It's late—2 a.m.
I still can't close my eyes, even though my whole body feels like it's shutting down. Exhausted. Drained. Empty.Sleep should come easily… but it doesn't.
I haven't written in a long time.Maybe because everything I've been going through lately feels out of control. Too much. Too overwhelming.
I'm tired of pretending to be okay all the time.
So many things have happened at once—things I couldn't control.And strangely, it's not even about my relationship with him.If anything, we've become stronger… more intense… especially after everything we've been through together.
But me… on my side… everything is falling apart.
his month, I lost my job.I had to move out of the place I was staying in—forced to leave for reasons I couldn't change.And the hardest part… I had to leave my cats. The kittens I saved from the street.
That broke me in a way I can't even explain.
I cried… and cried… and cried.To the point where I couldn't even recognize myself anymore.
I feel like I've failed everyone.
I came here believing I would build a better future.I believed there would be opportunities waiting for me.
But instead… everything turned into something worse.
I have no savings.My bank account has been at zero for months now.Work hasn't been stable since last year, and I've just been surviving—barely.
And now… I finally understand something.
Why he came into my life.
He is the reason I'm still here.
Because honestly… if I had never met him, I don't know where I would be right now.I don't even want to imagine it.
At 35 years old…Losing a job.A failed business.No savings.Still trying to take care of family when I can.
It's heavy.
I try to sleep, but my eyes refuse to close.It feels like I'm waiting… for something.Maybe good news.Maybe a sign that things will change.
But mostly… I'm just tired.
He keeps supporting me, even when I've almost given up so many times—especially this year.I don't know what kind of karma brought me here, to face all of this at once.
I've applied to hundreds of jobs.Nothing.
I keep pushing myself to learn more, to grow, to become better… to stay competitive.
But I'm only human.
And I have limits.
There are days when I don't know how to keep going.Days when I don't even know where life is taking me anymore.
A part of me wants to give up.
But then… I remember him.
And I keep going.
Because I know he's fighting too.He's struggling in his own way, especially financially.And I refuse to become a burden to him.
But one thing we both still hold on to—
Hope.
That somehow… we will get through this.Together.
That one day, we will build the life we've been dreaming about.
I don't know how long this phase will last.I don't know when I'll find another job.
But tonight…All I can do is pray that I don't give up.