The atmosphere inside the moving carriage became silent. Kylen remained silent, his head bowed.
"Why are you quiet?" Arvin pressed, breaking the prince's reverie. "If you cannot answer, it is better if—"
"I don't know!" Kylen suddenly cut in with a loud voice, almost like a frustrated person.
He looked up, staring at Arvin's face with heavy breathing. The ego defense he had built all this time finally crumbled to pieces.
"Every day since we first met, I have always been thinking about you!" Kylen poured out, unable to hold it back anymore. "Even that night... when I accidentally saw you and Alrain coming in from outside the house, I thought about you even more until it made me unable to sleep all night!"
Kylen gripped his own chest, squeezing his uniform tightly.
"Whether what I feel for you right now is because I truly like you, or just a mere admiration! I don't understand!" he continued again, his voice starting to tremble. "My chest feels so tight. I even always fantasize about us!"
The prince lowered his head for a moment before looking deep into Arvin's eyes again with a desperate gaze.
"In my kingdom, I very rarely socialize with other people! I am not good at talking! I am also not good at being honest with myself. I am also very confused about what I feel about you right now!"
Kylen leaned his body forward. "Hey, answer me! Is this what is called a feeling of liking you in the sense of wanting to have you, or just a mere admiration for you who are so strong?! I beg you, give me an answer!"
Hearing that highly innocent and desperate shout of confusion, the cold expressions on the faces of the four spouses slowly faded.
Instead of Arvin answering, Allen, who was sitting opposite Kylen, sighed softly, looking at him with an understanding gaze.
"You have indeed fallen in love with him, in the sense that you want to have him." Allen suddenly answered, solving the prince's inner puzzle.
Allen smiled faintly. "If you only admired Arvin, you would definitely be thinking about wanting to train hard to become great like him, instead of always thinking about him to the point you can't sleep and making your chest tight like that."
Seeing Kylen stunned to hear that explanation, Allen leaned his back against the carriage seat.
"I don't blame your confusion, because... I was once in your position too." Allen continued, starting to recount a page of his past with a melancholic tone. "Back in the dorms, I was always thinking about Arvin. My chest felt very tight with the dilemma I had to face alone."
Allen glanced at his husband for a moment before looking back at Kylen.
"At that time I kept battling with myself. Whether I should be brave enough to say it or not. Moreover, the status between the two of us was like the sky and an abyss. He was a high-class noble, while I was just an orphan from poor commoners. And in the end... I took the risk and decided to express my feelings to him."
Allen smiled bitterly, remembering his own past. "In the beginning, he was very cold and even showed a dislike when I tried to meet him. But, rather than being tortured and ending up with lifelong regret, I recklessly searched for his whereabouts in the capital just to express my feelings to him directly."
"After that, and as you can see now, my efforts paid off and I have become his spouse. I felt very happy that my feelings turned out to be not unrequited. Even though, at the time I declared my love, I was very prepared if I had to be scolded, insulted, or even chased away by him."
Hearing the sincere and brave confession that Allen made, Kylen fell completely silent. His confusion slowly vanished, replaced by a sense of awe at the courage of Arvin's first spouse.
Beside Allen, Arvin, who sat listening to that past story, felt a pounding in his chest. The story of his first spouse before meeting him at the capital gates, when he was about to dispatch the Red Sand mercenary group to Vanzhas, apparently had a very heavy inner turmoil.
Is that what actually happened? Arvin thought, feeling unexpected to hear it. No wonder he was so reckless in looking for me at that time, even without the slightest hesitation directly declaring his feelings to me at the inn's restaurant even though I had threatened him a little. I love this favorite character of mine even more. Hehehe.
The personal experience and sincere confession that Allen had just recounted truly amazed Kylen to the point of rendering him speechless. The wall of his ego as a prince seemed to be destroyed by such a simple yet highly courageous reality.
"You... you really fought your greatest fear just for the person you like, regardless of your status difference which was so far apart?" Kylen asked softly, his voice containing a newfound respect.
Allen smiled gently and nodded in confirmation.
Kylen fell silent. He lowered his face, looking at his hands intertwined on his lap.
"It seems what you said is true. This restless feeling of mine... I really do like Arvin." Kylen said, finally surrendering and accepting his own feelings. "But up to this second, I am still confused with myself. Why? Why could I fall in love with him, who is a man just like me?"
"May I ask you guys?" Kylen's voice sounded much calmer than before. "What are the reasons the four of you could like and dedicate your entire lives to Arvin?"
That question made the atmosphere inside the carriage cabin feel warmer.
"He is my hero, who saved me from the hell of bullying and gave me a new life." Allen answered honestly without the slightest hesitation, his eyes radiating boundless gratitude.
"He saved me from the deep frustration of loss, and he is also the one who gave me a reason to continue surviving in this world!" Alrain answered next. The smile on the youth's face looked very sincere and full of love.
"My reason is the same as Allen's. He is my hero who freed me from the oppression and bullying that destroyed my mentality!" Ordion answered with a firm voice filled with absolute conviction.
"He saved me from the hell of loneliness in a very dark and quiet place!" Alvein answered softly yet laden with emotion, remembering his past before being saved from the ancient ruins.
Hearing the series of such profound answers from the four youths, Kylen fell silent again. His heart trembled.
So, the four of them were also saved just like me? And their reasons also vary but center on one point... Kylen thought with swelling admiration.