It's surprising what a day off can do for you. Though, I was definitely restless for the first few hours. Pangs of anxiety shot through me as I wondered if there was a message waiting for me, one that needed a prompt response or else calamity would hit. I didn't tell anyone I'd be gone, I didn't give any notice. I've disappeared and there are deadlines to be met!
Yet, eventually, I came to settle. Perhaps it was helplessness setting it, as I realized there's nothing I can do anyways right now. But, if this is helplessness, why does it feel so nice? Why does it feel so good to have everything to worry about, but nothing to be done about it? My whole life I've sought control of my environment, but here I am giving up and loving it.
At least for a while, anyhow. I feel as though my own soul might start taking damage if I laze about for too long. That's for the "me" of the future to deal with. As my body starts to feel somewhat functional, I reach out for the baby monitor and press my face up to it, making ridiculous faces for Ledger that I'm certain he can see. I hope there's people around him and he feels embarrassed by it. I cross my eyes, I stick my tongue out, I feign punching the lens.
"What the fuck are you doing?" His voice breaks through the speaker.
I pause, not quite certain myself. "I'm hungry."
There's a crackled sigh. "What do you want?"
"Surprise me. Whatever you like," I shrug, holding the monitor above me as I rest on my back. "What do you usually have for lunch?" Now that I have him on the line, I don't want to let him go. Does this count as sabotage? If I keep him from doing his job, am I doing mine?
"I'll send something up for you," he responds dryly.
"Did you already eat?" I pry.
"No, I didn't." His attention is clearly elsewhere right now.
"What're you gonna eat?" I press my nose to the camera.
"Y'know people can fucking see and hear you right now, right?" He snaps.
"Help! Ledger's trapped me in his bedroom and is forcing me to have his child!" I feign drama, letting the baby monitor fall to the side.
"Holy shit– Shut the fuck up!" He's seething and there's a few voices in the background I can't quite make out, as well as a laugh. "I'll get you you're fucking food so shut the fuck up and go watch TV or something." He sure swears a lot.
"Okay~" I pick up the surprisingly light weight device again, holding it one hand as I blow him a kiss with the other. "Seeya later, snookums~"
No sound comes from the other end of the line, but I can vividly imagine him slamming the box down and shattering it. With nothing left to do until the food arrives, I pass the time watching a movie I manage to find on cable. I feel like romance today.
Food arrives some thirty minutes later via female secretary. She opens the door with recklessness, as the knob collides with the wall and produces an unsatisfying 'clunk'. She's wearing the traditional uniform of WHITEOUT employees, a light blue shirt and, in her case, a black miniskirt. Judging by the height of her heels and the layers of makeup on her face I can only assume this stunning spotted dolphin beauty is one of Ledger's personal attendants. Her stride is stiff, her eyes sizing me up as though she could take me in a fight.
I pull the comforter up to cover myself more, my body feeling somewhat shaky.I wonder if she's one of the people who heard me teasing Ledger? Suddenly I feel embarrassed, guilty. When she drops off a bag of food by the night stand I note her speckled gray and white hair, her freckled arms and cheeks. She's dainty, cute. I wonder if I could pull my hair in a ponytail like her, or if I'd look strange and wicked. Without a word she turns to leave and, to my surprise, stumbles on the carpet at the foot of the bed. It's not a far drop, but she's on her knees and I do feel guilty.
"Are you okay?" I speak up as I awkwardly scoot closer, hoping to help her up if she needed it.
"You are such a bitch," she retorts as she snaps back up and leaves in a hurry.
What the–? What the fuck did I do?! I stare in disbelief. Before I can ask any questions she's gone and out the door. I'm left wondering if I screwed up a deal for Ledger when I annoyed him over the baby monitor. If that's the case, I suppose it's a good thing. I should take it as a compliment! So, why do I feel anxious?
I attempt to push the matter out of my mind, turning the TV up so I can focus on it as I devour my lunch. It's a bland but nutritious serving of noodles in oyster broth, complete with a bottle of Fertili-Aid! Deluxe Drink that I immediately drop in the trash. I might have dug myself a hole with that joke.
If rumors spread to Papa that I was either pregnant or trying to be, I'm certain my head would come off. Marriage and divorce was one thing, but to have a child is a completely separate matter. A child would complicate things, it would distract me from my work, it'd be an interruption to the legacy if not born an orca, it would be something I cherish more than him.
I slump back into bed, my appetite gone. I should use this time to consider what I really want in life, I suppose. I can have some fun with Ledger for awhile, then ultimately try and pull off the betrayal that he expects in the end. I could play things by ear and look out for myself, though I've no clue what my endgame would be in doing so. They say life is about happiness, your passions, your hobbies, love, family. What does any of that actually mean to me? How do I define these things?
It's easy to get caught up in fantasies about Ledger. He's handsome, rich, and he always has something to say. I enjoy our back-and-forths more than I could ever admit, I adore how he feels like an equal. All my life I've been surrounded by people under my employment, with only Papa perched above me like a titan on a throne. Those above me are unreachable, those below me aren't worth reaching down for.
Ledger, however, sits somewhere on the same plane of existence as me. He's not unreachable like Papa, he's quite literally there when I call him. He's not under my employment and would never need to be. If push came to shove, I believe he could even protect me, should he want to. I feel safe in his arms, though I know it comes with a plethora of strings and conditions.
Papa is far more straight forward. Papa is easy to please, easy to understand, easy to trust. All I have to do is what I always have done. I can always trust Papa will act in his best interest, and his best interest is the company's interest. He has pride as an orca and he'll always keep me by his side.
"Is he really keeping you prisoner?" A voice pops up over the monitor.