Vanity, Exhibit A
St. Mungo's… No — Hogwarts Hospital Wing
Gilderoy Lockhart woke up to pain.
Not heroic pain.
Not noble pain.
The kind of pain that made him aware of exactly how much skin he had lost.
He groaned theatrically.
"Nurse…?" he croaked weakly. "Nurse, I fear I may have been gravely injured while—"
Madam Pomfrey appeared instantly.
"You were attacked by Cornish Pixies," she said flatly. "And no, that does not count as heroic."
Lockhart blinked.
"…I survived?"
"Yes."
Relief washed over his face.
Then his eyes widened in horror.
"My face," he whispered.
"My face."
He slowly raised trembling hands toward his cheeks, feeling the bandages.
"…Mirror," he said urgently.
"Madam Pomfrey. I need a mirror."
"No," she replied.
"Madam Pomfrey," Lockhart said, voice rising, "I must ensure my fans are not distressed—"
She shoved a hand mirror into his hands.
"One look," she warned.
Lockhart snatched it.
The scream that followed echoed down the corridor.
"My skin," he wailed. "Ten percent of my skin! Do you know how many photoshoots that is?!"
Pomfrey rolled her eyes.
"You'll heal. Slowly. And quietly."
Lockhart stared at his reflection again, trembling.
"…This is sabotage," he whispered.
"A conspiracy."
Meanwhile — Gryffindor Common Room: The Exhibit
Ron Weasley was busy.
Very busy.
A handwritten sign stood proudly on a table:
EXHIBIT A:
HOW I, RONALD WEASLEY, DEFEATED
YOU-KNOW-WHO
(With Diagrams)
Below it sat:
His thick manuscript Several poorly drawn stick figures A wand taped to the page labeled "My Wand (Heroic)"
Fred and George stood nearby, arms crossed, watching like scientists observing a new species.
Ron cleared his throat loudly.
"Right," he announced, "Professor Lockhart said presentation is important."
Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose.
Neville squinted at a page.
"…Is that supposed to be a basilisk or a snake with legs?"
"It's symbolic," Ron said defensively.
Ginny stared in horror.
"You showed this to Lockhart?"
"Yeah," Ron said proudly. "He said I should really 'lean into the drama'."
Fred nodded solemnly.
"A master."
George added,
"Truly ahead of his time."
Ron turned another page.
"This bit here," he said, pointing,
"is where I stand heroically while Harry does… stuff."
Hermione exploded.
"You weren't even there for half of this!"
Ron frowned.
"Well, I was emotionally present."
From the doorway—
Keith stood silently, having witnessed everything.
Snape passed behind him, glanced once at the display—
—and kept walking.
Both sighed.
Simultaneously.
Back in the Hospital Wing
Lockhart lay back in his bed, staring at the ceiling.
"My image," he muttered.
"My legacy."
A pause.
"…At least that red-haired boy admired me."
He smiled faintly.
Outside, a Cornish Pixie laughed.