The alarm blared at 7:03 AM. It was that J-pop song she used to love. Hearing it every morning had fixed that.
She rolled over and slapped it quiet. Lying still, she watched the ceiling fan complete a slow, clicking rotation before she finally sat up.
Her grey hoodie, its cuffs comfortably frayed, hung on the door right where she'd left it. She pulled it on. The sleeves were a little shorter than she remembered, but that always happened after a run through the dryer.
In the kitchen, the cereal box stood waiting on the counter, the cartoon pirate on its front giving his usual grimace. She poured a bowl, added milk, and ate. The first spoonful tasted faintly of cardboard, the way it always did when the box was nearly empty.
After rinsing the bowl and leaving it on the counter, she checked her phone.
One new message from David.
Claire. I'm sorry. We need to talk. Meet me at the cafe. Please.
A frown touched her lips before she even thought about it. With a heavy sigh, she slipped on her shoes and stepped outside.
Her walk through the neighborhood followed the same familiar script. The two dogs trotted up to their fence, silent. The house a few lots down still wore its awful cream paint. And the blue sedan at the curb was still there, its one flat tire looking permanent.
The electronic chime above the coffee shop door pinged as she stepped inside. He was already there, and he looked up as she entered. His eyes were hollow.
Hey, Claire, he said.
She sat down opposite him. What, David?
He looked her over, as if she was hurt. Nothing. It's nothing. Just… You feeling okay?
Claire tilted her head. Huh? Yeah. She leaned back in her chair. What kind of damn stupid question is that? I'd be even better if you'd just tell me what's actually going on. She pursed her lips. David, what is really going on in your head? You're freaking me out a little.
David's eyes nearly fell out of his head. No! Just, wait. Please. I had had… Let's say a nightmare. A nightmare where I did some awful things to you. I just wanted to make damn sure it was a dream. That's all. He sat back down, picking up his phone.
Claire looked at him with pure confusion. You can't be serious. That's what all this was about? You had me worrying like this over a dream? Dreams aren't real. Look. She stood and began to roll up the sleeves of her hoodie, then lifted it a bit so her stomach was visible. See? Everything's okay. She grabbed his hand and placed it above her belly button. He was shaking. Feel. I'm good. I'm real. I'll be right back, okay? She sat his hand back on the table as she went to order.
As she approached the counter, she looked over her shoulder once more. There he still sat, shaking his head. She ordered for the both of them. For herself, a mocha. For him, she got one of those fancy coffees that's more of a drive-in dessert than anything. She came back and sat with a forced smile, placing the drinks in the center. Sorry I got snappy. I just don't understand. You act like you shot my dog.
David winced, muttering something under his breath. Claire didn't catch what he said, but chose not to pursue it. She decided to try a change of subject. So, what's the plan today? Surely you didn't call me out here just for that.
David's eyes lit up. Anything you want. At all. I'll make it [1]. David tilted his head, then collected himself. My treat. Seriously, anything you could ever want. Just tell me.
Claire picked up the mocha, taking a small, careful sip before replying. Anything, huh? That's a dangerous offer from a man with what seems to be a guilty conscience. She gave a small, tired small. She looked past him, watching the barista wipe down the espresso machine with a methodical rhythm. I think you've already paid your penance—whatever it was for— with this drink. It's enough. Honestly. What I want is for you to stop looking like the world ended. It was just a dream. Her voice was softer now, the edge smoothed away. We could just… sit here. Finish these. Then maybe walk through the park. Like we used to.
David shook his head frantically. Sure, but there has to be more. That can't be all you want. Oh! Your favorite pastry shop! Let's go there. You can have as many as you want. Promise! He grabbed her hand, waiting. Or, let's go to the fall festival! You love that, right? I can win you some big stuffed animals, you can dunk me in a vat of cold water… It'll be a great time. Hell, I'd even let you throw some darts right at my face! His eyes were desperate.
Claire was unsure if that last one was a joke. She set her cup down with a soft click. The fall festival was all noise and flashing lights and sticky children, with the sweets shop being no better on days like today. The thought of it made her temples ache. David. I don't need a new prize, and I'm not exactly hungry for sweets right now. She sat back, her gaze drifting to the flat tire on the blue sedan outside the window. It was a permanent, unremarkable fixture. There was a strange comfort in that. The park is still there. The benches are probably empty. We could just go be normal for a little while.
David's voice took on an edge. Fine. The park. We'll do this your way. Like we seem to always be doing lately. He headed for the door. Come on then.
She stood, picking up her mocha. A faint, genuine smile touched her lips for the first time that morning. Thank you. That's all I wanted. She led the way out, the electronic chime sounding again behind them. The walk to the park was a few blocks, past the silent dogs and the cream-colored house. The autumn leaves were beginning to crisp at the edges. It was a perfectly normal, slightly chilly day.
They walked in silence for a while, the kind that used to be comfortable. Now it felt like a held breath. She intentionally brushed her sleeve against his arm. See? This is nice. Just walking. No dunk tanks required. She glanced at him. You can tell me about your dream, if you want. Or you can tell me about what you've been reading. Or you can just be quiet. It's okay.
