible.
This way, we won't reveal too much truly crucial information, actively downplaying the important aspects in our narrative, and combined with Mr. Horatio's official propaganda of cracking down on illegal newspapers, appropriately exposing the absurd and decadent pleasure-seeking lives of unscrupulous merchants, we will lead public opinion by the nose instead of letting them manipulate us."
"Uh... put it simply." Minister Hank wore an expression of trying to comprehend but still being lost, blinking laboriously, furrowing his brows in thought, looking quite pained.
"What I mean is, write more 'interesting but useless' entertaining nonsense and short stories to release to society, to wear down their curiosity and desire for exploration regarding the planet's internal affairs, and to divert their attention. Besides that, we also need to..."
Sir Humphrey rattled off a long string of highly professional countermeasures, encompassing an old hand's deep understanding and grasp of the bureaucratic styles of various departments, the unspoken rules of collusion between officials and businessmen, the logic of public opinion guidance, and the psychology of the urban populace.
"Hmm, it sounds like we're a studio for compiling officialdom novels and stories, but I think you have a point, and who can write with more realism than us?" Minister Hank clapped his hands, seemingly convinced he fully understood.
The Minister's eyes suddenly darted around, and some instinct suddenly kicked in, prompting him to propose an idea he had just come up with: "Then why don't we film a humorous political comedy?! Let the people of the planet have something fun to watch every day, and their attention will naturally be diverted."
"Oh... I am amazed by your astounding wisdom, Minister." Sir Humphrey was choked by the Minister's sudden idea, praising him stiffly.
"I think the Minister's suggestion seems, uh, really feasible. Just us, plus an office, and we can film it." Bernard popped his head out from behind the others again, shrugging, naturally inserting himself into the conversation, affirming the feasibility of the Minister's suggestion.
"No problem, Bernard, then I'll leave this suggestion to you.
You can pick some writable, more entertaining content from our long years of working together and compile it into a script. We'll start filming soon, so the common people can stay home and binge-watch, and not cause us any more trouble. But... what should this show be called?" The enthusiastic Minister Hank fell into contemplation.
"I think it might as well be called 'Yes, Minister.'"
The conversation among the three made Mr. Horatio almost burst out laughing, and at this point, he couldn't help but interject.
Political dramas themselves are part of politics and governance.
As a transmigrator, he knew that when this classic play came out back then, the entire UK was deserted, with everyone at home watching the show.
Protests and demonstrations against the Thatcher government on the streets of Britain suddenly decreased by an astonishing 80%!
After diverting attention, it greatly helped the British government shift public focus away from social conflicts such as the Falklands War, the Cold War Iron Curtain, and the Northern Ireland independence movement at the time.
So, filming a political comedy to divert the attention of Abyss Port's residents, pulling them away from focusing on this incident to other matters, might actually work.
After all, those rumor newspapers sold well precisely because they satisfied the public's curiosity about previously lofty and mysterious political affairs, like castles in the air, providing emotional value.
If the Adeptus Administratum itself collaborated with a production company to film a humorous political comedy and broadcast it for free across the entire planet, who would still pay money for those rumor tabloids that only offered fleeting amusement?
"Oh, perfect, Mr. Horatio, your suggestion is simply perfect! What a fitting name for an office comedy!"
Minister Hank slapped the table in approval, praising it endlessly.
Bernard smiled along, constantly refining the idea into a feasible outline for the Minister.
Only Sir Humphrey was left awkwardly shuffling his heels on the spot, as if trying to drill a hole in the ground to hide himself and avoid being on camera.