The first two days of swamp life weren't too bad. For one, 30-779 got to practice many silly mortal skills, like skipping rocks. Rocks didn't exist in the After Realm, so he was elated for the first hour he did it.
But soon after he learned the mechanics of said trick, and was basically skipping one rock seven or eight skips per rock, well... he lost interest.
He assumed he'd be doomed waiting for instructions either via telepathy, or through that wretched SPIM. But so far nothing. It was already nearly morning, and he had wasted two days messing around. Whoopie!
Something was incredibly wrong with him. That much was obvious.
So soon enough killing time was a bore. When will he get in touch with me? 30-779 wondered. Is this asshole going to just leave me on read?
As the Fourth day passed, he had no word, until —
"Have you seriously gotten no work done?" The voice he wanted to hear finally popped up. "About time!" He shouted out loud, his voice old and wobbly with the age of the character 0-0097 created for him.
"Did you seriously turn me into a little old turd and expect me to do cool shit!?" He shot back telepathically.
"No," the smug jerk jeered. "I made you an old man specifically so you wouldn't do ' ' cool shit' '." 0-0097 seemed to be having so much fun with himself, that the disrespect went right over his head. Who knew this jerk could revel in his Cadet's misery!?
This fucker...! He grit his teeth.
Null laughed. "I can feel your murderous intent from here! Oh, my!" 30-779 pouted, growing teary eyed in frustration.
His first day in a mortal body, and he's already been humiliated and picked on by his boss for the man's entertainment.
"Why an old man!?" He shouted, both in his head and towards the sky.
"I have a reason for that." Null explained ominously. "But if you had paid better attention to your cases, you would KNOW by now."
Cadet #30-779 folded his arms, feeling childishly stubborn about his shitty research. "Hey! No where did it say in fine print, "you must be a wrinkly old ballsack!!" You dick!"
Null chuckled once more, deeper. More guttural. "Oh, am I enjoying you finally speaking out the way you always want. Not afraid I'll pull any disciplinary actions?"
Cadet #30-779 could almost see that terrifying predatory grin once more. But he was incredibly pissed off, and could care less at the moment.
"When I get back in one piece I'll transfer to the Destruction and Recalibration Faction!" He threatened. "I'll beg Her Honor Sune to destroy you for me!!"
"Okay, okay," Null spoke in that fake reassuring tone. "Grandpa, just calm down before you get a heart attack."
30-779 growled in anger as he heard sharp cackles coming from inside of his own consciousness.
After calming down he asked, "so what am I supposed to be doing?" Null was silent. Reluctant to help. As if he wanted to torture the Cadet for a bit longer.
"Chase the humans off. I was able to manipulate their memories." He told 30-779. "You are the strongest martial artist in the world, as well as a hired mercenary- a legend in your youth, and no one would dare mess with Mr. Greene. Even in his elder years."
Cadet #30-779 waves his arms uselessly around. "Somehow i doubt that."
"Yeah, it was all bullshit I made up, but it worked on their mortal brains, so as far as I am concerned... do your fucking job."
Cadet #30-779 stood up straighter, popping his back with an ache and groan. "So then, when are they coming?"
Null answered: "They're already here."
"What!?" Cadet #30-779 screeched.
"Well, well, well..." a sleazy and incredibly nasal sounding man called out to Cadet #30-779. "If it isn't Old Man Greene himself? Still protecting that monster?" The man had shaggy hair, long enough to come down to his shoulders. It was a sandy brown, and the hair atop his head frizzed upwards as if he had woken up on the wrong side of the swamp.
Cadet #30-779 noticed the man's tall height, his Carmel skin, and his pesky smirk, as the man shuffled the single strap backpack across his shoulder.
"You may have beaten me last time, but this time, I brought friends with me." He whistled, and tens of men appeared from behind large green trees and tall roots.
"Now, we don't wanna harm ya." The man smirked, relatively attractive despite being unkempt. "Just let us slay the monster, and we'll be outta yer hair."
"Um... why exactly is the old man defending the swamp puppy again?" Cadet shot a question to Null real quick.
"That's for YOU to come up with. I won't carry your ass all the way to victory." Null said, cold.
Alone again, Thirty Seven-seven-nine could only curse the Creator Deity. Come on, quickly, quickly! What would an old whippersnapper say!?
Thirty Seven-seven-nine gasped. "Ye yung'ins need some manners beat into ye once more?" He asked, automatically adopting the accent of the swamp people. "This ol' gramps would be more than happy to oblige!"
Pissed off, the first young man came running straight at him, his small army of quote-unquote friends joining the fray. So Thirty Seven-seven-nine figured he'd let the old man's muscle memory guide him.
.... only to wind up pinned facedown to the ground, a knife held against the back of his neck. "Hehehooo." The shaggy man sighed, sitting on the Cadet's back. "Yer a tough one, gramps." He leaned over, handsome and young face starting to really piss 30-779 off. Why wasn't HE this young and handsome!?
"Ye've been caught. So I guess this is the end of oer lil' game." And just as he dug the Blade into 30-779's back, slowly carving down the side of Mr. Greene's shoulder blade, he asked cruelly: "Eny last words?"
30-779 gasped in pain. "Ye will never understand." He nashed his teeth together. "That there yung Swamp Pupper is mo' human then ye will ever be!" Blinding white pain overtook him, his brain repeatedly begging someone, anyone to stop it.
Then it did stop. After the swamp monster, a mix of vines, mud and flesh, came barreling towards them, to his rescue.
Three voices at once cried out from the same vocal box. "Don't mess with Grandpa!" Three different voices, three different dialects and even languages. Yet Thirty Seven-seven-nine could understand all three clearly.
This amalgamation — it was his son! His son was here to save him!
He heard Null snort.
"You asshole! You planned this, didn't you!?" He accused Null, as his brain started to shut off from all of the aches and pains.
"You'll be fine." Null told him. "You'll be alright." And with that gentle assurance, Cadet fell into a deep slumber.