David grabbed her hand. Hang on, there's a cute new store in town I wanna take you to. It's on the way. He walked with purpose, practically dragging Claire along. In moments, they arrived at a store filled from floor to ceiling with cute plush animals. He led her in, fiddling with a few of them. Go on. Pick as many as you like. I won't take no for an answer this time. His eyes locked to a shelf in the corner. On it sat a large, red fox. Oh my god, this one is perfect. It looks just like you. He pulled it from the shelf, cradling it softly. If she doesn't go home with you, she's coming home with me.
He pressed the plush into her arms. It was somehow even bigger than she expected, much more soft and surprisingly heavy. Its glass eyes stared up at her. In them, she saw herself reflected.
And for the first time, she recognized the girl looking back.
David interrupted her introspection. See? He was reading the little tag on the animal's ear. Says she's… gorgeous and smart. And look, her name is Cl [2]! Perfect match.
She held the giant fox. The reflection in its glass eyes was a stranger, a woman wrapped in a frayed hoodie holding a ridiculous plush in a store that she hadn't seen before. Her arms tightened around it. It's… very soft. Thank you, David. That's sweet. But her voice was flat, the words more obligation than admiration. I…don't really have anywhere to put something this big. My apartment is pretty small, you know that. She turned, still holding it, and walked back toward the door. The park was still the destination. The fox was now just an awkward third wheel on the quiet walk she'd asked for. She didn't look at the other shelves,and all the possibilities. She looked at the sidewalk, waiting for him to follow.
When they finally, mercifully arrived at the park, Claire made a beeline for the bench. She sat the fox down next to her. David looked at the spot he planned to take, now occupied by this massive thing. Well, shit. Didn't consider that. She can have the spot. Don't want her getting dirty. Instead, David went behind the bench. He wrapped his arms around Claire, joining them on her lap. Hey. Hey pressed to her ear. Sorry again about everything. Hope this makes up for it.
She went very still. His arms, his voice in her ear… She knew these by heart. And yet, they felt alien. For just an instant, she let herself lean back into him. Then she let out a long, slow breath. It's okay. You don't have to make up for anything. She shifted forward just enough to break the contact, her hands coming up to adjust the fox, positioning it more securely between them. The park was quiet. A few dry leaves skidded across the path. This was what she wanted. The ordinary quiet. She didn't turn to David as she spoke. See? This is nice. Just sitting. She patted the empty space on the bench beside the fox, an invitation for him to come around and sit properly. Sun's actually out. Didn't think it would be.
David placed a hand on her chin. He tenderly guided her face to his. Just… Let me know you're here. For real. And that things will be okay. That we're okay. Please.
She allowed the touch, her eyes meeting his. The familiarity of his face, the earnest desperation in his gaze, tugged at something old and worn down inside her. She held the look for a few heartbeats. We're okay, David. See? It's just been a strange morning. That's all.
David dropped down, bring his face to her level. No, Claire. No… His eyes began to shimmer. That's not what I mean. He took her hands in his, then dropped to his knees in front of her. Just… I need this. need this. Things are changing, and I don't know why. He threw his arms around her, his head landing in her lap. I'm scared, Claire. His voice was slightly muffled. I'm scared of . That you'll realize I'm not… He shuddered. Claire felt a damp spot on her thigh. That I'm not . He looked up at her. Tears were flowing freely. I won't . . Just give me . love . He placed a shaky hand on her cheek, then pulled himself up. His eyes closed.
Her breath stalled. From the sobs to his plea, it was all too much. Her hand hovered over his head, hesitated, then settled lightly on his hair. For only a second. David… you're…
The vibration in her pocket was violent. She jerked back, pulling the phone out so quickly she nearly dropped it. Mom's name flashed on the screen. I have to take this. It's my mom. She stood, the motion dislodging him. She pressed the phone to her ear, turning away. Hey, mom. Yeah. No, it's fine. She listened, her eyes fixed on the path leading out of the park. Okay. Yeah, I can be there. Twenty minutes. She ended the call and looked down at David, still on his knees by the bench. I'm sorry. Family thing. She hoisted the giant fox into her arms, its glass eyes now staring blankly at the sky. Thank you. For the coffee. For… this. It was a nice thought. She offered a final, thin smile, then turned and walked. The normal day was gone, but the quiet was finally hers for the walk home.
The apartment was silent when she closed the door behind her. The empty cereal bowl still sat on the counter. She placed the fox in a chair at her kitchen table. She pulled out the opposite chair and sat.
For a long time, she just stared at it.
The late afternoon light cut across the table, glinting in those glass eyes. She now saw a warped reflection of her own face: pale, tired, and framed by the grey hood.
She reached a hand across the table. Her fingers sank into the plush. She held the contact for a beat. Then, slowly, she drew her hand back and touched her own hair.
The fox stared back, unblinking.
And for the first time, Claire wondered why it looked so familiar.
[1] [UP TO YOU]
[2] [EO]